Advice needed on divorce/separation/child custody
- Thread starter kikiruby
- Start date
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
the thing is you shouldn't even lock your child at home without any supervision.. it's very dangerous...
most likely the husband will argue now only interview need to lock child at home and do not have anyone to take care. if start work, then the child how? cant be lock whenever she goes to work..
actually this is quite serious, if u have check with a police friend, if he know the law, its is illegal confinement, she could have being charge. But was let off with a warning.
I think its not whether one time or many times. If really the child life was endangered, then the judge should not let it happen again.
I think its not whether one time or many times. If really the child life was endangered, then the judge should not let it happen again.
The thing is there r questions that need to b answer to just draw conclusion ...e.g. Why did she leave a young child alone knowing the danger? How did the husband got to know? Whose house was this ..legally? Was she in right frame of mind or she wasn't... N what were the parenting arrangement?
So we hv to know all facts as there may be other factors in play that were not conveyed so hv to consider all.
So we hv to know all facts as there may be other factors in play that were not conveyed so hv to consider all.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
errr.. i'm not sure whether she is merciless... but she is capable and reasonable priced lawyer...
at least she meet my expectation, and get my divorce done at the fastest speed with min. trouble for me...
coz my bff separated and my bf also divorcee, i compare the charges with both of them.. i still find mine is the best...
but i know my bff's lawyer is merciless coz she got tell my bff what max compensation she able to get, etc.. but slightly more expensive than mine
Dear all,
I have just delivered my baby 4 months ago and my husband wants to divorce me (in time to come). We are currently separated as we have not fulfilled the MOP for our matrimonial property.
To cut a long story short, what are my chances of winning the care and control of my child? When we do officially divorce, the custody and/or care and control of my child will be heavily contested for him to retain the property (He is below 35 years old.) However, he has threatened me with my past. I hold a criminal record for cheating 3 years ago and he was well aware of it before we married 2 years ago. On top of that, im current am running a huge debt and may need to file for bankruptcy.
My husband filed for separation last July when i was in my early second trimester after finding out the debt i was. He had chalked up a debt because of me too. I moved back home as he abused me twice ( 1 police report made) and stayed home till my confinement was over. Throughout the pregnancy, he did not provide me emotional support and was not concerned about my welfare. He was physcially apart from me except for the occasional visits to the gynae.We tried to work things when i moved to his place again after confinement but to no avail. We quarrelled almost everyday and he began to be verbally and emotionally abusive. Vulgarities were hurled at me and he puts me down and blames me for "breaking up the family" when he was the one who decided on the divorce. He started calling me names and insulted me repeatedly.Our poor 4 months old daughter shuttles between my home and his on 4 and 3 days respectively now. Whenever i have expectations/requests about how my daughter should be taken of, we end up arguing and he would cite my financial infidelity and past as me being not "fit" to tell him what to do. He has also mentioned that he is "letting" me see my daughter and he deems she is better off without me. Everytime we speak he expects me to speak to him politely and he gets angry easily and picks on my choice of words and tone. In short, this man thinks i owe him my life and i should be condemned for causing him to be in debt and "breaking" up the family. He has cut off all financial support and has challenged my ability to raise my daughter given my financial situation. I can no longer put up with his vengeful, abusive and childish behaviour and hence would like to file for full custody and care and control of my daughter. He is holding a full time job and it is my mil who is taking care of my daugher. When she is at his place, he would go to the gym and rock climbing instead of spending time with her. I dont see why I should let my mil or him take care of my daughter when im fully capable of doing so? run a home based online business and spend most of my time at home with my daughter. Im her primary care taker and my parents help out since i live with them. My child's insurance polices (hospitalization and accident plans) were fully paid by me. I also made the first CDA contribution despite my financial difficulties. My now defunct husband is more concerned with solving his personal issues. Moreover, my parents have pledged support for me financially as my income from the online business can be unstable. Nevertheless, I have managed to get by for almost 2 months without any assistance from him.
Does anyone here share the same circumstances as me? Any advice on what should I do to better my chances on winning care and control of my daughter? I have made plans to seek legal aid but cant help worrying about not being able to keep my daughter as this man is undermining my abilities and is mentally abusive with his taunts and threats.
I have just delivered my baby 4 months ago and my husband wants to divorce me (in time to come). We are currently separated as we have not fulfilled the MOP for our matrimonial property.
