Single Pregnant mommy but attached with married man!

im a single pregnant mommy to-be but the father to-be is a separated married man. He have not filed divorce with his wife because the flat they are staying have not full 5 years. I have been cracking my brain to search up forum on how to get married at this timing but at the same time would not want to let anyone know about my pregnancy. How am I able to cover up stories to my family, relatives and friends about this? Mommies, Please advice.
 


im a single pregnant mommy to-be but the father to-be is a separated married man. He have not filed divorce with his wife because the flat they are staying have not full 5 years. I have been cracking my brain to search up forum on how to get married at this timing but at the same time would not want to let anyone know about my pregnancy. How am I able to cover up stories to my family, relatives and friends about this? Mommies, Please advice.

Hello,

imho, all your relatives & friends need not know your current situation, they are at best well meaning or at worst just KPO. However, i think you can consider discussing this with your parent, your future hubby should also meet up with your parent to discuss the current situation jointly. Choose a more neutral location to discuss this topic to prevent needless flaring up.

ALWAYS remember that your parent is for you and they are the only one that truly care about you.

I hope all things will work out nicely for you.

Jia you.
 
Hello,

imho, all your relatives & friends need not know your current situation, they are at best well meaning or at worst just KPO. However, i think you can consider discussing this with your parent, your future hubby should also meet up with your parent to discuss the current situation jointly. Choose a more neutral location to discuss this topic to prevent needless flaring up.

ALWAYS remember that your parent is for you and they are the only one that truly care about you.

I hope all things will work out nicely for you.

Jia you.


@aaa111
Thank you for your reply. I have already ask my bf to talk to my mum about it.. Things aren't that simple.. It's complicated..
 
im a single pregnant mommy to-be but the father to-be is a separated married man. He have not filed divorce with his wife because the flat they are staying have not full 5 years. I have been cracking my brain to search up forum on how to get married at this timing but at the same time would not want to let anyone know about my pregnancy. How am I able to cover up stories to my family, relatives and friends about this? Mommies, Please advice.
Hi dear.. its so complicated..furthermore ur bf is still someone's hub.. u shud jus face e facts n tell ur family e truth.. bt at least ure being honest. Moreover, nw ure preggy, dun stress urself. N ur bf shud b fair to u too.. he hv to b responsible tho.. so sory for u.. in e first plc u shudnt hv been in relationship wit a married man. Sory if it hurts u bt jus a piece of advice.. :(
 
Hi dear.. its so complicated..furthermore ur bf is still someone's hub.. u shud jus face e facts n tell ur family e truth.. bt at least ure being honest. Moreover, nw ure preggy, dun stress urself. N ur bf shud b fair to u too.. he hv to b responsible tho.. so sory for u.. in e first plc u shudnt hv been in relationship wit a married man. Sory if it hurts u bt jus a piece of advice.. :(


@Relaxurmind

Thanks babe for the console. I believe this is what I chose. Everything is just matter of time.. I just hope the time could pass faster so that I could get what I should own.
 
@aaa111
Thank you for your reply. I have already ask my bf to talk to my mum about it.. Things aren't that simple.. It's complicated..

Yup, even a normal relationship is not simple, let alone the situation you describe. Since the both of you have decided to be with each other going forward and now a little one will be joining both of you soon. All the more it is important that both of you need to take a proactive approach to decide how you guys want to handle the situation. There is unlikely going to be a everyone also happy conclusion, therefore do whatever that make the most sense to 2 of you and both set of your parent are in fact the best folks to provide wise counsel & whatever support they feel like giving both of you. The quicker the both of you can formula a path forward, it will reduce the stress on everyone and most importantly enable you to focus on your preggy and give birth and thereafter raise a happy child together.

Oh ya, a very critical topic that both of you need to put on the table to discuss and agreed upon openly is family finance. I am assuming that you have never married before, money is very often the most common stress/break point of any marriage. It will be great if both of you can sit down to discuss how are both of you going to manage the household finance even before both of you pen the contract at ROM. Put it in a very blunt way, if this ultra sensitive topic cannot be discuss fully & agree upon wholeheartedly by both parties, chances of completing a marriage marathon is not that fantastic regardless how lovey dovey the couple is feeling right now.

The longer i stay in marriage, the more i feel that the statement "Love is all that is needed for a happy marriage" is nothing more than fairy tale at best or more realistically speaking absolute bullshit .

Jia you. All the best.
 
@aaa111

Hi babe, I do agreed for the financial problem. We are not even legally married and now facing a big problem of financial. Even though I have to see whether any kind hearted mommies able to give me some baby items as blessing..
 
