Purpose of Marriage

LonelyHeart,

U are not the only one with this kind of thots...i also regret marrying the wrong man...everytimes we quarrel, esp when he vents his anger on me...i will think abt this...

My hb betrayed me few yrs ago...no doubt in the end, he come to this family...but my mentally is no longer the same...i no longer trust him 100%...to-date, on & off i still have the "shadow" of the betrayal...i cry when i thk abt it...i hate the bitch who almost destroy my family...

Those who never been thru it will never be able to understand the kind of pain...
 


Susanna
I am curious why must these praising and "Dear" here "Dear" there start with the wife? Will you feel like praising and calling Dear here Dear there if you have a husband who lazes around and does nothing to help or not at home most of the time or have affairs? So what's there to praise?

It is very demeaning to women to expect women to do things to make the men happy. All these praising the man despite you don't really feel he needs to be praised, cooking nice food for him, dolls up to let him feel proud to have a pretty wife. All these are nonsense. Why should the woman do these when the man has all the faults? It is so fake and demeaning to the woman. Why should the wife do so much to keep her man, on top of the daily office work and housework and attending to the kids? You expect the woman to be super woman, why not the man be super man? Why the man don't try to keep the wife instead? We are no longer living in the olden days when the wife needs to 取悦 the man. This is precisely the thought of men that the wife should 取悦 the man and he can be like a king at home. If the wife fails to 取悦 the man, then off he goes to the arms of another woman.
 
Even if you praise him and Dear here Dear there, if a man wants to stray, if he is tired of you, he will find lots of excuses to stray - the wife not caring, the wife is naggy, no more love with love, etc etc.

Those blissfully or should I say still blissfully married will not understand these pains and frustration. They will just say you should do this you should do that. Also there are those who think you are blissfully married but you don't know what your man is doing behind your back. A loving husband can stray also, and keeps it under wraps for years without the wife knowing. The wife still thinks she is blissfully married until the facts are thrown on her face. Do not believe too much your loving husband will not stray.
 
Even if they don't stray, they will go look for ONS or prostitutes. Why so many cases of even successful men or men claiming they love their wife and family - fall into the trap of extramarital affairs or ONS or prostitutes? See the current ongoing case whereby a lot of them are high achievers, business men, even loving husbands? Don't understand why these men can risk losing their family, their reputation, their career, getting STDs, fine/jail for the quick thrills?? The most innocent one is not the wife who chooses the wrong man, but it is the kids who cannot choose the parents.

Sigh,.... The world is changing. Or is it the world has not changed but all along it is like that? In the first place, who come out with the idea of marriage?
 
Hi lonelyheart

I do not believe no man will not stray and infact nobody can predict what will happen in 10 or 20yrs down the road hence I can't always emphasis how ever important being independent was for every woman!!

Taking care of ourself mentally and physically is not for anybody but for ourselves, our kids.

If ever he walk out on you, betray you, lose you, the kids n family, you are still the very same independent smart woman before marriage who can hold up the sky on your own.

It's definitely his lose for losing a great wife/family, not yours!

Does it kill/hurt to shower some concern, show some sense of humour and do we have to be really calculative on who does what first, n worry on losing out?

Love isn't being calculative. Create a happy n relax ambience at home is not for ourselves but for our kids as well. Do you want your kids to see both of you shouting/quarrelling at home?

Is it healthy for the kids to grow up in such a environment?

I seriously don't find it demeaning to do things for my loved ones n to please my hb and enhance my marriage (if you do that to other men yes but to hb definitely NOT).

In fact I m not ashamed to admit that I always find ways to enhance my marriage.

Having say so much, my life do not revolve around my hb.

I have my own family, my career, my circle of friends, my very own lifestyle. This is still the very same happy Susanna before marriage. Marriage is only part of my life, not total.

Is pride that important in that marriage? Is it so important to argue over that trival matter? Who win that argument? Who say sorry first? at the expenses of the marriage?

A marriage/ home is not about losing face, there's no winners between a couple but only losers in a unhappy marriage.

Im not sure on what makes you/attract to him in the first place? However 1 thing that you are definitely right,it takes both of you to reach that stage !