To cut a long story short, what are my chances of winning the care and control of my child? When we do officially divorce, the custody and/or care and control of my child will be heavily contested for him to retain the property (He is below 35 years old.) However, he has threatened me with my past. I hold a criminal record for cheating 3 years ago and he was well aware of it before we married 2 years ago. On top of that, im current am running a huge debt and may need to file for bankruptcy.
My husband filed for separation last July when i was in my early second trimester after finding out the debt i was. He had chalked up a debt because of me too. I moved back home as he abused me twice ( 1 police report made) and stayed home till my confinement was over. Throughout the pregnancy, he did not provide me emotional support and was not concerned about my welfare. He was physcially apart from me except for the occasional visits to the gynae.We tried to work things when i moved to his place again after confinement but to no avail. We quarrelled almost everyday and he began to be verbally and emotionally abusive. Vulgarities were hurled at me and he puts me down and blames me for "breaking up the family" when he was the one who decided on the divorce. He started calling me names and insulted me repeatedly.Our poor 4 months old daughter shuttles between my home and his on 4 and 3 days respectively now. Whenever i have expectations/requests about how my daughter should be taken of, we end up arguing and he would cite my financial infidelity and past as me being not "fit" to tell him what to do. He has also mentioned that he is "letting" me see my daughter and he deems she is better off without me. Everytime we speak he expects me to speak to him politely and he gets angry easily and picks on my choice of words and tone. In short, this man thinks i owe him my life and i should be condemned for causing him to be in debt and "breaking" up the family. He has cut off all financial support and has challenged my ability to raise my daughter given my financial situation. I can no longer put up with his vengeful, abusive and childish behaviour and hence would like to file for full custody and care and control of my daughter. He is holding a full time job and it is my mil who is taking care of my daugher. When she is at his place, he would go to the gym and rock climbing instead of spending time with her. I dont see why I should let my mil or him take care of my daughter when im fully capable of doing so? run a home based online business and spend most of my time at home with my daughter. Im her primary care taker and my parents help out since i live with them. My child's insurance polices (hospitalization and accident plans) were fully paid by me. I also made the first CDA contribution despite my financial difficulties. My now defunct husband is more concerned with solving his personal issues. Moreover, my parents have pledged support for me financially as my income from the online business can be unstable. Nevertheless, I have managed to get by for almost 2 months without any assistance from him.
Does anyone here share the same circumstances as me? Any advice on what should I do to better my chances on winning care and control of my daughter? I have made plans to seek legal aid but cant help worrying about not being able to keep my daughter as this man is undermining my abilities and is mentally abusive with his taunts and threats.
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pixie ng
Well-Known Member
@Belljar if you are currently a bankrupt, does not hold a stable job and need your parents to financially support you, i doubt the judge will give custody to you. beside the facts that your husband no longer want to live with you and how he treated you in the past, logically you cannot support your daughter and barely able to support yourself. unless you are able to fight and the court grant you good alimony & maintenance fee that allows you not to work and able to support yourself & your daughter (which means your husband is very rich to give you a very good alimony), i think the chance is quite low.
In singapore, normally judge give joint custody. For care n control, it depend who is the current care giver. Its not who is richer or who have a job.
If all this while, your husband provide maintenance to u n child, he have to contiune the same even when there is divorce
If all this while, your husband provide maintenance to u n child, he have to contiune the same even when there is divorce
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
@margret what you said is not true. judge will see who is capable to look after the kid ( in terms of financial, emotional and physical) and award to the party accordingly. if one party fails too low on the beachmark, it will be award to another party... like for my friend case, she falls too low on the beachmark, so 2 children is under her ex custody and she only have visitor rights.
normally judge would give joint custody when both parties able to provide equally to the kids.
normally judge would give joint custody when both parties able to provide equally to the kids.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
pixie, what margret say is the truth. I am a sahm. I am not working. I have 2 kids, 5 and 8 years old.
I was given the care and control of my children. My ex is working,although he have money, he doesn't have time for my children as he work 8am to 8pm. All this while i am the care giver.
My ex provide us with the maintenance and have access to them on weekend
I was given the care and control of my children. My ex is working,although he have money, he doesn't have time for my children as he work 8am to 8pm. All this while i am the care giver.
My ex provide us with the maintenance and have access to them on weekend
wendy_reborn
Active Member
pixie, for the custody u are also wrong.
The court wan both parent to contribute to the children in the growing stages, and for most of the case, joint custody is given, and only care and control to one party. Its not only both party can provide financially equally.
