SUPPORT GROUP - INFERTILTY

Dream, had my HSG done this morning. Similar to Stacy, I paid around S$130 for the procedure at KKH. Waited quite awhile for my turn and the whole process was over in about 15mins. It's pretty similar to pap smear...just took abit longer.

I did not feel any pain during the whole procedure...just a slight bloated feeling when the dye was inserted. I'm able to look at the screen while the dye flows in but frankly i can't really make out what i'm seeing. The doc was very reassuring and told me there's no blockage and he will send a detailed report to my gynae. Thereafter it's same as what Stacy described but i was given warm water instead of milo leh...

Priscilla, I have been taking clomid (hormone pill) to regulate my irregular cycle...though it doesn't always work. I do experience most of the common side effects such as headaches, blurred vision, mood swing and slight weight gain. I find mood swing the most difficult to handle...luckily it lasts only a day or two. When I feel depressed, I will mostly surf the "market place" in this forum to look for anything that interest me (e.g. food) to take my mind off it.

Then there is the temper flare that can be triggered by some really minor stuff. During such times, I usually try not to talk to people too much so that they won't be at the receiving end of my behaviour ;p
 


Hi Priscella,
I have married for 4years+, also not successful in TTC. 2 years ago, we went to see Dr. After assessment of sperm and blood and scanning, the whole process took around 3 months, IUI option is given. At that Pt, we thought it was not that serious so we stopped seeing the Dr. Recently, about 2 years later, we still failed. Went to see another Dr and after assessment, we told my dh's Sperm quality has worsen and deproving to almost zero. This time ICSI is recommended. So we accepted the fact. Our health is biological clock, if you want a bb, please dun wait too long to make decision. Did your dh do any SA? I thought IUI is a more simple procedure, suitable for male with sustiantial amt of sperm. I was given clomid to regulate my menses, and it is quite regular now.With clomid,I know roughly when I ovulate. I experienced a bit of mood swing and vision problem same as Wen.
 
Hi Wen and Stacy, Thanks for the response. I have started on the course of progesterin pills in preparation for IUI. Will be going in for a scan tomorrow to determine whether I should start on clomid and subsequently injectible drugs. Have been experiencing awful mood swings for progesterin and I can't imagine what it is like with clomid.

There are some conflicting views on DH's SA - my RE thinks the SA is OK but I have been to two other REs, one thinks that it is on the low side for IUI (and recommends ivf) and the other thinks that I should wait till DH's SA improves by taking Vit E. After weighing all considerations, I decide to stick with my current RE's view to go for IUI and then pursue other forms of treatment if it is ultimately unsuccessful.

There is an excellent book by S Silber on How to Get Pregnant (2005), available at Borders, where the various forms of ART are outlined. It helped me a lot in making a decision and he outlined the major risk factors for each form of ART treatment; the book strongly advocates IVF/ICSI though.
Stacy - on the sperm count issue, you may want to ask your DH to go to a different lab to re-test the SA. I have been told by a RE that the criteria used at some of the hospitals is more stringent than the criteria used at others. Also the test generally needs to be repeated more than before the diagnosis is confirmed.
 
Priscilla,
Good luck 2 morrow scanning.
We r also seeing TCM for past 2 months so probably require to do another SA test after 3 months of treatment.
 
Hello All

Thanks for all your sharing and input.

I think all of us are truly going through the same thing, huh? Lousy hormone levels and hubbies with low counts.... just when you think you're all alone! We all know we're not!

Priscilla, I had a GP telling me to take contraceptive pills for a period of 6 mths - a year to regulate it but my Gynae warns me not to. It's an easy way but it has it's fair share of risks and side effects, too, so I'm glad to hear you've started on Progesterin. I was also strongly advised not to mix the hormone treatment with TCM as some such as Pai Fong Yuen and Dong Kuai may mess it up so watch out for that, too.

As for IUI, I did it once but it was nearly aborted as my hubby's boys were insufficient during the 'swim up' so if you're going for it ask your gynae if your hubby's count is worth the while (and cost) before doing it. If you go in with your expectations managed, you'll be more prepared for anything.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON IVF? WHY ARE YOU NOT GOING FOR IT? IF YOU HAVE, WHY?

We did consider it - many many times - but decided against it after talking to many medical professional to get their differing views as well as couples who have decided to do it as well as those who decided against it. Our reasons (which are all very personal and not necessarily in line with anyone's) for not going for it are:

1) As it is an artificial process of conception, we don't want to be directly responsible for anything that could harm our potential child. For eg, with the level of artificial chemicals pumped into me, any chemical imbalances that may result in my child would be the direct result of my actions and decisions
2) Statiscally, IVF children have contracted cancers (apparently cancer of the eye has a higher count) at earlier ages (from 4 yrs old on) compared to non IVF kids (could this be a result of chemical imbalances/stimulation? No one can say it is for certain and it is also dependant on how one interprets and presents data.)
3) IVF kids have slower hand-eye coordination - which seems to be the slightest and least problem of all
4) Technically, if my hubby's boys are simply not getting along with my eggs, if we do 'force' them to get along via ICSI, won't that be so unnatural which could again, result in some imbalances in the child should the 'union' survives?
5) Yes, sure, normally conceived children do have cancers and other problems but they have all been due to the force of nature, not any of our doing. When my daughter is down with a cold, I already start to blame myself; did I do something I shouldn't have (eg, given her a bath too late in the evening, didn't cover her well in the air con room, etc), I don't think I can live well with the fact that my decisions have directed resulted in his/her suffering... imagine her battling cancer at any point of her life.....! As parents, we would always want the best for our children and it is also about giving life and love. Would these actions be communicating life & love? We felt it was selfish of us to put the child through this (of course, with considerable suffering from my part as a mom, too) for us to experience parenthood but the price may have to be paid by the child later on.....
6) What about the leftover embryos? What can we do or allow to happen to them? Afterall, they are your 'pre-children', aren't they? Allow them to be used for lab tests? Lose some of them during the thawing process later on? We found that irresponsible as parents.
7) Lastly, we don't have parental pressure to have biological kids - unlike what some of you might have, I'm only guessing.