@aaa111

Hi babe, I do agreed for the financial problem. We are not even legally married and now facing a big problem of financial. Even though I have to see whether any kind hearted mommies able to give me some baby items as blessing..
Btw babe, hw mny mths preggy r u nw??
Will try n help u babe..
 
@aaa111

Hi babe, I do agreed for the financial problem. We are not even legally married and now facing a big problem of financial. Even though I have to see whether any kind hearted mommies able to give me some baby items as blessing..

Hello, recoginising that there is a potential financial problem is a good 1st step. The next step is to sit down with your partner to draw up as detail a family finance plan, it is a tedious processes whereby a lot of couple give up and then subsequently yell at each other how come this cannot and that cannot.

The initial amount needed to get all the basic stuff for the BB is a big amount, but the ongoing recurring bill is even more scary. These are unlikely the only items that your partner and yourself need to tackle. Other , housing, utilities, his divorce settlement course plus the maintenance cost etc all need to be taken into account. There is really no need to panic, but it is highly neccessary to sit together and joint agree on how to tacke them.

jia you.
 
The housing and other untilities will paid by my mum.. My mum will be helping me do all the confinement food and taking care of bb.. Still I have go for work after a month of rest bcos I'm not entitled to 4mths rest due to I'm not legal married
 
The housing and other untilities will paid by my mum.. My mum will be helping me do all the confinement food and taking care of bb.. Still I have go for work after a month of rest bcos I'm not entitled to 4mths rest due to I'm not legal married

Hello, you are blessed with a super nice mummy. That is so nice.

Having said that, your partner & yourself might want to consider arrangement that is way beyond the 1st 4 mths. Parent no matter how nice and doting will eventually need to leave us one day. We as their children need to demonstrate to them that we have grown up fully and are able to fend off for ourselves independently and also look after our next generation well. This will bring much joy to both of your parents. I am sure your partner and yourself will want to make your parent happy too.

Jia you.
 
Hi, u should be entitled to 2 months maternity leave if ur child is Singaporean and u have worked for at least 3 months with the current employer, even if u are not legally married. Can check out this link http://www.mom.gov.sg/employment-practices/leave/maternity-leave/eligibility-and-entitlement

Also, for baby stuff, just focus on essential. Nowadays we are bombarded by advertising for various baby products, which can be overwhelming for first time mums like us. =)
 
Hi, u should be entitled to 2 months maternity leave if ur child is Singaporean and u have worked for at least 3 months with the current employer, even if u are not legally married. Can check out this link http://www.mom.gov.sg/employment-practices/leave/maternity-leave/eligibility-and-entitlement

Also, for baby stuff, just focus on essential. Nowadays we are bombarded by advertising for various baby products, which can be overwhelming for first time mums like us. =)

Hi babe, u sure that I'm entitled to 2 mths maternity leave even though I'm not legal married?
 
Hi joylicious, wat are e baby things u need? I'm closing shop, not planning any more babies cos have 4 kids. So I'm giving away some stuff.
 
The only worried is I afraid that I might not entitled to any maternity leave due to I'm not legally married..

Hello, i am not a sweet talker or diplomatic person ya. So please pardon my bluntness. I am actually quite worried when i saw you type "The ONLY worries ......" imho, that is indeed an important topic but there are many other much more critical topics that need to be discuss and agree upon with your partner.

I wish you well. Jia you
 
Hi babe, u sure that I'm entitled to 2 mths maternity leave even though I'm not legal married?

Hi, please check out the Ministry of Manpower link which I posted earlier. You can check your eligibility based on how many criterias u meet. As I don't know about ur situation (whether ur child will be Singaporean and whether u have worked for 3 months).
 
Hi babe, u sure that I'm entitled to 2 mths maternity leave even though I'm not legal married?

Hi Joylicious90,

Yes you are entitled to at least 8 weeks because your child will be a Singaporean (assuming you are). And it is compulsory for employer to give it to you (assuming you have been serving them for 3 months or more before giving birth). It's covered under the employment act :)
 
im a single pregnant mommy to-be but the father to-be is a separated married man. He have not filed divorce with his wife because the flat they are staying have not full 5 years. I have been cracking my brain to search up forum on how to get married at this timing but at the same time would not want to let anyone know about my pregnancy. How am I able to cover up stories to my family, relatives and friends about this? Mommies, Please advice.

Are you sure he cannot divorce his wife just because of the flat? HDB does exercise mercy in certain cases, it's just a matter of them forfeiting maybe a portion of their down payment. Has he even shown you his deed of separation, if any? Does his wife know about you?

I'm sorry to sound so sceptical, but we've heard so many horror stories of men lying about leaving their wives just to keep the mistresses...

It may well be true, but please keep your eyes open ok!
 
Hi Joylicious

Stay strong for bb and yes, be honest with your parents.

