crashburner
New Member
hmmm....then what if its the wife whom is not interested in sex?
I FEEL VERY VERY TEMPTED TO GET A DIVORCE AND START AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW. AM I OK?
- Thread starter Linwong
- Start date
tricialau81
Member
Clover 13 I completely feel u ; ( dun wan our family to b torn apart hence holding on to the relationship dunno how long it will last! Honestly my husband and I can go up to 5 months without sex! Initially he said due to work he's v stress but now I know he's actually worried abt me finding out abt his debts... nit sure if he has affair though...
tricialau81
Member
I think sex is a hint... If your husband is not interested in having sex w u he must b hiding something from u... not necessary affair though..
We went without sex for 2 years. ..I think any normal woman would have known something is wrong but I stupidly believed he's a faithful guy and maybe I'm really not doing sufficient on my part to make him happy (Btw he said I have a lower standard in managing household and this is the thing that pissed him off and accumulate into frustrations thus lead him to cannot have sex with me and have to find someone ). He had the affair for ard 2 years plus during lunchtime. .and best part is it started in my late 3rd trimester with my boy...such irony..He wants a son so badly and I out of love feel so happy that I can fulfilled his wish..He had affair when I was looking at my worst ..well tricia. .I think u are right I'm bearing for the family but at the same time...I think I'm waiting for the last straw that will really cut me and my heart off ...then I can tell myself & kids in the future...no regrets, I have tried but really he's such bastard till the very end...really..I'm waiting for this to come
tricialau81
Member
feel u completely. ..... no women can stand infidelity.... sometimes I also really hope to let my husband hv a taste of his own med! So he can really understand how I feel! Trying to figure out wat exactly is wrong and wat led him astray... did your husband come back home after work or did he frequent out w his fres?
Actuall
Actually he came home after work and seldom frequent out w frens. Nonetheless he involves in a lot of participation of a society which had been on going even when we are in courting stages..I will let him continue whatever he wants as an understanding woman ..but his affair was in office...He is a super meticulous guy..those who clear cache after each Internet session and a clever guy who arrange and control his mistress that she only can contact him during office hours...He has sex with her during lunch time, haha..While I'm satisfying my tummy with food..he's satisfying his lust during lunch time...I think I'm really very very lucky to find out from such a guy like him. .think he thot he's so smart that he will never b found and became lax in deleting one sms ...Which I saw and kept quiet...quickly launch into investigation mode but even then can't find anything at all...nonetheless ladies..If u gals have the strong gut feel if your hubby having affair...pls pursue at all costs. .even when others said u might b mistaken etc...there are many ways to deduce even w no concrete evidence. ..
tricialau81
Member
Really dunno Wat some guys r thinking! Did u try going for marriage counselling? But your husband must b willing to commit too... I was advised to go there...
tricialau81
Member
My mum even suggested hiring a private detective! Lol... I just dun wan to go to tat extend 
maybe I'm just afraid to face reality
maybe I'm just afraid to face realityDun mind my opinion, I think the faster u get the outcome the better. .cut short your losses while u are still young and dun invest so much yr energy in potential worthless guy. But pls be prepared for the worst case scenario ..meaning divorce and move on..to me it's not a worst case scenario. .it was a good escape for me as I feel when am I suffering in such a marriage. .I feel I can be happier without him and if evidence came out, I can divorce him w valid reason...well turns out I'm holding on for 3 mths to see if this monkey still worth staying with. .i have the upper hand now, he dun dare to make me angry but I dunno how long it will last but I'll make hay when the sun is shining. ..because I knew I can exit the game anytime now..Dun be afraid knowing the truth and what it will do to u. Always have the backup plan and believe u can live happily without him too..This will make those bastards feel they don't have a handle over u and scared..If they are no longer scared losing u then wats the point of staying in such relationship? Dun waste your money on private investigator yet. .. u can get more clues or direct answers from elsewhere and at cheaper cost..but then u need to be determined to find out the truth before u proceed cuz it's not for the faint heart..If u have the password to the mobile device of your hubby and really keen in finding the truth...pm me. .
tricialau81
Member
I'm a sahm and I'm not confident tat my kids and I will b happier without him... I'm afraid tat my kids will resent me for my decision 1 day. My boy 7 yrs now is starting to know... of course we will hide in our rooms and quarrel but he's not deaf nor blind... so everytime I try to ren until when he's zzzz then I will lash out w my husband ; ( cos I hv seen instances where e kids actually resent their own parents for divorcing not being able to provide them a healthy and happy family... I dun wan my kids to b in e same precadiment. ... and those kids usually r v inferior and introvert... I'm worried 1 wrong move from me may scar them for life!!!!
tricialau81
Member
Of course I also know staying in a battling home is unhealthy for a growing child too.... but if I'm financially independent I will definitely say BYE BYE!
