Starting Childcare - torture for kid and parents

adele

adele

New Member
Hi,

Sorry, I feel very down, i just need some place to express out.

My 3 yr boy start full day childcare last week. Today is his fifth day at CC. It is really very torturing and heartpain to me to send my boy every morning to CC.

Every morning he will struggle and refuse to go school. We have to force him out of the house everyday.

In the evening, when we are back at home, he will just lie down at the sofa, looking tired, not his usual self where he run around or playing around

I feel so sad seeing my bubbly boy turning to a quiet boy.

now i wonder whether i have made a wrong choice for him to enter Childcare. Maybe he should have just go for 3 hours Nursery Class.

Adele
 


adele,
i can totally feel for you. It is indeed very painful to see the usually happy and bubbly kids cry their hearts out. My almost 3 yr old gal started full day CC this yr as well and while the crying has been reduced, I still hv to leave her while she cries and cries.

At times like this, one will always wonder why we subject our kids to such 'torture'. I am hoping to give her at least 1 mth to adjust and hopefully she would be happy by then. I have no choice as she would not have anyone to look after her in the daytime, so I am sending her there. I feel that it is a better alternative to having her go to half day school and stay home with maid.

Has your son gone to school previously? Do you have alternative childcare alternatives? If yes, perhaps you can ease him in with half day first?

folic
 
Adele/Folic

We underwent similar situations too. When i first sent my 18mth old daughter to childcare (3/4 day for 3x a week), she was crying very badly. According to the teachers, she took the longest to settle in amongst the kids (partly becos i don't send her everyday). she cried for 6 mths (only at drop-off lah), before "finally resigning to her fate", refused to nap for 2 mths, refused to eat proper food for 1 mth. those times were terrible and i often templated to pull her out due to the guilt in me.

1 year on, i look back and am actually happy that we persevered with it. because we see a lot of benefits...

a) she's very independent physically - will self feed, change clothes, wear/take off shoes/socks, wash hands before/after meals...all self-initiated.

b)as previously she was taken care of by me single-handedly, she was very attached to me and refused to nap if accompanied by someone else. now she naps well with/without me.

c) as a poor milk drinker, the school has also gotten her to take an extra feed prior to her nap

d)she has also developed a keen interest in play/work (eg. puzzles), books and imitation.

On those days that she stays at home with me and the maid,i realise that sometimes the maid (unintentionally) influences her inappropriately, eg. play and english.

all said, i'm a strong believer that school does good to the child. but at the same time, we need to be watchful on what/how the school takes care of the children cos' not all are that careful/diligent...
 
thanks mummies for the support.

folic, my boy attended playgroup before.
but since 3 months old, he been taking care by my auntie, i believe there is a strong attachment to my auntie too.
suddenly he was put into a childcare without my auntie, i believe he really cant adapt to it.

i feel bad cause i have a choice. actually my auntie can continue to take care of him if he was to go nursery class.

but as to what Viola say, we thought is time for him to self discipline and independent, if not he will continue to be spolit by us.

Viola,
yah, these days is very difficult, we see him never sleep well and eat well at CC. very poor thing.

I really hope he can overcome soon, if not he is really affected physically and mentally
 
I sent my gal to N1 from Aug last year, even though the proper intake is Jan this year...

Thus, this year, when she started school last week, she was very adapted, and was wondering why other children were crying and clinging on to their mummies...

I think what the kid needs is time to adjust, and for the mummy to continue to reassure the child regularly...they should be fine...
 
Yes I agree that the kids will definitely adjust and I do like how CC train kids to be more independent. I fear my daughter turning into one of those pampered kids who rely on the maid for everything. I am only glad that my gal is somewhat starting to accept her fate and would cry only during drop off. She would ask for me constantly throughout the day. I had to bring home cooked food cos she simply refused to eat the western options in class. So, I have to slowly adjust that.
happy.gif
Adele, jus have faith that it will get better, but before that day comes, it might get worse for a while before he finally adjust
happy.gif
jia you!

folic
 
Adeline
you just started the childcare...
hang in there.
I cried when i first send my son to childcare too!
After 1 month, he stop crying.

