Obsessed with grandchildren

dolly_81 said:
He knows I had depression but he can't do anything. I try to keep my spirits up by reading. I can handle my own depression. Just the in laws attitude towards me is unbearable. I have difficult youngest. He is too demanding to handle n when I m stern n strict with him, they jumped into the scene, if not they will throw attitude at me.
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Why don't you try to throw attitude back to them? Until they buay tahan you and they force you to move out?
 


xiaokeai said:
bbbyblue: Im filing for divorce now. So, not in that house anymore.

Now I have another worry. My neighbours are telling me that my boy are showing withdrawal symptoms and none of the family members seem to be doing anyting about it. Hes become aggressive and violent. Keeps shouting. Ex has not allowed me to see him since April. He even reported to family court that my boy has mental illness now because of me. And that he was forced to stop my boy from schooling because of me.

I really dont know how i can help my son. Just because they stay landed and are loaded, they can do anything they want? Feeling helpless and hopeless..haizz..
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Yup, instead of feeling helpless, give yourself a chance, fight in court - at least there's a 50-50 chance you get your kids back. Usually priority is given to the mother, unless you are financially unstable / criminal record / mentally unsound etc.
 
I am fighting in court now. But the waiting process is killing me. And my kids are suffering. I've been dreaming of him almost every night. I feel that he is asking me for help. But I cant do anything but wait.
 
xiaokeai said:
I am fighting in court now. But the waiting process is killing me. And my kids are suffering. I've been dreaming of him almost every night. I feel that he is asking me for help. But I cant do anything but wait.
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Good on you, momma! Fight for your son. He needs his mum. Try and stay positive, feeling defeated will not change the result but it will affect you negatively. Have faith that the family court will see through the facade of lies your ex has put up.

Prayers and hugs for you!
 
xiaokeai said:
I am fighting in court now. But the waiting process is killing me. And my kids are suffering. I've been dreaming of him almost every night. I feel that he is asking me for help. But I cant do anything but wait.
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jia you!!! you will see the rainbow soon. In the meantime, able to have a interim arrangement that you visit your son a few days in a week or something like that?
 
xiaokeai said:
I am fighting in court now. But the waiting process is killing me. And my kids are suffering. I've been dreaming of him almost every night. I feel that he is asking me for help. But I cant do anything but wait.
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I feel that now you need to engage a PI to gather evidences that your ex and family members are incapable of giving your kids the sufficient attention at their age. Show to the court that you have evidences that your kids are growing up in an unhealthy environment with your ex n in law which are affecting them.
 
He has ignored my previous smses and even legal letters with regards to the access matters.
He went round in circles in the only pathetic reply that he gave last week. Talk about all sorts of things, but no reply given with regards to the access issue. Basically, he is just denying everything that I have done for the kids since the day they are born. Even till now, he is pushing the blame to me for not sending the kids to school and for their mental state. I know he is not the one behind all these. He is too dumb to do all these. The 2 old foxes are definitely the ones behind these. In fact, he even told the lawyer he has to ask his parents. He cant decide. OMG! Think my eye really got problem..all my youth wasted there...haizz..

My lawyer's advice was to go for crfc as he feels that taking up the guardianship will take a much longer time and we will have to end up withdrawing it if some agreement is reached during crfc..

The kids spends the whole day in the house with the old folks. Will PI be able to capture anything? I do have videos of my mil behaving like mad woman, cursing away outside my son's kindergarten. Also, I have proof that Im the main caregiver and provider of the kids and proof of him spending on himself. My maid can be the witness for my fil's aggressiveness. But, im so so so worried that I may lose the case.

My lawyer says that the court will ask about where the kids are going to stay if they are with me and whether I will be able to take good care of them. Currently, im bunking in my friend's place. she stays alone. Financially, I know I am definitely earning more than him. Im self employed and i work from home most of the time. Myself and my maid can look after them.
 
i know its a bit mean, but sometimes, i wish they can just drop xxxx...

But i guess god has his plans for them. Heard that they seem to be having more and more illnesses..
 
Prepare yourself in all ways you can that when the court convenes, you can show that you are very much capable of taking your kids. Your lawyer can best advice you on this. Doesn't matter if they live in a mansion, if the court finds that the environment is not appropriate for the children, you have a chance. Remember, you're a mom. You got this :)
 
xiaokeai said:
He has ignored my previous smses and even legal letters with regards to the access matters.
He went round in circles in the only pathetic reply that he gave last week. Talk about all sorts of things, but no reply given with regards to the access issue. Basically, he is just denying everything that I have done for the kids since the day they are born. Even till now, he is pushing the blame to me for not sending the kids to school and for their mental state. I know he is not the one behind all these. He is too dumb to do all these. The 2 old foxes are definitely the ones behind these. In fact, he even told the lawyer he has to ask his parents. He cant decide. OMG! Think my eye really got problem..all my youth wasted there...haizz..