Actually when I was deliberating if I shall divorce him..All your insecurities are the same as mine but I decided if the mum is not happy staying in marriage. .The kids will not be happy too..there are many examples of how single parents brought up the kids and they do turn out well too..understand your concern on finances but if he did really err in the marriage and if brought to court..he'll need to pay maintainece too...on your part, I urge u to be brave. .not to be overcome by potential difficulties. .If u are really worried on finance part..then try taking a part time job to start with...u need to start off with somewhere...Dun lament on your situation hoping it will change...u need to make yourself happy..take charge of it and u will not feel helpless then u can logically think on next step. Jia you!
Jasmine Tan
Member
Yup, unfaithful husband, then be an unfaithful wife, go have an affair with someone else, I think it's the right way.
tricialau81
Member
Thanks for your encouragement clover! Jasmine my sentiments exactly! I dun think my husband is having an affair he's addicted to gambling and in 80k of debts!!! Once bitten twice shy dunno y he did it agsin!!!
Thalia88
New Member
Men also the suffering party. He got into a happy marriage but after 3 kids, his wife refused to have sex, so the poor chap is at his wits' end. And getting ribbed by his frens and also some bad advice like trying to set him up with other women, or trying to get him to go for paid sex. Just to let you gals know that guys too have their problems with their missus.
Alamak! I must post in response despite your post being in Oct long ago. Men diy for convenience. If you see yr guys diy in shower, get in and save your marriage. There is also Viagra etc to help create good erections if he has the desire for you. If a guy "is tired", he is simply not interested in having sex with you. You must try and see if he really is tired by initiating sex. If he really is tired, check whether his dick gets up and if it doesnt then he probably just had sex within the last two hours if he's (aged 46 and older).
And as tricialau81 suggested that he may be hiding something but not an affair, yes, he could be hiding the ccondition of his dick if he is infected with an STD and getting treatment. It doesnt look nice and may hurt in erection.
Why stick it out? The way you're writing about him, you'll never ever get back with him again as before. Best start anew.
Sad. Why do you think you are doing men a favour bearing children for men? Did you not want children when you were making babies? Women will always suffer their figures with child birth (except Heidi Klum!) and men will also get pot belly with age (if they dont go to the gym etc) so equalise out there. Just dim the lights a bit, dont take every bit of clothes off, or do it spoon-wise, and be adventurous.
Wow! Then it's the start of trouble. Sex is part of marriage. Hell, you produce children through sex. Question is why is the wife not interested in sex? And if so, she must be prepared to let the husband get it outside. Just make sure he doesnt have sex with his girl friends as youre sure to lose him to someone who is willing to go to bed often and foc. Better that he goes to sex workers as frequency will be limited as it's costly.
tifflim
Member
Dear Linwong,
In my opinions, I feel that having affair is not an option that you can opt for just jump into it. Think of ways to prove your husband that you are better off than other woman. Every woman holds a respect and if you can hold the respect for yourself never think of having affair. As the man you going to have affair can be the same as your hubby or even worst off than your hubby. I agree with you that to be someone legal wife/husband is like so simple, a simple vow, signature in the papers and etc. But to hold a marriage its hard, but one way to hold a marriage is to understand your partner needs and wants. Mutual communication, understanding plays an important role in a marriage. Simple simple things that your partner needs from you, do it. It will make your relationship better and the bonding will be there. Not just I scold you with words, you scold me back with words. Marriage is not like that. When one is hot the either partner must be cold to calm down your partner. Talking things out will make things better. Yes I understand that he is feeling pressurized or his workloads are more, etc. But when he returns home, welcome him with love. Give a sweet kiss and hug. Let his now that you miss him a lot. Maybe he could push you away and seems not interested. But keep trying to woo your partner with love. Do things that will attract his attention towards you. Get him reminded of the days he used to date you before your marriage. Divorce is not the only solutions. If divorce was the only solution for every small issues, then why bother marrying. Should have remained dating each other so that simply you could end the relationship. Think of a way that you can solve this issues. Not just say divorce and getting into another relationship. What differences would it make? Every relationship will have problems and challenges that you will face, Not everyday will be bed of roses. So try to juggle with your problems by finding for a solution to it. So if you divorce and have affair you think, that relationship will be bed of roses. I am sure, it wont make any differences to it. In my opinions, I feel communication and the way you juggle with the problems is the problems. You seems to just rush into making a decisions. Sex is a secondary NEED but love and understanding is our primary NEEDS.
