Support Group - Stillbirths

Hi Angel,

I've been reading about you and really sorry to hear you have the difficult choice of considering surrogacy. I don't think it's an easy decision to make because as you say, surrogacy is still rather controversial. Sorry if I'm being kaypo but do you want to consider seeking a second opinion? I'm just concerned that since your Dr is trying to head a commitee advocating surrogacy in Singapore, he may be more forthcoming in proposing that as an option to you than necessary. But don't get me wrong, I'm not against surrogacy as I think it's a something wonderful that allows couples to have their own genetic offspring. It was something I had seriously considered (that and adoption) when first told by my doctor that I might have trouble concieving and read up quite extensively about. In any case, let us know your decision so we can support you all the way. In the meantime, rest well and have your body recover fully and nourished again. God Bless!
 


Hi Angel,

I'm glad that you are still open to adoption opportunities. You and your hubby will surely love the adopted child as your own.

You really need to rest your body 1st.
 
Hi Angel, I am sure the Lord has a plan for you. I keep thinking that there are so many babies in this whole world that are so disadvantaged and would be so lucky to be your child... keep your spirits up and cast your cares unto Him. call me anytime if you need a chat.
 
hi Angel..

Whatever ur decision may be..I will support u all the way ya!!

Are u back at work already..? sorry.. haven't been "chatting" with u for quite some time..
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Hi Angel

Dun b disappointed. Mayb there will be miracle tat god will fulfill your wishes. Btw, did u sought from other doctors in singapore abt your case. If you dont, probably ask 4 2nd opinion and c. As patsy mentioned god is laying a path 4 u. Dun give up any hope.
 
Hi Ladies

please pray for my grandma. Last Thursday (around midnight), she developed severe vomitting and we sent her into A & E at NUH at 7am. They had no beds(from Class A to C!) so they kept my grandma on a trolleybed in the A & E holding area(with NO FAMILY allowed inside!) for a good 12 hours before the hospital finally told us they will be transferring her to AH.

Thursday night passed. We still do not know what happened to Grandma and what caused her vomitting. Friday morning came, I went to the hospital early to catch the doctors doing their rounds at 8am and managed to describe Grandma's condition and symptoms to him. He suspects there may be a bleed in the brain and ordered for a CT Scan. We asked the nurses repeatedly when will the scan be scheduled (as time is of essence in such emergencies) but were told to wait, when it's our turn, they will let us know.

Wait we did - for another good 12 hours! The CT Scan was only done at around 7pm on Friday night. The radiographer's face was very solemn as she told the porter to get a doctor to review the scan results immediately. We knew the news was not good - scan showed my grandma has excessive bleeding in both sides of her brain and had to be operated on immediately or she'll slip into unconsciousness. Panic ensued. The docs quickly arranged for my grandma to be transferred back to NUH as only NUH has the neuro-surgery ward.
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Look at all the wasted time and hassle!! The entire family rushed down to see our beloved grandma before her operation as there's a chance that she may never wake up from such a high-risk surgery...

An ambulance was arranged, and she was rushed to NUH at around 10pm. There, the docs did a series of further tests and decided to drill 2 holes into her skull to drain off the bleeding but bad news is that, we've to wait for the emergency OT to be available. More waiting followed - another 12 hours again. Grandma was only wheeled into the OT at 9am on Sat morning (2 full days since we rushed her to A & E!). Anxious family members gathered by her and waited outside the OT until the op ended at 1pm.

We are so grateful that Grandma survived the op. When we were allowed into the recovery area to see her after her op, tears streamed down my cheeks - they had shaven half of her head and there were life-support machines of all kinds strapped to her
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When we love someone so much, it pains so much...Her vital signs were initially good on whole of Sat. But on Sun evening, she suddenly went into a state of shock and daze, indicating possibilities of post-surgery complications. Another CT Scan was done y'day at our request and it showed there are air bubbles trapped inside her brain, must have gone in during the op
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docs are using oxygen respiratory therapy to try to dispel the air...

Right at this moment, my grandma's still warded at NUH's High Dependency Neuro-Surgery Unit for observation. I'm been shuttling in btw home and hospital to visit her, haven't slept well since Thurs. Just being near to her makes me more settled. Do pray for her full recovery. Thanks.
 
HI Angel

I'm a freethinker, but i'll still pray for your grandma, i fully understand your feelings now cos i've been thru this ordeal before...Pls take good care of yourself too...
 
