(2011/05) May 2011

kaykay, seems like u got financial burden besides family issues. In the first place, y u r not working before preg? Do u have enough savings for your delivery, confinement and bb? By right, NS team they do get allowance as well..

Renting fr HDB is not easy, a lot of procedure and wait..

If your dad/mum/sis can help out, which is good for u as u need someone who is experience to handle NB during confinement rather than your in-laws especially u r not in the good terms with them at this moment,



Watch out of post-natal depression as it can be quite serious.

Maybe u both gotta go thru counselling if needed. Can seek MCYS's help

 


Vv:- my parent just divorce(happily) while I choose to follow my mum.. It wasn't my dad's responsible to even take care of me or any of my business anymore.. But during this low period, I can really see my dad still cares for me & even what he is doing now, taking care of my daily expenses & 'yang' me on behalf of my husband's side.



I quite bliss that my family, although separated but very supportive.. For now I wanna stay wif my dad but when baby born, I got to stay with my mum.. Cos afterall, this my grandma house..

 
kay kay, i would suggest that ur nb should b taken care by ur mum's side.. mum side will always be supportive than ur in law...



i do understand tt NS allowance is not much during my times when my frezs are in NS.. think abt $400p/m.. but if u r a father, u can book out everyday...



despite ur parent is divorce, they will still b supportive in u as u r their children.. they will care abt u..

 
apple, hahah control control but then CNY only once a yr, so also hard to control.. hahaha.. ok i am a bad influence!



I am just afraid that this CNY will make me fail my GD test cos my test is after CNY.. hahah



vv: i am craving for BK now but no BK at my area leh .. so sian. yeah can go see expo sale. let us know if there is any good bargains.



kaykay, sounds like u have a plan already. was it an unplanned pregancy?> anyway if it is, no pt looking at past, u need to be positive and look forward now. Mummies are amazing, u will od so much for your child and u will learn that u will become a stronger person after your boy is born. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Kaykay

In tat case, u just make do to stay at your dad place first.

Then once u deliver, stay at your mom place. Finish yr confinement, seek help to find a job while yr mom can care for yr bb.

Once bb reaches 18-20mths, can put to Nanny or CC liao. Then u can start to really save more $ and plan the next step like apply new flat with yr child or wat.

Dun stress yourself. Meantime, your husband there, maybe u leave him alone to go and think what he really wants. Somehow, like what other mommies said, if this is an unplanned preg and both of u are still so young, a man like him still in NS, sure stress, pek chek and wanna listen to parents cos he still not mature enuf to venture on his own & make own decisions.

Once u have calm down, settle down - then you can speak to your hubby again.

 
kaykay..



most importantly, dun b too impulsive and say divorce... it is a very mean word and it hurts both of u... think before u say will reduce harm.. harm done cant b help..



takes ur baby as a challenge for both of u whether r u both suitable to b together for ur rest of ur life... both of u should learn to overcome and go thru this tough journey...

 
Family & financial probs:-

Firstly, well.. This is considered an unplanned preg hence $ can be a big issue. Secondly, his NS allowance nt even enuff for his own use. My husband don give me $ & I don't have control over him & his $ at all.. He everything think for his mum while his dad also in debts.. So I nv thot of seeking/hoping to stay with them at all alrd (after my family finally brainwash my mindset that my in-laws side is really horrible-which I initatrly thot they r ok.. Even fallout with my family for my in-laws cos I love my husband).



Now that my dad have analyse to me bits & pieces, I finally sees that I WANT TO GIVE MY BEST & MY LIFE tO MY BABY in future, even it meant to divorce, I will do it.



My grandma will help on my confinement while my mum will help tcing my baby, so CC/maid can save on.



Renting of gov flats:-

Can I alone rent from gov?? Or need my husband & I to do it.. It might take time thou.. But I alrd gt a way out which my sister allowed me to bring up my baby at her place(she's living with my mum btw)..