My lawyer's advice was to go for crfc as he feels that taking up the guardianship will take a much longer time and we will have to end up withdrawing it if some agreement is reached during crfc..

The kids spends the whole day in the house with the old folks. Will PI be able to capture anything? I do have videos of my mil behaving like mad woman, cursing away outside my son's kindergarten.

Courts will usually asked for the latest evidence on how your ex family is treating your kids. If can get evidence that the pil are seriously ill, need to go treatment for follow up in hospital, etc.. might have more chances to win. These will be proof that the old folks are incapable to take care of the Kids Becos the old folks themselves health is down.
Court will also whether are you financially stable and do are have time for your kids. Will be a plus point if you can meet these two.
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Im able to, but HDB doesnt accept the application until the divorce is finalised and my lawyer thinks that my cae will drag for at least a year or two. Im thinking of going to MP to appeal.
 
Other than the housing issue, i believe I am able to fulfill all the requirements that the court needs. In fact, I dont even need a single cent from him for the kdis or me. My lawyer just ask me to apply for them as he is required to pay according to the law.
 
xiaokeai said:
Other than the housing issue, i believe I am able to fulfill all the requirements that the court needs. In fact, I dont even need a single cent from him for the kdis or me. My lawyer just ask me to apply for them as he is required to pay according to the law.
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You seem to have a very good chance in getting your kids.

I remember reading on another forum where men are talking about divorce, they say that it's like it takes the mother to be caught red handed smoking a joint with a needle sticking on her arm for the court to consider taking the kids away from her. I do not know how exaggerated that statement is but it must be based on actual experience.

Make sure they don't have any ammo against you. You got this, mommy!

Addendum: let the law work on your side :)
 
Pils keeps insisting that I committed adultery. N end up, now he's insisting that Too. He just hooked me up with my now business partner and declared to court that I went overseas with him and that I admitted to him about my infidelity. But no such thing happened. In fact, when he wanted a divorce, I still sms him explaining that I have nothing going on with my partner. He is using that as his ammo.
 
No point wasting time to explain to him cos he will never believe as he has been brainwashed by his own parents. What's matter most is you can prove your innocent in court. Your ex can assume everything he wants, court will still require him to give evidences.
 
Maybe my lawyer doesn't want to set my hopes too high ba...

All I want now is just to see the kids and make sure they are well taken off. But I can just wait....Haizz...

Hopefully the old ones won't demand to be present during the crfc session..phobia see them..
 
How to tell your mil you don't need her advice
http://sg.******************/mum-in-law-problems-dont-need-her-advice/
Will this be useful?
 
bbabyblue said:
How to tell your mil you don't need her advice
http://sg.******************/mum-in-law-problems-dont-need-her-advice/
Will this be useful?
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I think the article gives the ideal textbook reply like the DIL can ask the MIL out for coffee and hear her out. The problem with most MIL is, they think they know best and there is no need to listen to somebody's daughter since she has been managing the household from day 1. Anyway if you notice, when confronted, most MIL will be, on the surface "no la, you think too much. I am perfectly fine with you" when in fact, she's not really very happy. Perhaps for the article, it may work for the Ang mohs, may not work for Asians (mostly Singaporeans. Hehehe)
 
Well I still have grand parent in law to deal with. Over lunch my girl was super moody and needy. Over the smallest things she clung onto my helper who is the main care giver as in a working mum. Grand parent in law had to repeatedly say why is the kid so clingy onto the maid??? Allo, she wants comfort then let her cling lah, isn't it good that dd clings on the maid? It means that they have a good relationship. Wah she had to keep repeating it over and over again. It wasn't as if I was ignoring my girl and eating away like my husband Loh. I was talking I dd trying to distract her stop her from having an episode. And all my Husband did was to eat and eat and eat... I left lunch hungry and utterly worn out. Not to forget I'm currently in my 2nd trimester. Why can't ppl just shut the hell up?! Dun cling to helper cling on who?! Her grandson who hardly even bothers with dd? Harlow?!??!
 
