Child Adoption


Hi Yuli, iwantitvmuch, invictus, dream & all, thankevellymuchie for ya kind words. I'll def take the multivit - sweetened with ya well-wishes and prayers. Think it must be ya prayers that I was able to secure the date of leave i wanted from my boss. He is very very supportive ;)
 
Kay la,
I can imagine your state of mind. Everything falling into place. I am really happy for you. It is so heartwarming to know that your little bundle will be home soon. Lots of shopping to do. Remember to clean the clothes and bed sheet first as these tAke time to dry. And of course, milk bottle and milk powder! How exciting! Enjoy the shopping! That s part of the fun too!
 
wow Kayla! CONGRATULATIONS! i'm really happy to hear it has all gone well.... really really happy for you, your hubby & your families. It's the next phase in your lives - a fab one! Yes, Mother Mary never fail us. Don't burn yourself out with exhaustion, pace yourselves although the adrenalin from the excitement can get you quite far
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enjoy every minute!

Nicole, I think your friend has a wrong concept of adoption: we are not adopting to HELP a child, we just want to be parents, that's why she felt so slighted when you turned her down. Perhaps if you explain it to her this way, she might see the light. If not, then, well, you have tried. Good friends do go through rough patches - give it time and evaluate further down the road.

Take care all, another week of hope and blessings
 
Kayla - Welcome to motherhood! Wonderful and awesome feeling isn't it?! Guess it is all worth the waiting. Like Yuli, I was in intense mode for the first week when bb arrived. Besides vita, chicken essence works for me as energy booster. Enjoy your sleepless nites ahead... haha.

Mrs Ha - Do ensure documents produced looks genuine and original. You shd get copy of birth parents I/C which shd tally. If you have any doubts, don't hesitate to ask your agent until you are clear. We made a mistake by believing everything what the agent told us for our first adoption even though it didn't sounds quite right and we almost got ourselves into trouble. Not forgetting our pain and lost. Also, to share that I do know of adoptive parents regretting not having to meet with biological parents at later stage. I guess it was for disclosure purpose. I didn't met them either cos' I figured I didn't know how to handle the situation. Till now, no regrets for me YET. So, its up to you. Hope to hear good news from you soon.

Have a blessed week ahead everyone!
 
Kayla, Congrats! Enjoy your sleep..if bb still at Alice place.

iwantivmuch,
Talking abt bb clothes...i totally forgotten i did pass you some to you...hehe...btw do u still hv them...my hubby was telling me a few days ago that he might want another girl instead of a boy...haha...so happy to hear that...
But too bad...most of those girlish clothing i hv passed to pple...jia lat
 
iwantitvmuch, frequency of TAFNET Small Home Group (SHG)s meetings are dependent on the group you join - some meet monthly, some 6 weekly. there is a social gathering every 2 mths where everyone from all SHGs can meet with the kids.
 
BlesswBB, I have alot of clothings whom my friend gave. I can pass some to you, don't worry. Your hubby prefer a girl?? Good for you.
But boy is good cos they not so manja. They are easy to look after too and they are usually mommy's boy.

vicksmommy, I'm checking with TAFNET which is my group. I can't remember if I'm being assigned.
 
Vanilla Latte,
thanks for the messages & wishes.

hey seniors
Hey! anybody can suggest any book to read about adoption & write about what we have learnt about the book (for HSR filling up)
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thanks
 
Mrs Ha, I remember that I didn't start reading any book. However, you can start buying from bookstore and say that you will try to explore reading them. I also stated that I was reading blogs of adoptive parents and acquire knowledge of adoption from this forum whereby I hear real encounters from adoptive parents.
This answer was acceptable to the social worker.
 
iwantivmuch,
he said he wants another girl as companionship for our older girl as he's worried that boy will not hv good communication and bond with her. His concern is our little girl who will not have anyone if we no longer around.

Mrs Ha,
I also did not read any books until the SW in-charge intro some to us. But seriously till now i haven't got time to read any. I believe real life sharing will be good...maybe u can join TAFNET to know more.
 
Hi Mrs Ha,
They are many around actually
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But incase you find books hard to find time to read (I totally can identify w BlessBB is not easy to find time reading).

