I have a court case coming up soon. My husband started threatening me with divorce since 2nd day of our marriage. I always live in fear that he will leave me. For the past 14 mths of our marriage, I tried my very best to take all the verbal abuse he uses on me just to be quiet and save our marriage. Recently he started to physical abuse for the first time and that's where I went to apply for the PPO and maintenance too. Now that he is very angry with me, he started to shout and wants a divorce from me when clearly it is his mistake in the first place. I still love him a lot, but he ignores my messages, emails and sms. I am thinking for all the pain and hurt he made me go through, is it worth fighting for a losing battle. Should I just dismiss the PPO and maintenance from the court. I do not want to make it look like I married him for his money or I am not capable enough to support myself. I am really confused, worried and lost. I do not want to let go but at the same time, why should I let him go for all the hurt and pain he had caused me. I am really lost and confused. Any suggestions?
Do I or not fight for PPO And Maintenance from my husband?
- Thread starter saraharc
- Start date
blur_ballerina
New Member
Hi Sarah
I am also in the same situation. I have yet to apply for ppo AND maintenance becos I am afraid he will make things worse for me. But i want to - as it is in the women's charter and our rights..
for many years I have not been maintained by him and now aM VERY poor compared to him. Worse, he is unfaithful and started to threaten me, when I question him like where he goes etc. He would glare at me like he wants to beat me up.
Triple - if you have any advice..pls also PM me...thanks...
I am also in the same situation. I have yet to apply for ppo AND maintenance becos I am afraid he will make things worse for me. But i want to - as it is in the women's charter and our rights..
for many years I have not been maintained by him and now aM VERY poor compared to him. Worse, he is unfaithful and started to threaten me, when I question him like where he goes etc. He would glare at me like he wants to beat me up.
Triple - if you have any advice..pls also PM me...thanks...
Hi Sarah,
I m almost in the same situation as you. To make things worst, he hit me when I m 2-3 months pregnant. I have make a police report against him hitting mi n spoken to a lawyer. Lawyer say I can't do anything as it is the first time he hit mi n I can't use it to file for divorce as we are not married for more than 3 years. I m currently 8 months pregnant n we r back together but I can't forget wat he had done to me; all the verbal abuse n physical abuse. His family is very supportive of him n had always feel I m the bad person who treats their son/ brother shabbily. His mum n bro even suggest we should divorce previously too. I m due in 1 month time n I m in a dilemma if I should leave him. I m not working n I feel that if I leave him, I m letting my baby down to b born single parent. He earns a gd income n definitely have the capability to raise the baby.
I m almost in the same situation as you. To make things worst, he hit me when I m 2-3 months pregnant. I have make a police report against him hitting mi n spoken to a lawyer. Lawyer say I can't do anything as it is the first time he hit mi n I can't use it to file for divorce as we are not married for more than 3 years. I m currently 8 months pregnant n we r back together but I can't forget wat he had done to me; all the verbal abuse n physical abuse. His family is very supportive of him n had always feel I m the bad person who treats their son/ brother shabbily. His mum n bro even suggest we should divorce previously too. I m due in 1 month time n I m in a dilemma if I should leave him. I m not working n I feel that if I leave him, I m letting my baby down to b born single parent. He earns a gd income n definitely have the capability to raise the baby.
mikki_liew
Member
hi Sarah, why do wan to suffer in a marriage? U love him, but it doesn't give him the right to beat u up.
Ask yourself, is it a moment of folly he did it is he remorseful. If it's once and he regretted it, then maybe u can for give him. but if not then u better protect yourself.
A PPO doesn't mean u getting him into trouble. It's just a protection order that he is not to physical abusee u. If he think he won't do it again, then he no need to be frighten and anger with u.
For maintenance, if u needs the money to maintenance yourself, get it from him, but a reasonable amount. Which husband don't wan the wife to look nice, if they can afford it.
He wan to divorce, it's not so easy unless there is a valid reason. If not have to wait for 4 years.
Remember this. To love someone doesn't mean u have to be possession of him.
Jenny, if he really hit u and u go to a government doctor to get examine, then u can get a PPO against him. No need to wait for him to hit u a 2nd time.
U can file for divorce if u can show cause that u are going through extreme hardship in your marriage even if u are not marry for 3 years.
Ask yourself, is it a moment of folly he did it is he remorseful. If it's once and he regretted it, then maybe u can for give him. but if not then u better protect yourself.
A PPO doesn't mean u getting him into trouble. It's just a protection order that he is not to physical abusee u. If he think he won't do it again, then he no need to be frighten and anger with u.
For maintenance, if u needs the money to maintenance yourself, get it from him, but a reasonable amount. Which husband don't wan the wife to look nice, if they can afford it.
