Sahm -stress with kids- no life

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Princess 81

Active Member
Hi

I am a sahm w 2 boys and a helper. Not working as cant trust helpers. Hubby is supportive of me but at times I am bored and frustrated teaching my 5 yr old. Look forward to know more mummies in my same shoes
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i am a sahm w 2 boys too but no helper now. last time have helper but couldnt trust them also. hubby not supportive of me as he always nag i didnt help him much. u lucky as your hubby support u. im also bored depressed n anxiety some more. what to do. this is life. compare to me u r lucky.
 
haha.. im also a sahm but im also having my own source of income. Given the standard of living in singapore, u cant depend on one person to raise a family. I still strongly believe that we, as a women can still have a career of our own despite having kids.
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Hi Fern, you are so blessed with 2 boys and able to take care of them on your own. The high cost of living these days need both parents to provide for the family.

Yawn, you must be a great mum looking after 2 kids! I must admit the house chores are tiring and dreading.

Mummy darling, can you share with us your income source? I would love to be a SAHM and able to earn some income on my own.
 
Hi mrs ng,

Feel free to pm me to know more if u want.
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it benefits me and my boy too. esp when im expecting the second child as well.
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Hi I am also sahm with two boys, no helper. Don't really have many friends to relate with, can feel very bored and frustrated coping at home.
 
Hi, I am a SAHM with two children, 2 and 4.

tslittleone,
Same as you, I do feel bored and frustrated at home too. Most of my friends are working and busy and my hubby works late.
How old are your boys?
 
Miffy,
Hi!! My boys are 18mth & 4.5yo. Both your kids are boys?

I try to bring the boys out on my own once in a while to have some breather but it's super tiring after that. Whenever they fall ill I'll be stuck at home til they recover, it's time like this that I feel even more bored and frustrated...keke...

Having not much outlet to talk and air out also makes me get impatient and frustrated easily. And housework is never ending
 
tslittleone,

My elder one is a girl, younger one is a boy. My girl goes to halfday childcare in the morning. So morning, I only have to look after my boy and I can have some time to do laundry, cooking and grocery shopping. Your elder boy is attending school?

Ya, its hard to bring two kids out on your own. My kids like to run around when we are out and I have to chase after them like a mad woman
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Sometimes, I will bring them to my mum's place and let them play there while I chat with my mum. Desperate to have an adult to talk to at times.
 
Hi all im also sahm with 1 girl 13yrs old 2 boys 5yrs old n 3yrs old. Feeling bored as well cos feel neglected by my hubby haiz i know he is working hard for the house but sometimes it did worsen the relationship too.
 
Hi mummies. I'm a sahm too with 5 kids. Oldest is 13 followed by 11, 10, 8,3 n 6 weeks bb with helper. Darling mummy, would like to know more about ur income. Thanks.
 
Miffy:
I wished I have a gal, was hoping 1st one boy then 2nd one gal so that gor gor can protect mei mei, hahaha. But realised boys not as matured as gals to help take care of younger siblings. Tough to handle 2 boys

My older boy attends 3hr school @ st james in e morning. If I bring them out, I'll usually put 1 in stroller and 1 in carrier when #2 was younger, else impossible to chase around. Now my #1 more independent so he'll hold on to e stroller to walk with me while #2 is in stroller but getting harder coz my younger boy is very active, always wants to come down to walk on his own.
At least u can go your mum's place. My mum is working and in-laws no longer around so we are very much on our own.

Elaine:
I also feel neglected by my husband sometimes and felt our r/ship being affected. All his energy is given to work and the children so not much energy left for me. I also know it's not easy for him and try to be understanding but sometimes really can't help but get upset with him for not giving me enough attention especially when I have nowhere to download

Joce:
Wow...my ideal was to have 5 kids

Maid didn't work out well for us and no other extra help so only able to handle just 2 kids...
 