I don't intend to rely on my husband cos he pattern before army when he work is 'want do den do, don want work den quit'. I can't see any future in him/ my in-laws.. They always 'say & do, den awhile later quit'. I seen enuff.. Their words don't count at all..



For bb:- well, I am 100% BF my baby & my cousin whom just had baby last year is willing to handover the baby stuffs to me(which I know all branded stuffs).. So that cut my cost in future too I guess..



Legal stuffs:-

Yup I think after baby born I need to seek legal advice liao.. I am afraid that they might want the baby from me.. The more I am afraid to lose this baby in future..



I know I have to be strong & tough to overcome all these & I swear I gonna work dbl hard in future work & support my baby..



Now that I am lost that shld I initate separation/ moving away from them in future, before or after birth of my baby..

Btw I have been 'enduring' infront of my in-laws for the past few months cos I respect them as an adults. They haven't see the real stubborn ME cos I wanna make things better-looking.. Now that they make me 'ren wu ke ren'.. I dunno how to do.. Wanna ＇tear face' or find a better way to initate all these I really dunno what to do..



Btw my husband, will definetly stay with his parents.. He wun allow moving away from them de..

 
Val: tot i can share as well. i started bringing my ger to the dentist when she is 1 yr old on a regular basis (every 3-6 mths). went to PD dentist initially cos she was small then (smile focus at Camdem medical). It was really expensive but i needed a PD dental to deal with her cos she was so young.

When is about 2.5 yrs old, i switched her to the school of dental health. its much cheaper. she has a teeth staining condition so i would like to bring her often. She loves the dentist so i hve no problem bringing her at all. hope this helps.

 
Serene & all:- ya I know divorce can't be said easily/anyhow. And I do have a plan yet dunno which route better- to tear face or solve it the tricky & peaceful way.. I don't want to let my in-laws have a chance to step on my tail.

Its also impossible for me to suddenly, out of nowhere say divorce/ say don want live with them. If say le will be very 'nan kan'.. They alrd tot I 'easy to eat', everything I 'ok ok'. After I say 'ok' they do another thing.. Haiss..



So I am seeking if there's any ways u mommies can suggest to me of HOW to initate all these idea to them..



I cried becos I really lost faith in my husband after his harsh words to me.. & I had 'ren(endure)' enuff of the nonsense I get for the past few months.. Becos of him & his family, I am force to break contact with all my friends, even 10yrs++ friends I also have to.. I am nt allow to access to the internet & there goes my favourite facebook.. Become deactivated.. Twitter acc also can't use.. Hence, I am left with 0 person to talk with..



My mum & sister once went up my in-law house to talk, end up argue.. That's why the r/s terms have been bad.. That's why also my husband wun allow me to move in with my mum.. He hates them.. He even ask me to break contact with my family..

 
just came back office after a meeting..erm what u guys have for lunch?



meeting time i got scolded by the big boss till now dont feel like eating..so sian hope faster 530pm..



kaykay, dont mind i ask how old are u and ur hubby? ur hubby seem like taking things too navie..seriously when u got baby how can u not think of money, even if u breastfeed, also need money for many other thing, for instance vaccines..



i once think everything very easy, till i went thru it den i know how stressful it can be having a kid..after u deliver still got other cost like gynae fee/ hospital cost, transport, confinement food even if u dont have a confinement lady..cooking still need money..and touch wood if baby is sick how?



i went thru a very stressful period when im having my #1, that time was young just started working and my baby having problem, scanning cost, blood test, operation cost, gynae fee..all this was not planned and is creating alot of stress for me and hubby..



try talking sense with ur hubby..let him see the important of money is not u all money minded..but all this is just a plan that u all gotta cater in for the bb loh..

 
if ur hubby think he can settle than u ask him for solution..



court for him how much will be needed..tell him to give u a solution instead of u stressing it..

 
mummies, i'm back.. went to tabo duck rice at white sands instead...