I think the assessor just want to know you did some homework, I don't think source (Internet, Books, Sharing) is important in that sense
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What you can do is check out some Good Adoption Site which have articles which are quite good read and guide, I think joining TAFNET group will be good too, the group we just started to attend have a couple who is currently awaiting their 1st HSR interview but decided to join the group to start learning more
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Esp now when the BB has not arrives you will find much more time for attending these meetings

BTW some good sites,
- http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/
- http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption.html
- http://www.emkpress.com/realisticexpectations.html
- http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/
- http://www.adoption.org/

Again agreed w BlessBB nothing compares to connecting to other parents who have been there and done that
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Mrs Chou,
Thanks a ton for sharing the sites
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iwantitvmuch, blesswbb
thanks for sharing. I thought I'm the only one who hasn't started reading books. thanks for assuring I'm normal.
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hey seniors
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Just wondering where to submit hsr? touch or sbl

any good/ bad experience?

Was told by one of the forum members that there is some problem with touch on follow ups & are quiet slow
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Any shortcuts possible by the adoption agnecies?

thanks
 
@Mrs Ha, I seriously don't think any agencies can influence the speed of the Accredited HSR centers. I think one key issue now, is the lack of assessors in many of the HSR Accredited Centers. Thus waiting time r now between 4-6mths.

May be you can try calling and check which center have the shortest waiting time from Submitting form to the 1st HSR interview. I went to FeiYue, but do have friends who went to TOUCH and SBL and all seems to met nice assessor include myself
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BTW do decide on the center than download the form from the Center sites cos though similiar set of questions, each centers have their own set of forms
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I am not so sure what kind of follow up issues which you mentioned but I think generally most assessor are nice. As long as all required documentations (on top of the HSR form) are submitted follow up should not be a problem. As for quiet slow, maybe because the HSR report produce by the assessor required very detail write up, ours was like a 20 page report...phew !
 
dearest all,

finally ... got time to fill all of you in with some updates - which i look forward to doing despite the hustle & bustle as i truly appreciate all the support, well-wishes and advice that has been showered upon us

Kayla returned home on tue after a visit to the cardi. she's healthy except for a mild condition where the 'door' to the lungs from the heart is a bit constricted. I'm not overly concerned bout this as the cardi has assurred me that she'll be able to lead a normal life with a slight risk of infection thus gotta be careful when she has prolonged fever. had discussed with hubby on sun when we 1st saw her that regardless of the outcome of her med checks on Mon & Tue, we'll be blessed to hav her as our daughter

hubby couldnt take time off so fetch Kayla home with Alice thus i went by myself. wen we were waiting for Alice's car at Mt E's porch for the ride home, i cried tears of happiness as i cuddled her in my arms.

We came home to a warm welcome by hubby's family. My fam came over almost imme as well. I brought her to the family altar and said a silent prayer of thanks to God for His blessing and to entrust Kayla in His hands. I showed her to my father-in-law (pic) who would have loved her dearly and be a great caregiver if he was alive.

I bathed her as she had gel on her bod during med check. the rest of the day and the last few days went by like a dream - velly bz but felt so blessed with many visitors who blessed us with their gift of hand-me-downs, gifts, advice & ime. They were so kind to make sure the hand-me-downs are useful and washed so i can use them imme. the gifts all fall into place as they complement one another which made the 1.5 day poss to get everything ready for Kayla. the advice so precious, hee, although many contradict, but i could weigh them & decide what to do, learning fr this wealth of knowledge. time - to support me, esp whenever i was all alone with bb - to watch bb so i could nap (though i cant cos felt so pai sei), so i could eat, so i could ..... One fren would offer to buy lunch over while another dinner ... Besides my frens on this forum, God has sent His army of angels to watch over and help us

Andrea - you are so right bout the adrenalin. I cant do with disturbed or little sleep and would have dreadful headahches which i've yet to have ;)

dream - cant agree more bout clothes and bedsheet. now i wish i've a dryer cos drying lines are getting overly crowded ;)

die & Blesswbb - thanks for your well-wishes ;)

Sahm - yap, will take chicken essence. hmm, b4 i forget, will take one now ;)

iwantitvmuch - hee, what a relieve to pour my heart out here cos only you guys wil truly understand my hub & i ;)