He wan to divorce, it's not so easy unless there is a valid reason. If not have to wait for 4 years.
Remember this. To love someone doesn't mean u have to be possession of him.
Jenny, if he really hit u and u go to a government doctor to get examine, then u can get a PPO against him. No need to wait for him to hit u a 2nd time.
U can file for divorce if u can show cause that u are going through extreme hardship in your marriage even if u are not marry for 3 years.
Ladies,
loving a person dun = to bearing their verbal or physical abuse. Why not u think this way, does he really love u? if he does why the hell will he bear to abuse u especially hitting u?
Jenny, if he can hit u when u are pregnant let alone when u r nt? also if ur in laws are so unreasonable, I can see tat maybe a day he can beat u till u die and his family members will on stand and watch.
Yes, a child might need a complete family to grow up, but nt one tat is constantly fighting or in an abusive environment. Think of this, if ur child grow up in this environment, and he pick up his dad bad habit and abuse u can u take it?
Remember u all deserve someone better. someone who appreciate u and love u nt someone who abuse u. A person who abuse another verbally or physically do not know how to love.
PM me if you all need someone to talk to. Really wish to help u ladies.
loving a person dun = to bearing their verbal or physical abuse. Why not u think this way, does he really love u? if he does why the hell will he bear to abuse u especially hitting u?
Jenny, if he can hit u when u are pregnant let alone when u r nt? also if ur in laws are so unreasonable, I can see tat maybe a day he can beat u till u die and his family members will on stand and watch.
Yes, a child might need a complete family to grow up, but nt one tat is constantly fighting or in an abusive environment. Think of this, if ur child grow up in this environment, and he pick up his dad bad habit and abuse u can u take it?
Remember u all deserve someone better. someone who appreciate u and love u nt someone who abuse u. A person who abuse another verbally or physically do not know how to love.
PM me if you all need someone to talk to. Really wish to help u ladies.
very interesting article -
Court allows girl to relocate to US with mother after divorce
Share on yahoomail Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on email
Source
TODAY
Date
23 May 2012
SINGAPORE - A High Court judge has upheld a lower court's ruling to allow a divorcing couple's nine-year-old daughter to relocate with her American mother to the United States, noting that the issue of relocation with the child is likely to be "frequently raised" before the family court as part of the ancillary matters to be resolved following a divorce.
Compared to families in the past, Justice Andrew Ang said the modern family is "more likely to be the product of a cross-cultural marriage, domiciled in more than one country and, especially in the more developed countries, to have a single offspring".
The child's mother, a 49-year-old American homemaker residing here, filed for divorce in January 2010 from the 52-year-old father, a "wealthy Malaysian businessman".
The parties are not named to protect the child.
An interim judgment for divorce was granted in August last year on the basis of the husband's unreasonable behaviour.
District Judge Amy Tung then granted the wife continued interim sole care and control of their daughter and gave her permission to permanently relocate out of Singapore.
The husband subsequently filed an appeal against the district judge's decision.
In his 30-page written judgment released on Monday, Justice Ang noted "the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration" in relocation applications.
He added: "However, since the long-term interests of the child are closely aligned with the emotional and psychological well-being of the primary caregiver, the court will place considerable weight on an application by the primary caregiver for relocation with the child, provided that such application is based on reasonable grounds and not made in bad faith."
The court will also be sensitive to other factors "in this balancing exercise", although in most cases where the desire of the primary caregiver to relocate is "reasonable and genuine", it is likely to grant the application.
In this case, Justice Ang felt it would be in the child's best interests to allow her to relocate to the US with the mother, who is the child's primary caregiver and "constant" in her life.
While he noted there is "some degree of mutual love and affection between father and daughter", the judge observed that the father has not been a good influence on the child. For example, there were incidents of the child chancing upon pornographic material on the father's phone.
Justice Ang added that the father had also used foul language in the child's presence.
The judge felt the wife's decision to relocate back to the US was "reasonable". He noted that even though she had lived in Singapore since January 2006, she had not become a permanent resident and did not even hold a dependant's pass.
Her decision to relocate back to Illinois in the US would enable her to get the support she needs to move on from the "messy breakdown of her marriage", Justice Ang said.
He added: "Given the husband's financial means, while he may not get to see (the child) as much as he would like, it would not be too difficult for him to make the necessary arrangements to travel down to the US to spend time with her."
Copyright 2012 MediaCorp Pte Ltd | All Rights Reserved
To view the judgment, click <here>.
Court allows girl to relocate to US with mother after divorce
Share on yahoomail Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on email
Source
TODAY
Date
23 May 2012
SINGAPORE - A High Court judge has upheld a lower court's ruling to allow a divorcing couple's nine-year-old daughter to relocate with her American mother to the United States, noting that the issue of relocation with the child is likely to be "frequently raised" before the family court as part of the ancillary matters to be resolved following a divorce.