val, i bought my girl to dentist when she was ard 20th mths... recommendation tat kids start visiting when age 3... previously she kept on complaining tooth pain, so that's the reason bought her there and also hope the dentist helps to let her know the importance of healthy teeths/hygience too...



vv, i heard fr my neighour tat she just came back fr robinson's sale at expo.. she bought some nice clothings for her girls.... quite cheap too.. seems like the sale is worth visiting.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
I'm back home..can't stand the aircon in the office. Having blocked nose! Told my boss I'm working from home without aircon will be much better.



starfruit - y u can't do your GD test before CNY? I also see my gynae on 7/2 right after CNY holiday..haha he surely nag non-stop when seeing my weight gain :p

 
Auroa, ur girl got cry when seeing the dentist? my #1 is 3yr old liao tot is abt time to bring him to the dentist but i bet he will make alot of noise..



apple, so gd can work from home i wish i can tell my boss the same thing..

 
split, no, she din cry.. beforehand, already prep her tat we visiting dentist.. i told her tat she got lots of worms inside,i even hold a touchlight to shine inside her mouth while she hold a mirror to see... told her tat dentist will make the worms go away.. once inside the clinic, she quickly told the dentist tat she got worms inside and wants the dentist to take it out asap.. dentist gave me a look and i explained to her... later she told me quietly tat luckily already prep her beforehand, otherwise she wun be so co-operative.. hahahaa...

 
Auroa, wow ur girl very brave..if i told my son the same thing, he go in see those equipmnt and the dentis i bet he'll still make noise..my son is abit scary cat..he's afraid of dark so we dont dare to bring him for movie..lol

 
split, i think all kids will be scared to go visit dentist, esp when dentist puts in the machine/equipment to check on their teeth.. so need to prep them beforehand 1st.. dun worry, i sure yr son can make it.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Split:- I am 23. I think I got to solve it the hard way.. After I see what I have wrote, it seems that I see no future in this marriage & his family.. I rather work hard x100 times for my baby when he is born & raise him alone den to give in to them..



Thanks all for the advice.. It helped me in a lot of ways..

All I need to do now is take my step forward to talk to them, both my parents & in-law.

 
Auroa

Just back from Expo Sales, lunch-in BK.

Ok la, I dun find it alot of things. In fact, I feel that JL sale is much better than Robinson's. But I will wait for Taka BB Fair la... I restricted myself to buy bb stuffs, heehee, cos I havent tally my checklist against the real stuffs I have on hand...



Your girl is so sweet. My boy will scared to his wits off liao.



Starfruit/Auroa/Val

Oh so now, I must start to bring my boy to dentist liao ah...just for routine checks?

Dunno how he will react and handle eh... Worried ^-^



Split

Are u okie? Then now how? Do u still need to face your boss for the rest of the day?



Talk about having a bb not an easy thing.

I totally agree with you. Esp last time being 1st time mom, everything so suaku, everything also dunno. When I really go thru it, I know how it is like. Stressed and everything is all about $$$$. Only when now my #1 reaches 3 years old, things start to stablize a bit. Still remembered those times, when my boy always fell sick, kena from CC, hear alot of stupid nonsenses from MIL, say I dunno how to look after BB, etc.

Its only when we had gone thru it, we know how difficult it can be, and the support we need from our own family & husband is so important. At the same time, will also see thru alot of pple's true colors.



Wah, talk about Movie.. I dun dare to bring my boy in loh. I think it will be damn challenging to bring him into the theatre. Ended up, I probably busy chasing after him in the theatre or explaning to him all about the movie, thanks to all his WHY WHY WHY questions...



Apple

Its like tat la... I also realised my nose very sensitive eh... A bit only, starts to bleed. Then after that, kena some pepper (while am cooking) or change of temperature (from aircon room to outdoors), I will sneeze non-stop..

 
Kaykay

The road ahead is very very long for you.

You need to know whats your priorities.

