Monster in law

scatterbrain

scatterbrain

Member
my mil is those "educated" type, and she always like to impose her methods into her son's / daughter's life. on the surface, she always said, she just want to share her life experience with her kids and grandchildren and do not want to "get involved" in their lives.
This is not true, every single thing/event in my family she always must involve.
Things like,
1. Insist I must breastfeed my kid(haiz, i know all the benefits for bf but I couldnt continue after i return work and she blamed me. my sil manage to bf for 8 months and she keep dwelling on this)So when I succeed in bf my 2nd kid for 1 year(surpass her beloved daughter) then she stop nagging
2. Insist what to feed my kid, die die must feed them beef and not pork. Must feed them cod fish like her relative daughter in law. She even want me to tell my kids' nanny to feed all this. Cod fish and beef are not cheap, she always thought we are loaded.
3. When she is living with us, she always want to engage in "small talk" with me. Thats my greatest fear. Why? Because she always like to ask scenairo question like, if next time your kids grew up and you only have enough money to send 1 kid to college, who you will send? I really feared answering because either choice will cause her to misunderstand me.
4. Recently my son is showing a bit of signs of autism, and nobody had given him the diagnosis of being autisic. So she was anxious and wrote me an email and asked me how's the progress of the speech therapy. In my reply I clarify with her do not jump and label my son. And also I told her the therapy need time to see the results etc. So she is very defensive, she called me the night I reply her email. She was telling me that she need to clarify my misunderstanding wrt her, end up she gave me a piece of her mind.
If not for the sake of my husband I would have clash with her. I told my husband about it, and he said just bear with her, she is old.

She is old, but thats doesnt mean she is right. Why she always scold me but not her son? I do complaint about her son/my husband and she said she will talk to him, but it never happen. So does that means her kids are human and what they did is correct but daughter in law is just a piece of sh*t? Everything dil did is wrong?
There is one time when my son hit my daughter with a metal toy and she sold me why i bought metal toy for my son. I told her its her son who bought that for her grandson, immediately she scold me back that, as a mother you need to screened all the toys that my kids played. ????
 


Hi scatterbrain,

Your not alone in terms of having a monster in law. I call mine the mother in law from hell (MILH). Sounds like both of them can be extremely good friends.

Here are some of the things that she did:

(1) Crustiest that my breast milk was little compared to her daughter’s one.

(2) Insisted that I used a breast pump that she borrowed from her relative. God the box and pump etc where so old no doubt they were medela brand. I didn't even want to use it as I have a Avent manual pump but hubby insisted I try it cause his mother was standing guard at the living room until I used it. Who knows the collection bottle was so old and yellow it actually had a crack on the side and all my precious bm leaked out. Was only 2 or 3 days into my confinement period. God it was so heartbreaking to see my precious bm wasted. Could have cried. Milh didn't apologies nor feel apologetic at all. Pisses me off.

(3) My girl had developed baby acne cause of my maternal hormones passing over, milh commented loudly to her husband that their entire family don’t have such skin problems. Their family all have smooth problem free skin. Worst skill my girl has eczema now. So the lame comments still continue until now. My girls is coming to 2 this July. While all these loud comments were going on, my mum and dad were staying over at my place as they were handling my confinement. They actually heard it cause they were in the same room as them. Can you imagine all the hurt they felt upon hearing it? I was there too. Hubby never made any comments nor defended us.

(4) Milh had my house keys cause we place 1 spare at her house since we locked ourselves out before a long time back and since her place was nearer to ours. She freely abuses our key and privacy. Comes in and out freely like it’s her own house. I told hubby about it but nothing resolved. It’s also my house too you know. Zzzz….

(5) During condiment, my dad does the cooking. Milh comes in freely with spare key and inspects the pots what my dad cooks. Critises here and there that should not cook this and that. My dad did the confinement cooking for my mum when she had 3 of us. My dad used DOM for the confinement cooking. Milh bought 2 bottles of Wincarnis insisted that my dad used hers first before using DOM. She constantly came to check on the usage of “her” wine. My dad was so stressed out and worst is I cant stand that wine taste no doubt it has been steamed to remove the alcohol but I don’t like the taste it leaves in the food.

(6) On one of her spot checks, my mum told me that I’m bf in the room. She just opened the door and came in with her husband and stand there chatting while I was bf toppless. What the helllllllllllllllllllllllll!!! I was so stunned that I’m like some kind of circus freak put up for parade. Had no choice but to unlatch and quickly dress up cause they wanted to carry the baby.