Mrs Chou - so happy to see you on tue at my place. thanks for ya wonderful advice, assurrance & the beautiful clothes that have been immaculately washed and packed. Kayla is so blessed! Ya's will be her kai kai clothes cos they are so pretty

tata everyone ... hope i'll be able to give ya more updates soon or be of some help to some of you out there like what these angels have done for us
 
Hi google baby,

Thanks for the lovely poems. I copied and used one of them for my facebk status ;)

Have u completed ur HSR and received approval?
 
hi kayla, you are so so blessed!! do you know that when i read that part of your post about standing at the porch of Mt E and crying tears of happiness when you cuddled baby it made me tear as well .. do do keep us updated of your baby adventures k
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hi angel_mummy, you were totally right .. i am absolutely envious of the paternity leave that the swede's have! when i read the article i immediately told my wife abt it .. haha .. i suppose it's possible cos they have pretty high taxes there .. but just couple days back i read that sweden ranks number two on the global business competitiveness index so they must be getting something right in terms of family and work harmony. well .. singapore was third on that index so it's time for us to ramp up our family-friendly policies and culture
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dear friends, our first interview will be coming up in a couple weeks time.. i'm so excited and looking forward to reaching this next milestone .. please do pray for me and my wife k
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Avantika, thanks for the warning. I'm glad you put in the 2nd warning cos I was afraid that the poems will crowd out the important message.

Everyone, Ka_y_la gave her update but you have go back to the last page to read it. Please go back and don't miss out.

Ka_y_la, you made me teary too. I can totally imagine you feeling thankful when you held baby in your hands. I felt the same when I left the doc with my baby. You are bonding with
baby very well. Your baby has the same condition as mine but it's a normal condition for new born. My baby 's condition improved in her sixth months and we are only for her nx check up this Friday. So, don't worry at all.

Googlebaby, so many poems! Thanks.Good idea of Die to use them for life book. I will pick one and do the same.Maybe you can share on the resource on where you find them cos I'm afraid pple will miss out on impt messages posted here if there are more poems. Initially, I thought there were spams and was so worried that our valuable messages would be wiped out.
 
Hi Kayla

Congratulations! I am so happy for you.Reading your account brought back fond memories about the day we brought our baby home.Enjoy every moment with your baby!God bless!

Invictus, good luck with your interview.
 
gogglebaby, thanks for the beautiful poems, great for my girls' life books.

avantika, i hope things have worked out for you to date and thanks for the warning.

kayla, your posting brought back loads of wonderful memories for me too - for those who are 'expecting', this is a glimpse of what it'll be for you so, keep praying for the right baby to come to your families. it'll come sooner than later.

out of curiosity, may I know how much maternity and paternity did everyone get when your babies came home? I'm a SAHM so didn't have to take any leave.
 
Goggle baby
Welcome and thanks for sharing the beautiful poems. I really love them. I always like the one about them growing in our hearts.

Avantika,
Thanks for warning future adoptive parents and it is really sad to read about this.

Kayla
Thanks for updating us and I am sure now you understand why you need vitamins! How often does your girl wake up at nights? My boy used to wake up every 2 hours!

Invictus
How exciting! All the bests!

Andrea
I think the government subsidies one month of adoption leave but there are many criterias to be filled in which are hard to meet. For my case, my company gave me one month of leave ( not reimbursed by government) but there are other sisters who enjoyed 2 months and then others none. But one month is definitely not sufficient compared to the 4 month maternity leave. Took additional leave after that and I had to go back to work when bb was only 2 months. Very heartbreaking.
 
Andrea,
I had a month from the government subsidies and another month from my company. So total, 2 months. I think 2 months are not enough but unlike other pregnant friends, I don't have to get over the pregnancy and not breast feeding. So, I can't complain. Also, few years ago, people(who gave birth) did live with only 2 months of maternity leave.
I wish there's more adoption leave but do not wish for it to be an incentive for people to adopt. So, there must be a balance.
I don't find it an issue b'cos my baby sleep through the night. hahaha. Sorry, Dream!
 
Avantika, your posting on 8 Sep was totally opposite of today's posting which is sending extremely mixed signals. Pls do not take this forum lightly as we are genuinely discussing matters which are very close to our hearts.
 