The court wan both parent to contribute to the children in the growing stages, and for most of the case, joint custody is given, and only care and control to one party. Its not only both party can provide financially equally.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
take this as a reference http://www.divorcelawyerinsingapore.net/divorce-and-custody-of-child-in-singapore
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i guess your case didn't fall too below the benchmark? and your ex is unable to take care of your children coz he needs to work ( not the same case as belljar as her MIL will take care of the kids) or the alimony and maintenance fee is sufficient for you and your kids to live on..
sadly for my friend's case, she only allow visitor rights, and her children full custody to her ex.
like i said earlier on, it is not only financially. it is based on financial, emotionally and physical. so it's not guarantee joint custody for all divorce.
sadly for my friend's case, she only allow visitor rights, and her children full custody to her ex.
like i said earlier on, it is not only financially. it is based on financial, emotionally and physical. so it's not guarantee joint custody for all divorce.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
yes, not all case, but most case are joint custody. U speak to any lawyers they they will u the same.
Sole custody are rare unless one party give up the custody or she/he done something seriously wrong, or mentally unsound
Sole custody are rare unless one party give up the custody or she/he done something seriously wrong, or mentally unsound
yes, i agree with wendy.
also take a look at this ;
Singapore Laws on Child Custody
When deciding the fate of a child stranded by a divorce, the court would have to decide on 3 matters. They are “custody”, “care and control”, and “access”.
After a divorce is finalised by a court’s interim judgment, ancillary matters such as the fate of the child is then decided, usually in the Family Court. The court will proceed with the child’s welfare as its foremost consideration in making its decisions. The court will evaluate the financial capabilities and individual characteristics of each parent to decide who is more suitable. In addition, the wishes of the child, if he or she be old enough, would also be considered.
In terms of custody, the court will grant either joint or sole custody. Granting joint custody is a more frequent phenomenon, meaning that both parents are jointly responsible for the major decisions affecting the child. Such decisions would include, for example, which school to enrol in. Both parents in a joint custody therefore have a say in such decisions. Having custody under joint custody therefore does not ensure that the child stays with that particular parent.
The child stays with a certain parent, if he or she is given the “care and control” of the child by the court. This parent would have control over the daily lifestyle, as opposed to the major decisions of the child, discussed above.
The court will also have to decide on access orders. Usually, it is impossible for both parents to continue staying together and only one parent is granted the care and control of the child. Therefore, the court will decide on the amount of access that the other parent is given.
For more information on child custody matters, you may refer to /blog/divorce-singapore/child-custody-issues-in-singapore.
also take a look at this ;
Singapore Laws on Child Custody
When deciding the fate of a child stranded by a divorce, the court would have to decide on 3 matters. They are “custody”, “care and control”, and “access”.
After a divorce is finalised by a court’s interim judgment, ancillary matters such as the fate of the child is then decided, usually in the Family Court. The court will proceed with the child’s welfare as its foremost consideration in making its decisions. The court will evaluate the financial capabilities and individual characteristics of each parent to decide who is more suitable. In addition, the wishes of the child, if he or she be old enough, would also be considered.
In terms of custody, the court will grant either joint or sole custody. Granting joint custody is a more frequent phenomenon, meaning that both parents are jointly responsible for the major decisions affecting the child. Such decisions would include, for example, which school to enrol in. Both parents in a joint custody therefore have a say in such decisions. Having custody under joint custody therefore does not ensure that the child stays with that particular parent.
The child stays with a certain parent, if he or she is given the “care and control” of the child by the court. This parent would have control over the daily lifestyle, as opposed to the major decisions of the child, discussed above.
The court will also have to decide on access orders. Usually, it is impossible for both parents to continue staying together and only one parent is granted the care and control of the child. Therefore, the court will decide on the amount of access that the other parent is given.
For more information on child custody matters, you may refer to /blog/divorce-singapore/child-custody-issues-in-singapore.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i don't think is that rare. as for my friend case, she is same as you. sahm when married. during marriage MIL and maid also take care of the kids. she is not mentally unsound, and i dont think she abused her kids in anyway. then again i do not ask much details. now she has a full time job, and a roof over her head, and she fighting the custody back
seekadvice
New Member
Hi all, will need some advice on divorce proceeding.