Now he loves school so much that he wants to go to school, meet friends, play with them.
Lots of benefits reaped. And i am happy.
Biggest achievement is toilet training within 6 months.
And his language skills improve tremendously!
 
mngo, i also cry on her 2nd day.. cos i see her so poor thing, keep crying and fell asleep at the dining table, from not eating and exhaustion from all the crying. felt super malu. :p Anyway, I am quite sure she will be ok very soon!

folic
 
folic
lol......
is always the mommies who cry and don't bear to leave their kids in cc
 
Thanks mummies for the encouragement.

folic, CC allow you to bring homecooked food ?

the funny thing, once i reach home, my son will keep chanting to me that he dun wan to go school, even before he sleep, he will remind me that when he wake up in the morning, he dun wan to go school. sigh.

Yah, I know the benefits of going to CC too. I hope he can really adapt soon.
 
mngo, i laugh now while thinking abt it. But i was really so sim tia that day. she cried and she cried and she cried then she said mummy the food is yikey, i wanna go home i wan gong gong, i wan ma ma (grandma).. then i hv to keep telling her, school is fine, food is nice blah blah and she jus sob and sob, like so poor thing then head on table and jus drift off to sleep. then i had to carry her into the class, whil the teachers prepared her bed. see her sobbing while sleeping and eyes all swollen.. wah lau eh.. more drama than soap opera. :D

adele, the principal suggested that after she saw me breakdown in school. hahaha :D She was virtually fasting during the whole day. drank only one bottle of her FM and one cup of fresh milk.Everything else is yikes. sigh! So principal said, let her hv some homecooked food while she learns to settle down. Then slowly let her eat watever they serve there. So I did that for 2 days. Today, they serve rice and soup, which is similar to what she had at home. So I didn't cook today. Will see if she eats later. Told my hubby, she will be fasting until CNY. :D

folic
 
i'm one of the mom who torture my own son by sending him to fullday childcare. he cried so badly everyday i send him there although he alrd there for almost 9mths.
but what to do? cc seems to be the only option for us.
sad.
 
hey all mums here, don't be discourage!

being an ex cc/kindy teacher, i know how you ladies feel..seperation anxiety + the guilt of 'leaving' child..

here want to share to you that it will be very difficult at the beginning when all the 'tag of war' during the fetching to cc in the morning..but a word of caution, do not linger in cc as the lingering will cause child to cry more, trust teacher and leave it to her that she'll do a good job. Be firm to child but not harsh and he/she will understand that he/she will see you at home after a day in cc. Assure and reassure them that you'll be there after a day in cc..

Previously, i encouraged my parents to let child bring some photos with her (during the settling period)-this way child can bring out photo to look at mom or dad when she feels 'missing them'..and i'll personally make sure that the child follows me and partner her with another child who's good in talking to her in her level, let her sit beside her..so she got a friend. I also let them call mom or dad during lunchtime to say that everything's fine. And most of all i update parents thru email and photos of child, what they do in cc all the day or week. Home school partnership is very important i must stress and also do make an effort to talk/correspond with the teacher to get to know her ways of handling children in the class so whatever methods for positive behaviour can be reinforce at home..

these all are some pointers which i share cos i know the pains you ladies go thru, hey im also trying for a bb now! So nervous but excited!

Cheers!!
 
Hi Folic,

I see. my boy also not eating well at CC. the teacher did allow me to bring some of his favourite snacks or biscuits in case he get too hungry. the worse is he refuse to nap at school. while other kids are napping, he simply walking around.

Everyday at work, i have the tendency to call the teacher every hour to check on my son. hee hee
 
<font color="0000ff">Can I ask some advice from mommies in this forum pls? My boy is 15mths now and taken care of by my ILs and parents (ILs Mon, Tue, parents Wed-Fri). its the best arrangement now coz both sides will not be able to take care full week due to he being super active and both sides health also not very good. but both sides wish to take care and i feel blessed by that.

Well, the thing is, I wish to send him to half day preschool at 18mths. But i have a dilemna over WHERE to send him, coz my ILs and Parents stay at opp ends of the island.