(7) My parents boil herbal water for me to bath every day cause when you bf, hygiene and comfort should be number 1. Milh caught me bathing once and told my parents off for allowing me to bath. Stating that I should only be allowed to bath twice a month. My god what kind of logic is this?

These are only the tip of the ice berg. Shall not bore you with more but I guess you get the picture. Now I’m 5 mths preggie with baby 2. Boy this time. The only heir in their god damn family. Worst part, my parents refuse to help me do my confinement and asked me to hire a maid to take care of my daughter and the baby cause they feel too pressurized. My girl is currently staying at my parents place at Yishun and comes home to Tiong Bahru on Fridays and is back with my parents on Mondays. To make matters worst, they said I’ve better check with my milh if she will hawk over the maid otherwise later they will get blamed by her since they are maternal grandparents and she being the paternal grandparents have more rights to the well being to the grandchildren in that crazy mentality of hers. Now I need to look for a new playgroup for my daughter when she has adapted so well to her current playgroup at my parents place and is happy there. Fees and curriculum wise we are all quite please and the teachers are genuinely very nice and caring to the kids.

Haven’t really know how I’m going to go around solving the logistics. I’ve put my daughter on the waiting list for the child care at my work place but I’m not even sure if she can take full day child care with her constant scratching due to eczema but I don’t like the idea of milh spending so much time with my daughter and corrupting her mind with those nonsense and superstitious old fashion beliefs. Hubby has asked his mum to come over to Tiong Bahru to hawk on weekdays when I hire a maid but I don’t even feel like seeing her during my confinement period and during my maternity leave at home. The sight of her irks me and gives me stress when she opens that mouth of hers. My mum said only if the milh disagree to come over than she will come over to help cause she don’t want to be critised by her again. Sometimes I just feel like quitting my job and just taking care of the kids but we won’t be able to cope with the finances with only 1 person working and I’ve a very bad slip disc which renders me useless even when carrying my daughter. Pretty pathetic isn’t it? *Sigh*……..

Told my hubby a few times about what his mum did during the confinement period. Got a scolding from him in the end. Recently I broke down and cry cause hubby criticized me for being unfriendly to his mum and I outburst back some of the things above. Than his only comment was just bear with his mum cause she’s old and how many years more does she have to live? What kind of dumb reason is this? She’s not even 70. What if she lives to 100. Do I have to be depressed for the next 30 odd years? *Sigh*……..
 
Hi granva08,
<<<hugs>>>, sorry about what you have suffered. Indeed, we can be good friends coz we both suffered similiar fate.
Makes my blood boil when you mentioned confinement. My MIL is not local, so they do not believe in confinement. She actually volunteered to "take care" of me for my first confinement. Luckily I rejected her and I get a confinement lady. Afterwhich she also get the same confinement lady for her daughter. You know during confinement we are not suppose to stand for a long time. I happened to walk past her room and she stopped me for a conversation, and she talked for a long time. As a DIL, I couldnt just walked away and end up standing there for a long time(haiz). When I was sleeping in the room, she dashed into the room to strike a "not so important" conversation and so I couldnt even have my nap. I still have to wake up night time to feed the baby. Worst still, while I just delivered in hospital, she came to visit me and start to open the drawer to check my maternity napkins!!! Can you imagine that? She open 1 packet and use her hands to touch and passed to me. ??? Expect me to use after she touch the pad??? She always said she do not want to get involve but hello? Checking my maternity napkins??? She is clueless about getting the stuffs like the sterilizer, thermal flask for the baby so when her daughter gave birth, she bought exactly the same brand for her daughter. Thats ok for me but when she is here in singapore, she went to check my thermal flask and commented that how come is the not same as her daughter's. I was like WTF? Am I responsible for that too?
I guess I do have a super long list to complaint about, but does things get better if I complaint to my husband? He may or may not agree with her but she is his mother, he will never quarrel with her or defend for me. So there's a time when i shut my mouth when she is here in sin. And you know what, she said she like people to speak up more coz she likes to "learn from" young people as well. Pui!!! So I comment also wrong, I dont comment also wrong. Sad rite?

For the kids, any good things about the kids are all coming from their family genes, anything bad, its my genes.

When I read your story, I felt very sorry for you. I cannot imagine things that she did on you, really no privacy and no respect. You will get to see more "patterns" from her for your second kid, son especially.