Pls remember that the above are STRICTLY OUR VIEWS and not necessarily common with yours and it is certainly non-judgemental. We all have our reasons and it could be good to share your views which could help some of us here make our minds up.

Take care meantime,
Soulutions
 
Hi I read with interests on your reasons for not going on ivf. I am wondering if you could let us have the citations to those statistics you have mentioned in (2) and (3)? Before I go onto IVF, I would like to discuss with the RE on all the pros and cons on going on IVF. In my previous discussions with the REs that I have seen, the risks mentioned by the REs mostly dealt with complications on the side effects of the medications and multiple pregnancies which present a high risk to the mother and the children. For the former, the major risk is OHSS and the risk is largely mitigated nowadays with very close monitoring and immediate alerts to the medical professionals if there are symptoms. It is, as I understand, not as life threatening as it used to be. For the latter, it can be controlled by replacing the number of embryos that you are comfortable with. None of the REs I saw discussed the issues of the problems relating to the issues that you have raised. I am aware that there are also studies to the contrary and it would be good to have a good idea from the medical profession which are generally regarded as the prevalent views.
 
hey i appreaciate all your contributions.. i do have my fair share of struggles..keep buying toys praying for a 2nd child but as yet i still undecided what to do.. my son is wondering when is the mei mei coming out too.. tried about 1 yrs plus for 1st child and after much prayers and few rounds of clomid, i conceived but more laxed now cos i thou i have 1 already n should have the 2nd one easier but my son is 3 now and still no accidents..i have friends who alreay have 3 by now.. i have been on folic since last aug (05)and many rounds of clomid but still no news..seen gynae recently n was told to go iui but due to personal religious belief i still not very keen to go for it cos in the 1st time dr also suggested going for AVF but i conceived before the need for AVF so still praying for a miracle for a 2nd child.. .. i am not giving up maybe i might just adopt another child since there are some whom have no one to love but the prob is in laws are very conservative might not let me do so... so learning to be contented with what i have..
 
Dear Priscilla,

Apologies for not responding earlier - my daughter has been down with fever... one of those things.

To your questions,
- point 2, I read it in a book (so sorry, really can't remember the title) but when I confirmed it with a gynae, she said that she has heard of it and went on to say that other sort of cancers as well has been diagnosed earlier than in non-IVF patients

- I read about point 3 in a book (the same book, if I recall correctly) when I was doing my own research and I asked my then gynae (3 yrs ago) who said that it has been statisically highlighted altho it is not a huge problem (for who?). 2 other docs told me that there are many unsuccessful stories that are not told, such as premature births, which are not uncommon, and the complications tied to premature babies (cerebral palsy, etc).

Prior to replying to you, I googgled and there were some sites which sited Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome (fetal overgrowth which can be caused by imprinting errors). See:
1) http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3076781/
2) http://blogs.nature.com/news/blog/2006/06/eshre_the_risks_of_ivf.html
3) http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/features/ivf.htm

One of the gynaes from a reputable hospital whom I journeyed with for 2 yrs, recommended that we did ICSI from the start & for the various personal reasons we gave, we were very disappointed that she didn't respect it and was literally 'touting' it to us, saying that that is the ONLY way for us to conceive. At that time, I was already having pre-menstrual bleeding (which I now know is due to poor ovulation) & she simply waved it off as 'just cervical bleeding' time and time again. Can you imagine if I had really just gone for a round IVF with this mis-diagnosis? I surely wouldn't have been able to hold the baby since I start to loose my lining prematurely. I would have had lost out both emotionally and financially. Surely, IVF is a dang profitable business for gynaes at 5-figures a pop! Yes, I'm definitely skeptical especially since we have experienced our fair share of fertility quacks from gynaes to TCM who have recommended us loads of stuff and have paid enough tuition fees to learn that one has to research thoroughly to make an informed decision.

I think when researching on IVF, there are 2 parts to it: the first is the impact ON YOU as the expectant mom - what will the effects of the drugs have on you during and post pregnancy and secondly, what are the effects ON THE CHILD(REN) and the future development of the child(ren). After you've researched, you should place all the facts before you and them weigh them out as a couple to make a decision.

Welcome Toy Collector,

I guess youre right to say that one should count your blessings instead of yearning for more esp in times like this. Before our daughter came, I always said to my hubby that we have everything we need emotionally, spiritually & physically but it would be perfect IF ONLY we had a baby. Now that we have a daughter, I realize that I was silly to think that way because once the child comes, there are many things one has to give up! There is a reason why they always say that it is a life changing experience, I suppose! : )

We just need to focus on what we have and appreciate it in the present and the pressure might shift and ease

Take care all and have a great week ahead!
 
Thanks very much for the links and I hope your daughter is better. I do agree that the gynaecologists and the infertility specialists do on many occasions recommend aggressive treatments and tests on the patients. Fortunately, those I have seen have so far not pushed any treatment if I am not comfortable but a number of very reputable gynaecologists whom I have consutled in the last 2 years have recommended that I undergo certain tests which some research has shown not to be helpful but which are costly and these doctors are not exactly receptive when I show them medical studies showing how these tests may not be that helpful. This is compounded by the fact that you can find contradictory studies for almost anything in this area (effects of drugs etc) and it is very difficult to determine which studies should be more persuasive or which are crap and should be disregarded. I tried to go on the basis of how reputable the medical journal is (and have been spending a lot of time at the local university library) and even then, it is definitely not the best gauge. Sometimes I do get the feeling that drs are following standard protocols developed at various hospitals and fertility centres which probably do work for some people but without adequate consideration on the individual circumstances. Infertility is particularly problematic because we, who are otherwise generally, healthy would be going through surgeries, tests and treatments.
 
Priscilla

It is really true that most fertility specialists will recommend all sort of procedures and tests to really find out what is wrong with the couple....most of them will recommend IVF once IUI failed. But anyway, IUI has very low success rates and if once strikes, luck is really on one's side, just like winning toto or lottery........