I'm married for 12years with 2 boys in primary school. We faced issues since 10 yrs ago, holding on for the sake of the kids and hoping things will change for better. But i think it just got worse with us hardly talking to each other and his work require him to work on weekends, i have been settling all the household and kids stuff alone most of the time. He basically work and come back to sleep and give me a monthly allowance for kids expenses. Im lucky to have my parents support all these while, else i would not have been able to go on till now. Both parties do not have any affairs, it’s just our differences and he have been unhappy most of the time. Anyway, i'm thinking of getting a divorce so that he can be happier or finding a partner that suits him better.
Do we need to go through 3 years separation if both parties agree to divorce?
I intend to proceed with the joint custody terms under my care which I doubt he will contest as he has no interest in them.
As for the house, he does not have any CPF contribution, so the monthly instalment is using mine. My intent is to sell the house and I will be moving back to my parent’s place. Can I split the sale proceed of the house 30% (Him), 70% (Me)? As he does not have a place to go, can he get a 2 Room flat from HDB using the 30% sale proceed. For that 70% house sale proceed, I do not want any alimony from him.
I'm married for 12years with 2 boys in primary school. We faced issues since 10 yrs ago, holding on for the sake of the kids and hoping things will change for better. But i think it just got worse with us hardly talking to each other and his work require him to work on weekends, i have been settling all the household and kids stuff alone most of the time. He basically work and come back to sleep and give me a monthly allowance for kids expenses. Im lucky to have my parents support all these while, else i would not have been able to go on till now. Both parties do not have any affairs, it’s just our differences and he have been unhappy most of the time. Anyway, i'm thinking of getting a divorce so that he can be happier or finding a partner that suits him better.
Do we need to go through 3 years separation if both parties agree to divorce?
I intend to proceed with the joint custody terms under my care which I doubt he will contest as he has no interest in them.
As for the house, he does not have any CPF contribution, so the monthly instalment is using mine. My intent is to sell the house and I will be moving back to my parent’s place. Can I split the sale proceed of the house 30% (Him), 70% (Me)? As he does not have a place to go, can he get a 2 Room flat from HDB using the 30% sale proceed. For that 70% house sale proceed, I do not want any alimony from him.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
@seekadvice i think you can request for divorce without 3yrs separation, citing that you have been trying to reconcile for 10yrs. for me, i didn't go thru separation because my ex always in overseas and i use this as a reason.
for HDB, normally they will split as per your contribution. if you have paid all, theoretically the sales would be 100% yours. if your husband agree with 30% given to him, then i think will be easy for you. for example husband paid for the house fully, but during divorce wife try to fight for share citing even they did not pay for the house, they took care of the house, etc. this case will be much complicated.
bottomline is try to set an agreement btw both of you, then go to lawyer and file for divorce. both of you can use the same lawyer + uncontested divorce, you can save alot on lawyer fees and time spend. for me, from i step into law firm to final divorce granted takes about 6 months
if he is above 35yrs old, he can buy 2rm BTO from HDB or resales flat.
for HDB, normally they will split as per your contribution. if you have paid all, theoretically the sales would be 100% yours. if your husband agree with 30% given to him, then i think will be easy for you. for example husband paid for the house fully, but during divorce wife try to fight for share citing even they did not pay for the house, they took care of the house, etc. this case will be much complicated.
bottomline is try to set an agreement btw both of you, then go to lawyer and file for divorce. both of you can use the same lawyer + uncontested divorce, you can save alot on lawyer fees and time spend. for me, from i step into law firm to final divorce granted takes about 6 months
if he is above 35yrs old, he can buy 2rm BTO from HDB or resales flat.
seekadvice
New Member
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
during the discussion, try not to go out of topics like saying whose fault, etc.. i understand sometimes will just burp out, next sentence need to say "anyway doesn't matter now. we agree that this marriage is heading no way so we should try to settle how to go about it"
try to use more "we", in this way, other party will feel better that both of you is on the same page instead of playing the blaming game...
seekadvice
New Member
i guess we are already at the stage of tiredness where we dun even quarrel now. So i doubt we will be visiting the issues again.
I can go on as if nothing happens but he has been unhappy and ignoring most of the things, treating the house like his hotel. Since it's this way, we might well go separate way and he can still find a partner that suits him. But i'm not sure whats holding him back asking for a divorce since he is so unhappy. My only guess is cause he does not have a place to go as he is not on good terms with his own family and he is unable to do all his official matters. It's has been me helping him to do all his matters right up to his insurance, car, income tax etc. If housing is his concern, i will assist him with all the paperwork/reno till he can settle down fully.
NeedHelp_Lau
New Member
Hi Pixie Ng,
Pls PM your lawyer contact to me. Looking to settle PPO and divorce.