Tslittleone, pat pat... Is always not easy for us to be understanding sometimes cos we will think otherwise that they r not working n do something else even they say they r working late right? This is my 2nd marriage n hubby just gotten a helper for me, she is so far so good *cross fingers*
 
Hi I have 2 boys, one 6 yrs old in P1 and the other 2.5 months. Just give birth in jan this year, last time with helper but now don't have. Realised elder son becomes reliant n lazy with helper ard so better do without. Feels that with bb, tied down to house, joking with hubby that I'm staying in prison becos only time I get to step out of hse half day is to attend a funeral. Hehe.. Lots of hse work, night feeding n going thru Sch work with son
 
Elaine,
Hope your helper will continue to do a good job.

My husband got quite flexible working hours tho can get very busy on certain days, so not so bad. We just had a talk and we'll be planning in some time for couple chats once or twice a week, hopefully it'll get started somewhere

Aspialle,
Ya, when we had helper, my elder boy also tried to ask e helper to do everything for him. Now without one, he's much more independent, alot of things he'll just do himself.
 
Being a mummy really isn't easy...

I am coming 26 this year and have 2 kids myself, aged 6 & 2.5. One boy one girl. I have this part time job which I blog, share and earn. I teach ppl also to earn money on a home based basis. No fast cash though. Must be patient and willing to learn. Coz it's not scam or anything that u can earn a lot initially but sufficient for a mother to have $ of her own!
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my blog is here www.empowernetwork.com/fionkch , check out my 2nd post, pay evidence from a friend of mine who earns $900/week after 6 mths of part time based on this alone. She has 2 kids too and is only 23. She can do it we can too! So i was thinking some of u mentioned quite bored at home and want some other focus other than kids but cannot leave kids alone, u can consider this. Anyway, any Qns can e-mail me at [email protected]
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I will be glad to help...

Cheers!
Mothers AreAwesome!
Fion.
 
Tslittleone:
My girl is the jealous type, so she doesn't really help me look after my boy (or maybe the age gap is too close?). Both of them like to fight over toys and my girl will hit, scratch and push my boy. Sigh...really testing my patience.

Sometimes it also dampen my mood when I visit my mum. She is looking after my nephew, 6 mths younger than my boy.
So, my mum tends to compare both boys. She will asks why my boy is so slow in speech? My nephew can say so many words already. And whenever I am there, my sis will showofff her boy to me...sigh.


Hi mummies,
What are you doing to keep yourself free from boredom at home? A hobby or sport?
 
Miffy
Oic...maybe can try giving your gal more attention n teach her how to play w her younger bro.
My older boy is very relational so he needed lots of attention n struggled with shared attention when his didi arrived. He also always snatches toy from his didi and he'll shout at him. I try to talk to him and hear how he feels and gave him alot of assurance that he is still important and special n we love him very much. I will punish him whenever he snatches toy or not nice (like shouting, scolding, etc) to his didi...told him I know it's not easy to be a gor gor but he and didi must learn to love and protect each other so that others will not be able to bully them. Will always teach and make him replay what is e right way to treat his didi. Now didi also starts to snatch toys from gor gor, tho not often, and I'll try to make sure I address didi on that too and make him say sorry to gor gor by using sign language since he can't talk yet. Now gor gor is learning to share more and play beta with his didi. Hope u'll find an effective way to help your gal relate beta with her didi.

Guess it's so human to always compare. Even for myself, have to constantly remember not to compare or get involve when people try to compare coz every children is different and got their strengths n weaknesses. So, don't get affected when it seems like your children are not as good and start looking at their strengths. My older boy had verbal diarrhoea only after two n half year old and I was worried when I see his peers (boys) talking and singing so well at one plus year old. He still can't sing as well now, hahaha, but he has good interpersonal skills, etc. Tho he started speaking much later, he is now speaking as well as his peers. So am learning not to be affected by or compare what my boys don't have that other boys have, everyone develop at different pace. It's ok as long as he's within e development range and growing healthily. What matters is not how fast/good u start but how well u end, rite!?! So let's focus on developing our kids to be a good finisher ü

With all e hsework n kids with no extra help, kind of hard to have any o'r activities leh. But when m bored, I'll bring e kids out, do online shopping or surf net/just started reading forums when e kids nap or after they sleep at nite. Sometimes read books or watch tv. We don't let e kids watch tv so only get to watch after they sleep. Hoping can find new friends to relate with, all my friends stopped contacting me after I became a SAHM and it actually affected me quite badly.
 