Fyi, if your bf wife dun drag n go Uncontested divorce ..it will be very fast but if she Contest, be prepared it will take 1-2yrs or more plus $20-30k or more.

So you have to be strong n u will really need yr parents support.

But let no similar mistake like this happen again ... you don't know the amount of pain n emotions and crying. Yes..am in divorce and I also happened to know several mummies going in similar suitation. Its very tough road. So be strong for bb.

God bless.
 
Are you sure he cannot divorce his wife just because of the flat? HDB does exercise mercy in certain cases, it's just a matter of them forfeiting maybe a portion of their down payment. Has he even shown you his deed of separation, if any? Does his wife know about you?

I'm sorry to sound so sceptical, but we've heard so many horror stories of men lying about leaving their wives just to keep the mistresses...

It may well be true, but please keep your eyes open ok!


Yes. They are not planning to forfeit the flat to hdb hence they will wait till the flat full 5 years then divorce. He did show me the separation papers with both of their signature on it. He and his wife have been together for 9 years but no single child at all bcos the wife cannot conceive due to smoking, drinking and late night slp.. I can say that I'm fortunate than her becos I do smoke, drink and slp very late at night..

I can say that I trust him as he Whatapp and show me all the pictures of the separation deed and he tear off his marriage of cert.. It's just the matter of time..
 
Haha ... tear off marriage cert? Really?

During divorce hearing, he has to surrender original marriage cert back to court if I'm not wrong... good luck to him
 
Hi Joylicious

A separation holds no water if the divorce goes Contested .... for your case, convince him to go UNcontested. .. since they didn't hv kids. Best n fastest... another fast way is annulment. My friend married 7yrs n divorce on grounds on annulment (when flat is 5yrs old).

God bless
 
Haha ... tear off marriage cert? Really?

During divorce hearing, he has to surrender original marriage cert back to court if I'm not wrong... good luck to him
tru babe.. e ori copy of marriage cert is important tho..
Sory if ive to said this.. joylicious90..ur bf is kinda childish. If he can criticise his wife.. he cn do dat to u too...:(
As for now u jus concentrate wit ur pregnancy.. its nt easy for u..i undastnd hw u feel bt... **sigh**
If i said more it will turn out to b kinda rude.. btw im sory
 
Hi Joylicious

A separation holds no water if the divorce goes Contested .... for your case, convince him to go UNcontested. .. since they didn't hv kids. Best n fastest... another fast way is annulment. My friend married 7yrs n divorce on grounds on annulment (when flat is 5yrs old).

God bless


Noted, will inform him
 
tru babe.. e ori copy of marriage cert is important tho..
Sory if ive to said this.. joylicious90..ur bf is kinda childish. If he can criticise his wife.. he cn do dat to u too...:(
As for now u jus concentrate wit ur pregnancy.. its nt easy for u..i undastnd hw u feel bt... **sigh**
If i said more it will turn out to b kinda rude.. btw im sory


But the ROM cert have already tore into pieces.. Able to glued back? Lol
 
But the ROM cert have already tore into pieces.. Able to glued back? Lol

Hello, dun bother to glue it back, if needed, just need to go to the relevant authority to ask for a replacement copy, just need to be prepare to pay some $$$ for them to help him to process and also wait maybe few days/weeks for them to process can liao. (Also good to let him go thru the whole process of getting a replacement once, especially if it is very costly and very troublesome, then next time he will cherish his certificate with you more)

No worries ya, i am quite sure he is not the first person in SG to tear up such an impt document. In SG, many things can be easily resolve if got sufficient $$$ de. Without sufficient $$$$, that when even very tiny problem will suddenly become like damn big issue and quarrel or even fighting. (e.g. Why did you buy the XXX brand bread huh? you stupid or what, issit you dunno that YYY brand bread cost $0.50 lesser and got 2 slice more blah blah blah....)

Then again, SG is a very interesting place, there are family out there who live happily with a combine household income of $1,500 and have 3-4 children, there are also couple who made a combine income of more then $15K per month and will still say that they do not earn enough to start a family. Both family are totally not wrong. I mean who gave us the right to say they are wrong tio bo? We dun live in their household and will never know what exactly is going on de.

Individual couple just need to be very sure what kinda of life they want for themselves, as long as they can come to a genuine consensus and most importantly earn sufficient to support the type of life style that they want, then all will be ok de, otherwise it is just a matter of time when all hell broke loose. (Say ok to do without this and that OR want to provide this & that is very easy one during happy times. The fulfillment part many a time can be a very very different thing)

Jia you & all the best.
 