Do a reflection on why things escalate into that stage and exactly what goes wrong in your marriage.
 
In case if anybody think that life is a bed of roses for me, it's far from that.

I have a ex whom I love very dearly walk out of me for a China KTV hostess prior to our marriage with the invitations already sent. There's no prior warnings on his infidelity n he simply dropped the bomb via sms while on my way to work, leaving me crying like a mad woman crying on the street.

I understand the pain of betrayal very well n totally understand that when human change heart, it's a route of no return.

Hence i can't emphasis how impt it is for anyone especially with kids to be well-prepared when u meet this kinda of situation. Human, men or women alike are unpredictable, it's not only men who stray but women too.

Ironically im still friends with my ex, he's not a bad person but someone not compatible with me n we are better off being friends.

He made me realise alot of things, the kinda of person I'm n wat's exactly goes wrong between us. We never even talk as much as in the past.

I m careful in not to repeat the same mistakes in my marriage. In fact I've mellow down alot fr my past fiery temper. I learnt to see things fr many perspectives n no longer the wilful girl that I used to be.

We love each other alot but always use the wrong way to express ourselves. In fact, no gals can ever love him the way I did ever since we parted.

It's actually a norm for us to fight in public with his friends pulling us apart. I almost broke all this things, turned his room upside down. Luckily we do not have kids.

I was wrong, very very wrong. I did alot of self-reflection n really really regret the things that I did, picking on the nitty witty things tt are of no importance while overlooking the bigs things that he ever done for me.

Life after marriage is not a bed of roses too. I used to be a FTWM, stressful job in a shipping industry, paid for 50% of the household bills, allowances for parents who rely heavily on me, a hb with a fiery temper (1000 times fiery than my ex).

It is really not easy to reach that stage, it takes alot of patience, tolerance n effort to make the marriage work. In fact we just retake our wedding portrait for our 10yrs anniversary while knowing each other for alnost 20yrs.

Life is short whether in a happy or unhappy marriage, it still goes on. Happy also 1 day, unhappy also 1 day. How many 10yrs do we have? n youth pass in a blink of eye.

Why not just let go of your bitterness? Learnt to live for yourself n focus on your own happiness n live it happy!
 
susanna
I am not talking about pride or being calculative or who wins, you know? It's more like since the person already treat you like transparent, how would you treat him with all the praises and love?

I just feel regretful to marry. You said human are unpredictable, need to be well-prepared in case the other party strays. Then what's for marrying knowing that there is a possibility that your spouse will stray? It's a total waste of time. And I really feel bad for the kid to have this type of father.

Well-prepared? I am financially stable, can support my kid even divorce. But so what? The kid will be with single parent and no matter how much you prepare the kid for it, kids are still kids and you cannot avoid sometimes they will feel the pain. Why their friends have complete family and they don't have? I can take whatever in my stride and I won't die even without husband. But it's really my daughter...... I feel sad ....

And here I am stucked in don't know what status. Neither here nor then. Have husband like don't have husband.
 
Sometimes it's just plain tireness. Do so much for the family end up treated like that by husband. Why FTWM have to work, do housework and attend to kids, PLUS HAVE TO TREAT THE HUSBAND LIKE KING AND BE ALL PRAISES AND SMILES, whereas the husband can think he is streesed out at work already, so come back can be king? Don't understand. Like that they might as well marry a maid. How many men know that the wife is equally if not more tired than them?

It's a chickecn and egg thing, you know. In order to prepare yourself for unexpected infidelity of husband, so we have to work to be financially stable and to be self-sufficient, and to keep abreast of development in society and working world so that in case things happen, we can support ourselves. But by working, the wife is stressed out both in office and at home. No one will deliberately make the house a battlefield. But what will you feel when you come back from work, equally tired like the husband, but still have to attend to so many things and yet the husband does not help or worse, is in the arms of another woman? Would you still praise and be sweet and all smiles with him? It's really easy to say let's make the home sweet home but if the husband still stray, what can the wife do? There is no fixed reason to why men stray. Even if the wife is pretty and sexy like fairy, even if the home is sweet like honey, even if the kids are sweet like angels, even if there is nothing to make the man piss off with his family, you can't guarantee the man won't stray. Especially if a SYT purposely throw at the man.

