Support Group - Stillbirths

Busy with a very stressful course so did not manage to post.

Angel, when my boy was in nicu, same thing, the doctor came to tell me about what MAY happen, all the scary stuff. They are just protecting themselves.

Dr argawal is my boy's PD (my boy is premature). She is quite a nice lady. Not to worry, baby ashley will hang in there with you.

You are really great! I have been bed rest at home for a few months before and I was already like dunno wat, going crazy. I think you are really GREAT! I believe baby ashley knows too that she has a great mummy! She will want and love to be with her mummy for sure.

mama_to_5Js, be strong. I know how hard it is. My boy has hole in the heart and went thru operation before. I can only say, your angel is watching over you.
 


Angel

How are you today? Just dropping by to say the same old thing : Hang it there, you have done really well.

Time really flies. Baby Ashely will be 25 weeks very very soon! Miracles happen.
 
Dear etsbaby (etsbaby)& Angelic (angelic26)
Thanks for the recommendation. Was thinking of visiting them to get more info first before planning for the next BB. I have to take all precaution. I would prefers an experience (in term of complicated / High risk pregnancies) gynae, putting me through all tests and pills and making sure that my bb will really be fine in my tummy..


angel (babymaybe),
Thanks for the beautiful poem. The last sentence "Life isn't a matter of milestones but of moments." is truly meaningful.

I can imagine what you are going thru now. You are a stong lady. God, please bless this lady...Hope to hear from you soon and please take good care!! You have all our support here!!
 
Miss my angel,
The nurse at TLC told me Dr Phyllis Liauw specialises in complicated pregnancies. You may find her rather stern(no nonsense) but she is very nice & kind actually. I feel very safe in her hands.
 
Hello everyone..especially our brave Angel!

Sorry, haven't been able to post the last few days cos i have been very busy at work and then my computer gave up working on me.

Angel - I know that you can do it and like so many mummies here, you are going to have to be strong and try to get as much rest as possible. Like Curl said, Ashley is 25 weeks soon and i am sure she will do well
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Have been keeping the both of you in my prayers.

hugs
stephanie
 
Dear mummies

good morning. Just a quick update for all of you who's been faithfully encouraging me here. BB ashley and I are getting on fine except that in the past week since I've had the steroid jabs, her movements seem to have decreased. It makes me worried sometimes when she's so quite throughout the day. Have voiced my concern to the docs and they've promised to monitor her heartbeat using the doppler 3xs a day...hope she'll resume her active self soon and let mummy and daddy know she's doing great inside my belly.

Love,
Angie
 
Hi Angel

Great to hear from you. Are you experiencing mild contractions? If yes, then sometimes baby's movement will not be felt as much. Perhaps you can start recording the movements, as long as there are 3-4 movements in an hour, it shld be fine.

Anywat, heartbeat is v easy to detect, so anytime you are not comfy, call the nurses to track the heartbeat. You will be fine. Hang on.
 
Hi! Angel,

You will feel more at ease with the doppler checks. If you feel worried or anything wrong, just call the docs or nurse immediately. Hang in there and keep going!!!
 
hi Angel, hang in there ok?? the doppler tests will do lots to ease your mind. we're all still praying for you!
 
Hi Angel,

Don't worry k? U are doing great.. like Curl and etsbaby said, just call the docs or nurses..they are there to help you. I am praying that u and baby Ashley will be healthy and strong
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hi angel

Hey, u are doing great! Next tue will be 25th week liao! Dun worry about the movements, u should request for the nurses to use the doppler to listen to their heartbeat. Dun feel paisei, do it to ease ur mind also good.
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Hang on there ok? Everyday is a bonus!!
 
Thanks Patsy for updating us.

Hey angel, hang on there ok? Ashley is a great fighter, and she will continue to be a miracle. Be strong, ashley needs u. Continue to talk and sing to her at the NICU. If the drs permit, try stroking her lightly. jiayou jiayou!
 
Thanks Patsy....

Oh gosh, I sincerely pray for little Ashley. She'll fight on... I'm sure. She's already a fighter!
 
Hi..

Am sending all my prayers to Angel and baby ashley.. God, please keep them safe from harm and help baby ashley grow healthy and strong! Angel, stay strong alright?
 
Hi! Patsy,

I have just posted in your thread for Angel and Ashley. thanks for keeping us updated! If you hear anything or visit Angel again, do let us know wats happening.

