I terminated my pregnancy and

[Blessed daughter]

I had a miscarriage 2 years ago, blighted ovum. I was devastated, my husband was disappointed. We knew we could try again. Last month my menses didn’t come. I tested positive and was super happy. We were cautious if this one was going to be a miscarriage again. I changed my diet, bought safe cosmetics etc. The thing is, 2 years ago, after my miscarriage, my health started to decline. Autoimmune disease, asthma and I have been on strong medication. Just before the gynae appointment, I told my husband I have fears, about my health and medications, he said he had been worried about the same thing. Pregnancy can change my health and damage it after giving birth. Autoimmune disease is unpredictable but yet predictable in that, after pregnancy, things usually go bad. I admitted I was frightened, very unsure and scared for my health and for baby’s health especially from all the medication, and possible complications. After discussing and plenty of crying, we decided we cannot go ahead with this. If I were young, healthy, I will surely go for it. This would be my 4th pregnancy, #3 baby. I am 41 this year.
The gynae appointment showed a heartbeat, unlike my previous pregnancy. It was really a terrible terrible feeling to know what I am about to do. I refused to look at the screen.
Today, I terminated my pregnancy and officially, we will not be having any more kids. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions, although I know there couldn’t have been a better way to go through this. Giving birth isn’t an option because selfishly, I want to remain as healthy as possible, for as long as possible for my kids; and I won’t want to taint a child’s life because of all my medication and medical problems.
It is my second time D&C, but it feels extremely crappy today because I know what ‘could have been’.
My husband is consoling me that we have 2 kids already and we are blessed.

 

[itsmelissa]

I also went through the same thing before, we had to terminate the pregnancy coz of a neural defect. I was so devastated that I really cried so much, all day and night, but it really helped to have a strong support system. It helped for me to talk to close friends and cry to them. Your husband is right, you are still blessed in spite of your situation. For now it may be time to grieve, but I hope soon you will also be able to overcome

 

[Blessed daughter]

My husband now doesn’t want to talk about it, so I will deal with it on my own. I just went for follow up yesterday, being at the clinic makes me want to cry. I think for you, I can understand it is devastating, hopes are crushed and it is a horrible experience, and there was no choice. I had a choice and I made a non-popular one, because I wanted to save my own health. I will always carry this guilt, wondering what-if.

It’s great to have a good support system. I didnt talk about it to anyone except my husband and mom. All my mom said was “better not want, your body cannot take it”, and although our religion doesn’t agree with this, she said too high risk. But that really doesn’t help with the guilt

 

[felicat]

Thanks for sharing your experience. You're really brave. Take care of your health!