To the few online users in question, pls do respect the many genuine users of this thread. As Andrea had mentioned, many of us use this thread to share our experiences and thoughts and feelings about a matter especially close to our hearts. Pls refrain from turning this thread into anything else. It is truly unsettling for us genuine users. I do appeal for restraint, and an end to this issue that is in contention. My thanks in advance, please
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Avantika Kirusa(tulip69), appreciate your feedback and sharing. It may, however, be more appropriate to take this matter up with relevant authorities if you feel there is more to it. Do take care and all the best should you decide to proceed with your hsr
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Btw if I am not wrong, whoever created an account and posted to the forum, I believe the administrator can traced back to yr IP Address, simply, no matter how many accounts U created u can be tracked. I Personally do not like tis thread being abused tis way. Thus will be reporting to the forum administrator. Avantika Kirusa(tulip69). Thanks for highlighting to us yr findings I believe anyone who follow tis thread knows how to trace the archived posting and will diligently do researches on agencies before approaching one. Thks again.

As what u mentioned to me is serious matters and if you traced this thread back all the way to 2007, there were some information mention negatives experiences shared by someone on a particular agency which finally close down
when the authorities got involved in investigation.

Thus I strongly suggest if u hv some solid and creditable evidence on hand do go to the authorities and MCYS. I am sure the relevant authorities will carry out necessary steps to ensure no one take adoption lightly.

Again I personally believe all potential adoptive parents will do their home work thoroughly before taking any routes to find their Babies ;)
 
@invictus, great minds think alike haha, I think we were typing and post bat the same time
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btw u mentioned u went to the C.A.P meeting last month (aug 10). Wonder did u n wifey went to any tis month (sep 10) cos I didn't get info send to me about tis month meetingD and I forgotten to call FY, only came the sat than I rem
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hope to met u n wifey in the next C.A.P meeting
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@Andrea, my company follows the govt guideline only perk is that we can take anytime we want not subjected to the 1st 6 mths when the child is home cos many expats in our company adopt so the additional perk. I am only starting to take mind next week and adding on another month using my own leaves, mind mind I am so looking forward to it aridi.....yippee 3 more days

Went to pass some of my BB Girl clothing to kayla's mummy and notice Kayla's daddy is such a pro in taking care of baby ! When we reach, Kayla jus poo poo and was crying abit but when daddy carry her she immediately feel secure and stop carrying, 3 cheers to Kayla's daddy !!! Kayla's mummy was so overwhelmed I can feel her exactly the way I felt when my BB girl came home the first day. Though that was our 1st mtg both Kayla's mummy and me just give each oth a hug before saying anything That I am sure will happen to anyone of us in tis forum who have had that moment ! Feel like tearing aridi when I recall and write about this aridi ....
 
Googlebaby, I appreciate yr poems as it is really nice but I get lost in the diaries, for such long posting can I suggest u create a blog for it and share the link here. If this is close to yr heart a blog will be the most appropriate. We can always go to the blog to view it, cos i believe the other members and myselfs appreciate if we can view the updates from the other parents easily. Really appreciate if u can do that
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Btw I think u might hv misinterpreted invictus comments, I believe he mean to ask " AVANTIKA KIRUSA" to go to the authorities if there is real concerns. Personally I felt that is the best way too.


And for ALL, can we stop the discussion on the "ministry of ...whatever" discussion here. I really hv enough, let's get back to the updates from all the gorgeous mummies and daddies. Again I believe we have rather diligent potential parents here ;)
 
hi angel_mummy, my wife and I have not joined any suppport groups yet, though we are more inclined to TAFNET at the moment. The only reason being that we already have established a link with Fei Yue but have not had any tie ups with Touch as yet. Other than that, both TAFNET and CAP look to be great all round as support groups. Maybe we'll join both if we have the time
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The talk we went to at Fei Yue last month was actually for a disclosure talk by ms evelyn khong. I don't think it was a CAP meeting, and I must say turnout was very good. Hey, really so sweet of you to have gone down to meet Kayla's mummy and pass her the bb clothes. And yes, three cheers for kayla's daddy!!! also, do enjoy ur leave that is coming up .. you'll get to spend so much more time with bb
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Wow ! look like someone have acted on it, all the abuser's postings are gone even in the archived, Hip Hip Hurray ! And the mentioned adoption agency link no longer works too ! This is fast....

