Stress Mum @ work!! Unfair Treatment!!

[aniaraz]

Hi dear mummies out there, I really really need to pour out my problem here and hope to get advice from you. Here's my concern....I've been working with my company for 6 years as an Accounts Executive. During my 1st years, I got pregnant with my 2nd child. All is well during the pregnancy till I came back from maternity. As I had some issues with my maid back then, I am really stress and decided to quit my job. I confide in my boss and his wife abt my issue and hand them my resignation. My boss stop me from resigning and instead offered me to take 1 month leave to settle my issue and even offered financially to take a new maid. I accepted his kind offer. After I came back, he pulled a long face with me and I heard lots of gossip from my close colleague that he's been saying bad things abt me eg; I 'threatened' him by submitting resignation letter. He gave me a cold shoulder fro almost a month and only spoke to me after that..I brush it aside and continue working. All seems quite well from then (in 2008) till 2011, when I finally get pregnant with my 3rd child. This pregnancy is problematic for me. 1. I was on hospital bed rest for 1 week when I was 12 weeks preg due to threatened pregnancy as I was bleeding that time. 2. I had a few case of spotting and mild bleeding throughout and had to take MC to go KKH for checkup. 3. I was put to bed rest again at 32 weeks pregnancy due to rupture of membrane and complete bed rest till 34 weeks pregnant, where I was induced to force into labour. So, my baby was born prematurely at 34 weeks on 26 Aug '12 (my EDD supposed 10 Oct '12). Hence, due to the unforseen early labour, I was supposed to return back to work in mid December. But.....the problem is, the new child care centre I had enrolled for my 2nd and 3rd child start operating in Jan '12. So, I have no choice but to apply for unpaid leave for the remaining 3 weeks (mid Dec '11 till 1st week Jan '12) to ensure that my 1st is ok in primary school, my 2nd can adopt in nursery and my 3rd baby who is only 4 months that time is well taken care of in infant care...I think for all parents with my kinda situation, we will definitely take leave to ensure that all is well and in order before we can finally rest our mind and work peacefully right? Well, my management did not see this. When I resume work, I learned that I was the only staff NOT entitled to 13th month bonus and given the very mimimal amt of increment compared to others. This is after severe discussion among my boss, finance manager AND MY JUNIOR ACCOUNTS EXECUTIVE WHO ONLY START WORK IN APR 2011. How could they discuss abt my salary with my understudy?? Ok, I have to admit that she is very driven, hardworking and very 'ON' with finance work as she wants to learn as much. So before I left for maternity, I managed to teach her almost 80% of my work. Now, 8 months down the road with my company, I find that they're very different towards me. They prefer my junior and even checked my work to make sure that I did it correctly..hello??? I worked for 6 years OR 6 days?? Another thing, 2012 is not a good year for me...in Jan, my dad passed on..followed by my infant hospitalised due to bronchiolitis, in Apr, my grandma passed on...followed by my 2nd son down with chicken pox...and finally my 3rd baby follow suit...so as I have no helper and totally staying on my own, independently, I have to of course, take leave to look after my children, who's sick one after another as the centre dont allow them to enter school even...due to all this mishaps, my boss is again not happy and again tell my junior that I'm not productive...well this year again, the rest got hundreds of $ increment while I got a mere $50.00!!! Boss even said that i am no longer productive and wants to discuss issues with me...now, I'm not happy working with a bunch of 'Plastic Faces' and I feel I am no longer needed in this company as everything goes thru my junior and no longer me..feels so humiliated, bullied, stressed...need kind advice from you ladies...

 

[tempo4me]

Hi,

As a mummy to a mummy, or even a woman to another woman, I would say that you should have prepared yourself to such situations. Really, I am prepared for such situations even when I got married.

In such situations when you are no longer happy working in your current company, you should start discussing with your husband about changing jobs.

For my case,

Before I even got pregnant with my first, I already discussed with my husband that he will be the one that needs to concentrate on his career as he can climb much higher and faster than me most definitely since he doesn't need to go on maternity leave, which I can tell you most certainly, no boss and colleagues (even women) love it.

Let's face it, if your maid gets pregnant what will you have done? So same thing goes with your boss too. In my view, you are already very lucky that he didn't give you the sack if you are working in the private sector.

 

[luvagape]

Hi there, sad to know about what's happening. There are only 2 types of employers: pro-family and not family friendly types. What employers would like to see are for the workers to be productive in their jobs and having to take urgent leave to take care of them on a consistent basis will be more likely passed over for good increment/promotion.

You have mentioned your kids are falling sick so easily. How about try to boost your kids' immunity level, especially your #3 and if need be, take them out from IFC/CC and place them with a nanny who can take good care of them for maybe 2-3 months until their immunity level is tiptop before bringing them back to IFC/CC? Some nannies can take even sick kids in so you don't have to take urgent leave.

As for your concerns at work, if you are in the pte sector I agree with Grace that it's considered very good for you to get any increment at all, due to the uncertainties of the economy. Your junior may be far better than you now but you can be better than her due to your experience. I personally think it's a very good time to start taking over her duties, a little bit at a time and the easiest.