However, since you are preggy, you better dont think too much coz its bad for your baby. You can post here if you wish to pour your grievences. We can't really help each other but we always here for each other. Smile, ok?
 
Hi mummies

Are ur in laws staying with u? If not, things will be much easier to handle.

Elders always like to probe and give comments, just smile politely and don't reply, full stop.

Just like when my mum n mil kept banging on my door when I locked n bf my bb gal behind the door while she's kept crying, I just simply ignored n open the door when I m just done.

Then when my mil wanted to see hw I bf my gal, I just politely "invite" her out.

Whatever my mum n in laws say, I will just nod and smile but behind I do things my way as I m not staying with them.

Just like mum who forbid me to bath during confinement, I bath with cold water when she go marketing.

She forbid me to freeze baby food for baby as she only believe in fresh food so I did that in my own home instead.

Somehow my mum always say that my mil hinted that asking me not to be spendthrift (to her, I spent $$ like water) as my hb is v thrifty (hint me not to spend his $$) , give some good "advises" for me blah blah blah..I ask her what she reply her" she say nothing and just say ya lo, ya lo and I will just simply laugh it off.

While I was at my in laws plc, I will laze around the sofa and read newspaper. My mil like to sit beside me and chit chat. I will always just smile n reply "oic, yeah"..that's it. Most of the time, I don't really take note of what she's talking about.

My FIL is like hailed from another era, he is sort of like those serious folks (face black black) who doesn't like to smile but like to give funny suggestions for me to hold my wedding at a neighbourhood resturant as a 4star hotel is extravagant and to buy a smaller flat etc, he passed thru fr my hb to me and I just simply ignore and do things my own ways. Over the years, I m glad that I did not take in any of his advise :p

Over the years, I think elders included my own parents sort of like give up on me. Whatever they say, I just smile n nod head, saying ya lo ya lo. My mum say talk to me is like talking to a block of wood :p

However when I was in a good mood, I will crack a few corny jokes at their expenses including at my fil in his face.

Over the years, I think they already concluded that I was a looney n leave me alone since then. :p
 
Hi SeR,
I will be staying with them in near future....guess I need to use your smile and ya lo ya lo method. Sometimes I will pretend to sleep when she dashed into my room for a talk. She can keep talking for 5 mins and then realised I'm sleeping. Come to think of it, actually she is not interested in what I'm thinking, what I want. She just want me to listen to her and follow her methods.
 
Haha ya, sometimes the old folks might be too bored and wanted someone to talk to but ended up sound too demanding or keep repeating.
The best is not to reply so they wont have anything to continue too.

Somehow just to share something on my mum's bestie whose mindset is very "old generation". She will wake up very early to buy all the good stuff while doing confinement for her daughter.
Though both of them care for each other alot, they doesn't know how to express n always ended up shouting/quarrelling.

Somehow life is already v stressful and for someone who's like my hb (v short temper) and with a hectic work schedule, all he want when he return home is a peaceful environment and a good dinner, I wont usually bother him with trival issues. He is someone who won't hesitate to flare up in front his friends when I bring him his drinks too slow, while I just point at him n laugh it off saying his behaviour is just like a small boy. a few mins later, everything is fine again.

Once a while during the family gathering, don't take it to heart of those nonsensical remarks, just focus on being happy, hee hee ha ha on the dining table with the family is the most impt.
 
Hi SeR and scatterbrain,

I've tahan too much to the extend that whenever I go to their house, my face is expressionless or frowning when they are making side comments. They converse in hokkien and cantonese. No doubt I can't speak well in those dialets but I can clearly understand what they are saying.

Every week we will go there. It feels like torture to me. What a dread. I'll just keep counting down and pray that hubby says ok we can go back home. During the entire time, I'll be playing with my girl and keeping an eye on her. She don't like milh and her husband to touch her. Will scream and worm whenever they try to carry her. Karma? ha ha!!!

Whenever, milh try to struck a conversation with me, I'll always reply her with one worded answers. Talk less so cannot be faulted and at least I can try to control any possible outburst.

Yes, I've had it up to my forehead. I seriously dread the thought of my EDD. I'm trying to pyscho hubby to sell away our tiong bahru flat and move to yishun nearer to my parents so that I can escape away from all these unnecessary stress and headache but that can only happen next year or so.

