tuete_cottage
Member
this is a good thread as allow us to pour our grievances thought to our husband we are the one creating problems
Problem staying with mil
- Thread starter kim_turtle
- Start date
Hehe. Nice to have others to commiserate with. I lived with in laws for 5 years. They are OK, respectful of our space, welcoming of our friends but then baby came along and everything changed. Suddenly breathing down my neck all day and night, take baby and lock themselves in their room. Even when baby scream and cry, they pretend they never hear me knocking the door... One day my mil said "no offense but this baby is a (my husband's family name) and not a (my family name.)" I couldn't take it and shoot back that surnames are just a formality and her son did not carry and birth the child. We moved out as soon as we could. Now she lies to people and say we never visit. We do go back for dinner at least once a week and I actually bring baby to visit even without my husband like, when he travels or during the day when he's at work. But since I heard her lies, i only go for the obligatory weekly dinner. Luckily for me, my husband knows his mom's character and knows the type of shit she stirs. He's a lot harsher when dealing with her so I end up having to placate him instead. Which also puts me in a weird place cos mil thinks I'm the one turning him against her. if I try to speak on her behalf, husband says "why are you on my mom's side instead of mine" and if I speak up for my husband, my mil goes around telling everyone else that I'm the one sowing discord between her son and her. Lol. fml!
RebbyRebecca
Member
I wonder why is parent in law (hub's side) is so difficult to get along. In my case, i felt like i am invisible to them nor i think they regards me as a daughter in law. I trying my best to give in (otherwise i think will have world war 3;trying my best not to sandwich mt hub) but they always push my limits and max it out. Straight day 2 of marriage, I returned home (my hub follows me). i told myself next time when my son marry a lady home i will treat her like my own child.
RebbyRebecca
Member
Sorry to hear that. I guess the wife always has to be the bad person. at least your hub stand firm unlike mine soft hearted even his parent treat him like shit (by feeling). Which i always get mad when he got 'bully' by his parent.
focuswater
New Member
Hi everyone, sorry how do i post something to let everyone see?
You're right. It's always easier to be in denial and forgiving of their own "blood". I sometimes find my husband uunnecessarily harsh on his mom. And that somehow becomes my fault. Lol. Hopefully someday your husband will finally stand up to them.
RebbyRebecca
Member
You're right. It's always easier to be in denial and forgiving of their own "blood". I sometimes find my husband uunnecessarily harsh on his mom. And that somehow becomes my fault. Lol. Hopefully someday your husband will finally stand up to them.
I am somewhat a bad person too but its over wedding table money. maybe you can let your hub knows not to be too harsh. i dont dare to hope one day he will stand firm cause they can't even talk nicely to each other for more than 2 sentences.
RebbyRebecca
Member
I guess it's never easy staying with in-laws. I also stayed with my in-laws when i just got married. Luckily it's only 1 yr cuz suddenly after marriage, my mil is like a totally different person. Before wedding, she was quite nice to me.but after wedding, keep showing me attitude that she is the senior. Then when we all go to work, she will go into our room and open my drawer to see lor. Seriously i hate this..
RebbyRebecca
Member
Guess many of us as a daughter-in-law wish to get along with in-laws. but they just like to do things that irritate others. I only stayed for 2 days after married (i busted into tears in front of hub; he is stunned~ of course I made noise that I wan to go home). Why she never give you guys privacy! Its very rude to just open people drawer or enter into room without permission (unless she is cleaning the room which i think its okay.) Best is don't put any important things in unlocked drawer; hope she just see never anyhow touch and move your stuffs. If not just lock the drawer 24/7.
Kbear Mommie
Member
My mil was also 'normal' before we got married. On wedding day itself, she totally changed. She must be so 'disappointed' that my family/relatives aren't some high flyers, unlike her other DIL. She is ALWAYS comparing....