Phew...the site is back to "normal"
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Is a good start again !
 
Hi all,

thx for all the encouraging words, I suppose as time goes by and us getting older we will grow to be more mature and hopefully wiser too, for some.

Wow, it's been a while since I logged in cos was busy moving to Indo. And so much has happened.

1st congrats to kayla mommy and daddy, welcome to parenthood.

I agree with mrs chou that finally the thread is back to normal.
 
hi all sorry for the poem flood.

I agree that the thread is more positive now.

I am still doing the HSR application, my hubby is feeling so uncomfortable to answer so many questions. any advice , i am afraid he might not be able to take it
 
Hey Seniors
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We have atlast finished completing the HSR marathon. OMG! it really took the breathe away..We're planning to submit later this month when we'll be attending the pre-adoption workshop conducted by touch. Until then, there will be more corrections
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in search of the most perfect first-time parents
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Well..we'll be starting our countdown to the first interview after our HSR submission, Until then tension builds up!

thanks all for making it possible! U folks are really a +ve vibe..
 
Hi Mrs Ha,

Congrats! ;) Quick quick submit..then the wait..zzz..i submitted exactly 1 mth ago..now twiddling my thumbs..waiting is hard..;(

Invictus,
How were u informed abt the 1st interview date? by phone? email? exactly how long fr ur submission to the 1st interview date? TIA and gd luck!!

Nicole,
Hows ur bb? Have u joined ur hubby in Indo?
 
Andrea,

I spoke to my boss. Shes granting me one mth adoption leave as compensated by gov. And i may add six days unpaid infant care leave to it.

Dear all,
parents with infants up to 2 yrs are entitled to 6 days unpaid infant care leave yearly on top of the 6 days paid childcare leave for children up to 6 yrs old.
 
Hi everyone, I'm new here. Like most of you, I've gone through a series of heartache and disappointment... IVF, etc. We've finally received our HSR and would like to start the adoption process soon. I've heard so many horror stories with adoption agencies. I'll appreciate some recommendation. Also what is the process like and how long does it take? Thanks!
 
Hi Die,

she's ok, I guess! Other than her short nap hrs(abt 1/2 hr long each time), she is adapting quite well i think. She enjoys socialising and talking to people.

Am now trying to train her to sleep longer cos she needs it and i can get housework done.

We have moved to Indo since last week with my hubby and settling down at our new rented place. It's nothing like s'pore but i suppose it just takes some time for us to adapt and get used to it.

Hi percy (plee),

Most of the mommies and daddies here recommends or used lotus adoption agency by an agent named alice. We did not go thru the adoption thru her but we recommended a close friend and alice is really good, cos we went to visit their baby while they were going thru the adoption process.

She makes sure everything is done properly for u and then pass the baby to u.

U can chk with some of the ladies here.
 
Thanks Nicole.

Anyone else can provide feedback about Lotus?

Also, how long does it take from registering with adoption agency to actually having a baby? Thanks.
 
@Percy, we got our baby girl thru Alice too, she has more than 10 yrs experience in tis area so rather comfortable w her. The other agency I heard v good feedback is Mr Low from Greenhouse, u can call Mr Low to check with him too. U may want to go back to the archived of this thread by clicking on the list of archived thread above to read the feedback from other parents ;)
though may take much time but since u hv "endure" the process of filling up the long HSR form and it's interviews, I suggest reading the archives of this thread you will gain tons of knowledge and good information from other parents, . Hubby n me benefited a lot from here I literally spend 3 nites reading from the 1st post back in 2007... I don't think u need to back so far lah, may be half a year will do
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@ Nicole, so happy for u and yr baby now being together w hubby/daddy, yr hubby must hv missed both of u dearly, I m sure ;)

@ Lyn, u can check out this site in MCYS for a rough guideline for the process and it's estimates timeline,
http://fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg/ChildrenNParenthood/AdoptAChild/RelatedOrganisations/MCYS/
1st thing 1st, go to the list of HSR accredited agencies from the above link, call them up and check the waiting time for HSR to be done upon submission of yr HSR form, decide on which one u want to go get yr HSR done, download the Really LONG form fill it up and submit it. This itself is a long process ;)