I hope that you will find solutions to your problems and you can hold and save this marriage.
In my opinions, I feel that having affair is not an option that you can opt for just jump into it. Think of ways to prove your husband that you are better off than other woman. Every woman holds a respect and if you can hold the respect for yourself never think of having affair. As the man you going to have affair can be the same as your hubby or even worst off than your hubby. I agree with you that to be someone legal wife/husband is like so simple, a simple vow, signature in the papers and etc. But to hold a marriage its hard, but one way to hold a marriage is to understand your partner needs and wants. Mutual communication, understanding plays an important role in a marriage. Simple simple things that your partner needs from you, do it. It will make your relationship better and the bonding will be there. Not just I scold you with words, you scold me back with words. Marriage is not like that. When one is hot the either partner must be cold to calm down your partner. Talking things out will make things better. Yes I understand that he is feeling pressurized or his workloads are more, etc. But when he returns home, welcome him with love. Give a sweet kiss and hug. Let his now that you miss him a lot. Maybe he could push you away and seems not interested. But keep trying to woo your partner with love. Do things that will attract his attention towards you. Get him reminded of the days he used to date you before your marriage. Divorce is not the only solutions. If divorce was the only solution for every small issues, then why bother marrying. Should have remained dating each other so that simply you could end the relationship. Think of a way that you can solve this issues. Not just say divorce and getting into another relationship. What differences would it make? Every relationship will have problems and challenges that you will face, Not everyday will be bed of roses. So try to juggle with your problems by finding for a solution to it. So if you divorce and have affair you think, that relationship will be bed of roses. I am sure, it wont make any differences to it. In my opinions, I feel communication and the way you juggle with the problems is the problems. You seems to just rush into making a decisions. Sex is a secondary NEED but love and understanding is our primary NEEDS.
I hope that you will find solutions to your problems and you can hold and save this marriage.
tricialau81
Member
Hi tifflim wat abt my case? I'm really v v v disheartened whenever I c my kids so in love w their father I can't bring myself to take this love away... divorce also cannot dun divorce also cannot... I try to forgive him for e sake of our children but I really can't! It has been too many times and greed has taken over him! I can't forget wat he did so how can I forgive? e sight of him disgusted me but I hv been putting up w him for e sake of my kids cos they r still young 6 and 1 yr old... I wan them to b happy and grow up in a happy normal family but y must my husband do it all over again if he loves us?! I asked him all he said was sorry
whenever I c my kids so in love w their father I can't bring myself to take this love away... divorce also cannot dun divorce also cannot... I try to forgive him for e sake of our children but I really can't! It has been too many times and greed has taken over him! I can't forget wat he did so how can I forgive? e sight of him disgusted me but I hv been putting up w him for e sake of my kids cos they r still young 6 and 1 yr old... I wan them to b happy and grow up in a happy normal family but y must my husband do it all over again if he loves us?! I asked him all he said was sorry
tifflim
Member
Hi!Hi tifflim wat abt my case? I'm really v v v disheartened
If you don't mind. I would greatly appreciate if you could give me rough idea of what he did to you or what are the problems/issues you are facing?