Hi mummies!

I have been a sahm for almost 6 years. My girl is 6 this year and my boy just turned 1 year old a week ago.
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Cheer up mummies! Being a sahm does not mean no life. It is how we look at our lives! My hubby is supportive of me being sahm as this is what he wants. He does not trust anybody else to care for the kids. He also knows this means it will be stressful for me so we split the housechores. He does the sweeping, mopping, laundry and cleaning of the house during his off day which is once a week. During other days he will be busy working from morning till 12 or even 2 or 3am.. I feel that sharing of chores is very important. The kids are my priority. So other housechores are secondary. I will only do it if i have the time. But I will cook 3 meals a day. So most of my time is spent on cooking for the kids. I also bring them out almost everyday as it's very suffocating to stay home everyday!! Even a short trip to the library or playground gives me some forms of relief. True that many friends will never understand how tough it is for us and feel like all we do is stay home do nothing and leave us. But this is also when we can make new friends! Those friends are simply not for keeps. During my girl's time, i used to organise weekly playdates with other sahms. But now with two kids and a schooling preschooler, it's tougher. It also seems like lesser mummies are sahms these days. But i still carry on with my favourite activities at home such as reading to my kids, planning their daily menu for kids or trying out new recipes. Looking at the smiles on our kids, every sacrifice is worth it. How many mummies can be as lucky as us? We have the chance to witness every first and spend time with them 24/7. We know them inside out and impart family values to them. Childhood, once gone will never come back. So sit back and enjoy this once in a lifetime short opportunity. No doubt our lives seem to revolve around the kids only..but this is only going to be for a few years. Not even half our lifetime? Always think positive mummies!! Jiayou!!
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Hi mummies,

I am not sahm, I'm a working mom and a single parent. You guys are lucky cause you got someone who can support you. And you have lots of time to spend w/ your children. Seeing them growing up and learning w/ you by your side. For me its really hard to manage my time specially when our schedule didnt match w/ each other though I really want to see her everyday, talk w/ her, play w/ her. But i have no choice but to work hard for her..So dont be sad sahm mommies, you are lucky enough w/ the time that God given to you to watch out for your kids and spent quality time w/ them
 
tslittleone, i can feel you..

Im a FTWM but my friends also stop contacting me after i have my #1.. i admit i have no time for them cos im bz with my work and families! They even commented that i have poor time management cos i cant even find time to meet them.. pretty upset over it but most of the time i am just too tired to meet them... they have already gave up on me, so do I.. thou it affects me alot but i cant be bothered to explain anymore.. they will never understand unless they are mother themselves...
 
Hapieger
Ya...won't understand until become a mum. My husband and I felt that we want our kids to have the best care at home rather than sending them to childcare but my friends think that am having too good a life being a SAHM and even kept asking why I don't want to go back to work. I have no one to help out so even if I meet up with friends, I have to bring my kids along so after a while they stopped including or meeting up with me.
 
^5! SAHM is not easy lo.. where got good life?!!! they are ridiculous to make such remarks..

sometimes i really hope they can have their kids soon so that they will feel our pain.. lol.. lets wait and see ba..
 
tslittleone, actually you and hubby maybe wrong to think that the little ones will receive the best care at home.

Allowing them to attend a reliable CC is a good way for them to learn to be independent, improve social skills etc etc ...

That's way, I am still a FTWM. I have no maid, no stay-in parents or inlaws to help with the kids.