As IVF is not guaranteed to have a healthy baby, it is really up to one's luck and fate to try and go for it....one has to be mentally prepared if after all that emotions and effort, even if one is successful at conception and birth, something may still go wrong with the child as IVF technique is not at all natural.......gynaes and fertility specialists will not share with anyone of us here, else no one will want to do IVF and thus, will lose business right? Well, IVF as in my opinion, is a gamble of life.....has lots of risks.......so, got to be prepared to accept all those risks that come along with it......whether how high the risks are, I think no one will disclose even if these are high.......only gynaes who are doing these cases will get to know these statistics themselves........

I was just thinking that perhaps, adoption is better than IVF......though adoption is looking after someone's child, but at least, one need not go thru all the health risks and emotional roller coaster just like in IVF......people tell me that adoption too has its own problem like baby may be healthy at birth but later got health issues........but going thru IVF also will face such problems right? Anyway, nothing is for sure.......it is dependent on what is impt to oneself and your individual luck and fate and destiny.......

Any comments on this anyone?
 
Hi, juz wanna share my stories too...

I'm 30 and my hubby 29... I have been TTC for abt 1 yr now... I was first diagnose with endo and 2 big cysts, one 8 cm and the other 5 cm. Thus, had to go thr' lap to remove them. After clearing... I went for my blood test and realise that my progesterone level was low. Thus, started taking Clomid but looks like my body didn't react well wif Clomid, I had 4 cycles of Clomid but after the 4th cycle, I was again told that the cysts have grown back and this time round, I went for a 2nd opinion which is worst coz I was told that they suspect that I have ovary cancer... my world juz crashed down on me. Anyway, I went back to my 1st gynae for a surgery, luckily for mi, it's not ovary cancer. Unluckily for mi, the cyst is so bad that I have to remove my left ovary... thus, now I'm left with 1 ovary and still trying to concieve...

Though I was told I shld try IVF but the thought of the emotional and physical stress that I've to go thr', I gave up. I felt that TTC shld be a more natural process. Thus, we have decided to try naturally. In the event, if we still do not get preggy at 35 yrs old, we will consider the option of adoption.

I agree with Joan that Adoption is a better idea than IVF... At least, it's one less unfortunate child in this world. Though not yr own, but what's the difference? Everything comes wif a risk factor, be it IVF or Adoption. I will leave it to fate... if really cannot conceive naturally, I rather consider Adoption. I do not want to put my body at risk anymore... The thought that I may have ovary cancer was a really frightening one.. especially when I have family history of cancer... I also do not wanna bring harm to my little ones if I were to force the pregnancy to happen...
 
I had read with tears..as I realised that i am not alone.

Both of us are 34 this year.. While ttc, a polyp is detected and i was diagnosed with Hyperplasia 2-3 years back.. Under treatment and multiple D&C, from atypical complex hyperplasia to simple hyperplasia. The journey had not been smooth..

In the meantime, i changed gynae and TCM, failed 1 IUI attempt, abopted once as there is no eggs.

I had been in depression. Seeing friends around me with kids, playing with kids, seeing pregnant women walking on the streets .. etc.. all these sadden me.

I am not sure where I am heading.. would just have to take whatever that comes. Somehow resign to fate.
 
Hi findingmiki

Dun think too much. Juz relax and have fun rather than keep thinking about TTC. Perhaps, coz of all the procedures that u r going thr' make u more stress and thus more difficult to conceive... juz relax okie...
 
Cheer Up everyone......though it is a rather difficult journey for all of us here TTC.....let pray that next year will be a better year for al of us here..........

Well, my mense come again this mth.......so, mth after mth, we have been constantly failing our TTC........also, dun know when we will succeed in the first place or if the answer is no forever..........

Whatever it is, I am trying to comfort myself and seek peace.........trying to find other aspects of life other than babies.......if not fated to have, just have to learn to live with this fate........well, married with no kids....more financial freedom and more time to do whatever one wants to venture in life right.........

I am constantly depressed and upset whenever I see the reds each mth.......but I guess there is nothing we can do......all in the hands of nature and God's timing..........I pray that our prayers of motherhood will be answered one day.....


Here me trying to find peace and relaxation.....

Cheers!
 
Hi All,

I have a friend who have been trying to conceive without success for more than 6 years. She was then recomended a TCM sinseh. After a year or two (and a minor surgery for her husband), they managed to conceive naturally, and she now has a child who is 2 years old. She has been through a few rounds of failed IVF. According to her, the sinseh encourages consultation as a couple, and her TCM sinseh works hand-in-hand with a gynae. I have no idea on the charges and all, or how much hope we should placed on this, but since it has worked for my friend, I hope it will work for all of you here who want to be a parent. I didn't try this TCM myself because I was able to conceive naturally. Good Luck to all. God Bless. Here's the TCM's contact :

Blk 202 Jurong East Street 21
#01-117, S600202
Tel: 6897 5655
Fax: 68972759
Consulting Hours: Wed to Sun (6:15am to 4pm)
Public Holidays (6:15am to 12 noon)
Physician's Name : Tan Lee Kee
 
Hi BlueBells and all

Despite some successful cases under this JE sinseh, there are also a lot of unfavourable comments about her treatment. Please read the thread under Ying Chung Medical Hall to find out more before making your decision.
 
Dear Friends,

Welcome to our thread, atlas007, yuki, Joan & findingmiki. I certainly hope that you'll continue to contribute towards this thread especially sharing on how you've been coping emotionally. We all definitely have different physical challenges contributing to our situations but we can definitely share on how we climb out of our emotional pits.

Heres just another dose of what women like us go through (with extracts from Conquering Infertility):

1. Youre horribly jealous.: Whenever you see a pregnant woman, when you hear a friend/colleague announce her pregnancy. You feel ferociously angry that so many other women have something you want so much but cant have. You can start tearing, crying & feel depressed for hours, sometimes days on end all you can think about it the fact that shes pregnant & youre not. After a few of these announcements, you forget how it feels NOT to be jealous and sometimes feel like youre such a b*tch for feeling this way but you just cant help it.