I'm not speaking to my mil cos when my husband throw temper at me and pushed me during my pregnancy, I called her begging for help and she told me to "give in" to him. This happened twice. Once I even called the police cos he smashed my things. Since my pleas have no effect on her and she refuses to reprimand him, I have decided that I won't bother to show up for any of their family reunions. I don't want to take it out on my husband cos I want to keep the marriage, so I ignore his mum. She's the cause of his bad attitude because she spoils him.
RebbyRebecca
Member
sorry but i hate people who look down on others just because they are "richer". in their mind its all about money. money first other talk later.
RebbyRebecca
Member
I don't speak to my in-laws except for those "hi, bye, ok". How can a guy push a lady!! Mad angry. I don't think police will do anything -.- cause my mom called police to catch me when I was quite young (yeah, i think my mom thought i don't remember). maybe you should try talking to your husband about what you think. As a manner wise, I will still show up for their family reunion (just for a while) before going off. In this way, your husband and his family can't find fault with saying you don't give face or whatsoever.
Kbear Mommie
Member
That's why I'm not a fan of hers. Once I actually messaged to tell her that if she thinks she can find a better DIL for her son, pls do so. I'm happy to let go.
I think my mil mentality is, this is her house. Before her son married, she naturally just walk in and out of her son's room. I understand that la but i just feel that since ur dil has moved in, u should at least give them some privacy.. Even when my own mum go inside my room (before married), she also doesn't open my drawers lor. Sigh..
Anyway, my house came 1yr later so no more such issue.
If not, every night go home also quite stressed. Everyday when i reached home and greet my mil, her first sentence is ALWAYS "oh.. So late ar..." at first i don't feel anything but after some time, it really hurts. Why can't she just reply "hello" or sthg.. And I'm not late.. At times i reached home before 7pm!
The police refer me to call Aware. The counsellor said I can apply for PPO if I want. Why did your mum call the police to catch you? I don't feel like talking to mil. If I go, I will have to talk to her. I will also have to face her family who are siding with her and my husband. They only know that my husband and I argue a lot but she did not tell them that my husband has violent tendencies and often verbally abuse me over small matters.
When I told her what the counsellor said, she told me, "you are pregnant and your parents unwell. Why you want to create all this trouble? Don't let your parents worry."
You see her attitude is that I'm the troublemaker.
RebbyRebecca
Member
Oh my.. sorry i'm curious what your MIL reply? I think they are over-protecting their son. I means who don't protect their children but there is always a limit to everything. no matter what, just stay strong for your kid if you have~
RebbyRebecca
Member
No privacy. Best is lock your things in a drawer so she can't open it even she want. I don't think she will go ask locker people to unlock? But if she does, its really scary~ Great ! Hope your house can come faster than expected
I can't wait to get my own rental house first before applying for BTO. at least this house don't need to accommodate 6 people + 1 upcoming baby. lucky my Sis-in-laws went back to her mom's place who her family can help to take care of her baby if not, it will be 7 people + 2 babies.Ignore, is that the only thing we can do? ): Sad life for us.
RebbyRebecca
Member
oh. did you read up and apply for PPO? I think you should apply for your own protection. I hope things don't get worse for you. Its really hurts a lot. ): if not, just don't give face and say? ok. don't think its a good idea.
What type of counselor~!! Slap the person. Idiot or what. try to change another person? I think I will get depression if I am you. Jia you. If you need a listener, you can find me
although I am super inexperience but its better than you keep in your heart. hmm, i was really young (probably about lower primary school age?). what I know is I too naughty and my mom can't handle my crying or something then ask police to catch me (i cried a lot a lot). or maybe cause i'm the second child in family? hahaha. Which causes me to have a bad impression on my mom and i don't talk to her unless needed. even if talk i will just quickly say what i want then go do my stuffs. till now, i talk to her very impatiently most of the times. its taught me, don't do things because of anger and thinking your child don't know whats going on because he/she too young. (so not true!)