I think I'll either fall into depression or outburst at milh if she is up to her nonsense during the confinement. Sometimes I think that I don't love my number 2 like my girl now cause of all these problems going around and when I can forsee all the nonsense ahead. Feel like a bad mum at times.
 
Hi granva08,
Prayed that you will be fine after your EDD. Things will get better. I guesses I frowned and worried too much when i preggy with #2, end up she likes to frown too. HaaaHaaa.

So ladies,thanks for the advice and I will try out yr methods.
 
Hi scatterbrain,

I'll try to take one thing at one time. Can't take too many at one go. Too overwhelming. *sigh*

Good luck with your mil. Your never alone. There's always motherhood forum for some pouring our grievances and woes.

I try to comfort myself by thinking that I'm not the only one suffering under such mil and that there might be an even more jialat milh that someone else is currently facing. The world is so big right? Oh gosh I sound like some kind of sadist. ~_~"
 
I really empathize with u both, scatterbrain and granva... Hope that things will get better for you.

I think that we must be buay paiseh when dealing with them and stand firm in our beliefs and speak out even though might be rude. Think its impt to protect ourselves first so that they will not step further and further into our terrorities.
 
Hi granva08,
Haaahaaa...

I should start another thread of my MIL being a stalker. She added me as a friend in FB and continuously monitor what i wrote or post. She never failed to comment after my post. She even want my hp # and demanded that I need to reply her messages asap. Day before wedding I was doing my manicure and i got no hands to read my hp message. So I did not reply her message. Few days after the wedding, she scolded me in front of my husband and my husband just keep quiet.

You only face her during weekend visit but for me, it's anytime. FB/hp message/Facetime/house phone. Stalker, isnt she? So dun worry, I'm more jialat-er than you. -_-
 
Hi Ayana,

I just keep quiet and tolerate cause if I outburst it ain't gonna be pretty. So going there with a expressionless face and giving short answers feels like a better option for me since hubby ain't gonna jump into my defense. Happened a few times before. It's their entire family pointing finger and criticizing me for my comments. Nobody there to help me.

Hi scatterbrain,

I think if my milh did that I'll shut down my entire FB account. Block her email address or don't my profile search able by the public. Than I'll restart another FB account and don't even link my hubby's FB to mine. Ha ha!

My milh has my hp number. Think hubby gave it to her a long time ago cause I don't recall that I will do such a stupid thing. When she calls hubby and he don't pick up, she'll be bombarding my phone. I used to pick up but now I'll flick it to silent and just ignore. ha ha!!
 
Hi granva08,
I stopped posting in my FB. Just comment on my friend's post. Cannot rant about her in my FB, only in smh. I changed my hp # and need to act blur a bit when she question me why I never inform her.
 
Hi hi TS,to me Cod Fish is not something super nutritious especially for young child or even a few months old baby coz Cod Fish is a deep sea fish n we don't even know how high is the mercury level n also don't know is it safe for young children to consume.
That's why to all the Gae Kiang MIL up there to stop interfere another family business.
 
Ladies,
I just kpo here. your MILs are really tsk tsk. That's why whenever my husband talk about staying with MIL, I keep quiet. Although my MIL is a kind lady and hardly interfere in our things, I am still afraid as staying together and seeing them once a week is different. I don't want to spoil the relationship and make things difficult for my hubby.

Whatever it is ladies, press on for the sake of your kids. But I really think your hubbies should do something and not let u shoulder these shit yourselves.

Scatterbrain
why did u add her as a friend in the first place leh? I know, u can set up another account just for u and friends but don't let her know that u have another account. Then she will be wondering why your FB account so quiet..haha.
 
wa scatterbrain, your mil is really a stalker! go to yr privacy settings and restrict her view on yr posts! I had a fren whose mil also add her to kpo her, then she added the mil but set the restiction hehhe...
 
No offence---but it think personally it takes 2 hands to clap for a relationship (be it husband to wife, in laws etc) to work. Both parties need to work it out..eg. My sis in law when visiting my parents together with kids and hb, will just stay away in a room, doing her fb or just staying online..just dump the kids to my mum etc..ok maybe she needed her alone time but at least do a simple courtesy to engage in small talk/conversation like 'how's your week?' 'Oh you watch this particular tv show' or just maybe helping out like setting table for dinner etc' And my mum is a super chin chye person to add on..i think all these things somehow, as little as it seems, it does shows how interested one is to the building of a relationship..