Question.
1. Should I send him ONCE he is ready at 18mths? Or shld I wait till he is say 2 yrs old to send him? my hubby said 18mths sounds very young though thats the age that preschools start. so he asked me to ask around HOW MANY ppl send their kids to preschool at 18mths and HOW MANY waits till 2 yrs. My reason is I want him to learn more things at preschool and learn to be independent and self feed. coz at my ILs and Parents he don't recieve much stimulation and I know he is itching to learn more things.

2. How do I reconcile the distance issues? I tot of going for flexi days preschool i.e. Mon, Wed, Fri near my parents plc, so that on Mon (when he is at my ILs), maybe my hubby can spend time fetching him from preschool to ILs. but NOT ALL preschools have flexi days, most of them only accepts WHOLE WEEK. right?

3. Any recommendation for preschools thats not exorbitant in pricing? I recognised schools like Pats, Etons are really good, but its way overpriced for me. I don't mind paying slightly more for a good school though as I am quite particular about the english standards of teachers in the school. A few schools I have called, some teachers speak very well and I believe that will have good influence. but some teachers speak like aunties and are not eloquent at all. Any recommendations pls?</font>
 
Hi buttons,

I would prefer to wait till 2 years old...let your boy's immune system strengthen further before exposing him to the tons of germs in all childcare/ preschool centers...especially since the current arrangement involves family members- so you should feel quite safe...

If you like, you can bring your boy once a week on weekends to some montesorri class (some offer classes for kids 18 months onwards), where he will interact with other kids in some play exercise...
 
hi fairyprincess, i am signing my boy up for a playgroup on weekends when he turns 18mths. but right now considering whether to send him for regular preschool sessions on weekdays also...

but u are right about the exposing to germs lah...hhhmmm...sigh...dilemna.
 
Hi ladies, I just started my 2yr old at cc juz this monday. It's a full day cc but I send her in about 8am and try to pick her by 5pm before I start work in a week. She was taken care by my mum all the while. I know it's common to cry and procrastinate but any of you have the child not sleeping well at night. Mine now cries in her sleep and cries till she wakes and want us to carry her go out and walk, dun wanna go school, dun wanna sleep. Should I continue or put a stop? She hardly slept much. But heard from her teachers she's ok in sch and ate very well.
 
Hi,
Your child is most probably traumatised. 8am-5pm is too long. Maybe u want to try 8am-12pm first. If your mum can take care of your child, why do u want to put her in cc? Your child is still v young.
I won't trust the cc teachers that much...they will usually say ur child is ok n eat v well so as to put ur heart at peace. Go to the sch n spotcheck urself to see if it is true.
 
On her own she can't. Now my dad said he would help. ERm..but if I go into the cc at odd hrs, she would see me and cry when it's not pick up time. How?
 
Hi all,
I sent my boy to cc when he was 20mos. He cried badly and couldn't eat. the Principal suggested that we spent 1/2 day first for a week, and slowly extend it to full day. It worked!

After the first week, he could stay on until after nap, around 3pm, then I brot him home. That went on for about another week.

He's 3yrs now, and quite well-adjusted. It may take some time for your child to get used to it, and try to soften it at first by keeping the hours short, and slowly lengthen the stay.

All the best.
 
cowandchick, you mean u sent ur son to full day for sometime then change to half day for 1 wk then extend progressively to full day? How long was he in fullday b4 u did the halfday thing?
 
Babe,
Hv you tried talking to the teachers abt your problem n see if they hv any suggestions to try to help you?
I'm not sure how's the layout of the cc....but if u can talk to the teachers/in-charge abt your worry on your child seeing you if you check on her, then see if they can suggest a place for you to hide. Next time you just go anytime you like, and hide in that place to watch lor
happy.gif
.
Btw, every child is different...some are v sociable, can get use to new environment quickly. Some are slow to warm, v stubborn n take a longer time to get use to new environment.
 
HI

I came to this forum cos I couldnt sleep.

My 3 year old son started a 2x/week nursery this week. 3 hours per session. I am still on maternity leave and am free to accompany him, but the school is very strict and wont allow me to go into the class with him. First day, I went inside, put schoolbag down with him, and sit a while until the teacher said I must leave. so I told him I wait outside, and he was fine.

today, the teacher wont let me into the class, so I had to drop him at the door. He started crying and the teacher had to drag him from me. My son was physically fighting her to get to me. I wanted to cry.