shoppixe said:
Well I still have grand parent in law to deal with. Over lunch my girl was super moody and needy. Over the smallest things she clung onto my helper who is the main care giver as in a working mum. Grand parent in law had to repeatedly say why is the kid so clingy onto the maid??? Allo, she wants comfort then let her cling lah, isn't it good that dd clings on the maid? It means that they have a good relationship. Wah she had to keep repeating it over and over again. It wasn't as if I was ignoring my girl and eating away like my husband Loh. I was talking I dd trying to distract her stop her from having an episode. And all my Husband did was to eat and eat and eat... I left lunch hungry and utterly worn out. Not to forget I'm currently in my 2nd trimester. Why can't ppl just shut the hell up?! Dun cling to helper cling on who?! Her grandson who hardly even bothers with dd? Harlow?!??!
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I think great grandparent inlaw wanted to say that the kid should cling to you, the mum, and not the maid. Kinda rude to repeat it over and over again.. I notice elders tend to do that. Like one statement not enough :p
 
towkayneo said:
I think the article gives the ideal textbook reply like the DIL can ask the MIL out for coffee and hear her out. The problem with most MIL is, they think they know best and there is no need to listen to somebody's daughter since she has been managing the household from day 1. Anyway if you notice, when confronted, most MIL will be, on the surface "no la, you think too much. I am perfectly fine with you" when in fact, she's not really very happy. Perhaps for the article, it may work for the Ang mohs, may not work for Asians (mostly Singaporeans. Hehehe)
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Omg, that is so true. My mil can quack and grumble alot but when confronted she'd deny everything. I also think the article is meant for westernized families.
 
shoppixe said:
Well I still have grand parent in law to deal with. Over lunch my girl was super moody and needy. Over the smallest things she clung onto my helper who is the main care giver as in a working mum. Grand parent in law had to repeatedly say why is the kid so clingy onto the maid??? Allo, she wants comfort then let her cling lah, isn't it good that dd clings on the maid? It means that they have a good relationship. Wah she had to keep repeating it over and over again. It wasn't as if I was ignoring my girl and eating away like my husband Loh. I was talking I dd trying to distract her stop her from having an episode. And all my Husband did was to eat and eat and eat... I left lunch hungry and utterly worn out. Not to forget I'm currently in my 2nd trimester. Why can't ppl just shut the hell up?! Dun cling to helper cling on who?! Her grandson who hardly even bothers with dd? Harlow?!??!
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Aside, actually, to be honest, to be too clingy to the maid is not healthy...imagine if you send the maid home or she intends to go back one day, what is going to happen to your DD?
 
karoosel said:
Omg, that is so true. My mil can quack and grumble alot but when confronted she'd deny everything. I also think the article is meant for westernized families.
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Ya! if you confront her and she denies everything, you will look like you are the baddie in front of everybody and she can be her good o' victim who needs lotsa love, respect
 
towkayneo said:
Ya! if you confront her and she denies everything, you will look like you are the baddie in front of everybody and she can be her good o' victim who needs lotsa love, respect
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Give her more reasons to be victim......
That is what happen to me...
 
Mum_gx said:
Give her more reasons to be victim......
That is what happen to me...
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for some issues, i am having cold war with my MIL, that means not greeting & talking to her when I see her for our dinner gatherings. On surface, she appears to be helpless. Tamade, a few days back, she called my hubs and "feedback" to him that I was rude, ignored her, why still angry after so long and over such a small matter blah blah blah. I was so damn pissed when I heard my hubs tell me that.

I can understand why DILs and MILs can never be true to each other. By forcing them to be together is equivalent to spreading kaya on satay.
 
towkayneo said:
for some issues, i am having cold war with my MIL, that means not greeting & talking to her when I see her for our dinner gatherings. On surface, she appears to be helpless. Tamade, a few days back, she called my hubs and "feedback" to him that I was rude, ignored her, why still angry after so long and over such a small matter blah blah blah. I was so damn pissed when I heard my hubs tell me that.

I can understand why DILs and MILs can never be true to each other. By forcing them to be together is equivalent to spreading kaya on satay.
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Why do I find it familiar? Lol
I seems to b reading my own story
 
My mil even more classic, can turn the table around and accuse me. But in actual fact, I never agree or request to it.
Always will push the blame and point fingers at others but forgotten that when she points 1finger at others, 4 fingers are pointing back at herself.
Just because she is well educated, she thinks she is always right. Always like to use the word, ' last time my son I will xXxX... make me so piss off that I shoot her back 'your last time was 30-40yrs ago...'
 
towkayneo said:
I think the article gives the ideal textbook reply like the DIL can ask the MIL out for coffee and hear her out. The problem with most MIL is, they think they know best and there is no need to listen to somebody's daughter since she has been managing the household from day 1. Anyway if you notice, when confronted, most MIL will be, on the surface "no la, you think too much. I am perfectly fine with you" when in fact, she's not really very happy. Perhaps for the article, it may work for the Ang mohs, may not work for Asians (mostly Singaporeans. Hehehe)
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I can ask my mil out for coffee. But she is not interested in bonding with me. She only want to bond with her grandsons. How to build relationship with people who told you that you do not deserve to be in the family if you don't give her grandchild? I have long given up. Even when her own son was very sick, she also did not bother to show concern for him when she came to visit. She only came to play with my sons because they did not visit her on that Saturday as her son was ill.
 