Hi Angel

I will pray for your grandma.Remember our Lord Jesus is faithful & merciful.Juz believe your Grandma have received her healing.
 
Hi Angel,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. We will be praying for your grandma's recovery. meanwhile, dun forget to take good care of yourself as well okie?
 
hey gals

found a new and interesting way to connect - create a facebook (www.facebook.com) and we can send virtual gifts, hugs, greetings to each other! I just created my account today, go get yours and we can take it from there!
 
3 years ago, on this day 10 October, I delivered Nathaniel at NUH at around 9.30am. We hugged him but never got to bring him home. The hospital cremated him for us as I was wheeled into the OT for an emergency op to remove my stubbornly retained placenta...Today, if he's still around, he would have been such a cute, playful, spirited toddler - the pride and delight of our lives. Wonder what celebration God will throw for Nathaniel today in Heaven. I'm sure it'll surpass any that we can ever plan or afford...Happy Birthday son, Mummy and Daddy love you.
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Hi Angel,

Dun be too sad... Nathaniel will have a good time in Heaven with God today for his birthday party.

Happy Birthday Nathaniel.
 
Hi Angel,

Yes, dun be sad. I will ask Gabriel to throw a party for Nathaniel! they will be having birthday cake and ice-cream!
 
In remembrance of Nathaniel :
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Words on Certificate:
Nathaniel Sim
October 10, 2004
Is forever remembered in the Book of Life
At The Shrine of the Holy Innocents

"I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of My hands I have written your name."
Isaiah 49:15-16

The Church of the Holy Innocents
128 W. 37th St., New York, NY 10018
 
HI Angel, dont be sad, Nathaniel sure will be happy with God up there...

I understand your sadness as I am also the same, even though I know my twinnies are happy there but still keep thinking of them every moment...hmmm, tomorrow will be their week 28.

If everything goes well, they will be in my arms for another 10 weeks time to come....sigh...tears

Always wonder why they leave me so suddenly...
 
hi angel,
our angel days r always difficult for us. occasions like their birthdays and annivesaries always hurt us, wishing that we r there with them. but be of comfort that our separation is just temporary and our reunion with them in heaven will be eternal. meanwhile, we can only hold them close to our heart even though we cant be close to them bodily. they r certainly in the safe hands of Jesus!
 
Yes, it hurts to go through the anniversary day.

FOr me, I had my son this yr, 4th July 2007. Lost one on 4th July, 2006..... Sometimes, when I think of it, feels like shedding tears, but it won't be fair to my present son.... confused.
 
I've mixed feeling on anniversaries. It reminds me of grief and joy.
I gave birth to my 2nd twins but my 1st twins left me on the same day.
 
hi stacy

at Mandai where our babies' niche is, there's also another baby boy whose twin survive but he didn't. Would that be your baby?
 
Angel
Great to see you here again. In a way I am glad that the surrogacy is an option available soon. Sometimes I think its not that we do not want to carry the baby, but we just cant.

If you can recall, I too lost my baby last yr at week 23 of my pg. My cevix dilated prematurely at 20 weeks to 8 cm, I also got into contraction mode at week 16 and got more intense by week 18, but dunno if its the cervix opening or what. I had emergency cerclage at the almost fully dilated cervix but could only keep the baby till 23 weeks.

I am 15 weeks pregnant now and have done a preventive cerclage by Dr Foong. I have also quit my job to rest at home to prevent contractions. Just hoping to give the little one the best chance. Till today, I think its still unclear if I have real real incompetent cervix or my body just gets into contraction mode early.

If you can share for your recent pregnancy, did you started having early contractions? How did you realised something was wrong? Hope this can help me to keep my pg.

If not, could it be the twin pregnancy that causes the early delivery. As you know, twin pg has a lot higher risks.

I am also not trying to go against what the doctor recommends, but I have a personal colleague who went thru 4 pregnancies & lost all, 2 of them are twin as she undergoes infertility treatment like us. She was also diagnosed with IC and even with stiches, her waterbag just break by week 20. But on her 5th pregnancy, she bedrest thru, put in the stitch and while she had excessive bleeding in the 1st 12 weeks that the doctor think no chance, she made it to 30 weeks and her son is 5 yrs old now & v v cute. So sometimes its v hard to say medically.

Why dont you seek 2nd opinion? How abt talking to Dr Foong? I am sure he will give his views and not being overly commercial (as in wanting your biz to earn money)

Meanwhile, take care and hope to hear from you.
 