Later when I peeped into the classroom, he was walking to his seat, not crying. On and off during the class, he would start to ask for me and cry a bit, but stop when distracted.

When I picked him after school, he saw me and was about to cry and say he waited very long for me, but i distracted him and praised him and he didnt cry.

tonight, before going to sleep, I asked him if he liked his school, his teachers and his friends. He said Yes Yes Yes. but then when I asked him if he wanted to go to school tomorrow, he said no. And he kept telling me he didnt want to go to school. When I asked him why, he said he didnt like the teacher. When I asked him why not, he said he didnt like me to wait outside.

How?

I am troubled that the teacher didnt let me stay, cos I think it would have helped in the transition.

I also find that the teachers are a bit strict, they raise their voices and I heard her tell another girl, why for no reason you cry, if you like to cry so much, you can stand in the corner and cry. I would have tried to pacify the girl if I were the teacher. Ask her why she cry. maybe someone step on her toe?

I dont know whether to insist that my son goes to school or to change schools
 
sorry to borrow your thread

i need help badly mummies
sad.gif


i have signed up with Star Tots at woodlands Dr 75 for 2hr playgroup in Jul 2010 but i have found a fullday childcare for my son. And they cant refund me so i need to find transfer.... will tranfer at a disocunt...please help me find mummies who are interested.... details as follows :

Jul 2010 2hours 11am to 1pm playgroup at Star Tots at woodlands dr 75 for transfer

40mins social interaction/setting down/toys/fun/games
40mins lesson/handsome activities
15mins reading/games/rhymes/music

do visit their website on more
www.edufarm.com.sg/playgroup.htm
 
I'm enrolling my by then would be 20mos son at My Little Skool (just next blk n opening in a wk time) next wk Tue but starting in July. However, I'm just so so afraid of his adaptability n also how strong will am I in seeing him thru during such period. My boy is very clingy to me n maid, n his going to sleep pattern not easy - ev to either cradle him plus patting his bum or push ard hm in stroller! Can any Mommy
here share w me the withdrawal policy of My Little Skool please? U can email me at [email protected] . (I ev another 4yo boy in N2 in a kindy but dun see him learning very much so wud like to try cc for my younger one.)
 
Hihi mummies,
Mine is not CC, but i enrolled my gal in Infant care at 13 months. previously my mum was the caregiver.

reason being, i have the intention to put her in the CC at 18 months so since there is a vacancy for IFC, i might as well put her in so she can adapt earlier and then transit to CC class with no problems. Moreover, it is easier to get into the CC if my child is in their IFC.

1st 3 days went fine. cos only half day and parents can join. but when i am around, she refused to be carried by other teachers or fed by time. bathing time was a struggle.

4th day onwards, she cried the moment the teacher took her temperature. she seemed to know she is going in without me. up till the second week, she wont eat, wont sleep, wont drink, cried badly during bath times, and had only 50ml of milk for the entire day. night time, she too has nightmares and would be crying for me 2-3 times. she used to be able to play or sleep on her own at home but now, i cannot leave her sight. she will sleep very close to me on my bed till i have no space.

alot of my friends told me that this is a phase and i have to be firm, but i just cant bear to think how traumatizing it is for her there. moreover she is too young to understand me even if i assure her things like i will pick her up in the evening... i cry everyday when i drop her in sch, it affected my mood at work. in just 2 weeks, my gal slimmed down a bit and i decided to withdraw her and let my mum take care.

currently, my gal is turning 18 mths soon and not going to put her in CC yet. cos once she starts, she will be there for like 10 hours daily till she goes P1. That would be like 4yrs plus.. i enrolled her in 2-hr daily playgroup lessons. sure, she may cry but at the most only for 2 hours. after that, our plan is to put her in half day CC and then when she is 4 she will start full day... more time for her to adjust and adapt...

im nt saying CCs are not good, apparently i have been there for 3 days and i like the teachers in the IFC. They treat the babies very well. the older toddlers are very well-behaved and naps and eats when told to as they are used to the routine. but i feel that for parents who decide to put their kids there, start early so your kids are used to the teachers. if i ever have another baby, i will surely put her in the IFC at 4 months.
 
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