I think the fever Angel has might be due to infection which docs there should give medication to. If it subsided within a day or two then should be the medication is working to fight the infection. I had the fever too when I had my stillbirth and had massive blood lost.
 
Angel,
Please continue to stay stong, you have all our supports here. Do let the doctors know if you are feeling uncomfortable.

Patsy,
Thanks and keep the updates coming ya..
 
Hi Chloe,

Yes, I saw the post last night.

Nothing can express how I feel now or wat to say to console Angel, just hope that Angel is recovering well and please take good care of yourself now.

I am lost for words now...
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Angel, I can understand how u feel as a mummy, cos my Gabriel, had also left me just 2 weeks ago. But nevertheless, u have to stay stong, for your hubby, your family and all the concern people around u! Let us know if u need help, we will be there for u!!
 
hi miss_my_angel

i am ok, really. Patsy is the one who is much affected cos she mentioned she might not be posting in the forum for a while... i guess she will need some time to cool down...

hey, u too got to take good care of urself yar? *hugz*
 
Dear mummies

I've not been accessing my mails and the forum for the past few days since my waterbag broke on Sunday for obvious reasons. Everything happened too fast that I can't breathe. I thank everyone for their love and support towards me and Ashley (esp Patsy who has started a separate prayer thread on our behalf)...

This morning, as I take time to alone to reflect over the past few days' events and grieve over the loss of my precious princess, I've created a simple blog for all to remember her. If you are free, do visit it: http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/2007/06/her-life-in-icu.html

If my fever subsides and everything goes well, I should be discharged from KKH tomorrow. Thereafter, we would be arranging for Ashley's cremation this Saturday...will keep all posted here or on the blog. Love, Angie.
 
I really dunno what to say..saw the pic of ashley that Patsy has posted...feel like crying but have to control cos I am reading this from my office...cos reminds me of that sad moment when my little girl left...think Angel will be even more devastated by this cos this is the 3rd time she has face death of her beloved little one. Is heaven so deprived of angels???

Angel - if you see this, grieve all you want but do take care of yourself, at least for your hubby who stands by you.
 
Angel - I just read your blog. Take care! Sorry I dun think I can make it emotionally for the cremation but do know that I share this grieve with you for our little girls are playing together in heaven now. My little baby girl, Evangelia was also called to heaven at week 24!
 
Angel

Like all the gals here, I am also at a loss of words. Besides asking you to rest well and take care, I believe you will need some private time with your loved ones. I believe David will be very supportive throughout this journey.

I will always be thinking of you. And let us know when you are ready. Take time to heal the pain.
 
Dear Angel,

Big Hugs to you! My sympathies are with you and your family. Please try not to think too much (I know its tough) and just eat and sleep well. Take care.
 
Dear Angel,

How are you? Are you discharged today? I have PM you yesterday my contact no. in case you need some support. Take care of your own health. OK?
 
Angel...

My heart breaks and I really am lost for words..... Don't hold back. Let your tears flow freely. You do need the release.
 
Hi everyone..

Am so sorry.. but i can't do the collection of pek khim for angel. I hope that someone here can help out for this.

much appreciated..
hugs
steph
 
Dear Angel,

I wept along with you as I visited your blog. Ashley was lovely and you are such a brave mummy.
 
hi sisters

If anyone keen to contribute white gold, i heard that angel is ok with us transferring to her posb account. Details can be found in this thread http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/824842.html?1181279358

Indicate ur nickname when u do the internet fund transfer cos the couple would like to know who contributed.

Angel and hubby have decided to use the white gold to buy a niche for Nathaniel, Joash and Ashley to be put together.
 
Dear angel,
I cant control my tears when i read your blog.
I had a still birth @ 36weeks last year.
really sorry for you.. you really a Brave mummy.
Dont give up!

Am now pregnant again and be giving
birth this month..
hoping for a smooth one~

you are really strong...
we all here pray for our angels..
rest well ok. take gd care!
 
Dearest Mummies

we held a little funeral service for Ashley last Sat and words cannot express the gratitude we have towards each of you who have stood by us through this darkest moments (be it in deed through your donations, prayers, attendance at the funeral or messages left here at the board).

I'm still warded here due to wound breakdown (infected by bacteria in blood) with no discharge in sight. Docs say I may have to go for secondary stitching. I hope not.

Time flies. Today's my 53rd day stay here at KKH and my only wish now is to recover speedily and be discharged in time for my 8th wedding anniversary this coming Sunday. In these past 7 weeks, I spent my birthday here, my hubby's birthday here, my mum's birthday here, I think I've spent too many a special occasion here and I really miss home. I need normalcy to move on...