Hi Curl

of course I remember you. good to hear from you again. Dr Foong is an excellent gynae, am sure he'll do all it takes to ensure your safe delivery this time round.

For my recent twin pregnancy, I consulted 2 gynaes, Dr Foong and Dr SF Loh and refrain from intercourse from the time I was tested pregnant. At first, twins were growing well (although my girl was smaller than my boy). They were always very active during the twice monthly u/s scans and doc visits. I also had progesterone jabs until week 12, to boost hormone levels. Both docs knew of my premature labor risks so they monitored me very closely. Dr Foong does not think that I have IC as the first time I lost Nathaniel was due to premature contractions so for my twin pregnancy, he did not see the need to do any cerclarge for me. My cervical length was also good (abt 5 cm?). Infact, just merely 2 days before I experienced contractions at week 20, Dr Foong did a scan on my twins and everything was very good - the girl was catching up with my boy and they were almost equal in weight and size! We were so relieved by the news but who knows 2 days later, while at work, I suddenly experience contractions which just refused to go away. As it gets stronger by the hour. I knew something wasn't right and rushed to KKH on my own. By the time I reach the hospital, Dr Loh did a scan and saw my waterbag drooping towards the cervical canal and may break anytime. I was warded immediately. Sure enough, the next morning, my waterbag leaked and Joash was delivered stillborn, with his head dislodged
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how sad right? Then, 6 weeks later, Ashley followed...

Up till today, my case is a mystery to the top gynaes of Singapore. They simply cannot figure out why I always go into spontaneous contractions when my pregnancy enters late 2nd trimester (cross 20 weeks) . It always starts with unexplained contractions, then bursting of waterbag, leaking of amniotic fluid then eventual premature delivery. Such symptoms are not typical of incompetent cervix
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Even though I am still hopeful, Dr Loh has advised me not to try again as it endangers my life. This time, with the complications in the twin delivery, I could have lost my womb or life totally (due to bacteria blood poisoning) if not for the timely intervention by Dr Loh, Dr Kenneth Kwek and the specialists from KKH.

I sincerely wish that you'll have a safe and uneventful pregnancy this time round. That you'll be able to welcome and cuddle your baby and bring him/her home in few months' time. Another mummy in this thread - Patsy, she's leaking amniotic fluid and on complete bedrest at home, I think she's about 15 weeks too, please keep her in prayer too.
 
Hi Angel

Thank you very very much for you reply and sharing the details with me.I had the impression that your cervix open up the last round, so maybe due to IC.

I didnt know you were seeing Dr Foong & SF Loh at the same time. I had those thoughts too. Now I understand what you mean, why your body just go into premature contractions unknowingly. Your case seems to be v similar to be ex colleague. EVerytime her waterbag bursts at 20 weeks... but she still made it thru the 5th round. Sorry but I just want to be encouraging and while I hate use the word, sometimes its just a series of bad luck.

I am really sorry that you have to go thru so much. But taking a break is good and focus on work meanwhile. I am also very open to adoption and have talked to a few frens, one like yourself in the teaching profession, who can never carry a baby beyond 14 weeks due to some chromosome disorder. She also saw gynaes after gynaes and have took a long time to recover. Last yr, she adopted a little gal and was extremely happy now with this baby. Baby is turning one and she is planning for 2nd one from the same agency.

I think I will be careful and watch out for early contractions too.

Oh dear, yes I 'know' Patsy and her sad story of baby Sabie. Oh dear, she is leaking fluid at such early stage! She must be on full bedrest now to prevent infection and hopefully let the site heal itself.
 
Dear all

it is with a very heavy heart that I am posting this. Patsy gave birth to baby Sean Gabriel Wong at 3.30am on 20 OCT (Sat). Baby Sean was very beautiful and his heart was beating well but it was just way too early for him so he went to join Sabie, his sister and all our babies in Heaven. This is very very sad news as Sabie would be turning 2 this Thursday on 25 OCT.
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Patsy and her husband James are planning a private cremation for Sean. Perhaps if any mummy wants to give some 'white gold' to show your condolences, Steph and I are coordinating it here.
 
Hi angel

It is sad to know abt Patsy's baby.Please let me noe how to transfer the $$ to you.

Is Patsy coping well?I'm worried abt her.
 