Ironically, it's not a SYT throws at my husband. It's someone with cock eyes (I mean physically really cock eyes) and lowly educated and vastly idiotic in thinking (I discovered this when I SMS with her). I deem myself prettier and bustier than her, highly educated and holding a good high pay job. But the only thing I lose out to her is age. So what else can I say?

I am not saying women will not stray, but to a lesser extent, especially when they have kids. Women tend to think deeper about the consequences if they stray. So no matter what, most will just endure the unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids. But how many men can endure unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids? They are plain selfish, their happiness is the utmost importance. And most define happiness by sex.
 
And it's plain waste of time marrying. I could have advanced further in my career than being a maid at home. You see many highly educated women stay single?
 
lonely, I believe there will no regret if we ever tried our best even if we failed. Don't look back.

There's really no doubt that you are really a independent n awesome mummy.

I have friends who are raised up by single parent. In fact she's so well brought up by her mummy that she's so much happier wo her dad around. She really can't stand her mum n daddy quarrelling in the house. I used to hear them quarrel even though we were a few units away.

There's divorcee friends who's coping very well now, they still kept closely in touch even though they have remarried, much better as married couples. At least they can chit chat happily n ambicable now. Sometimes they are teasing each other in fb which I can't understand why just like my ex n I.

It's when u lose the other party, that's when u start sitting up n stop taking things for granted.

Lonely, u really have to brace up n start planning for your future.

When u decide to move on, don't look back.
 
Hi, lonelyheart, I agreed with u, I regret married. I am one of the many naive and foolish women to believe husband whole heartedly for the past 20 yrs. My wound is still very very raw, it happen just one month ago upon finding out the my dearest and also heartless husband abused my trust and betrayed me and kids.....married once and I am tied down by not 1 but 3 kids with youngest only 2yrs old.......and to make things worst I am a SAHM for the past 12 yrs with no income and allowance from him.....(all these years I always hv a heart fir him that he is the only breadwinner for the house, so long as I hv a roof over my head, enough food to eat and a loving husband ....I dun ask for more than what he gave me .........and now..)....just found out and he admitted to hv affair of 6 mths...... though he claimed that they are already over but still see no changes in his daily routine back at 4am daily with strong smell of smoke and alcohol and nightclub receipts....... I am still single parenting to my kids..... Even if I wish to talk things out with him, there is alway no suitable timing for me..... Back at 4am left at 7am.... He choose to keep quiet and his action tell me that it up to me......if I choose 'D' he go with it, if I choose to stay..... then let him be himself and this is the kind of life I need to endure..... But 3 kids No $ No supportive family, most important No shelter over our head... what can I give children if I choose 'D'...... I left with NO CHOICE..... everyday now is.....sigh!!!!!!!! I lost everything overnight, I lost appetite , lost nearly 5-6 kg in a month....which I had tried so hard over the years and never succeed.....Now this is my only consolidation 
 
20 yrs!!!! It like u send a small toddler to PG when he is 3yrs then, 3 yrs preschool, 6 yrs primary school, 4yrs secondary school, 2yrs JC all the way till he/she graduated from his University................ ...... The pain is really too much for me to endure.......crying, crying and more crying till no more tear.... sleepless days and nights ...... Just dun understand, how can the man that i married for sooooooooo long , calling me dear here and there is backstabbing me silently.... leaving me to hell..... and act like a complete stranger now.. So what is 20years relationship compare to 6mths or one night stand, no different???? Y GOD create heartless man in this world......
 
Hi Lynn,

I hv already emailed you last Wednesday, and replied to u again on Sunday. However, I don't know why u didn't receive my email. Pls check spam mailbox. Thanks.
 
Hey gals...i am also someone who feel that i regretted getting married. Was with my hubby for 5yrs before getting married 1 yr ago. Just found out 2mths back that he having his emotional affairs with his colleague 2mths back...was also a great setback for me..
 