Though I do agree that after having kids I sacrificed a lot of my personal time, till I have no life. It's work-home, work-home for me on week days. Weekends, it's classes-home, classes-home .... wholeday with the kids and household chores.
 
Hi, am an SAHM too, 1 gal, 1 boy, 3 and 1 yrs old respectively, no helper. But mom around to help me out with them.

Sometimes really feel no life too, it's 24/7 kids, even going out need advance arrangement, and even so, have to be nearby and not too long unless hubby is around to help out. Mom getting old, can't expect her to handle 2 active children....

I have not gone out without my kids for a lonnngggg time now, sometimes can get abit pissed with hubby, he gets to go out with his friends while I stay with the kids , but I have not gone out with my friends without my kids. Then sometimes ask him to handle them for a while it usually means turning on the TV.
 
Hi Reiz,

Maybe you can ask your hubby to look after your kids for half a day while you go out? You deserve a break too. I do that once in a few months to gain my sanity. Be it short, like a few hrs, I can still go for a massage or enjoy a cup of tea all by myself.
 
Lovetian,

Really admire how you can stay positive after being a sahm for 6 years. I am a sahm for ard 4 years. I start getting bored, sometimes depressed for the past going to be 2 years after my boy is born. With my girl, I can still go out often but after having 2 kids, its difficult to bring them both out. Especially my boy is the impatient type. I can't bring him far, he gets impatient in the train and will shout and fuss.
 
Hi miffy!
Hehe yeah I should! Haha luckily #1 in playgroup now, so got some extra time nowadays.

Understand how u feel abt having adults to talk to...when I had my #1 I was feeling so depressed and lonely, that no proper adult conversation. Luckily have social media and forums to fall back on...

Boys sometimes pick up speech slower so don't worry abt it. As long they are developing well, dont be worried. A friend of mine told me that her brother only start speaking at 3 yrs old, but when he does its in full sentences. Every kid develop at their own pace.
 
hello all,
I haven't been posting in this forum for a long time. I am a sahm with girl, 6 and boy, 4. It will be great to share joys and woes with mummies who are in the same shoes as me. and I too have no help or parents/in laws to help. I miss going out on dates with hubby. haha.
 
Though I'm FTWM, but i off on irregular days so hard to meet up with people too. Maybe SAHM can meet up on weekday and have a gathering? I have a boy, coming to 3 years old soon.
 
Dear all
I'm a SAHM with a 4 yr old daughter, however overseas.
And still trying hard for #2.
Basically no family and close friends here.
Initial 1st year was hard as nobody to turn to when I needed a break.
Really hard to bring my girl for supermarket or shopping as she can't stand to stay in the stroller for long.
No chance to go for haircut or just a nice date with my hubby.
However, when my daughter turns one, we decided to put her in childcare for 3 days a week.
This gave me some time for housework, marketing and simply just go in town to have a lunch or coffee.
My hubby wld take half a day off sometimes also to have a date with me.
Some pple would ask me, since you are not working, why put ur daughter in childcare and expose her to germs etc.
However, we thought that its good to expose her to other children and adults as she was really sticky to me.
Since 3 years old, she attend full 4 days school a week.
I pass my days by housework, marketing, shopping, watching series and of course keeping myself pretty :) I also try to help my hubby with little things that I can. If i have extra time, i would find some art and craft to do, like that i can also share with my daughter during her no-school days. Recently also started doing nail arts and manicures myself :) I would say my days pass so fast that I don't even feel bored!
Also do some surfing and watch the news to be connected with the updates of the world so that topics with hubby and friends do not revolve around housework and kids.
My hubby participate by doing housework once/twice over the weekend and the night when he come back from work, he would be the one taking care of my daughter.
Now that my daughter is bigger, we would put her once in a while with my PIL or friends for a night so that we can go for dates.
I guess it takes a supportive hubby to appreciate that being SAHM is really not easy. It's a big sacrifice.
And don't forget to stay attractive so that we SAHM or even FTWM do not become just a mother.
Easier said than done, I'm still looking forward to the challenge when one day I would have 2 kids!
Good luck to all!
 