Thanks.
smiggleprincess
Active Member
Pm me my lawyer is a veteran and helps mummies like us.
hi all, i really need somewhere to share the burdens in my heart. Im married 6 years this Aug with two boys below 4yo. TODAY, i found out my husband brought a woman to our HOME when i was out travelling for work. the pain in my heart and tears welling in eyes i cannot start to describe! My boys were with my mum to lessen his work load the night it happened. In this 6 years of marriage, he has many many times had online affairs. Before Kid no. 1, during Kid no.2 and now?! He has met the ladies before and he claims nothing happened which i believed. I.am.devastated. im trying to hold myself together today for my boys and its difficult. Can you pls help point in the right direction on separation. Im taking the boys with me so anything affordable is good. Im know im farking stupid for believing him, so pls leave such comments out. Im already trying not to kill myself or blame god or blame myself etc etc.....
if u have evidence it's immediate.
For separation, it take 3 years if there is mutual agreement for divorce, if either party disaagree, then it need four year of separaton.
If u really think it's not worthwhile to stay in a marriage, better end it fast then get a separation.
For separation, it take 3 years if there is mutual agreement for divorce, if either party disaagree, then it need four year of separaton.
If u really think it's not worthwhile to stay in a marriage, better end it fast then get a separation.
strongmummy82
Member
If both agree.. can immediate. No need separation. Juz backdate separation date.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
@TT1214 my divorce, we never go thru separation because is un-necessary. reason is we cannot live together anymore (we dun even bother to find evidence for cheating or not) and we have been living separately for most of the times (he station overseas most of the time)
as long as u have valid reason that living with him is unbearable, you can apply to court for divorce straight away
as long as u have valid reason that living with him is unbearable, you can apply to court for divorce straight away
smiggleprincess
Active Member
Just file under improper behavior. At e same time appt for interim maintenance
Sigh, actually wat we all want is a simple peaceful life, get married, our spouse to be faithful,have kids, have a happy family. But our other half dun think this way...why want to create trouble and go through divorce which is so mentally tired... And cause all the drama..
Sad to see so many of us in almost the same boat...
Hugs hugs, u all are not alone. We be there for eaach other
be strong , our innocent kids needs us most. Jia You mummies!!
Sad to see so many of us in almost the same boat...
Hugs hugs, u all are not alone. We be there for eaach other
be strong , our innocent kids needs us most. Jia You mummies!!
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i still think women should be independent... as long as you are independent, men will think twice if they want to be funny.Sigh, actually wat we all want is a simple peaceful life, get married, our spouse to be faithful,have kids, have a happy family. But our other half dun think this way...why want to create trouble and go through divorce which is so mentally tired... And cause all the drama..
Sad to see so many of us in almost the same boat...
Hugs hugs, u all are not alone. We be there for eaach other
smiggleprincess
Active Member
Yes must be strong... but very heartpain for my kids
silly cat
Member
Divorce made me mentally tired and cost at lot of money.. I just apply ppo against him but he disagree so both me and him hire lawyer.. he just can't admit he did beat me *which he did*.. ask me to apply a divorce and tell the lawyer I having adultery *which I am not* he find many excuse to fight for the protection order..
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anyone knows how to apply for enforcement order on the maintainance order as I just obtained my final intermin judgement. the ex only promised he will pay 50% of the legal cost and maintainance for our son but however he never pay a single cent for several months already. and frankly it is a real hard struggle on financial area all the along on my pay only. his pay is 3 times more than mine and yet he got cheeks to borrow few hundreds from me everytime. so stressed.
need to know the procedure on filing an application for enforcement order on maintainance and alimony..(I freshly divorced after 10 years of marriage)
need to know the procedure on filing an application for enforcement order on maintainance and alimony..(I freshly divorced after 10 years of marriage)
I understand how u feel too. the ex also made life a living hell for me too in the past few years with his affair plus all holy shits and harassments from loansharks.
be strong as everyone here is here for u. and never give in to those threatens from your hubby or his lawyer. press on harder on your rights.
smiggleprincess
Active Member
Just go court and show them your order, tell them u wan enforce. Pay $1 and they will send a summon to your ex. A date will be set for mention and trial
smiggleprincess
Active Member
Sillycat
I went through e same ppo. Must have evidence, even then unless staying in flat together, ppo very hard to get
I went through e same ppo. Must have evidence, even then unless staying in flat together, ppo very hard to get