2. Undeserved pregnancies are unbearable: When someone announces her accidental pregnancy and worse still, grumbles about it & how she has to bear with the morning sickness & the aches & pains, you just want to tell them to shut up. You think about what youd give to have their heartburns, morning sickness & heck, even the weight gains, to be where they are!

3. You avoid friends who are trying: You start to avoid her or talking about it because if she & her hubby are of normal fertility, chances are that theyll conceive sooner than you

4. You steer clear of social events.: Slowly, you start to consciously steer clear of social events where youll meet old friends, classmates, relatives, who may 1) be asking you when youre going to start a family or 2) announce a pregnancy. Yes, Xmas & CNY are looming near time to plan your escape routes!?

5. Not knowing hurts almost as much as knowing.: You hear from a friend that a another friend is pregnant & you wonder why didnt she tell you herself. Well, you know why, its because she doesnt know how to do it without hurting you or its because (refer to point 4), youve been avoiding her or not returning her calls but still, youre doubly angry, even if it doesnt make sense.

6. Your agony is straining your marriage.: When a couple faces infertility, itll either strengthen your marriage or drives it downhill so this point may apply only to some of you. Your jealous feelings & avoidance of friends at events enrages your hubby which in turn, enrages you. Most men just dont seem to register the same amount of emotions women do which could lead to conflict & arguments.


Well, not many women/couples know exactly what were going through & unless they are your close friends, it may be too much trouble to sit them down to explain why youre not as happy for them as you should be, see it from their point of view; they are too caught up in their own joy that they cant fathom why everyone else wouldnt be joyful with them. You can control your own feelings & reactions but not someone elses so when that happens, try to forgive them and if it helps, avoid them for a while under you feel less upset.

Pick up some standard answers for those who just told you that theyre pregnant,Oh, you got pregnant on the first try? How nice for you! or Im really happy for you. Then as she gushes on about how she discovered, naming the baby, etc., just take a mental escape think about someone who has been a strong positive influence in your life (eg., your hubby, your mom), some women just focus on their breaths and then politely ask to be excused.

When experiencing strong emotions especially immediately after receiving the news, talk a step back & ask yourself how logical are your thoughts and anger towards that person. Her falling pregnant doesnt mean that Ill not be able to get pregnant so why was I upset?

Some more tips on coping:
1. Talk to your hubby: Sharing your feelings with him would not only help him understand you better but also prepare him for another occasion like this hell learn how to comfort you in time.
2. Go for a walk: Focusing on what you see, hear, smell & touch can take your mind off your friends pregnancy
3. Call a buddy in similar situation or write in this thread: Shell understand how youre feeling more than anyone else.
4. Go for a movie: Chic flicks are great distractions!
5. Get away for a few days: Especially effective in major upsets!
6. Write a letter: If you feel your friend wasnt sensitive enough to your feelings when announcing her pregnancy, pour it out on the letter to tell her how you feel. Dont mail it yet when youve finished, read it again a few days later then decide if you want to mail it, rewrite it or just throw it away.
7. Take it out on a pillow or in the gym: Work it out in sweat! Yoga works, too!
8. Be artsy: Express yourself on a piece of canvas, write a song, a poem, sew, play the piano its for yourself, so no one needs to see the final work.
9. Meditate or pray: Getting in touch with your spiritual self may comfort you.

If like me, youve succeeded in most things you do in life, except in this department, it is time to accept this new challenge in your life. Not everything can be controlled (although it does drive you absolutely crazy!... and depressed) but what you can do is to learn how to cope with it. Allow yourself to wallow in your feelings but push yourself to get out of it. Just remember that were all human and we are all made tough enough to weather loads of beatings.

Have a good week ahead & I look forward to hearing from you.
 
Solutions,

Thanks for sharing useful tips of how to cope with TTC issue.......

Well, will try to adopt all these suggestive measure on how to try to forget TTC.....it is all in the mind that it is very difficult to forget abt this issue.........

Whatever it is, it is comforting to know there are couples who are actually facing this problem......I am not alone.....

They say smoking is bad for health.....but not exactly true as I know of colleagues who smoke but they do get pregnant with healthy babies....well, I think that it is all a matter of fate.......smoke or not....if we are fated to have a family, we will have.....nothing can prevent this.......

In the meantime, I pray for good health and peace for the coming year.........

Another year has forgone.......let us hope for the best and the best is yet to come!!!

Right?
 
Solutions,

Thanks for the extracts.. they are exactly what i feel and i felt bad for feeling such.. as I had tot tat i am just envious or jealous..

I never knew how to curb those feelings.. it just got piled up.. sometimes I could numbed myself sometimes I failed to do so.

It is good to know that I am not alone in this battle. It is also good to know that I am not a bad person who cannot share my friends' joy.
 
I am kinda of struggling with emotions and physical well-being. Physically, struggling with the risk of hyperplasia leading to cancer. Mentally struggling to get on with life.

Talking to those who are normal does not help. Thus they don't understand. They don't understand why our heart breaks when we see them playing with their kids. They don't understand why we need to prep ourselves to hear good news from them. They don't understand why we avoid seeing the screen savers or desktop pictures which contains the happy faces of their kids. They don't understand what I am trying to say.

At the end of such conversation, I grew more depressed as I felt alone. The body and soul just wished to sink into the sea and never to float again.

For the past years, been managing family pressure as well. The constant nag from my own parents.. my grandma.. my aunties (8 of them). I soon took the avoidance path, skip the extended family gathering, skip CNY celebrations etc.. Only till recently, it comes to a stage where I broke down and had to engage my brother to talk to my parents to tell them that they are putting their own fresh and blood into tremendous pressure. This works. But I hurt my mum's heart 'cause it left her wondering what she has done to hurt her daughter.. she thought she is just showing concerns. She also did not understand y and since when her daughter is unable to talk to her on such matters and why didn't i seek her help. In the end.. I felt bad for breaking down.

I would like to be strong. To be strong for my friends, my family. But no matter how hard i try, my emotional self would usually take over. Soon.. I will break down and soak myself into depression.

The cyclic effect of depression does not help at all in the path of ttc. As emotional state of health is impt or in effect vital. Last month.. doctor did not detect any eggs even though I am on clomid.

