Cheated from courtship till married

[precioustricia]

We are married for 18years with 2 kids. He had an affair 12years back with an ex colleague,i forgave him.
Recently i found out on his paid sex in his recent biz trip in China and he claimed its his first. I forgave him again. But i found out he hasnt been truthful and keep lying to me on his confession, he had paid sex since during courtship till now, my world shattered. He sweared he will change,and also he claimed he has sex addiction issue. Will you believe and give him another chance as a benefit of doubt?

 

[margret]

We are married for 18years with 2 kids. He had an affair 12years back with an ex colleague,i forgave him.
Recently i found out on his paid sex in his recent biz trip in China and he claimed its his first. I forgave him again. But i found out he hasnt been truthful and keep lying to me on his confession, he had paid sex since during courtship till now, my world shattered. He sweared he will change,and also he claimed he has sex addiction issue. Will you believe and give him another chance as a benefit of doubt?

Can I ask you this question. If u have a daughter and your son in law is doing this. Will u ask your daughter to continue stay with him


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[MoeLanYong]

We are married for 18years with 2 kids. He had an affair 12years back with an ex colleague,i forgave him.
Recently i found out on his paid sex in his recent biz trip in China and he claimed its his first. I forgave him again. But i found out he hasnt been truthful and keep lying to me on his confession, he had paid sex since during courtship till now, my world shattered. He sweared he will change,and also he claimed he has sex addiction issue. Will you believe and give him another chance as a benefit of doubt?

Someone wise told me Every marriage is a work in progress. It never ends.

At least he is admitting to a problem. You can try working it out with him.

The alternative is a messy divorce

 

[janey09]

We are married for 18years with 2 kids. He had an affair 12years back with an ex colleague,i forgave him.
Recently i found out on his paid sex in his recent biz trip in China and he claimed its his first. I forgave him again. But i found out he hasnt been truthful and keep lying to me on his confession, he had paid sex since during courtship till now, my world shattered. He sweared he will change,and also he claimed he has sex addiction issue. Will you believe and give him another chance as a benefit of doubt?

I guess u have to make a decision whether it's truth he is a sex addict.

He not only betray u emotional but physically.

Don't be afraid to make a decision. A leopard never change it's spot.

Don't listen to those man. They always play on the part that u will not dare to divorce. There is nothing messy as claimed by a man. He confessed to u.u can use that to file a divorce.

With so much lesson u think he can change for u? Never !

When he thinks he can't outsmart u, he will do it again.
Are u able to be hurt by him again and again

 

[MoeLanYong]

Go ahead and divorce then.

Exchange lawyer letters. Sell home. Buy new home. Renovate. Day time go work. Night time bring up 2 kids on your own. Get used to being alone.

No big deal ya

 

[wendy_reborn]

Go ahead and divorce then.

Exchange lawyer letters. Sell home. Buy new home. Renovate. Day time go work. Night time bring up 2 kids on your own. Get used to being alone.

No big deal ya

As always u are are concerned about the materialistic expectation of thing. Do u know how difficult to handle when your spouse betray you again an d again

I seriously doubt that you are giving genuine advice. U must have a nasty divorce that why you always those here in motherhood forum not to divorce but to give in to husband even husband commit adultery. Your wife short Change u?

 

[MoeLanYong]

I don't get why others don't see it

There are only 2 options.

1. Divorce

2. And everyday TS is not divorcing, she is "choosing" to stay. And since she is staying, her best option is to fix it. Not do nothing.

Yes the husband did wrong. Yes I feel sorry for TS. But please tell me there is a 3rd option other than the above 2?

Rather than attack me, reason it with me.

 

[wendy_reborn]

I don't get why others don't see it

There are only 2 options.

1. Divorce

2. And everyday TS is not divorcing, she is "choosing" to stay. And since she is staying, her best option is to fix it. Not do nothing.

Yes the husband did wrong. Yes I feel sorry for TS. But please tell me there is a 3rd option other than the above 2?

Rather than attack me, reason it with me.

There are many other options. To you as a man only two option?

TS can file for separation if she need time to prepare. He still pay maintenance to them.

Or she can draw up a post matrimonial agreement if husband comitted the act of adultery he have to pay them full maintenance and give TS the house.

 

[MoeLanYong]

There are many other options. To you as a man only two option?

TS can file for separation if she need time to prepare. He still pay maintenance to them.

Or she can draw up a post matrimonial agreement if husband comitted the act of adultery he have to pay them full maintenance and give TS the house.

There you go. Options for TS to consider.

(In case you don't know, your first answer is to divorce and your second is to fix it)

 

[Mongkok]

This is a typical cat and mouse union. No catch no confession and nvr chg.

Anyway he is very dirty. Aka public toilet alr. No longer trust worthy and reliable.

Anyway, forget abt using your true love to change him. Only works in fairytale. Changing yourself will be a faster route.

If u are ready financially, jus move on bef u get HIV. There are better guys out there.

Btw, when ppl say 'work on your marriage', it means 2 person making an effort towards 1 goal. Not 1 still sleeping ard and the other accommodating. Dont waste time on ppl that don't share same goal as u.

 

[precioustricia]

Can I ask you this question. If u have a daughter and your son in law is doing this. Will u ask your daughter to continue stay with him


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I wont ask my daughter to continue if they do not have children. If they do, i mayb ask her to forgive if that is his first betrayal to her.

 

[precioustricia]

Someone wise told me Every marriage is a work in progress. It never ends.

At least he is admitting to a problem. You can try working it out with him.

The alternative is a messy divorce

I decided to forgive after knowing his China paid sexs, i thought he just did it out of addiction as he claimed but turned out those were not his first and definitely not his last if i didnt find out!

 

[margret]

I decided to forgive after knowing his China paid sexs, i thought he just did it out of addiction as he claimed but turned out those were not his first and definitely not his last if i didnt find out!

So what is your decision as this? I don’t think he will stop.
If it’s addiction he should get some help and not just let it go on.
But I feel it’s his habit more than addiction


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[KelGen]

Agreed with margret. Sometimes some addictions is difficult to stop/change, especially when comes to sex addiction. It's like drug whereby it's difficult for one to quit/change. Of course doesn't mean unable to change/quit. But honestly speaking for his seems difficult or unable to quit, so no point in giving him chances again and again, where is only hurting yourself.

 

[janey09]

Agreed with margret. Sometimes some addictions is difficult to stop/change, especially when comes to sex addiction. It's like drug whereby it's difficult for one to quit/change. Of course doesn't mean unable to change/quit. But honestly speaking for his seems difficult or unable to quit, so no point in giving him chances again and again, where is only hurting yourself.

He is selfish. If he knows he have sex addiction, shouldn't he seek medical help then he gets involved with colleague and other girl? This is outride giving excuse.
Sorry to ask, how regular he have sex with u.

 

[colormebeautiful]

Either acceptance or quit.

Its a struggle when the marriage is so long n you have kids. Sex addication is an excuse.

 

[MoeLanYong]

I decided to forgive after knowing his China paid sexs, i thought he just did it out of addiction as he claimed but turned out those were not his first and definitely not his last if i didnt find out!

Forgive, without working on why it happened and how to prevent a recurrence, is as good as waiting for it to happen again.

You need to figure out what went wrong, rather than just forgive. Else you are just chasing your tail.