But if you on the other hand have done your part then, too bad lor..*Pat pat* on your shoulders..just have to bit your teeth and carry one life..at least you tell yourself that you've done what you can..just that the other party has not come to understand it yet..but don't worry, it might come a day when they'll come to understand..like my mum who was misunderstood by her MIL (my grandma) then till she got a stroke, was paralyzed then till then appreciate my mum so much so that she gave a literally thumbs up for my mum..

For myself i hv a not that easy MIL i know but i try to include her in some things esp when she lives just next door to us, whenever i bake some cakes/cookies i'll bring some over to them, and one some days i'll make dinner and we eat together or she also does the same and we'll all talk at the dinner table, updating ourselves the matters of the week etc. All these are impt things/effort for us all to do (however small it might be) to show our concern to one another and see what we as a family can help in eg: contribute money/Help in some transport matters etc.. Face it, after all, marriage is certainly NOT ONLY about you and your hb it's about merging another family with yours..and you know each family has our own habits and such so it's kinda impt to get to know them and it's like sunzi's technique: 'know your enemies to win battles' (well we're not in war now but just a saying lah) And so far now after 5 years of marriage, i would say my family life is certainly getting better by the day
happy.gif



Hrmmm..

Granva08 actually it's very unhygienic to use a pre loved (turned yellowish) breast pump! OMG!
 
Hi mummies, if I don't add her, she will question me why not when she is in sin. There is a time when FB system issue and deleted her in my acct, she was trying to tag my kids pics n found out. She immediately message me, and message my husband too, asking why I delete her. Can u imagine that?
 
Hi Granva
Sometimes feign ignorance is bliss! When I don't feel like reply to anybody including my friends especially on sensitive issues, I just smile or reply 99% nonsense. Pregnancy n a new baby is beautiful , don't be distracted by such trival issues, njoy ur beautiful child..~

Scatter: my mil, her sisters n nieces r all in my fb too but most of the time, I only post siao siao comments tt makes no sense. When they wanted to communicate, they only pm me n communicate to me instead of hb. We are quite close in a sense. If possible, I bring his nephews n nieces in our family outings, luv the lovely kids.

Somehow I feel that ur mils are very fortunate to hv u gals as their dils. If they meet me, think they probably sweep me out of their house with a broom..waha..

While my hb's not close n not joining in his relatives' gatherings, I always join them at their gatherings/BBQ, cracking jokes at their expenses including @ my mil/fil leaving only after midnight. After knowing them well, it really strike me of wat interesting personnel they are. The outing are always full of laughters with tears.

In fact, I do always bring both set of parents out makan as both are us are driving n for short holidays as well.

I always lament and quite pity my hb of marrying a siao siao wife like me. He is always so serious n stern compared to me :p

What I can say is no matter what, I luv them in their own ways.

So far, we have been blissfully married for 10yrs and have been friends since pri sch.
 
Somehow the message tt I wan to put across is that it might be hard to adapt from being single (our mummy's darling), courtship (bf's luv) till marriage, parenthood (fan, fan, fan) and now with in laws . It's not easy ya...I can understand.

Take a step back n things might not be as hard as what we seem.

What harm can the old folks do to us other than their incessant naggings? Let them be but not at the expenses of our own happiness n marriage.

Don't let this affect the quality of life, family life, marriage life especially between u n your hb. I've seen the battle since my grandma's time n being the apple of my grandma n my uncles' ex n present wives, I know it's really unneccessary n all these conflicts could be avoided.
 
Ladies, thanks for sharing your experience.

Jain, I knew that cod fish from deep sea and stuff but I won't try to argue with my mil.

Actually I give in to my mil more than my mum becoz I knew that none of us gain if I flared up. However, I just pity myself why I need to suffer this way. I even secretly sewed her clothes when I spotted there's hole in her jacket. Now, no more hor.
I guess she is having different expectation from me and what i perceive. *Sigh*
 
Morning dearie..dun bother abt ur mil lah, it's a beautiful day waha..

Btw normally I wont give cod fish (sg) to my gal as there's alot of bones, prefer to give threadfin.

For myself, I prefer pan grilled salmon rather than cod fish..

Now as I m staying in TW, the cod fish here doesn't have so much bones compared to SG.
 
Hi ladies,

I been through the rough times with my MIL. However one thing made me stop being so stubborn and "believing in my own belief"

My hubby cried.