Hi .. Sadly I hv bn in ur shoes and clearly know how hard it is... Trust me, it surely isn't easy let alone I was nearing my 40s. Anyway, facts first...how old is your kid? How long was your marriage? How old are you n how old is he? What is he working as? You may pm me privately if you want. Am no genuine in a lamp but someone who like u and almost kill myself. Just bear in mind, one chapter ends and another new chapter will begin and is up to you as you are the main character for your life story. So it's' isn't "the end"...there's more for you than you can possibly imagine... God loves the afflicted and weak and never leaves them alone to fight their own battles. I can testify that. Hang in there... Be bless ...jo
tifflim
Member
I totally agree with gladjo that God loves the afflicted and weak ones and never will leave them alone to fight their own battles. No matter how hard it is I strongly feel that you have someone up there watching over you. He gives you problems to test you because he knows you can manage it well although it seems hard. I am sure there will be a solution to your problems. Just be confident and I am sure you can do it well.
Hi tricialau81, hope u r ok? Dun do anything stupid ok, your kids needs you n your are bless to hv a supportive mum also. Divorce can be hard but the kids will gradually understand. God give double portion favor to our kids ...cos of our suitation n is in the Bible God himself acts like a Father to the fatherless... Isn't that wonderful.. So dun be sad, rejoice your days of torment n suffering are over soon, a new chapter of hope n sunshine starts... Cheer up... God bless
tricialau81
Member
Hi gladjio and tifflim thank you so much for your support and kind advises will b strong for my children for now . .. I can only pray hard that my husband had really gotten his wake up call now and repent!!! But I know e odds r against me
. .. I can only pray hard that my husband had really gotten his wake up call now and repent!!! But I know e odds r against metricialau81
Member
I will definitely leave him if I dun hv any kids but now both of my kids r still young and they love their father so much cos they had no idea what's going on....
Hi ticialau81
Good you are firm, take courage n do what is right. Yes you are at cross roads now..it's no easy decision.
But before you decides, have a firm good talk with him ..marriage takes both hands to work. It's isn't just You. Yes, the thought of it is heart quenching what " if " n what "if" ... Be strong..otherwise you are always on this limbo rock...some days good some days bad n this will affect your mental health plus the kids also.
Take courage, you are not alone, we all here have all gone through it all. Yes, kids are affected...it is not a choice but keep explaining n talking to them...even when you hv said a thousands times, reaffirming your love is the strongest element that will pull them through when difficult times pop up. Our Chinese culture is silent love n that isn't working well in this millennium age...so keep talking n show love to the kids.
May God bless you His shalom peace that surpasses all understanding n may His strength be your strength... God bless...Jo
Good you are firm, take courage n do what is right. Yes you are at cross roads now..it's no easy decision.
But before you decides, have a firm good talk with him ..marriage takes both hands to work. It's isn't just You. Yes, the thought of it is heart quenching what " if " n what "if" ... Be strong..otherwise you are always on this limbo rock...some days good some days bad n this will affect your mental health plus the kids also.
Take courage, you are not alone, we all here have all gone through it all. Yes, kids are affected...it is not a choice but keep explaining n talking to them...even when you hv said a thousands times, reaffirming your love is the strongest element that will pull them through when difficult times pop up. Our Chinese culture is silent love n that isn't working well in this millennium age...so keep talking n show love to the kids.
May God bless you His shalom peace that surpasses all understanding n may His strength be your strength... God bless...Jo
Thalia88
New Member
To be honest I am very very very sure that your children will not resent you for taking their father away. It's really about educating and communicating with them. My siblings and I are products of a divorced family since young. My mother didn't do her job of being a good mother (she also admits it herself) and left us with our dad while she remarried.
At the end of the day, I didn't want my mother to leave the family but I tried my best to sympathise with both mom and dad about why they chose to make this decision, and I understood from a very young age that it was for the best. My parents also educated me about their decision, that's why I can accept it. And I like to think that I turned out well with no emotional baggage.
If you ever find the courage to leave your unhappy marriage, I pray that your children can understand. Your happiness is also important, so don't sacrifice it if you don't have to!
I understand how you feel linwong...before i quit my job and be SAHM i seek advises here since my husband hqs quite a temper forcing me to quit my job and become big headed when i stay at home. After reading opinions from fellow great mates here i told my husband that i wana continue to work and put my baby at my superior house.like it or not husband agrees. Imagine if i was to be left by husband, penniless where shall i stay then.. so its best to be independent nowadays cant really hope for support from husband unlike olden days.