It took me a while before I decided to open myself in this thread. But I thought it is time to take this step, opening my heart, as i believe we would understand each other better.
 
Dear Findingmiki

Thanks for deciding to share in this thread.

My dear, you certainly do have a lot on your plate right now and I'm sure all of us in here can relate to it.

From what I've read, there are a few different things culminating into this major stress you are facing now. 1) The state of your own health, 2) Your stress to conceive, 3) Pressure from the family pressure conceive & 4) The hormonal treatment which seems to be magnifying all of the above.

When I was going through a treatment similar to clomid, I'd be a total emotional b*itch for an entire week. My hubby wasn't allowed to offend me & I was lousy company to anyone around me. What worked was the cross-trainer at the gym and I'd get on it & go at it for 2.5 hrs (Yes! 2.5 hrs) non-stop at a tension of 10 until I was dead tired. That was the only way for me to release my angst otherwise I might have been on a killing spree on the streets! Throughout those months of treatment, I'd piled on 8 kg! Dunno if it was the muscles I built whilst on the cross trainer or just additional food I had to binge on!

Why not tackle one part at a time? Straighten your health first for YOURSELF. Make sure you have a clean bill of health before attempting anything else. It'll only make you feel better about everything and then you'll find that things will start to fall into place.

My hubby & I kept our infertility to ourselves for a whole year before we let our family and close friends into it so I know how the pressure cooker feels. We're very socialable people & we were becoming social recluses just to avoid the irritating questions. Now that your mom knows about it, why not take her out alone one day to share with her your feelings. I'm sure she wants to be there for you & you'll have her to lean on as well. Don't feel bad about breaking down; it was necessary at that point but it's over now.

When you're on medication, be fully aware that since they are hormone treatments, they do directly influence your moods and temperaments. It works differently on all but it does affect some more than others so when you're feeling extraordinarily down, just take a step back to collect yourself & acknowledge that it could be the drugs talking/thinking.

Can the rest share how you tackle your depression during your treatments?
 
Soulutions..

Thanks for the advice...

For the Health thingy, medication is needed to suppress the condition. And there are 2 types of medications - "will not conceive" type, "will conceive type".

I choose the will conceive type.
And I chose to go to a gynae who understands about hyperplasia and fertility. He has been assured me thru checks that the hyperplasia condition is under control. I chose to believe him at this point in time while ttc.

I felt better .. much better after "confiding" in this thread.. and much better after reading your advice.. Thanks ..
 
HI Solutions,

Thanks for posting that. I was lucky that my HB is very supportive. Whenever some friends get pregnant, he will say something sweet to comfort me.

Do you know what kind of persons are the most detestable one?? Those who you have shared your infertile problem and ask you "hey when your turn har in front of others" or
say things like " you must jie you hor".. why don't these people be more sensitive when they already know your conditions..it hurts so much so much
sad.gif
 
Definitely feeling much better as compared to a few days ago. The heart was just tearing non stop. Guess this is due to yet another of those gathering with friends who already have kids. Sometimes I really feel like meeting them as i missed these guys. Sometimes I don't due to the emotional roller coaster that i need to handle after which. This time round, things started fine till midway when I watched them playing with their kids, the joy and laughter and the fulfillment of parenthood overwhelmed me. I almost got to the extent where I just wish to stand up and leave. I endured till the end just that I became very quiet. I knew there is still a limit as to how much I could accept. I have not cross my own hurdle. The inferiority complex of being a woman yet not a woman sets in.. And like what soulutions says, "Allow yourself to wallow in your feelings but push yourself to get out of it. " I allowed myself to wallow in my feelings.. but I could not find a way out.

Soulutions...I needed a book that would tell me how to manage my emotions on this book.. thinking of the booking that you recommend before "conquering infertility" .. wat do u think or do you have others more appropriate for me?
 
Dear Findingmiki

I'm glad you're feeling better - there's nothing better than sharing your pain, isn't there? There were some book recommendations earlier on in this thread, do scan upwards and there was another list recommended by another contributor. I bought most of mine off Amazon.com.

Extracts from this thread:
"Found this book co-written by an infertility patient & her gynae very uplifting: When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden by Sandra Gahn & William Cutrer (see http://www.amazon.com/Empty-Arms-Become-Heavy-Burden/dp/0805461272/sr=8-1/qid=1158900511/ref=sr_1_1/104-8323380-4545567?ie=UTF8&s=books). Again, this is a Christian skewed book but only just mildly which makes it a good reading for all. Another interesting read is Conquering Infertility by Alice D. Domar, Ph.D (see http://www.amazon.com/Conquering-Infertility-Enhancing-Fertility-Coping/dp/0142002011/sr=1-1/qid=1158901603/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-8323380-4545567?ie=UTF8&s=books)
a. Moments for Couples who Long for Children (by Ginger Garrett) - very good for meditations.

b. Water from the Rock (by Donna Gibbs) - Promises on how to find God in the midst of our childlessness

c. Hannah's Hope (by Jennifer Saake) - Seeking God's heart in the midst of infertility

d. Safe in the arms of God (by John MacArthur) Truth from Heaven about the death of a child (given by a close friend upon our baby's death)

For more details on these books, just google them on www.amazon.com. We ordered them through Kinokuniya which will indent the books for you at no extra charge. "



Welcome AAbaby! I'm so glad your hubby's such a sweetheart - nothing soothes you as much as some kind words from him, huh?

I agree that some people are just real insensitive, sadistic or just plain stupid. Those are the ones you just want to avoid but unfortunately, you won't be able to sometimes. In instances like these when they make their uncalled for remarks, I'd always wished I had volleyed something back at them like, "So when are you getting that boob job done?" but unfortunately, I'm often not quick enough. For moments like those, I've armed myself with a standard answers like,"Ok, ok, I'll work on it tonight." or "I'm waiting till I've a million in the bank... and it may be next month." or "Whenever God wants to bless me with one."

What are the standard answers you give? Share your favourite one-liners so that the rest of us can use it.
 