Trying to give him a 2nd chance as we had been together for years..but just internally cannot face the fact that he is still working closely on projects with this female colleague..as they are in the same team assigned by his boss.
 
Queenie,

Ya i know how she look, is quite pretty and gentle type. Because last yr she express her good feelings for my husband ..and my husband did tell me about it. But all that was before they started working as a team from this year onwards.
 
Queenie,

So basically they started working very closely from Jan 12 onwards...really is a partner team for a project. They have to work late together..probably until 10plus 11 daily...that is when i start to see my husband and her developing feelings already since March. When i start to ask about him about the female colleague..he still to feel about awkward etc..you know like starting to avoid the question
 
Queenie,

My husband admitted he had feelings for the gal which he cannot control. I think he will miss her..because after i found out he is emotionally attached to her..we did go for a 1 week holiday to spend more quality time together. But i find him looking at her fb and also they still liaising on work via email when we are away. So interaction is still very strong between them.
 
Queenie,

(1)My husband company seldom has got company events hence no chance for me to meetup with her.
(2)Currently the project that they are working on is at customer site, which is a gov sector..which is not for me to just walk in and pretend i cannot bring my keys.

I actually try to cool myself down...and not bring myself to quarrel with him further as i find more quarrels will lead them to better r/s as well. Like she is the one supporting him at work, while i am just some nasty wife trying to pick up a quarrel.
 
Queenie,

Was thinking if tell his mom, will it make the matter worse? He say he will try to control his feelings now..and keep it focusing on the work. But just worried that seeing each other daily...can he really cut off this feelings with her.
 
Queenie,

I am trying to accept the fact that they have to work closely as a team, so facing each other day and night is unavoidable..and i want to be reasonable on this. Even weekends...my hubby is at home with me..the gal will sms him and ask him what he is doing..etc...i think they should try to less contact each other after work..isnt it?
 
Queenie,

I did managed to get her number from his mobile. Was thinking to wait and see how things goes...and if really beyond controllable then i shall sms and even meetup with her. Now my concern is...i feel that they seems to have so much things to chat..and i suddenly feel that i am the one out of the picture now.
 
How would you know WHEN things are uncontrollable?

And erm.... What makes you think you can douse the flames then when things are "uncontrollable"?

Only you would know when and what is best. Everyone has different tolerance level and foresight.

Don't make the mistake of putting yourself in the shoes of "if only I had done xxx then...", "if only I had xxxx", "I should have xxxx".

Protect your kids, protect yourself, protect your family unit. The man should know better that he should be the one fulfilling this role.
 
For me, I will upfront to speak to him and his colleague..

No time, to play hide seek again .. To see, he ok or not..

As long, 1 day he betray me .. nothing to say ..
 
If I were U, i will ask him .. He want me or his colleague .. waste time.

If he want to be single and enjoy those single hood to woo feel and missed feeling ..

I cant stand nonsense lor. Moreover, if the man realli so gd support the family, feed the kid and huse and wife watever, the woman dun hve to do anything .. may be U might be think whether is right to unfront confront the colleague or him to talk abt marriage life. And to mess up his work.

If he nver tink abt our marriage and family, then wat for bother whether is it right to talk to his colleague or nt. He need face or not..

If let me knw , i will tell the husband eat shit lor ...
 
Donna,

I did spoke to my husband last weekend, and told him that if there's till personal interaction and conservation during weekends involved..i will have to speak with the gal directly myself. For now, my concern is trying not to make things ugly for him and the gal in the company..he is holding a senior post in the company. And the gal is like his personal assistance helping him out in all the works for now..
 
since, the man dont even appreciated me or care abt how i felt .. whether is he doing all tes is it too extreme or not ..

I will tell him go and die lor..

If he every mth is feeding me , may be i will scare whether is right to mess up his job or nt..

If he nver, want thrw wat shit me to do .. and tell to marry a wife is to do husework, dont even knw how to cook.. i tell him eat shit lor .. as well get a maid .. dont marry me ..

If he cant give me a answer, i will keep quiet and will not nag and confront him..