My husband has updated Ashley's blog last night. Please visit it and leave your comments at: http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/

As mentioned by Patsy, we'll be using your donations to buy a niche for my babies at the Mandai Columbarium (prob next or near to Sabie's). Thank you again for your friendship and support.
 
Dear Angel,
God is with you, so are we. You have to be strong for the sake of your dearest hubby. Your 3 little angels are safe with God. You have to keep yourself safe too. Get well soon!

There is nothing much I can do for you except expressing my support for you and your dearest with a little token. Ref 1213756269. God bless you and your family.
 
Dear fellow mummies,

It's has been about almost 4mths since my stillbirth and I am pondering the question of ttc. Although my gynae says that history will not repeat itself for me, I still do have this fear in me and Angel's story makes me even more afraid. The fear of having another stillbirth, of havin pain and sorrows..It really takes a lot of courage to try again...Stillbirth is different from miscarriage.

Will you try again after stillbirth and how long do you take before try?
 
I am just like you etsbaby. I have lost my elder boy jared due to premature labor. He was borned on 23 gestation weeks, and stayed in nicu for 2 days, eventually like ashley, he got bleeding in brain, and lungs and could not make it.

My 2nd boy is a blessing from buddha. He was again premature at 27 weeks. He stayed 2 months in hospital and had to go thru a lot. I am so glad to have him.

Now, I will like to have my 3rd one, but same here. There are a lot of uncertainties and fear in me!

But I do believe, we shouldn't let fate decides us, but we decides fate. Somethings are beyond our control, but if we keep trying for it, we should be able to get it.

I dunno, I just don't want to because of fear stops me from having what I want, and desire.

I think you can try after half a year. Recover well, and eat more tonic etc. You will be fine, and will be sharing your story as a success mummy.
 
Hi, estbaby

I had a stillbirth in oct 2004 when baby is 30 weeks old....placenta detached was all the reason given by my gynae... quite hard to accept the fact when a week ago went for check up & gynae said baby is fine & healthy...

i tried a yr after my stillbirth & changed gynae & now has a 10mth healthy baby gal...yes... will have to overcome the fear in our mind & nobody want their pregancy to end with stillbirth...also have alot of worries when trying for the 2nd one... just take extra care & dont stress yourself out... but most important, get a gynae that u r comfortable with & understand your situation....
 
Hello etsbaby and other mums here,

I am new to this forum and I would like to share my experience here. Pardon me for my long post.

I had a stillbirth in Year 2004 and it is only at routine check in week 25 when we realised that she had no heartbeat. Although I am seeing a private gynae, I thought that it was better I went to KKH for another check, but also confirmed the same thing. I was admitted on the every night and stayed in KKH for 1 week for natural birth. But then, this never happened and doctor discharged me to go home and come back another week; I can tell you that it was nightmare then and no days I didn't blame myself of what happen and why this was happening to me... Anyway, I insisted that I wanted C-section when I was re-admitted as I cannot live another day with a dead baby inside me when nothing again happens after 5 days (except mild contraption); doc said that I had very tight cervix and he will try increase dosage, which I finally gave birth naturally to my stillborned 24wks girl in Mar2004.

Unfortunately, I had listened to my mom and other relatives about not seeing the baby which todate, I still live in deep regrets. Post-mortem result also gave us no clue why it happened and everything unexplained, which led me to more remorse and depression. No matter how I asked my hubby, he also refused to elaborate her features and I have given up asking him too. But nevertheless, I have been following up the thread about Angie and her 3 lovely children, it kinda of give me some closure now after reading ashley blog.

During that period, I shyed away from relatives and friends especially those happy events and baby showers; I could not even take another look at pregnant women I seen on the street or live normally. Until one day my husband finally snap at me that I thought my marriage was going to be over too as I could not resume our sex life too fearing the same thing that will happen again.

Eventually, I opened up to some friends in medical profession that I decide to start life afresh with husband and we successfully had my son in Jul 2005. He is an active healthy toddler with very advanced milstones and was recently featured in newspaper for his capability to read many words. What I am trying to tell you all that uneventful things happen to us before will make us stronger person; although during the pregnancy stage with my boy, I panicked at slightest sign and symptoms and almost seeing my gynae every week throughout the whole pregnancy and had ultrasound scan every time to ensure myself that my boy is well and alive inside me!