Hi ladies

Its been a while since I last came in here. All I can say is ladies, be positive and patient and you will get the Gift of Conception soon. Do not avoid and social gatherings on babies...feel happy for friends who tell you that they are pregnant. Join in their joyous mood in the celebration of their baby full month... When someone ask you when is your turn, just smile and say soon and that you are God waiting list to get his Gift of Conception. At least you ladies still have the chance and opportunity to try... So be positive and patient... Your bundle of joy should be on the way to you soon....
happy.gif
 
Hi Beary,

Thanks for the encouragement........

Will you be able to share with us how you overcome the conception issue? What can help to make all of us stronger to accept conception as the way it is for most of us who has problems?

Well, yes, patience and positivity will help one to receive the gift of conception soon...

Cheers!!
 
Hi all,

Just another thought as we're talking about insensitive people around us; doesn't going through this make you realise who your REAL FRIENDS are? Also, when your family is told about your difficulties, you really feel the bond of family, don't you?

Also, for those of you who have been thinking about adopting but are not sure, why not come for a talk organised by Touch Community?

Details:

Joys & Challenges of Adoptive Parenting
A Forum by TOUCH Adoption Services

Come join our forum and panel discussion on the various issues that are close to an adoptive parents heart!

Meet other adoptive parents and be encouraged by their heart-warming stories of how they have

built strong attachment with their children,
worked through challenges such as bonding and disciplinary issues,
started their children on the path towards building a good self-esteem and a strong sense of who they are.

If your journey as an adoptive parent has been a challenging one.then come and address your fears, worries, and struggles, and allow other adoptive parents to hear you out and lend you some support. You do not need to go it alone!

Date : 25 November 2006 (Saturday)
Time : 2.30pm to 4.30pm
Venue : Block 162, Bukit Merah Central, 4th Floor, Room 5

Fee : $10.00 per person

Closing date for registration is 20 November 2006
To register, email [email protected] or contact Alice at 63179995.

Please make cheque payable to TOUCH Community Services Limited, and write at the back of the cheque your name, workshop date and contact number.

Mail to: TOUCH Adoption Services, Block 162, Bukit Merah Central, #05-3545, Singapore 150162

Have a fab weekend, gals!
 
Hi Joan

Overcoming conception issue is not an easy task.
You need to be very positive and open towards what people has to say about you. The most important thing is the support from your hubby. I am lucky to have support not only from my family but my gynae and the honesty of a fertility specialist as well as friends. His statement to me.. 'To be honest with you, do not think too much on conception and do not waste your money on IVF, your condition has too many odds against'. Whereas, my gynae is very supportive and encouraging. He told me that if the love between a couple is strong and trusting, there is no need of children. Having children is just an additional Gift from GOD and inability to conceive is not always the fault of the woman, fault can also comes from the man. Its with all these words of encouragements and supports that made me pull through all the unhappiness of my inability to conceive...
happy.gif
 
i have a close single galfriend..so every time i talked abt how easy this person n that person get pregnant etc..she will just comfort me that i am married already..she 33 already n still looking for one life partner..n that reminds me to count my blessings... it's just as tough for her as relatives even her parents keep asking how come no bf etc.. n she has the desire to settle down tooo... though different scenario, i feel comforted...... Do hang in there
 
hi all
It has been very inspirational reading this thread. Infact it is comforting..
I have been trying ttc for 3 yrs now... and the pressure is building up esp from my in-laws' side since my sis-in-law is pregnant (she married after me).
I am still in denial stage actually, and have yet to come to the terms with the fact I might that I mighht never ever conceive. Can't help asking HIM why me???
 
hi Kimly,
So glad to see you again! yes, we are still seeing Dr Tan Kian Sing. But progress is slow which you have already warned us earlier.
So no good news to share yet.

But I have feeling very pressured lately from my in-laws, even my mom feels the pressure (my MIL actually talked to my mom). Just find our current situation quite pathetic lor. Imagine that we are upset enough with our own infertility issues. At the same time, we still need to manage the expectation from others. Sometimes just wondering if I should annouce to the whold world that we are infertile to avoid all these unnecessary pressure.....

sorry for all these grumblings...:p
 
Hi thc,

Understand what you are going thru....

As much as all of us here are anxious to conceive, such matters cannot be rushed. Many times, conception issues are really beyond human intervention......if conception must come, it will eventually come lah.....what I am trying to say that we all have to be patient....know it is easier than done......if really try hard and still nothing happens, then we must face reality......consider other non-procreation ways to have a child..........though here in Spore, it is still very Asian and inability to conceive is regarded as a taboo most of the times......

I was just thinking these few days over this TTC matter......remember we live for ourselves......we dun want to have a child just because the whole world is having children or just because of external influences and pressures like in law's expectations......we want to have a child because we love kids and want to look after them right?

Children are really God's blessings......I pray that all of us one day will receive his blessings in his timing......

IVF/ and other hormonal therapy will harm our health......so must really consider this properly before embarking on this long journey.........I know that time is running out but what else can we do.....it is no use worrying and being anxious....these will do us no good.

Cheers!
 
Good afternoon Ladies,

Welcome to this thread, thc & Kimly. We hope to see you here regularly.

If you widen the scope of humanity, you'd realise that everyone has a deep desire to want something really badly, be it a child, recovery from an illness, a job, a life partner...and the desire actually culminates to the same level of yearning and the same pain, just focussed on different subjects. Do you agree?

I met a friend who has a sub-normal child. Every milestone he achieves, she rejoices and when she tells me, she'll sometimes say,"Well, I guess, you wouldn't know how I feel." but actually, I do! Every of Seth's milestone is similar to my getting a report to say that my progesterone level is normal....for the month... which is reason for me to rejoice, too! I can always feel the yearning from her for her son to be normal, to catch up with other kids... still, it's a yearning, a deeply felt want.

thc, I think in order for your MIL to understand the situation better and most importantly, to ease up on the pressure she's putting on the 2 of you, you might want to get your hubby to tell her that you are both having some difficulties.. without giving the full details if you're not comfortable, and to assure her that you're both seeking treatment and are working on it. As for handling what to say to others, scroll up to see what we've discussed earlier - most of us arm ourselves with one-liners.