If your Priority is your baby, then take the 1st step & never look back. If u continue to stay put, not doing anything - u will always be in this pit, forever stucked.

Hope that all will be well for you in due course.

Meantime, dun stress yourself too much liao. Wont do baby any good de. Impt is rest well, eat well.

And if there is anything u would like to do, better to do before yr little one arrive. Lesser stressful.

When the little one arrives, you will have NO time to do anything. You will be too busy and tired to do anything already.

 
Just had BK for lunch.. Had the Spicy Chicken Crisp ( if i not wrong ).. its nice !!



VV - Is your office next expo? mine is.. mayb we are working near each other..hehe



Any goodbuy @ Robsinson sale?

 
Ling - Thanks in advance. Shall wait for your email..

Mudpie - Thanks for sharing about the hosp tour.. shall plan to visit soon



=)

 
Elbarc

Yea around there but @ Changi South. You leh? I walked past BK leh.. Heehee, maybe our shoulders past each other. Heehee



Nothing leh, I bot food stuffs. Hahaaa

 
ooh, i want BK tooo!!! i am craving for a whopper junior with cheese!!! but dun have around me.



re: dentisit for our kids

I think the 1st visit is very important, the dentisit must be gentle enuff to reassure the kids that everything is ok. I was lucky, both session at the PD clinic as well as the one at the school of dental was good. Infact i particularly like the dentist there, on ur first visit, he slowly introduce the dentist chair plus all the gadgets on it to my ger. She even let my ger try the water dispenser and the also let her stimulate the cleaning brush on her hands and nails. she was so fascinated.

One tip, bring your own sunglasses fo your kids if you have, the clinic will provide but sometimes its not a good fit and may be uncomfortable. U dun want to discomfort them for their 1st visit to the dentist so good to have their own familiar pair of sunglasses. They need the sunglasses to shield their eyes from the lights from the dentist chair.

 
kaykay, i got my #1 when im 23 too..not easy during that time when u just started working..im lucky cuz hubby is older and both of us have a career..jia you



vv, lucky dun need to see him again today since im back to site office..today not a very gd day at work..my site only got 3 staffs and usually only allow 1 person to take mc or leaves..already tell my staffs im having meeting in the morning so ask them zhi dong dun self declare mc..who know 1 staff took mc, the other girl tell me she wanna take too..but im very sure the other girl is not sick loh she got something on only..in the end she take half day leave from work go settle her personal thing..not the first time le..and my client was very angry and boss also not happy..sigh work with this type pf people very sian

 
vv,

u mean expecting a gal the mummy more lazy or the gal more lazy? hehehe.

ya, pls do keep us updated during ur next scan and dun forget to ask ur gynae on the hardening of tummy =)

Ya la..actually i do eat my meals whenever i am hungry lo. occasionally i will snack la (on calbee. hehehe) and take cold n sweet drinks but other than tt, i think the v main reason cld also be this time rd i didnt eat as much durian as the previous time. Raw food i am gd at curbing it. hahaha. my hb can eat in front of me and I am "wu tong yu zhong". hahahaha.

same here. i dun see waves yet but i do see the "lump" when she kicked me hard enuff la. I oso like to pat 3x then she will kick me back. find it so fun then i will get my boy to try too. hahahah.



vv/starfruit/auroa,

re: dentist

looks like i better get my boy to a dentist soon...more of letting him get use to the routine n used to having his teeth checked regularly..but i hate going to dentist myself! knowing my boy's pattern, i think i know wat to expect if i bring him there. hahaha.



apple,

ask ur boss to let u wk frm hm till u deliver la. possible nt? =P i will be so happy if my boss allows tat. hehehe.

 
Starfruit

Uhmm, seems like Im gonna schedule one 1st actual visit for my boy soon. Just a question. His front tooth dropped a few months ago. Then now he is like "BO-GAY" lah. So when will the 'adult tooth' come out arh??