I will pack his thing and kick him out of the huse

Just wait for divorce lor ..

IF I were U .. If a man love u , he care for his family and marriage ..

What is meant cant control , if so, he better mentality prepared to go separate way ..
 
Seriously, I tell it tke 2 hand to clap lor.

I can say ur husband is looking for trouble as well the his PA ..

I will give him time frame lor..

Image nw is the wife whom did all fling case, I dont the man will be so generous to forgive the woman ..

If he hold so high position, then he is trying to chose and have fun betwn u and PA too ..

Watever is it , U weight and think for urself wat u wan in life ..

There is nothing call no friend .. We try our best as wife to blend in as marriage couple ..

But, end of the day, the partner wan to appreciate or not hard to control lor .. beacause cant be 24hr use a chain to chain him lor ..

wat is PA . is to help up the boss or etc .. but wan to give extra service but end of the day also depend the man lor ..

I just believe it tke 2 hands to clap lor
 
Cheer up .. and stand up to face the fact ..

Is rather sad to hear or with this kind of person but no choice .. smetime, in life whether to amend and adjust whether u or him ..

the communication is rather impt ..
 
Donna,

Yes i am giving myself and him a certain time frame..maybe another 1 more month. At first was thinking if i can wait till their project ends which is in Nov this year. Probably things will start cooling off..

In fact, we are together for 6yrs and staying together before we got married. And we are just married for over a yr only. He in fact to me is a really nice guy which take cares of me and helping out in the house chores. It really pains me that he is breaking this trust between us.
 
agree with this mentality. in fact, my husband is also having physical and emotional affair with married tow too. at first it was too painful but now i decided no more pain for me and i am fighting to get my kid back for good and also to stop the father from seeing him.(not initated yet as he started seeing him alot )
 
Yes agreed with DonnaAlex, communication is really important, and yes alot of men are jerks. But I do had heard of [girl and boy married follow by 3 to 4 kids, then girl go away to find new love] It does not only happen to boy or men!

I'd divorce once, becos that past marriage which lasted only 1 year (my child is also 1 year old at the same time) end up with ;
needless to say - lack of communication,
no sex of cos due to frequent quarells
So my ex basically came home everyday after his happy-hour with his friends (he claimed) when me and baby were asleep.

I have to confess that this was not totally his fault as it really take 2 hands to clap. We women have hormones issue whereas men too, worse still they will never admit of cos.

I'm in my 2nd marriage with 2nd child and I would definitely say that this relationship is different from that one, it's mainly or partly becos I'd put in my best effort to understand men more than the past.

Still, communication is real important, with that both of you will understand what you both need and want.
 
seriously...marriage has no meaning and purpose...maybe cos i was the one being hurt...now saddled with 2 kids and waiting for my divorce to finalised....
 
Just saw a friend's post on FB. She was so happy at the ROM and posted: "In a Miss, out a Mrs". Bah! What is the big deal about being Mrs?

What Lonely Heart said above is right. You can be super sweet but there is no stopping your husband from seeking thrills outside and blaming you.

My soon-to-be-ex is now out at 2am with dont-know-who. But I don't care anymore. Divorce is freeing me and I feel happy inside.
 
I suffered for more than 10 yrs too.. It reli takes a lot of courage to take the big step out .. I think $ is still the most impt.. ESP when that person doesn't make any diff since he's always out..
Now after divorce I only feel relieved... Less of a problem ...
I rather be alone and lonely than being hurt and neglected
 
I think a girl must think very carefully when she decides to marry a guy. First top priority criteria. Get a guy who loves you alot! Seriously for girl, it is better to get a guy who loves you alot than getting a man that you love alot but he don't. I love my wife very much and I dont want her to be over tired. So I do most of the housework and take care of my bb boy. Of course, I could not breast feed my bb but I help her to store her BM in the middle of the night so that she can sleep more. If husband loves you, he will help you whenever he can. Seriouly, based on my exp, it is more difficult to look after bb than working outside! I saluate the women who have to do all the housework and look after bb 100% of their time. It is really more difficult than a super career woman!
 