Have a good rest of the day!
 
sigh...my period is not here for few days cos this mth i really very tired and decided no more clomid, no more dreadful cramps... but still faithfully taking folic since last august05

then i thou maybe a miracle has happened ( u know i think when u want something so badly, your body also plays up by feeling nauseaous, burping so often)so even though i know it in my heart that the chances are not high...

i just keep praying i will see the 2 lines...i went n pluck my guts ( n trying not to waste $ on pregnancy kit) i went to the gp to buy the strip but instead he gave it to me ( so blessed!!)so i was still happily thinking of if i really strike, better give that gp a hamper(ha ha!)..

sigh it took me so long to come out from the loo cos i cant accept the result..i kept telling myself maybe if i dipped the stick longer maybe 2 lines will appear... finally i gave up..threw it away but later told my hubby i need clomid again n he told me to have faith then i went to the dustbin n took that kit again...sigh why still no double line...

yes i thank God i have 1 miracle child already but do u know i desire to have 4 at least n i even went to the mummies with twins thread to see their babies photo today... i will try to be contented with my son and just have to keep on praying that i will not covet for other people's blessing.. came across a thread here few days ago..a guy just found out his gf got pregnant n is panicking.. i wonder if anyone of us is pregnant here, we will be REJOICING..same situation but different reaction....

so many times i am more excited than all my gf who informed me abt their pregancy n it is a known thing in my office that i rejoice whenever i heard gd news but of course deep in my heart, i will ask when is my turn again...... n it 's an open secret that i love children n want many..

sorry for boring u all with my thoughts.... this is what i called post pregnancy test kit reaction.. to me every menses is like a miscarriage..very painful very hard to accept.... frankly i pray that all of us who comes in here to talk it out will either CONCEIVE soon and join the pregnacy thread or be CONTENTED the fact we are still living and can make a difference to the lives around us... life is just too unpredicatable..that dr who have 4 kids passed away suddenly... of course i was so envious of them having 4 kids but the flip side of the coin is he's not around for them anymore and now 4 children have lost their dad.. so i guess in life, just have to be joyful in all situation and press on...
 
Hi toy collector

Boy do I know exactly what you're talking about! Every month's show of period is the start of another period of mourning. The mourning is worse when your hopes are marginally raised.

Hang in there, there's a reason for everything, it's just not unveiled to us but are we missing the signs? Hmmmmm

Take care all,
CY
 
Hi Ladies

Never give up hope.. Always be positive and hopeful and you will soon see BFP.
As for me, nowadays its spending more and more time in office than at home. There is nothing to look forward to anyway, even missed my monthly menses cramps... so ironic hor....have cramps complained, now dun have and yet can miss it...
happy.gif


Wish all everyone here will get BFP soon!!!
 
Hi ladies, i m diagnose with a so-called "Secondary Infertility". Got a DD through Clomid but had been trying for 2nd bb since my DD was 17 mths... got pregnant again with twins before DD turns 2YO but miscarriage at very early stage. I was sad/disappointed but glad abt the miscarriage, as gynae told me that they r not healthy. Both my DH n i would want our children to lead a healthy life n not suffering. I wouldn't want them to be borned if they r going to suffer. Since then hv been TTCing for more than 6 years with no good news to share.

i had a very close friend who i shared my infertility matters. she encourages me a lot! Once, she told me she's pregnant... i passed her my maternity clothing, sending them to her doorstep. since then, she started boosting abt her pregnancy in front of me. i m very, very hurt. i started avoiding her until nw! (exactly like those which Soulutions had mentioned!!)

DH n i choose not to go for IUI, IVF, etc... too! my DH strongly objected as we were told there might be some side effects! DH is afraid he might lose me... as he nearly did when i c-sect for our DD... n i m those whatsoever senstitive person. can u ladies imagine? i m allergy to the thread which my gynae use to sew my c-sect wound??? i had wound infection!!!

We have relatives, especially my in-laws, BIL, SIL, etc... asking when we going to hv a 2nd bb? i jus told them dont have leh... HOW? (i throw the questions back to them!!) once, my DH's SIL got pregnant with HER 4TH BABY!!! everybody started asking: ppl no.4 already!! when is ur no.2? i m SICK!!! n to make me feel worse is, SIL even think of aborting this bb??? DH n i curse n swear when we got home!!!

Nw, we had given up hope of TTCing. We r adopting a baby girl soon... now waiting for a suitable baby to arrive... what's wrong with adoption? we need a baby, She needs a home!! good deal isn't it? i told my DD abt our decision.. she's happy, in fact overjoy that she's going to be a big sister! we r lucky that my parents, elder brother n sister supported our decision.
 
hey beary,
Thanks for all the encouragement.
I'm also trying to conceive for what seems to be the longest time.
Yesterday, my best friend gave birth to my god son and what seems to be eternity for me is now prolongated. I've had the lap to clear my endo in march and ttc-ed since july. nothing happened yet. not sure if anything will ever happen at all.

oh and to correct one small thing.
Buddhists don't believe in fate and are not fatalistic per se. :p
Not everything is predestined and fixed.
While kamma (of parents and the child) plays a part in conception, its about what u do with this life too: be pro-active, accumulate merits and be positive. take care!
 
Tub,

U r in the same situation as me. I also had lap to clear endor in late Feb this year.....till now, still no news of conception.....people tell me that once endor is cleared, the conception chance will vastly improve and will sure conceive naturally......but such good luck has not come to me yet......

We have been approached by 2 fertility specialists who felt that we should proceed with
IVF........coz of my hubby bad sperm morphology..........but I am pretty worried abt the side effects of IVF with so much medications and injections..........how I wish I could conceive naturally..........

Well, I think the key to success is patience lah......dun think that IVF is the key.....what is important is to know that we will conceive soon if we believe and try.......if all else fails, just to have to accept the harsh reality..........

People's opinions can never change....they can say whatever they like.......for us, we can choose to hear them or ignore their words........

I no longer look forward to the forthcoming Chinese New Year...........now thinking of holidays........thinking of Hokkaido next year.....