Val

Yea, I can curb somehow if my hubby eats sth which I cant eat. But he seldom la. Usually he will ask me wat I wan to eat.

Yeap, will update in due course. Tomorrow after I will acc my sales to give Ba Kwa & CNY Cookies to our customers. Then can waste one afternoon liao, go back home early & rest. Heehee.

Wah, if I ask my boy to pat, I think he will use "BEAT" instead lor, as though playing.

Yeah, this is wat I hear, expecting gal will be lazy. But of cos it depends each individual. Personally, I do feel myself very very lazy.

 
Thanks all for ur support..

I just seek advice from one of my single mother friend too.. And talked to my dad despite I keep crying he is encouraging me & giving me support.. Enlighten me more..



I think what vv says is right, think what I want for me & my baby and take the first step & nv look back.. I have a long way..



My friend were right too, family support is very important.. When baby come out all will help de.. I also will work hard..



QNS: anyone knows if haven't divorce den if baby give birth the birthcert can don put father name anot?? If can, den will I be eligible for the baby bonus even if I have the marriage cert?



Anyone can help me or have the link/source to the info..?

 
Split

Lucky, at least u dun need to see his black face again. Bo bian la, sometimes just have to bear wth working these type of pple. Then if your staff took mc & 1/2 day, who will cover their work?

 
vv,

so far..my hb will chk with me wat i wanna eat lo..but usually he will order wat he wanna eat, whether i can eat or nt la..which i dun mind =P



Wah. U preg still need to acc ur sales to give bak kwa and cny cookies to ur customers ah? U take care ok, the carrying of things let ur sales ppl do =P hope u can finish early then go hm early to rest too. hehehe.

Hahaha. Ok la, got to ask them to be gentle la..so far, my boy quite ok when he pat. hehehe.

hmmm...i think no change for me...only 1st tri lazy due to tiredness..nw i think i v hardwking le. hahaha. oops, i so thick skin =P

 
val/vv, pls schedule.. cos they have started on solids and sometimes they dun allow us to brush too well.i also worry for decay. raisins and dried fruits if not clean properly can cause major decay. Infact if your kiddos can handle, u can also start flossing their teeth.



vv: They have 20 milk teeth by the time they are about 2.5 yrs old. this milk teeth will stay with them till it drops out between 6/7 to about 12 (varies for differnt kids). For your case, maybe you can check with the dentist againe whenu visit. cos i understand that once their milk teeth drop, it does not come out till the they change their teeth.

Girls tends to loose it faster than boys and i understand they will drop off in order.

 
if they not around den i have to do all the thing loh..thats y sometime very pek chek..boss not supportive, client very demanding, staffs alway mc..if not cuz i pregnant i seriously wanted to resign

 
Starfruit

Yeah now I made him brush teeth every morning & night. I worried he will have tooth decay cos he loves sweet stuffs. Haz.



Oh ok, so that means gotta wait for another few years till he gets his new tooth.



Val

No la, I volunteer to go cos I super sian in office ma. Go out and take a walk, tomorrow maybe go eat Ramen @ Ajisen.. Wah, shiok.

Uhm, tonight I try to ask my boy pat pat and I let you know the 'outcome' yeah.

Haz, then ok ma. At least u dun feel so tired. I really super tired leh.. Dunno why. I think have to start to take chix essence liao.

 
Vv:- if father don want put?? No birth cert? Cannot be what.. Hmms..thks for the hotline, I will call to check.. Thanks vv.. ^^

 
starfruit,

worst is ho...i let my boy drink milk (aft he brushed his teeth) before he slps and in the middle of the nite...



vv,

hahaha. true lo, go out to ur customers places time pass faster as compared to sitting in office...have fun with ur boy patting meimei =)

wat time u slp? mayb i slp early like 10.30pm i am in bed le...or mayb i more energy? hehehe.