I think it really depends on the guy and the gal to make marriage last. To be honest, I am very very thankful for my husband. He is one of a kind due to the way he thinks, far more mature than me and thinks very far ahead of time.

He always asked me to "let go" of the children when they were born. And to tell me that he want the both of us to spend more quality time together instead of always thinking of the "family". He wanted me to think of "couple" instead as children will grow up to leave the "nest", but husband and wife will always stick together.

He always observed everywhere, that husband and wife often revolved too much of their time thinking of their children then "investing" on themselves that many find that the love in the marriage is no longer there. Thus resulting in sad ending.

I feel that he is so very right and followed his advise. Even though we now spend most of our time in our respective roles because we have decided that we wanted to free up our time in the future for our family, we always make it a point to spend time alone together, to go out and date like we used to.

I can tell you that marriages need time and effort to maintain. Some of my friends sometime laugh at me that I still make an effort to surprise and dress up for my husband and how my husband do the same for me, you know, saying old couples don't need such thing. But they are very very wrong. What is so wrong of me to make an effort to show my husband I still love him so much that I will make an effort to impress him?

I do admit that life changes so much after children that I do voice out to him ever so often of my worries and concerns that we do not spend enough time together and if he minded or is jealous of the lack of attention from me.

Thus mummies, do you think you and your hubby had "invested" enough for your "business"?

Added: I do also voice out to my husband my insecurities openly and let him address my insecurities. Usually his method is to tell me to follow him where-ever he go, he do not mind at all.
 
Grace,

You are very lucky to hv a husband who puts his wife as his first priority. Not every woman are as lucky as you. You can't force a horse to drink, sometimes no matter how hard you tried, the other party just don't respond. A marriage that falls apart doesn't necessarily mean that a couple spent a lot of time on the kids. The husband just puts himself as the first priority, his own time is more important than anything.

I believe the women in broken/meaningless marriages hv tried their best and suffered in the end. If a couple cannot communicate and understand at the same wavelength, it is very difficult for a marriage to be happy or to last til old age.

I agree with kelvinangsw, a man has to love a woman more so that he will cherish her. Most of the times, it is the women who love the men more. Just look through the threads and u will know.
 
moorspa,

Yes. I believe you can't force a horse to drink, but if this is the case you will know the minute the marriage starts. If this is the case, I also believe there is no point.

But I see a lot of cases only happens when the kids come into picture. Nowadays I even see couples who are grandparents divorcing.

I believe some guys are really jerks but most of the time, I feel that it is due to the different frequencies communication and many waited until it is too late to rectify it (For eg, wait until misunderstanding so deep that marriage no longer have love, then husband or wife start straying).

I believe in the beginning, all marriage will definitely be sweet in the beginning right until life sets in? For those do not start out sweet is already a fore warning. Those who have started out sweet should be able to last till old age if the relation is being maintained from the very beginning.
 
Human changed every minutes and seconds be it woman or man. The saddest thing is, when someone change be it heart, character or personality, these are beyond our control and by the time when both parties no longer be able to tolerate and accept the changes, relationship breakdown.

There is no guarantee in marriage, it is either we accept or we end it.
 
Wondering if this thread is still alive.

I also regret marrying.

I have thought that in a marriage, the husband puts the wife as his 1st priority and the wife does the same - vice versa. Sadly that was not the case for me and I have only realise it in the recent years how low I've ranked in his priorities.

All these years, I have been told repeatedly that I'm IMMATURE ~ a dreamy person who doesn't think logically. He is 7 years my senior and is very good with words. For every argument, he is always successful in turning things into his favour and I usually ended up looking dumb for starting the argument.

It is very frustrating to live with him. Our marriage is into the 6th year. We have gone through a 6 months counselling 2 years ago - it helped. He realises his mistake of being 'too smart' for me. The counsellor tells me to put trust in him and believe that he has the intention to help me. That worked for a while but I guess I was too 'damaged' to try to think positively about him. And he's still holds the same philosophy about our issues - just make sure the problem doesn't look like he caused it.

I contemplated divorce becos I just want to be away from him and be happy. But thinking that I have to divorce over such communication issues, it just doesn't seem worth it. I just wish that he admit to his problems.