I am now in 7 months of pregnancy and also there is still this same fear and uncertainty in me although I had already given birth successful to my son; I guess nobody will really understand what we went through but it is important that both our mental and physcial self must be ready for what we are to embark next: to try to conceive again...
 
Hi mummies..

Etsbaby.. am having the same thoughts and fears of trying for another baby. I have been very encouraged by other mummies who have gone on to have another and i really believe in what kkf said, i don't want to stop just because fear stops me from something that i desperately want. I know that in Gabriel's case, he was born totally healthy and yet he left us. All i can say is that i will try not to go crazy when i have my next baby...although i think i might not be able to sleep much, cos always checking to see if baby is breathing!!

I am still scared but support from my hubby has helped a lot. I really hope to have another one soon ... i know he or she will be different from Gabriel but my son had taught me what is love and i really want to teach my next few kids, what is love too..
 
I think we will all find strength here. When we have our pregnancies, lets keep each other updated here, and lets encourage one another!
 
Hi to all mummies!!

After my recent experience, I am fearful too to try another baby but like what kkf said "We shouldn't let fate decides us, but we decides fate. Something are beyond our control, but if we keep trying for it, we should be able to get it". Despite the painful fact that happened, I am planning to try for another end of this year.

Prior to this, I am currently seeking opinions from different gynaes about my condition and also in midst of going through some blood tests to ensure I am physically alright to prepare for another baby (Have to do this as I did not opt for post-moterm).

An article to share pertaining to stillbirth : http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/when.htm

Cheers,
Roiv
 
Hi etsbaby,

like vanessa, my bb died when he was 24 weeks in 2005, his heart stopped beating. I delievered him naturally and like vanessa, my biggest regret is not taking a look at him..when i delievered him, my gyane saw that the umblical cord was twisted, not around my bb neck but twisted. It was twisted so badly that the blood supply was cut off and hence the heart stop pumping. But when we asked why did the cord twist? there was no medical reason, it was just a 1 in 10000 accident..

at that time i had a colleague and two other cousins who were preg at same time..so when their babies were born, i cannot help but feel why is God so unfair? Why did He take away my child?

this year, i given birth to a healthy and active boy..he arrived on the edd of my first boy..is that what God has given back to us? i do not know..it was such a coincidence..

no matter what many other people say, we are the only one who will understand the worry that we have when we want to get pregnant again and when we are pregnant. There is never a day when i stop worrying during my preganancy..to the extent sometimes i think i'm a bit paranoid..To others, it's a "try again lor" easily said..to all of us here, we know the pain..but without trying, we will never get over the pain..

now with my boy, i feel the pain much lesser..but my first angel will always occupy a special place in my heart..

try when you are ready
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we are all here..
 
Hi everyone..

good morning!! Thanks for all the experiences of how you moved on.. I know what it means to hear the words "you can try again" or "baby will come back to you soon".. sometimes i know that they come with good intentions but sometimes i just want to tell them that it will never be the same again. I try to keep my chin up and tell myself, I will experience the same joys again!
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vannesa - I am encouraged by your story
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Am sure that you are a beautiful mama waiting for a new bundle of joy!!

hugs
steph
 


Dear all,

It is so encouraging to read so many inspirational postings. We are just human to fear of another loss. Also like what Vanessa said, the mental stress after a loss can be rather traumatising to the point of staring at pregnant women and children. What I can say is from Year 2003 to 2005 was a period of darkness and sadness for me. After 2 recurrent stillbirths at 35 weeks, I no longer thought of myself as a young person full of hopes, but a person surrounding deaths. It was only after the birth of my 3rd son (now 17 months), that I started to learn how to welcome happiness into my life again.

Yesterday, my son being very active was too fast for me to stop him for putting his finger into the moving fan. It was a deep cut and kept bleeding profusely. To add to that fear, I was in my MIL's place when it happened, and she kept asking me where am I, why I never look after him properly. At that time, I was so filled with fear, but luckily the bleeding stopped eventually. You know that kind of gripping fear that paralyzes you. I don't know why just before I slept, I broke down and cry and started to ask my 2 boys in heaven to look after his didi's well being.

So I would say I would never forget the pain of my losses, but life just simply have to move on. Everyday I'm praying that God will give me the strength and trust in Him to protect my son and family. Noone can predict what will happen, but that should not stop us from living life fully. Lets just continue to encourage and support each other here and take life as it comes be it good or bad.
 
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