 
Kaykay

No la, I dunno leh. I only know my frens whom are single mothers all will put father names still. But of course, maybe dun need to put leh. Better call and check.



Val

Yeah lo. I super sian leh. And so sleepy. Keep eating sweets non stop cos too sleepy liao.

Uhm, sometimes I will doze off at 8plus while making my boy Zzzz. Then if not, I will sleep @ 12 plus lo. Yeah, maybe tats why ur energy is much better than mine [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
kaykay, no dad name still can have birth cert but i think single mother will not have bb bonus..u may wanna check on the hotline that vv give u call and ask abt it

 
dolly, u can bring them when they are bb. but for babies only PD dental can handle them cos i feel normal dentist dun really know how to handle very young children. J is coming 18 mths? still quite young for normal dentist. The rule of tumb for this is actually about 3 yrs old. but if they are steady enuff, 2.5 can bring to normal dentist already. the dentist will let her lie on you and you on the chair so its not so scary for her. U will hold her on top of you tight so she dun struggle. but now ur tum big a bit difficult lah. get hb to sit with her.



Val: try amd brush his teeth after his milk session at night lah if you can. and if possible wean him off the middle of the night feed cos this feed can cause decay if teeth not clean well. If cannot, let him drink some water after the midnight milk feed at least to wash away the milk..

 
starfruit : yeah.. she's turning to 18 mths soon.. but she's quite scared to go into dr's room... she seems to know it's not something good when she's in the dr's room.. then she'll start to cry or freeze there...



so which PD dentists are recommended?

 
kaykay, i think u need to put dad's name right? cos when registering for b/c they will ask for marriage cert. sg law favors the mum, so i think u dun have to worry cos ur ILs is not even providing for you or bb now.

 
dolly, i went to the dentist at Camden medical, Smile Focus clinic. My ger was see Dr Ong Yean Sze. Usually for PD, the consultation fees are higher. i usually pay $100 plus each visit. But as mentioned, my ger has this bacteria staining problem cos i am super concern over her teeth so i brough her in to see when she was very young. she is used to dental visit already cos she visits every 3-6 mths now.

This PD dental is damn experience and very fast, i was so amazed at her skills and she is so soft spoken too.

U must prep J before the session. so she knows what will happen. But then, prep will help a bit, they may still be frightened and cry at the actual session. so PD dentist is good cos theya re very fast and the cleaning and check is damn super quick.

here is the link to the clinic and Dr Ong for your reference:

http://www.smilefocus.com.sg/specialists.html#ong

 
vv,

dun eat too much sweets ah. mayb eat fruits? i am craving for bak kwa nw =( looks like i better go n grab before the stock runs out!



everyday i go to bed at the same time coz must make my boy slp mah...so i slps 10++ wakes up at least 2x at nite...



starfruit,

i know nt gd to let him drink milk before slpping n in the middle of the nite lo but he is nt weaned off the nite feeds. think i make him drink water aft the milk is better...at least when he drank milk le he will go back to slp if nt he will fuss n fuss i dun nd to slp le.

 
Val

Eh Ba Kwa price gonna increase eh. I think I will grab too this weekend maybe la. But I prefer the minced meat de. So, see how.. Wah, drooling liao.

Ok la, at least 10 plus is a good time.

Last time when I have my #1, I will sleep at 9plus lor everyday. Hahahaa, cos nothing to do ma + Super KS worry not good for bb if sleep late.

Now, dunno why like dun feel like sleeping early.

 
Val - I don't think I wanna take advantage during preg to work fr home..coz I may want to arrange to work fr home more often after ML. It makes more sense [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



vv - wah..eating bak kwa, but minced meat not healthy coz they mixed all types of meat and fats ler

 


dolly, yes can, just that u now u prob need to bring her to PD dentist. When they are 2.5 to 3 yrs old. they dun need to go to PD dentist anymore just normal dentist will do. But good to go to those that can handle children.



bah kwa prices went up? sigh, will be buying this weekend.

 
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