@Percy, oh as for how long does it take, if u a referring to getting yr child, it really depends, I call Mr Low (Greenhouse) n Alice (Lotus) on the same day and happen that Alice has a baby with her who is 2 weeks old, so we become parents "immediately", I think that is how it happen for Karen too ;)
And like a blink of an eye our baby girl is 5 months old now :D
 
@Lyn
I completely agree wirh Mrs.chou. The process of filling up HSR is really a looooooooong process. the Q in it really test ur patience & also feel 'why the ______ those infertility treatments dint work for u?'. Believe me...i've just finished fillinf in those 25 poages & it toook nearly a month for me. ( but my fren told me she she was able to finish it in a couple of hours...i seriously dont believe her
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)i'm gonna submit this end of this week.

there's a workshop conducted by touch on this friday, http://www.touch.org.sg/news_events reg pre-adoption...i believe it'll be helpful, u need to fill in the details of the dates in which u attended such workshops in ur HSR & i think its mandatory to attend such workshops.

OMG! now that i've completed the HSR, I become a senior...
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@percy
For me, I spoke to Ms.Alice from Lotus Agency based on the recommendations from the group.She sounds really nice. She's quite flexi too. We're planning to get our baby thro' her.

So, based on the pre-adoption customer service by Ms.Alice, I would recommend Lotus for u.
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Good luck
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Thanks so much for your info mrs ha and mrs chou.

mrs chou - it's so heartwarming to hear that you're a mummy now. After going through infertility issues, it's so nice for me to hear stories like yours and knowing that something good comes out of it.

mrs ha - the HSR is so tough, it's like sitting through an exam! Babywise, I guess our timings will be about the same.

I spoke with Alice today and we'll probably get our baby through her. She seems to know what she's doing. It'll be late nov for us as we'll be travelling and settling some stuff so not ready until then.

I'm having trouble with my parents - they're not very supportive and it saddens me...
 
@Percy, I am sure yr parents will come to term w, under std and respect yr decision one day, who knows may be the day they see yr baby. What u can do is if there is adoption related workshop in a language they under std bring them along ;)
I guess they r just worrying for u and maybe for themselves on how to handle disclosure issues in the future.

I am just thinking the other thing u n hubby can do is once u settle down well with baby join the TALFNET or Fei Yue C.A.P support group, that help create a new circle of parents friends who share same experiences. When yr family r expose to oths w similar experiences they may see it in different light
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In the meantime like the many seniors who r more "senior" than me hv mentioned, concentrate on enjoying yrself and with your hubby couple time, in the midst of all busy schedule , do rest n relax and most impt stay healthy n fit, u will realise that is the best gift u can give to yr new bundle of joy when he/she arrives. Btw just realize u can't receive PM Thot of sending u something via private message ;)
 
Percy, i understand how u feel. I m in the midst of adopting, discussed with hubby abt it and he is less resistant to the idea like he used to be. But now one hurdle after another and thats parents in law apart. As its gtg to be their first grandchild we r not sure how r they gtg to react or rather will they give acknowlegement to this adoptive child? All these questions seems like too much for us to take now... Ladies, would u be able to share more on this? Thks a million...
 
@percy

I too went thro' the same issues
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Adoption is very much a taboo word in our community. After going through a lot of failed fertility treatments & losing a lot of $, Still my family members are pressuring me to drop the idea of adoption & go for different doc/ clinics for different kinds of fertility treatments. Thankfully, our doc certified me as a lady who can't bear a child of my own
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..which changed my hubby to convert to my side for adoption. Still my in-laws have not fully come into terms with adoption idea
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as its gonna be the first baby of the next generation. No choice, I'm still praying hard for them to accept my idea & support us in our adoption process & take the adopted baby as a part of us.
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Percy, sorry to hear that your in-laws have not fully come to terms with it. I hope your in-laws want both of you to be happy and that is to let you have what you both want. Happy couple vs a couple with an empty cradle? If they want you both to be happy, then they should give you their blessings. Maybe you can mention something along those lines so that they can come to their senses.
Like what Mrs Chou said is true, once you joined TAFNET, your circle of TAFNET mates will help you. My mom in law loves my daughter to bits. I can invite you to my place for tea and they can observe how my mother-in-law interact with my girl. Hopefully, things like that will break down the barrier.
 
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