Unwanting any visitors during my delivery and immediately after? How?

[rbbaby]

I would like to check if anyone has the believe that relatives/friends should only visit the mother/baby after 12 days of birth? My family believe that any visiting should only be done after 12 days of birth of the baby but my husband side does not have this believe. My personal view is that this is due to mother would need plenty of rest after birth and also to let the baby staying away from germs and also to avoid any contact with others through carrying, cuddling and kissing. Speaking about kissing, I strongly disagree others kissing young baby. I do not want their make-up/lipstick/facial oil to stick/stain on my baby face and later causes skin rashes. What is your thought on this?

As this baby is a first grandchild for my husband’s parents, needless to say they (and all of the uncles, aunties etc) are anxiously awaiting for her arrival. I have run into a situation where I am not sure where the line is between healthy and selfish. Hence, I have decided to not tell anyone except my mum (as she is doing confinement for me) when we are heading to the hospital. I’m not sure if my hubby agreeable with me and i hope he can support and collabrate this with me.

Over the past few months, my parent in law and sister in law was adamant they planned to go hospital together with us. I was equally adamant they are going to be no where near to join us. Can you imagine that they even told me that they are going to bring the camera and will setup with tripod and will take a few pictures when I come out from the labor room and etc. They are extremely annoying!!

Seriously, I do not want anyone to be around during my delivery and immediately after. Hence, I am hesitant to let anyone know when we are heading to the hospital because I don’t want any visitors shoving their way into the room when I was right in the middle of the most amazing/painful/awkward experience EVER. Moreover, I really do not want anyone showing up unannounced (I know once my in-law is being notified, they will ring the entire village of relatives and soon millions of people will be rushing to hospital). I’m the one who going to deliver a baby and I definetely want to experience that special moment with my husband and not getting extra pressure/stress from them.

What should I do? I am so confused and feeling so much pressure – plus baby could be here any time so I need a plan quick. Can anyone share with me if you ever encountered such issue and how do you handle it? I am desperate for an outside opinion on the matter. Pls help

 

[bunnymummy82]

Hi RB

I had the same worry when I had my first child. Was so worried my in laws and parents will keep calling us and even rush down to hospital if they know i am going to give birth.

As we dun stay with in laws, I made my husband promise not to tell either side of parents long before my edd. Told him my concerns and he agreed. In the end I was induced n we checked in to hospital without telling anyone. When parents asked us about update from gynae visit, we just said no news yet.

After delivery, we told them the truth that yes we purposely kept it from them cos dun wan them to "worry". By then they were so happy w the baby, they didn't scold us of cos.

Regarding relatives' visit, yes a few visited us at hospital. But I made it clear to both sides parents I'm not gonna entertain them. Dun blame me if I give black face.

Btw only the daddy or one person is allowed to go into delivery ward. So dun worry bout them wanting to be irritants. Only thing is if they appear at the hospital, ur hubby may feel compelled to go out and entertain them. Make ur hubby promise not to do that. Tell him stories of others who did that and the wife suddenly give birth... Blah blah blah...

 

[rbbaby]

Hi Bunny Mummy

thanks fir your advice. It sounds like a plan!! I hope we can make it and my hubby agree with this arrangement. Recently we moved to my sister place as in law sold their flat and the handover of key is coincide with my due date

So we will stay with my sister for the time being till my confinement is over.

So I'm sure my family will be aware when I deliver. I'm also afraid if we didn't inform them they will sure give me the black face and etc!! Sometime I felt bad to when I want to say this to my hubby as he seems stress lately due to the move and family issues.

I really hope for the best and most important my hubby is supportive!! That will be the biggest support for me!

 

[nitetingal]

We did not inform people the day the bb was born, only our parents and close friends. When closer kin visit, they usually use the hand sanitizer provided in the hospital to disinfect their hands before carrying the baby. Tell them nicely, they should understand. As for others after we got home, I just declined visits politely, saying that we haven't established the breastfeeding schedule yet, and I would not know when the baby would be feeding (easily an hour or more each feeding, most of the time trying to wake the baby up. Given they feed on two hour intervals, you really don't have time for visitors). I jokingly tell some of them, you better not come till things stabilize, unless you want to see me half naked..

 

[reuhs]

Hey I had the same worries. I'm also afraid that my relatives and friends will rush to carry my baby if they come visiting. As the baby is very fragile initially, I'm so worried that they will not carry her properly and might cause injury to her head and spine. I'm even thinking of not holding baby shower as I'm sure there will be lines of people queuing to carry her. What should I do?

 

[jt_junior]

just tell them nicely that you need rest.. you are the mother of the child, you decide. i believe mani will respect your decision and rest assure you will let them see the baby during baby shower (if you intend to hold one). for your in laws you tell dem nicely dun inform other relatives until nearer to baby shower.