Hello, all the SAHM here. I'm a FTWM and thinking to becoming a SAHM but it seems single income is hard to survive in this country. How all of you does it? Can share? Pm me...
 
Hello, I'm a sahm too. I have 2 daughters and no maid

I enjoy being sahm and ignore what other pple's comments. y not working and want to b a stay at home. y not?

i think it's blessing to stay at home and look after kids

hope u all can feel it's blessing and not to feel negative :)
 
I dun know if I can be considered a sahm cos I do work on weekends for a few hrs
From mon to fri I take care of my 2 boys with a helper. I quit my day job after the birth of my younger son.
It has almost been 3 years.
Considering not getting another maid after my helper returns home in feb '14 due to the high agency fee now, training the new helper, not sure if I can go through the mental stress of living with another stranger and putting up with whatever problems she might give me.
Not sure how I will cope with taking care of my boys alone when the time comes but I'm sure I can make it !:) It will helps if I can get some tips from mommies with 2 or more kids here! Hehehe
 
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I am a SAHM with 2 kids, older one is a girl 7 and the younger one is a boy turning 4 this year. I have been a SAHM for 5 years. I have no helper and receive no help from parents or parents in law. Except not working and earning money to support the family, everything else in my family is on my shoulders to solve, plan and look into etc. It is tough as my husband isn't very supportive and get himself involved much in family matters or domestics issues. Our relationship isn't that good and steady and that now I have issues with my husband and in laws I feel really overwhelming. I have no outlet to air all my frustration as my parents are not in Singapore. It is physically draining and mentally exhausted with two kids, chores and everything. I guess if I have an understanding and supportive husband it will make a whole lot of difference even though I have to go through all these hardships of taking care of my kids full time by myself. Whatever it is and whatever situation that I am in now, I have never regretted being a SAHM. It is a path worth sacrificing for my kids.

Glad to have found this platform..
 
i'm a sahm with 2 girls, aged 7 and 5. Resigned my full time job a year ago. The decision was made as my girl is going P1 this year and we have no helper. Plus i'm not comfortable to send her to student care. Another main reason is due to my health problem so decided to quit my full time job.
Indeed it was hard to survived on single income and I have to sacrificed lots of thing, but from another perspective I gain a lots too. Most precious gain is the quality time spend with my kids.
I agreed that sometimes it is really frustrating if you are overload with house chores and the kids are making a mess in house, so if possible take some time off. I will 'apply leave' from my husband and leave my girls with him and i'll go and do my own stuffs for few hours, like a massage or facial.
For my girls, i'll give them a daily schedule written on a white board so they will know what to do, rather than keep bothering me.
Let's jia you, all SAHM!
 
Halo mummies, I have been a SAHM for 7 yrs. My elder girl will be going P1 next yr and younger girl is 17 mths old. My hb don't like the idea of sending the kids to childcare so I have to stay at home to take care of them. My sis have been bugging me to go back to work as she thinks I'm too free at home. Ask me to send my #1 to after school care next yr and childcare for #2. But its not feasible for me as I have not been working for so long and my salary will not be able to cover those expenses and it will be madness for me as I totally have nobody to help. Hb work long hours. Even if I want to bring the 2 girls out, I have to be the one. Always trying to crack my head where to bring them. Fun and not expensive. But it's kinda boring to go alone. Friends who have kids have their own lives.
 
It is common to become a SAHM once our kid reaches 7? Is it because we need to coach them homework at home and better if the mum is around rather than send them to student care?
 
Hi mommies I'm a sahm with 6 mths old baby gal :) love taking care of her but at times life can be so bored and mundane. Worst still it's 24/7 work! But seeing her grow each day and reaching her milestones I'm more happy than resentful.