bbabyblue said:
My mil even more classic, can turn the table around and accuse me. But in actual fact, I never agree or request to it.
Always will push the blame and point fingers at others but forgotten that when she points 1finger at others, 4 fingers are pointing back at herself.
Just because she is well educated, she thinks she is always right. Always like to use the word, ' last time my son I will xXxX... make me so piss off that I shoot her back 'your last time was 30-40yrs ago...'
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Having an mil that is not that well educated isn't easier either. Sometimes talking to her is like being on different chapters of a book.. Or like two different books. I try to explain things she doesn't understand the simplest way possible.. Problem is she hardly listens and seems to tune out i find it amusing and annoying at the same time.

Doesn't seem to matter which level of education they have. For them, they are always right :p
 
Yup, but sometimes when nonsense comes out from a well educated person mouth really make pple gasp... feel like telling her please use your brain before you speak.
 
karoosel said:
Having an mil that is not that well educated isn't easier either. Sometimes talking to her is like being on different chapters of a book.. Or like two different books. I try to explain things she doesn't understand the simplest way possible.. Problem is she hardly listens and seems to tune out i find it amusing and annoying at the same time.

Doesn't seem to matter which level of education they have. For them, they are always right :p
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If they are considered as A level holders, they are very well-educated in that era...and they will try to bring their knowledge over to this era as PhD holders :p
 
towkayneo said:
If they are considered as A level holders, they are very well-educated in that era...and they will try to bring their knowledge over to this era as PhD holders :p
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Any idea the best way to handle them if cant avoid seeing them? I live with mine and it's hell on earth almost everyday.
 
Older people are usually like that, perspectives hard to change if they are not open. Be patient lor, make them like you then easier to talk to them
 
If your hubby is the only son, what do you all recommend to force him out of the house and stay by ourselves. then to stay together with his parents under one roof? Any advice?
 
dolly_81 said:
If your hubby is the only son, what do you all recommend to force him out of the house and stay by ourselves. then to stay together with his parents under one roof? Any advice?
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best is to live apart from them. the best scenario is, you have your own flat, the parents have their own flat. if need be, live nearer to them. Still the same.
 
dolly_81 said:
But how to convince the one and only son to move out?
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Why doesn't he want to move out? Maybe start from understanding the reason before you start planning on how to convince him. It has to be the real reason and not just the bs excuse so you have to be very observant.
 
towkayneo said:
best is to live apart from them. the best scenario is, you have your own flat, the parents have their own flat. if need be, live nearer to them. Still the same.
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Yeeeess.. When my hubby sees that im up to my throat with his mother, he starts talking about our bto to lower my bloodpressure :p it's our light at the end of the tunnel.. A very, very long tunnel..
 
Even thou I'm not staying with my pil, I still will have conflicts with my mil. Esp when the old folks like to pop by our house to see my kids. N my mil will start comments on my kid's diet, etc.... n start telling me what I should do n she will use her favorite phase, last time when my son.... I also....u should also....
 
bbabyblue said:
Even thou I'm not staying with my pil, I still will have conflicts with my mil. Esp when the old folks like to pop by our house to see my kids. N my mil will start comments on my kid's diet, etc.... n start telling me what I should do n she will use her favorite phase, last time when my son.... I also....u should also....
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Hahaha...yes! i terribly dislike when the PILs come to my house to visit my son - i always think they are not-so-good influence, always attempting to teach rubbish
 
bbabyblue said:
Even thou I'm not staying with my pil, I still will have conflicts with my mil. Esp when the old folks like to pop by our house to see my kids. N my mil will start comments on my kid's diet, etc.... n start telling me what I should do n she will use her favorite phase, last time when my son.... I also....u should also....
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Ever tried negotiating with them a schedule so your more or less know when they will dropby? This can also help regulate their visits.
 
karoosel said:
Ever tried negotiating with them a schedule so your more or less know when they will dropby? This can also help regulate their visits.
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Actually very difficult - they will have the mentality that "Simi? want to drop by also must fix time and date" then will complain to the hubby. then again, you jia lat
 


karoosel said:
Ever tried negotiating with them a schedule so your more or less know when they will dropby? This can also help regulate their visits.
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Difficult esp esp when my husband is always the one who ask them to come over to see the kids without informing me first.
 
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