Dear Mummies

if you want to bless Patsy with your White Gold, you can transfer to my POSB Savings A/c 115-20216-2. Please state your nick clearly so that I can compile a list to give to Patsy. Last day of collection: Wed 24 October 10pm. Thanks.
 
Hi angel

I have just transferred SDG50 to your a/c.(name: junior_mint). Thanks for helping with this. I'm very sorry that Patsy is going through this, please ask her to be brave.

Take care,
mint
 
Dear mint

I thank you for your generosity and prayers on Patsy's family's behalf. I'll consolidate all donations and namelist and pass to Patsy next Sunday.
 
hi Angel
so sorry i just came in and saw the post. is it too late to give white gold? i pm u my number u sms me ok? so sorry to hear that. how's patsy now?
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Hi Koli

it's not too late cos I've not met Patsy. You can still do the transfer then let me know. Thanks for your warm thoughts. Patsy's recuperating at home. Today's Sabie's 2nd Birthday...
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Thanks for all the posts... specially to Angel. The teddy bear for Sabie was lovely. I'm slowly recovering physically, but emotionally am still very raw... so much heartbreak, specially today, it's sabie's 2nd birthday, i miss her so much more... she's now in heaven with her baby brother... 2 babies in 6 months...
 
Patsy,

it's really the least I can do...had wanted to buy Sabie a small balloon too but can't find one that is pretty enough. Hope she liked the teddy...btw, what time will you be going to Mandai this Sun? Would like to pass you the love-gifts (white gold) given by the mummies here...
 
angel
will transfer to you at noon ok? just came home.
you know what is good about this thread? all mummies here are so sincere and caring towards each other.
Pasty
we are here. you need someone to chat can always sms me. i am not working liao leh. at times i am free at home. please take care and don think so much. i read ur post, i am also very heart pain. haiz... ur last sentence is very depressing. please really take care of yourself as for now. recuperate fast, do your confinement well. take good care of your body.
 
hi angel
i transfer white gold for patsy to ur account liao. under koli.transaction number 1412170596
thanks for helping out
 
hi all,

not to worry. I'll definitely pass all that you've transferred to Patsy on your behalf. Have a restful weekend everyone. I've just seen the gynae today. Have been having sporadic bleeding the past few months since I delivered Ashley, my hormonal cycle was imbalanced (due to PCO) to start with and all those drugs administered to me during my 3 months' stay in the hospital has made it worse. So gynae has decided to start me on THe PILL to regulate my hormones.
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As it is, I'm already having difficulty conceiving, now with THE PILL, there is really ZERO chance of me ever having a 'surprise' blessing of a pregnancy
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patsy

i've not visited this thread for a while. So sorry of wat happened, i'm sure it is a tough period for u and family to lost 2 babies in 6 months, very heart wrenching indeed... hey, take care yar? *hugz*

angel, how're things? i guess u will need some time to recover fully after going thru so much.
 
hi everyone... thanks for all the kind messages. I am slowly getting back on my feet (literally coz have a very hard time walking now after being on bed rest for 4 months). I just have to cling to God's promise and pray for his deliverance from the pain... and look forward to hugging both my babies in heaven soon. Thank you also for the white gold.

Am going back to Manila this Friday for a break... thik the change of atmosphere will do me good.

I just got the proof for the marble plaque for our niche in Mandai. Going to put both angels in the same place. It's surreal actually.. am almost not sure how to feel about it... i think i'm still kinda shell shocked but to be honest, going to church yesterday and just listening to the pastor and the choir gave me so much peace.

I'm trying to be strong and move on with life, as I know my two angels will be looking down from heaven on us. not thinking about TTC first, because gyne says i really have to get stronger first becuase the 4 months of continous bleeding really weakened me a lot... but maybe next year we can start... just praying that the Lord will grant us at least one healthy child.
 
dear Patsy
i am happy that u r still so positive. please do take a break as for now. ur cute little angels will really look after u as well as ur baby to come.
it is very natural to feel weak now. my mum said brew red dates and longan drink will help in the recuperation maybe u wanna try?

angel
is there any other way u can do rather than taking the pills? have u tried to seek for second opinion?
 


Hi Patsy,

I'm really so sorry to hear about your recent loss. Through your postings, I can feel your pain. I can't do much but keep you (and angel) and your family in my prayers. I dunno if you read "Footprints in the sand" before, but it gave me alot of peace and strength to know that God is with me always. Do take care of yourself.
 
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