Yes, he cried... not those wailing typed but he had tears rolling down his cheeks when me and my mil quarrelled.

Then I realised he is the one that suffers the most. Someone has to take a step back. and actually both (me and my MIL) took a step back.

I have lived with my MIL for three yeasrs and its going to be like that until she pass away.

As a child, I have been living with my grandparents. So I understand and appreciate the presence of grandparents.

So, sometimes, just take a step back and see the wider picture. Think - if your son or daugther's paartner is going to treat you like that... how do you feel?

I cannot say that my relationship with my MIL is the best but over the years, it has improved and at least it make us living together under one roof easier. No need to black face here and there, no need gossip about each other and most importantly, I dont want my two sons to see his mother behaving badly in front of elderly.

Our children can see for themselves who are the baddie as they grow old.

I only had a request for my mil... she can badmouth me but dont badmouth me infront of my children.

That's just my penny of thots to share with all
 
this morning was trying to figure out the FB setting and I got it. Set restriction to my mil and also my hubby's entire kampong to align. ^,^

Hi wee~,
To be honest, I will not tekan my son/daughter in law, never poke into their affairs. I know how I suffered so I will not let other suffer too.

Yup, need a channel to rant about her but not to my husband as he will find me a nag. So I rant to my sister n to all the lovely mummies in smh.
 
yay for having yr FB back, scatterbrain... lol but must check regularly cos sometimes FB cork up. Mabbe best to set up new FB acc and add your friends there haha..

My mil had a bad mil herself, to the extent that her mil choose the wall colors of their house. So, she knows and says better dun live together. I guess when we experienced 'bad mil' before, we will not impose it onto our children.
 
Hi scatterbrain,

Glad you managed to set the restriction in your FB. Ya I agree with you we just need a channel to rant on otherwise bottling up so much to ourselves ain't good. At times when my preggie hormones choose to run wild, I find myself sobbing quietly to myself to sleep. Hubby travels overseas every few months so those are the times when we don't need to go over to his parents place and I find myself feeling bliss and happy at home.


Hi Melissa,

I was forced to use it. I didn't want to. Imagine someone standing guard until you used it. =(


Hi wee~,

I no longer talk about my milh to my husband. No point anyway. No doubt I don't tell her off in front of everyone, but she does not have the basic courtesy to gossip softly about me when I'm at her place. So I'm taking the attack full force with no back up in place. So I just tolerate and ignore and play and keep an eye on my daughter.


Hi SeR,

I think their constant attack can cause me to slowly slip into depression or cause me to open fire at them one day. Ha ha!!
 
After reading all the mummies' postings, I think I learnt more abt dealing with the elderly. Esp Ser's sharing on how she deal with her parents and parents in law. I really hv a lot to learn from her, as I am the type who is easily affected by others. I pei fu the mummies who has to stay with the in laws, it's really not easy. To all mummies, jia you! It's not easy being a woman.
 
Not easy dealing with in-laws and having hb trapped between wife/mother. Stay strong and don't let the tension get the better of you!
 
Granva, just ignore coz if we don't reply, there's nothing to add on too...waha..

moorspa, haha yeah.. our hb staying with his own families since birth will definitely know wat type of character his family r.

If he can't be bothered, y do we wan to bother n strained all r/s especially our marriage?

To them, even if they don't like, they also don't like us to talk bad about their family. My hb will get offensive too if I talk bad about them. Give him a bit n he will give me alot more :p

Jus to share on a neighbour por por who make mean comments when I feed the stray dogs ard the estate n complain about me to the neighbours.

I still smile n greet her sometimes she ignore me.

However there's once that I just signalled her over for chit chat, found out that she's a widow n when I asked abt her grandchildren, she sadly say she doesn't have any as her only son is a handicapped, staying at home. After knowing that, I always ask the children to greet her por por and pass her excess goodies.

Sometimes things cant be seen only as 1-sided.
 
Ser,

You are a very wise and nice person. I admire yr assertiveness and generous personality. Compared to you, I think I am not mature nor good in handling human relations. I tend to keep to myself when I am being hurt. I wished I am able to Athink like you and I would be happier.

From young, I listened to my parents but realized all the advices they gave me were all wrong. I wished I did things according to my wishes. Being submissive has too many flaws and has caused me great unhappiness. After so many things has happened to me for the past few years, I became more assertive. Sometimes I wonder it is God who is giving me all these hard lessons so that I'll be more assertive. Now I see character can bring one happiness. I am learning to ignore and not be affected by what my parents or parents in law say. It's not easy but I hv to practise for the sake of my health.
 