Financially it can be stressful too. I'm bf-ing my gal so save qt a lot of that.
 
i am a sahm with a 2yrs old TERRIBLE two in the hse... Sending her for pre-nursery next yr... though less den 2hrs but @ least i can catch a breath *hopefully*
 
haha yes i alrdy feel you mommy. i only have one now and im so tired and worn out. gotta think of what puree to make and all. anw you feel safe to leave your child w pre school?
 
she is going to a 2hrs programme daily not full day.. so we are ok. Only considering whole day unless i go back to work OR i striked #2..
actually taking care n making meals is ok.. the tiring part is the housework... i now learned to close one eyes on housework.. ;p
 
Dear All,

I am a new SAHM and getting kind of bored at home. Any mummies here would like to meet up so that the kids can have more playmates?
 
Hi, you all really blessed have more time with your kids. Be greatful and plan something with your kids then you will feel life is wonderful.
I'm FTWM, recently just terminate my maid send her back. all my kids at CC 5yrs old and 20month old. I want my kids independent not depent on maid.
lovexuan, i really want to be sahm like you have wonderful time with my lovely kids. but hb cannot effort must work full time to support. I always dreaming if im sahm have time planning my housework, design this n that, do some art work with kids, swimming, teaching them, learning together, cooking together..... many thing. but with FT working limited time with them and full of hoursework... they very stick to me and i really feel sorry not giving them enough time.

thinking looking something like homebase job, but also not enough to support family as home base job income lower than FT working. So those SAHM with fully support by hb really blessed and the kid grow health n happily. be greatful you have more time with your kids, as the grown up they will seperate with parent have their own life, so only for the fews year time of bonding must give them the best. Jia You mummies!!:)
 
hi, me too a sahm with 2 kids. I reside in the west. Don't mind to meet up fellow mummies for a chat
nice to know u fellow mummies:)
 
Hi all SAHMs. If you're keen to earn extra decent income from home, pm or whatsapp me at 81398349. Definitely not something illegal or undesirable or bad, and this opportunity is able to get you a decent income that can be more than a FT job if you are willing to put in the effort.
 
hi all SAHM, really salute you.
im a working mum all along given I have 2 kids 4 yr and 2.5 yr old. and I at times, I felt very sad and miserable that I often missed out the most impt milestones in my child life when they took the first step and said the first word. at times when they are sick, I can only manage to bring them to see doc and then drop them home and rely on my mil to help to care but it a guilt that I feel I never there for my kids esp my job is demanding and all day meeting which require me to be back office.

recently im expecting my 3rd child, I thought ok since I have 3 kids and im very tired and stress out I will planned to work till after I deliver and consider quiting for a while to take a break and return to work later. but even while im expecting, I work late and I felt very stressed and very unwell during my first trimester and I tot maybe I quit but given the money part where im gg to incur moer expenses comes the 3rd kid I thought I would continue to work till delivery. but who know I miscarriage. I was very devasted and so sad and I took 1month off from work. but even when I returned to work, nobody cares and not even my boss ask me how am I and how I coping and still throw me so much work.

so afterall all thse I been through, I realized that nothing is so impt then being with your family and your children. I decided to quit in jan after serving my 2 months notice cos im planning for my 3rd kid again and I don't want to go thru the same bad experiences. a loss is a loss and no $ can buy back a life I lost. and now I shower all my love and attention to my kids

I really don't know if I can cope with no maid and no help eventually. im not gg to have a maid since im not working and my 2 kids in childcare full day, that leave me with my little one at home.

anyone out there can share some experiences, how do you manage from doing household chores, to fetching children and cooking dinner yet still can keep your sanity and still able to play with kids. I realized that in the past after my work, im so exhausted and im quite short temper with my kids and I yell and shout at them. but I don't want to do such things to my kids anymore if I stay at home.
 


Hi mommies! I'm a sahm with 2 kids! If you're keen to know more mommies for chitchat and meet ups, feel free to pm me your contacts. I'll add you up in our chat group! :D
 
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