Hope next year will be a better year with lots of baby hope for all of us here TTC naturally....
 
Hi ladies, i am one of those diagnosed with a so-called "Secondary Infertility". I am 31 this year, hubby is 36 this year.

Got married 8 years old. Got conceived after 6 mths. So when my gal turned 1, we decided to make another one as I want the gap to be close.

However, the 2nd one does not come after trying for 1 year, we went to gynae. And realized that my hubby SA result is veri bad u name it, he has it imagine less than 1% normal. So we spend the next few years attributing the infertility to his problem, also we r not that hardworking type Of course, I blamed him n he also blamed himself.

Then friends recommended TCM at thong chai. We went for a year until I gave up. N leave it to fate that maybe I should be happy that I have one as most will say this to u.

So I really gave up, then in 2004, I found myself pregnant!! But had a miscarriage at weeks 6. I blamed myself, my hubby n of course God(I am a Christian). I can say that I still have not fully recover from that fall(emotion).

Beginning of this year, I decided to go to KKH to consult Dr Loh. We went thr another SA. Guess what my hubby result improved!!! From less than 1% to 9%!!
Dont ask me what I do? Cos we din anything!!! But Dr loh told me that my womb is a bit high cos I went thr c-section so the little swimmers need to swim longer.
So to me, it is like a good news n bad news in this visit. Dr loh did ask me to go for a HSG test to check whether the tube r being block as he recommend IUI.

To be frank, I am not ready for any test for IUI/IVF as I dont think I can withstand the disappointment that comes with the IUI/IVF.

Oh, forget to mention that my mens is super accurate one.

It is veri difficult to open to ppl abt how I feel abt this infertility. If I go to my mother, she will ask me to work hard, friends? Those with many kids, will ask u to shu qi zhi ruan how to!!! Easy said than done. Cos they can never imagine the kind of disappointment we face everyone. Those not married friends will tell u at least u got one
If I will to tell me church friends, they will tell me to trust god. I would love to, but everyone when my mens came, I blamed god.

At the lowest pt of my infertility walk, I fear to see pregnant ladies as they reminded me of my problem.

Asking what I plan to do? Adaption is out as my hubby told me that he cant bring himself to love the child.
I dont plan to do anything as I going to just enjoy my blessing(my daughter) n also to accompany her walk to pri 1 next year
 
hello dor

hi i always see u giving away your gals' toys or bags and seeing u buy so many bks for her in the forum..thanks for sharing and now i feel i am not alone in this.. I also very depressed over this matter that i really feel stressed when it is the PEAK cos i will be filled with hope that i will be pregnant soon..i really want to clear my new born stuff n make ways for more bks n toys for my 3 yr old son but in my heart, i keep wishing that at least 1 more if possible.. i kept telling my son to pray for a mei mei.. still now he still wondering where is the little mei mei. he even told his child care teacher i am pregnant( well i too have a big tummy) and the teacher even congratulates me...

i would love adoption BUT i think it's hard for in laws and others to accept... but 1 thing comforting is at least u are younger than me and wow, your gal is a big gal already... always wanted to be a young mummy so that when i visit my son during his NS, i can pass off as his girlfriend.. Ha ha ( my hubby always feel like puking when i tell him that)..


i am still at the cross road whether to do iui or not..but i feel uncomfortable with how they collect the sperms and also the thought of more pills for me to swallow.. I still choose to trust God to provide...
 
Hi Toy Collector

Why not make space for your son's books? Why? Because:
1) He deserves your attention & space from time to time to know that he is important too
2) It'll give you distraction from your quest
3) I found that keeping the newborn clothes hoping that I, too, will fall pregnant, was quite depressing so I gave them all away & felt better; don't hv to look at them anymore & be reminded of my quest & failures.
4) Anyway, when the time comes, shopping for new stuff IS very fun, too!

As for adoption, well, we thought our parents won't welcome the baby but hey, when one has a vulnerable little being in his/her arms, it will melt even the stoniest of hearts! They now LURVVEEEE her so much I have to practically pry her off their arms & watch that they don't spoil her too much! We know how impt our parents' & families' supports are so why not bounce the idea off them to see their reactions? You may be pleasantly surprised.

We considered adoption when we came to the end of our threshold for treatments. I know it's a huge decision which was harder for me than my hubby but now, I think it's the best thing I've done in my life.

Have a great weekend ahead, gals!

CY
 
Except for stroller and car seats, I gave away most of my boy's baby stuff and toys coz same as Soulutions, looking at them depresses me. I look forward to the time when I can buy new baby stuff if I am successful in my bb quest. If not, just use the money to shop for my own stuff ;p
 
hi ladies,

i gave away my maternity clothes only... as for my DD dresses.. i find them too cute to give away... n others home clothes belongs to my DD's SILs.. i dont know when they want it back so i dont dare to give them away...

i kept my Graco stroller n playpen.. as i think they r too exp.. to give others.. hahaha.. cos i m hoping that my 2nd bb is coming soon.. n i even told my elder bro that when my SIL is pregnant, i can give everything to them.. but now, no need to give liao... cos my adopted DD is coming soon....

last wed, pass by kiddy palace... i went in to take a look at babies' fashion nowadays.. i find myself happily looking n shopping for babies clothing as if i myself is pregnant... i think i had the same happiness when i was pregnant with my DD...
 
did u ladies come across whereby, u r at some gathering n there is/are newborn babies... most of the ppl, know that u hv not give birth to 2nd bb yet.. then out of sudden some aunties keep on forcing u to carry those newborn saying that u can get some luck fm this newborn n get pregnant fast!!! yeah.. i think fustrated is what i get!!!
 


Hi VQ

Yes, I've been in those irritating situations before! Sit on preggie colleague's office chair, roll on their bed, carry baby, etc... loads of stupid people around.. don't they know that one can possibly conceive that way!

VQ, yep, enjoy shopping for your baby's stuff cos you ARE pregnant but not in the conventional way! I felt the same excitement before my girl was born, too! The best part is, you won't have to worry about losing the extra weight! haha!

TGIF,
CY
 
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