Hah
Hello, dun bother to glue it back, if needed, just need to go to the relevant authority to ask for a replacement copy, just need to be prepare to pay some $$$ for them to help him to process and also wait maybe few days/weeks for them to process can liao. (Also good to let him go thru the whole process of getting a replacement once, especially if it is very costly and very troublesome, then next time he will cherish his certificate with you more)

No worries ya, i am quite sure he is not the first person in SG to tear up such an impt document. In SG, many things can be easily resolve if got sufficient $$$ de. Without sufficient $$$$, that when even very tiny problem will suddenly become like damn big issue and quarrel or even fighting. (e.g. Why did you buy the XXX brand bread huh? you stupid or what, issit you dunno that YYY brand bread cost $0.50 lesser and got 2 slice more blah blah blah....)

Then again, SG is a very interesting place, there are family out there who live happily with a combine household income of $1,500 and have 3-4 children, there are also couple who made a combine income of more then $15K per month and will still say that they do not earn enough to start a family. Both family are totally not wrong. I mean who gave us the right to say they are wrong tio bo? We dun live in their household and will never know what exactly is going on de.

Individual couple just need to be very sure what kinda of life they want for themselves, as long as they can come to a genuine consensus and most importantly earn sufficient to support the type of life style that they want, then all will be ok de, otherwise it is just a matter of time when all hell broke loose. (Say ok to do without this and that OR want to provide this & that is very easy one during happy times. The fulfillment part many a time can be a very very different thing)

Jia you & all the best.


Yup.. I do agree.. I have told him to prepare money to get the replaced cert back and guess what he told me? He say actually he crush the cert and throw on the floor but his wife more fierce, pick up from the floor and tear into pieces.. So, his wife shld bear the cost for the replacement.. Hahaha..
 
Hah



Yup.. I do agree.. I have told him to prepare money to get the replaced cert back and guess what he told me? He say actually he crush the cert and throw on the floor but his wife more fierce, pick up from the floor and tear into pieces.. So, his wife shld bear the cost for the replacement.. Hahaha..
Likeable story afterall... haiz..
 
**THUMBS UP**
Really great everythng hppnd like so fast.. u mus b lucky babe.. really hope u will hv a complete family soon.. god bless

For now u hv to rack up ur brain bout hw to share wit ur family abt ur pregnancy.. u really need dem babe. They r ur closest ppl dat u hv now.. u jus hv to tell dem e truth. Im pretty sure dat they will definitely , wont let u suffer alone.. furthermore, ure still nt married. They might pity e LO in u...**sob sob**
Dun wait any longer babe.. hv faith in urself.. :)
 
**THUMBS UP**
Really great everythng hppnd like so fast.. u mus b lucky babe.. really hope u will hv a complete family soon.. god bless

For now u hv to rack up ur brain bout hw to share wit ur family abt ur pregnancy.. u really need dem babe. They r ur closest ppl dat u hv now.. u jus hv to tell dem e truth. Im pretty sure dat they will definitely , wont let u suffer alone.. furthermore, ure still nt married. They might pity e LO in u...**sob sob**
Dun wait any longer babe.. hv faith in urself.. :)


Okay~ I have calculated, I will able to get back the baby bonus before my child turn 5.
 
Hah



Yup.. I do agree.. I have told him to prepare money to get the replaced cert back and guess what he told me? He say actually he crush the cert and throw on the floor but his wife more fierce, pick up from the floor and tear into pieces.. So, his wife shld bear the cost for the replacement.. Hahaha..


Good. another item check off both of your "To Do" list. Good good. Can move on to other item on the list liao. Wish your partner & yourself success in ticking off all the "To Do" list.
 
So many things can happen while waiting for bf to be divorced. My hubby married his first wife in 2002, got no kid. Separated in 2007, he got a new gf in 2009, he got divorced in 2011. Supposed to rom his 5 yr gf in 2014 but he met me. He cancelled the rom and stayed with me. We are now married and expecting our baby girl.
Whàt I mèant is, there may be unexpected twist and turn of events but whatever happens, you have to be strong for yourself and your baby. And remember that it will be your family who will have your back no matter what. Hugs! Stay strong
 
Whether or not they will be divorcing smoothly, prepare yourself for the worst. I am in a similar scenario as you, bf file divorce and waiting for his wife to sign (but seems like she's too lazy to go to the lawyer to get it sign despite everything was agreed verbally). Unable to get ROM before bb is born, now cracking head if bb's birth cert should indicate Father's details or not.

I'm not afraid of loosing anything at this point of time because I know whatever happens my family will be there for me. During your pregnancy you will be able to tell if he's true to you or if he's willing to stay with you throughout. I'm also prepared to go back to work after my 2months paid maternity due to single mom status. Everything will work out as long as both of you communicate well and plan well of what will happen during your pregnancy and when bb is born.

Good Luck to you mommy! Your bb will be happy if you're happy so stay positive.
 

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