Now things are getting out of hand. Yesterday I had a fight with my husband and he resorted violence on my son. Guess I had enough too I tried to stop him from hitting my son and I was pushed to the floor. I ended up with bruises here and there and of course I couldn't stop crying last night. After he pushed me he told me not to mention anything wrt his mother.
This morning he behaved as if nothing happen and ask me if I'm going to work or not.
How am I suppose to go to work when my heart is broken?
 
moorspa, it's true. If you think u can do it, u can do it!!

I applied that at work too but when it comes to really serious issues, I will just talk things out with my colleagues face to face to solve the matter n hold no grudges. After leaving the workplace for almost a yr+, we are still very good friends n keep in touch very closely.

scatter, sorry to hear about that. What trigger your hb to be so angry?
 
Few issues piled up, I was not happy about my mil who scold me a week ago. Plus the fact that I told him to adopt a diff way of educating our son, as my son is overly sensitive type. Hubby thinks I'm siding my son. He always like to scold n hit my son. Perhaps that's the reason why my son had delayed speech coz he is very scared. I was angry that he went ahead with his lunch n dinner without waiting for me to eat together. That's ok for me but he din even tell me that he is going ahead with his meal. And so on, which leads to domestic violence.
Shall I report police or give him another chance?
 
Have you talked things out with your hb and let him know that violence will affect the child's development? If you've already talked things out before and the abuse gets worse, you should make evidence of the abuse and show your in-laws. If things cannnot be solved, maybe the last resort will be a police report but that will totally break things apart.
 
Scatter, how old is your son? I believe we do not be too overly concerned about the child development as each child grow at their phrase n they will catch up with their peers eventually.

Has he started schooling? If so, he will learn at a fast pace as he see n follow what the older peers did. Check with the teachers whether he display the same behaviour at home and in school.

Sometimes young toddlers throw tantrum as they have problem expressing themselves, understand their needs first.
Read about more effective ways to handle them n send the link to your hb.
Take this opportunity to talk about parenting tips with him and reach a mutual parenting method together.

All this week about MIL, boy, minor issues definitely take a toll on him hence trigger the major outburst.

I will suggest both of you to take a break from each other, do a good reflection and talk it out in a good opportunity.
 
Dear mommies,

I happened upon this thread.. I'm glad that I'm not all alone.. I've too got many unpleasant issues to complain about..

i'd like to share my thought
---> i think it's no use complaining about mil to hubby..
---> why? it's his own mom.. how would you feel if your hubby keep complaining your mom..
--> result: hubby would think you really dislike his mom.. so before you finish your sentence he will always think that you are badmouthing his mom &amp; he will eventually side his mom (esp if his mom is "educated" &amp; "sweet talking/diplomatic" type).. esp if ur hubby is a filial son.. you can never win the "war"..
--> fact: i can't stop complaining.. hahaa.. end up can't even complain about his mom.. he will show no interest &amp; just walk away when open my mouth.. if i continue.. it's like i start a quarrel..

we might want to take note.. we will have daughters in law too.. we don't want they dislike us as we dislike our mils..

yep.. we would say that we won't be like our mils.. but who knows the future.. i just hope i won't be worse than my mil.. hee...

o dear.. talking about in laws makes me insane.. must learn alot from SeR (sane)..

it's difficult.. really.. very hard to be a "good" daughter in law...

there are so much to rant about.. too many..
i'll be writing a super long essay if i'm ranting here.. hee...

thank you mommies for sharing your stories..
it somehow makes me feel better only to read yours.. it gives me the feeling that i'm not all alone here..
special tks to scatterbrain for starting the thread..
happy.gif


glad to "meet" you all

take good care mommies..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

A
Recommend Nanny Leow to anyone looking for a nanny.
Replies
0
Views
374
aamuru288
A
M
Experienced nanny at Fernvale
Replies
0
Views
423
Mabx
M
E
Recommended Nanny - Lai K L (Lian-Jie)
Replies
0
Views
193
Elizz
E
E
Ranting about having a Good Helper nowadays
Replies
0
Views
2K
Enough12
E
E
Great Confinement Nanny to Recommend!! – Hor Yxxx Cxxx (Qing Jie)
Replies
12
Views
4K
greyhounds
G

Back
Top