Compared to families in the past, Justice Andrew Ang said the modern family is "more likely to be the product of a cross-cultural marriage, domiciled in more than one country and, especially in the more developed countries, to have a single offspring".
The child's mother, a 49-year-old American homemaker residing here, filed for divorce in January 2010 from the 52-year-old father, a "wealthy Malaysian businessman".
The parties are not named to protect the child.
An interim judgment for divorce was granted in August last year on the basis of the husband's unreasonable behaviour.
District Judge Amy Tung then granted the wife continued interim sole care and control of their daughter and gave her permission to permanently relocate out of Singapore.
The husband subsequently filed an appeal against the district judge's decision.
In his 30-page written judgment released on Monday, Justice Ang noted "the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration" in relocation applications.
He added: "However, since the long-term interests of the child are closely aligned with the emotional and psychological well-being of the primary caregiver, the court will place considerable weight on an application by the primary caregiver for relocation with the child, provided that such application is based on reasonable grounds and not made in bad faith."
The court will also be sensitive to other factors "in this balancing exercise", although in most cases where the desire of the primary caregiver to relocate is "reasonable and genuine", it is likely to grant the application.
In this case, Justice Ang felt it would be in the child's best interests to allow her to relocate to the US with the mother, who is the child's primary caregiver and "constant" in her life.
While he noted there is "some degree of mutual love and affection between father and daughter", the judge observed that the father has not been a good influence on the child. For example, there were incidents of the child chancing upon pornographic material on the father's phone.
Justice Ang added that the father had also used foul language in the child's presence.
The judge felt the wife's decision to relocate back to the US was "reasonable". He noted that even though she had lived in Singapore since January 2006, she had not become a permanent resident and did not even hold a dependant's pass.
Her decision to relocate back to Illinois in the US would enable her to get the support she needs to move on from the "messy breakdown of her marriage", Justice Ang said.
He added: "Given the husband's financial means, while he may not get to see (the child) as much as he would like, it would not be too difficult for him to make the necessary arrangements to travel down to the US to spend time with her."
Copyright 2012 MediaCorp Pte Ltd | All Rights Reserved
To view the judgment, click <here>.
moorspa7
Member
Diana,
What abt emotional abuse? Does that also count for not loving someone? If someone don't care or communicate with you everyday, and just think that providing food and allowance is enough, isn't it also a form of an abuse? To me, it's the worst form of abuse, the traumas & scars can't be seen which makes it even harder to heal. How to heal from that? Even if I choose to divorce when my kids are older, I am still scarred from it.
Even a plant grows better when it is showered with lots of attention, like singing or talking to it, not to mention a human being.
What abt emotional abuse? Does that also count for not loving someone? If someone don't care or communicate with you everyday, and just think that providing food and allowance is enough, isn't it also a form of an abuse? To me, it's the worst form of abuse, the traumas & scars can't be seen which makes it even harder to heal. How to heal from that? Even if I choose to divorce when my kids are older, I am still scarred from it.
Even a plant grows better when it is showered with lots of attention, like singing or talking to it, not to mention a human being.
triple70 Just for your info -
Under section 65(1) of the Women’s Charter, the Court will grant a personal protection order if it is satisfied, on a balance of probabilities, that family violence has been committed or is likely to be committed against you, and that such an order is necessary for your protection.
Under section 65(8) of the Women’s Charter, a breach of an expedited order or personal protection order is a criminal offence. The offence is punishable by a fine of up to $2,000, or by imprisonment of up to six months, or both. A second or subsequent offence is punishable by a fine of up to $5,000, or by imprisonment of up to 12 months, or both.
So if u can read, it's not a criminal offence, unless he breach of order. understand?
Under section 65(1) of the Women’s Charter, the Court will grant a personal protection order if it is satisfied, on a balance of probabilities, that family violence has been committed or is likely to be committed against you, and that such an order is necessary for your protection.
Under section 65(8) of the Women’s Charter, a breach of an expedited order or personal protection order is a criminal offence. The offence is punishable by a fine of up to $2,000, or by imprisonment of up to six months, or both. A second or subsequent offence is punishable by a fine of up to $5,000, or by imprisonment of up to 12 months, or both.
So if u can read, it's not a criminal offence, unless he breach of order. understand?
to support mikki, triple70 if it's a criminal offence, he will be charge and there will be a fine or jail term. But in a PPO which i have apply before, it's states, unless he breaches the order, then he will be charged.
PPO Is not for life, there is a timeframe. I think u are the one who doesn't know what u talking about.