Kbear Mommie
Member
Oh my.. sorry i'm curious what your MIL reply? I think they are over-protecting their son. I means who don't protect their children but there is always a limit to everything. no matter what, just stay strong for your kid if you have~
She didn't (dare) reply. But my guess is that she complained to other relatives becoz a 'friendly' relative later commented when chatting with me that I'm very lucky to nab my husband~
Anyway nowadays she likes me a lot more becoz I have been buying her nice handbags (with her son's money) during Xmas and her birthdays.
Some people are just a joke. They do not become wiser as they grow older.
RebbyRebecca
Member
oh. hahaha. nice~ use son's money to buy. if you never buy i think she still give you the same attitude.
yeah. jia you!!
Actually our house came a yr ago and we've since moved outNo privacy. Best is lock your things in a drawer so she can't open it even she want. I don't think she will go ask locker people to unlock? But if she does, its really scary~ Great ! Hope your house can come faster than expected
Ignore, is that the only thing we can do? ): Sad life for us.
Call it petty or a big scar, most women or should i say all women who have stayed with in laws, will still recall and remember the feeling of staying with their in laws after moving out. 
tifflim
Member
@bbtessa - Do you think its really worth being with such a man? Although in many others way he could have been a loving husband to you. I dont't really know. But during pregnancy, he grabs you, throw things and push you even knowing you are pregnant. Don't need to say pregnant. If you are pregnant also, this is not a way that he treats you. I was in a abusive relationship before. He hit me once and said sorry, I also forgive him and continued being in a relationship with him. But the past 2 years that I was with him was a miserable life, he quarells with his friends, I will get beaten up, he lose his job I get beaten up and finally when I realised things, it was too late that I almost died. But however, I came out of this because of police protection. I am sharing with you my story because I don't want you to ruined your life.
This is not call love. Its totally called as abuse. Let me show you the wheel of abusive relationship. Then you will know what I meant.
This is not call love. Its totally called as abuse. Let me show you the wheel of abusive relationship. Then you will know what I meant.
pinkylove
Active Member
Just wish to rant and ask ....
I m staying with mil and sil..
went for my manicure as CNY coming. after I came back from the session, my sis in law asked about the price.. when I mentioned the price, my mother in law pull a face ( I know she finds that its very expensive to spent a 70-80 dollars on nails ) and comment that nowadays you all very good life, in the past, we don't have all these to pamper ourselves.
my sis in law (her own daughter) replied , kinda speak up for me, saying that we should indulge in ourselves once in a while since we are working and earning our money.
After a while, mother in law bring us snacks.. only 2 pieces ,for me and my sis in law. when I offer my mother in law, she say she didn't want .. then she bring to me sis in law, and same thing, my sis in law also offer to give her, she also declined but say out loud.. : you all should eat since you are earning money..
I was in the living room and I feel.........
was that remark sarcastic and meant to "target" at me as well??
I m staying with mil and sil..
went for my manicure as CNY coming. after I came back from the session, my sis in law asked about the price.. when I mentioned the price, my mother in law pull a face ( I know she finds that its very expensive to spent a 70-80 dollars on nails ) and comment that nowadays you all very good life, in the past, we don't have all these to pamper ourselves.
my sis in law (her own daughter) replied , kinda speak up for me, saying that we should indulge in ourselves once in a while since we are working and earning our money.
After a while, mother in law bring us snacks.. only 2 pieces ,for me and my sis in law. when I offer my mother in law, she say she didn't want .. then she bring to me sis in law, and same thing, my sis in law also offer to give her, she also declined but say out loud.. : you all should eat since you are earning money..
I was in the living room and I feel........
.was that remark sarcastic and meant to "target" at me as well??
Kbear Mommie
Member
Just wish to rant and ask ....
I m staying with mil and sil..
went for my manicure as CNY coming. after I came back from the session, my sis in law asked about the price.. when I mentioned the price, my mother in law pull a face ( I know she finds that its very expensive to spent a 70-80 dollars on nails ) and comment that nowadays you all very good life, in the past, we don't have all these to pamper ourselves.
my sis in law (her own daughter) replied , kinda speak up for me, saying that we should indulge in ourselves once in a while since we are working and earning our money.