I have read through forums. Those with similar problems on communications will suggest talking things through with each other. But I find it hard to talk to him. He always makes it sound like I'm the one with the problem.

There's also an impending issue at hand: I'm pregnant with the 3rd one and I'm not sure if I want to keep it.

Being alive is such a chore. Sometimes I just wish I could stop breathing and be gone from it all. Everything seems so meaningless.
 
Yes. Me too. Really regret it totally.
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Black mamba: You are definitely not alone in your frustrations but I do urge you to stay strong for yourself and kids. Really you just busted the myth that marriage is like the fairytales we read about; marriage takes a lot of hard work to communicate what we are thinking and feeling. It didnt help that Asian culture teaches us not to speak our minds and being woman, we are different from man. So ya, marriage takes a lot of perseverance and positive mindset change for a woman.

I hear that you and husband has undergone counselling.. Well for a man, it shows he wants things to work too.. It takes a lot out of a man to go counselling and that's a very positive part he is participating. I am sure it's equally hard for you to undergo what he did towards you previously but try not to hold him by his past but live each day like its meant to be ., a new day. You can make it happen but you have to put in that effort so that you together w him can make it work
happy.gif
On the other hand, you also need to start forgiving him for the past .. Do what helps you get there .. U can speak to a counselor or talk to a friend who can listen. Get those ill feelings out and then decide in your heart to move on. This is healthy and necessary as much as you wish to get it resolved.

Third, it's about your baby. You are carrying a wonderful gift of life in you right now.. You might not be able to grasp it but for one who might be desiring one, the baby is such a blessing. You have the gift to bring a life and I hope you can embrace it. As much as you can, learn to cope with your emotions which might seems overwhelming right now. You definitely dont want to bear the guilt of not keeping it. Decide what you want after the baby's birth to put in place family planning controls is a wiser move.

Finally, things are looking up so try to keep your head up and be stronger still.
 
reddesk: thanks for responding.

Forgiveness is the hardest thing for me to do. I believe that has been the recurring thing in my life. But it hurts like hell to be betrayed by the ones you love most.

I also want to move on - I'm so tired of being angry all the time. I have once read something on unforgiveness - It's like holding a burning coal in your hand, waiting to throw it at someone who hurts you.

But how to forgive - I really need to know how. Cos I don't know how to pretend to live my life happily like this.

Actually he's the one who suggested counselling. Counselling - sure, so that he can proudly claim that he went for it and it's the wife's fault who didn't follow the counsellor's recommendations.

What I hate is he always does the surface jobs (表面功夫）　very well. The only motivation for him to do anything is to eradicate his responsibility of being at fault - to make sure no one faults him in the future. Just disgust me to think about it.

I just wish I can be a blessing for my baby. My abortion appointment is tomorrow and I'm still undecided. It's true that we woman carries the guilt of abortion but does my husband care? He only cares about winning an argument.
 
Black mamba: I believe you do want things to change and I sense your anger and tiredness. Do u agree that in situation like these, you might not be in the best position to make a good decision? I drop u an email, wil hope to hear from u.
 
Actually having babies can bond the family but can also break the family.
Ironic, pathetic.

Mommies here reminded me to continue to spend quality time with my husband. Thanks.
 
reddesk: it's really nice of you to offer me your handphone. I'll keep the number for emergency. thanks a lot for your offer and help.

Went home to think about it : I don't have the courage to go through with the abortion. Cannot face my mum if I have to go through it.

I'm gonna have a talk with my husband this evening. I hate having talks with him and recently I would get so angry with his replies that I would slap, hit or push him. He doesn't retaliate, neither does he apologise for his comments. It's always a lose lose situation for me. Can't win in logic, reason, word, might or strength. Very not looking forward to the evening.

It's so terrible to see what I have become.
 


Black mamba: I am glad you rethink. It's good you will speak to your husband and remember to use the tools you learn in the counselling to communicate with him. As much possible, be calm. Remember also that you can be in control of yourself inspite of whatever situations you are in. Take care!
 
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