PPO Is not for life, there is a timeframe. I think u are the one who doesn't know what u talking about.
moorspa7
Member
Triple70
I don't know why you interpret in this way but that's not what I mean. Maybe you can advise me if a marriage is able to sustain without emotional support and communication, and purely on food and allowance? Some people don't even know they are emotionally abused til the point of breakdown. If that is the way, then pple may as well marry someone who can provide, rather than someone they love.
I don't know why you interpret in this way but that's not what I mean. Maybe you can advise me if a marriage is able to sustain without emotional support and communication, and purely on food and allowance? Some people don't even know they are emotionally abused til the point of breakdown. If that is the way, then pple may as well marry someone who can provide, rather than someone they love.
moorspa,
read abt ur story here and there in the forum, so roughly know u and ur hb gng thru some difficult times too. Any form of abuse is wrong. juz ask back the qn to urself, will u abuse the person u love in any way? Even if one is too possesive it still do nt justify an abuse lor.
is this the marriage u want? Will ur kids grow up to be happier in this kind of environment? How old r u kids nw? R u working? Perhaps, if u do nt wan to reveal too much on the forum, u can pm me ok....
read abt ur story here and there in the forum, so roughly know u and ur hb gng thru some difficult times too. Any form of abuse is wrong. juz ask back the qn to urself, will u abuse the person u love in any way? Even if one is too possesive it still do nt justify an abuse lor.
is this the marriage u want? Will ur kids grow up to be happier in this kind of environment? How old r u kids nw? R u working? Perhaps, if u do nt wan to reveal too much on the forum, u can pm me ok....
moorspa7
Member
Diana,
I hv pm you. Btw, is asking a spouse for communication for half an hour to an hour daily too much to ask for ? Anyway, I hv stopped communicating cos things has already reached to a pt of no return. I am exhausted of asking for communication when he is not willing to spend time with me. Since he can't put in effort, I don't see why I should continue to torture myself. I still hv to change myself to be calmer despite of all the resentment unresolved.
I hv pm you. Btw, is asking a spouse for communication for half an hour to an hour daily too much to ask for ? Anyway, I hv stopped communicating cos things has already reached to a pt of no return. I am exhausted of asking for communication when he is not willing to spend time with me. Since he can't put in effort, I don't see why I should continue to torture myself. I still hv to change myself to be calmer despite of all the resentment unresolved.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
yes PPO is not a criminal offence unless the person breach it. It something good for us to protect ourselves and out love one.
Even constant verbal abuse can get a PPO
Even constant verbal abuse can get a PPO
I said... it is similar.
For example.. discharged bankrupt.. perhaps ppl think oh.. no longer a bankrupt..yippee.. ok.. then go try apply for a credit card. U will be given the same treatment as a bankrupt.
If a woman needs a PPO against her spouse.. frankly..she is better of divorcing.
For example.. discharged bankrupt.. perhaps ppl think oh.. no longer a bankrupt..yippee.. ok.. then go try apply for a credit card. U will be given the same treatment as a bankrupt.
If a woman needs a PPO against her spouse.. frankly..she is better of divorcing.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
anyway PPO is not just for women. it's for children and sometimes men also.
Jenny,
you mentioned that you are letting your child down being born into a single parent family. It will be worse born in a dysfuntion family where parents are always fighting. It's just a matter of time that one vent anger, sadness on the poor child.
Nevertheless, be firm and say no to these abuse. If he done it again and you need to protect yourself and your child. You might not wish to leave him but such man with this personality usually won't stay loyal.
you mentioned that you are letting your child down being born into a single parent family. It will be worse born in a dysfuntion family where parents are always fighting. It's just a matter of time that one vent anger, sadness on the poor child.
Nevertheless, be firm and say no to these abuse. If he done it again and you need to protect yourself and your child. You might not wish to leave him but such man with this personality usually won't stay loyal.
I have talked few lawyers previously about my problems. Allsay I can't file for divorce now bcos I m not married or 3 yrs. I got no where to go. My family is not supportive of mi. When I was hit my husband previously, I told my mum about it. Th first thing she say was " you must have done something very wrong that's y ur husband hit u".. I got no where to go. My parentsare the traditional thinking daughters married out are others n only son Is important. It's very stressful for mi. I even contemplate to leave my baby to my husband after birth cos he can afford while I can't. I got no job no roof n I really dun wan my baby to suffer upon seeing the world.
Lonely gal
Active Member
although u are not married for 3 years, but if u can show the u are suffering in a extreme hardship, u still can get a judge permission to file for divorce.
if he have money then go to maintenance mediation court to get the maintenance for yourself and child to bring her up.
if he have money then go to maintenance mediation court to get the maintenance for yourself and child to bring her up.