After a while, mother in law bring us snacks.. only 2 pieces ,for me and my sis in law. when I offer my mother in law, she say she didn't want .. then she bring to me sis in law, and same thing, my sis in law also offer to give her, she also declined but say out loud.. : you all should eat since you are earning money..
I was in the living room and I feel........
was that remark sarcastic and meant to "target" at me as well??
Obviously targeted at your sis in law. Maybe indirectly to you. But this is still quite alright.
She did not for eg offer to your sis in law and skipped you right. That would be far worse isn't it.
That happened to me. One year Cny, my mil took and offered the other dil (my husband's younger bro's wife) a whole platelet of snacks. I happened to see and she noticed but still din offer to me. The other dil is a doctor and her father is also a doctor. Sure win one. To her, I just a banker who changes bank employer every year.
This year she nicer to me because I told her her older son (my husband) income has gone up to $3×××× per month. Immediately her face colour changed.
My conclusion - on one hand, I feel better she became nicer. But on the hand, I cautioned my self to never be like these realists. Nice to people becoz of the attached "value" only. Revolting actually.
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tifflim
Member
@Kbear Mommie - These days, even kids we need to bribe them with chocolate to get them to come to you. Now, if you don't have an attached value, nobody respect you. I have seen that even in my life. My grandmother will pamper me only when I bribe her with money or buy what she likes. Otherwise, she will keep finding faults on everything I do and will keep scolding me. Nowadays money talk. I began to believe in this, " No money, No honey". Even some friends are like that. The only thing that we can do is to earn our respect by getting all this attached value. But be confident of yourself, you dont need people who need the value behind you. Keep those close by your side although you could have zero in your bank balance, you could be the poor but they still come finding for you. These are the poeple who really treasure you. The rest, just keep them a distance.
Kbear Mommie
Member
Sadly I don't have friends/ relatives who truly care for me. I'm the eldest grandchild and like you, my Grandma dotes on me because im the only grandchild who gives her a nice allowance every month. My parents now realize their daughter is better than their son after he deserted them. My "friends" are finance people who care most about their own pockets and hanging out with people who add to their value.
I think it is just my life or maybe my own personality. But I'm truly grateful for my religion. Without God, I will indeed never see and care about the poorer and less privileged people. I will stay numbed to other people's suffering and worse, feel that I'm "better" than others becoz of higher earning power. This is sadly the case for many Singaporeans today.
tifflim
Member
@Kbear Mommie - That sounds great that you have god in you life. God has promise this " Let the Poor says, I am rich, Let the weak say, I am strong". Nowadays relatives/friends are just for the name sake, they look at the pocket value or bank balance. Nothing you have, they don't even respect you. True, When God is with you, even the ones earning higher than you, the money is not sufficient for them or they don't have the peace in heart. But normal people like us, we have god and we have overwhelming of happiness, peace, joy and laughters in life because we know he will provide our needs no matter what.
sinnyy
Active Member
is this thread still alive? can we still continue to complain abot ouR mil? Really cannot stand mine...someone who's never been to school but always talks like she is a doctor...tell me this canot eat, that no good...and I am surprised why she is not a doctor but a cleaner..
oldmanchris
New Member
I've seldom if ever encountered a problem where one party is 100% to blame. Of course, we have to understand that blame isn't necessarily shared 50/50 either. Sometimes, it's 60/40 or even 99/1.
But a bad relationship is almost never one person's fault alone.
Unless we're talking about air-crash disasters and suicide bombings, of course.
But a bad relationship is almost never one person's fault alone.
Unless we're talking about air-crash disasters and suicide bombings, of course.
Hmmm... It's good that your mil restrict their eating. Rather than keep giving your kids rubbish food when they are sick, I rather my mil like your mil. Cough can't eat chicken n fish, I agreed. This also means no fried chicken n fried fish. Good rite?
porky_jean
Active Member
agreed that if kids sick then no fried stuff etc...my mil still continue to give said nevermind else duno what to gv to my kids to eat...buy roti prata for them every day mk their cough worst !