I'm also working in the accounts line. Share you some tips: The easiest to hardest are payments & receipts -> AR & AP -> GL, GST -> year-end audit matters. Having a to-do list and marking them as complete can be helpful. Focus only on work during office hours since your boss have started noticing you. Try not to bring your work stress back home.

You mentioned you are staying on your own, means without your hb around most of the time? I admire you having to cope alone with 3 kids! Me with hb and 2 kids on some days I really wanna raise white flag. Are you able to rope in your parents/relatives to help mind the kids so that you can have some me-time to pamper yourself. We mummies are humans too.

Sorry for this long post. Hope my suggestions are helpful. If all else fails, another finance job may be right up your alley.

 

[susanna_low]

What employers would like to see are for the workers to be productive in their jobs and having to take urgent leave to take care of them on a consistent basis will be more likely passed over for good increment/promotion.

I second with luvagape over this. There are reasons on why single women r preferred rather than married ones.

Sorry to say that but in the corporate world, even if you join another co. Few bosses want to keep those who keep taking long leaves/mc even with valid reasons. If this goes on long term, this will not only affect the team productivity but also increase the workload for the other staff.
The co will incur all these additional cost.

Based on what you wrote, it seem like this junior executive is a replacement of you. Though they are kind enough not to terminate you, they are waiting for you to make the first move instead.
Your co is already very kind to you as some co will not hesitate to ask you to leave especially in the current corporate world when there are plenty supply of FT n fresh grads. One call to the job agency and I can easily receive up to 50 resume instantly.

As what luvagape say, if you want to continue to work, you will have to backup help especially when you have 3 kids.
You might want to seek for alternative caregivers like your hb, parents, parents in law. If i m busy with my work, my hb will bring my gal to see doc while my mum will look after her.

If financial allows, it will be best for you to be a SAHM to nurture your young kids in the initial years.

 

[happyface1]

hi,

your story is quite ssimilar to me. i struggle thru and ask for counciling, doctor, colleadge and boss to boss. To see how can it improve me to my carrer and my families of 3 kds and a maid. it is not easy at this period of time.

I am struggling still, i have depression which i know myself very well. I go psychristic for hwlp, psychrology for help too. MC take and take...any way, the company still paid me. Dont ever resign your own, you will be lost a lot more. I did think of quiting too, but that is not a best chioce as the salary is then good. Wait for them to retriact you and you will have a lot to complaint to mom and Singapore Political issue,....

I hate a lot of unkind bosses with brainless too. Thought that we are purposely do it but it is not so.. We have stressed too, we need help...

Let us work togther hold on there till the children grow up to primary school. Life will change after that. Now, is the hard time.

Go exercise Amore in Woodland civil centre, if you wana join me. Promotion at $88 only for about a month plus. I am try to go for it.PM me if keen to join me.

 

[frog]

I totally understand how you must be feeling now. Motherhood isn't an easy thing to do, and sometimes, being a FTWM makes it doubly hard. Please allow me to share my story, and how I am trying to cope.

Before baby #1 came along, I work till 7pm on most days, and 9pm at least once a week. I was new at work, there was a lot of backlog to clear. This also made me readily available for my boss that often stay till 10pm. I was rated and A and put up for promotion because it was clear that I was doing much more than was required of my original appointment, and I was very good at my work.

Fast forward to the birth of baby #1 and the first review after - my boss told me, he appreciates the fact that I am a new mother and I have new set of priorities - but that also made me not an "A" anymore. Because "A" means extremely exceptional. So maybe I am between a C to a B - meet job requirements, sometimes exceptional. I went out to cry. Tears still well up whenever I recount this scene. To put things in context, he is not nasty - he is probably the best boss a person can ask for (my first talk with him post maternity was him convincing me how I should and could continue to BF! and do EBM!!)... But I cried because he was right, and the truth always hurt most.

I had a talk with my husband - since he earns more, and has better work prospects - he will be the chief breadwinner in our family. When the children are sick, it would always be me taking leave. Now that I have changed job, I do feel that all these leave comes with the risk of negative assessment and possibly dismissal... but that is a risk I have committed to take, and my husband is fully supportive of me. I think it makes a big difference knowing that my husband realises and acknowledge the sacrafices that I make for the children and family. No, of course he doesn't KNOW it automatically! I drill it into his brain - everytime I take childcare leave, everytime I attend a PTC...

Nowadays, I look forward to my 9-5 job. I give it my best while I'm at it, and I find something that I actually like to do. No, I will probably not get promoted in rank, and I don't think I care very much anymore! I find simple pleasures in things such as getting a steady income; having great colleagues. In my free time I take my children out, go on a date with my hubby, cook my favourite dish, bake cookies and cakes, gardening, etc. To me, this is work life balance, and I am so glad, that motherhood has thought me how to slow down, and enjoy the scenery! I take attend night classes to keep abreast and relevant to my work; and take courses that interests me.

Plus, as my ex-boss said, I already have 2 kids - at most I have another one? But that young lady will have to go through BGR issues, wedding bells, first pregnancy, blah blah blah. Future headache! And they also appreciate that I am much more accommodating when it comes to covering duties, etc - because someone had done that for me in the past.

All the best!