Attn : SAHMs - How did you decide? Any regrets?

K

kazzas

New Member
Hi SAHMs : )

Need some enlightenment here...

I have a 5.5mth old boy. I had originally planned to return to work after 3mths of maternity leave. I was certain I would go back to work.

However, I got "bitten" by the "mummy bug" and decided to take an additional 3mths of unpaid leave, because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my precious baby at home. Besides, I wanted to breast feed him fully for 6mths.

After spending all this time with him, I'm totally dreading the idea of going back to work and seriously contemplating being a full-time SAHM or perhaps work part-time.

Before I make such a big decision (i.e. after taking into consideration finances, relying on husband for money *urgh*), I'd like to hear your experiences and your thought processes.

How did you finally decide to become a SAHM. And now that you're one, any regrets?

Thanks a million!
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Kaz
 


Karen,
I was like you, took no pay leave on top of maternity to spend more time feeding my child and spending time with her.

However, I have returned to work after 7+ months, since I thought I've promised my boss already, better make do on my promise. It does suck being back and knowing that things havn't changed. Emails are still the same, C*** is also still the same.

Someone told me before :being away from the office for 6 mths doesn't make much difference, but being away from an infant for 6 months is a huge difference:

I'm still looking for the courage within me to quit. But I must say, if you can work part time, that may be the best of both worlds
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Too bad for me, my company doesn't have such a scheme. So if yours does, maybe try PT out first?
 
Hi furrufurry
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Both of us are in the same boat. I'm also going back to fulfil my obligation to my boss ;)

I'm REALLY DREADING it tho...*sigh* I feel really blessed to have my mum to look after my son when I go back to work. She's a great caregiver. But there's nothing like spending time looking after your own child...

You mentioned that you're looking for the courage to quit. If you dun mind sharing, what's holding you back? Is hubby supportive of you being a SAHM?

I am considering your suggestion of PT. But what I've heard from other folks is that PT very often turns into PT pay, but FT work :p

*sigh* I'm so conflicted...
 
Karen,
Its great to have your mom around...We are away from Singapore, our home base, and so we are relying solely on our nanny who we brought over to be my daughter's caregiver. I agree, nothing like spending time looking after our own children.

What's holding me back. Husband is supportive, depending on the time of the day we talk. In my situation, I have very valid reasons for both pros and cons, which complicates the decision making process, but financial indepedence (though my current pay is not that high) and being more than just XX's mom is one complication that I can think of.

Of course this is a highly individual decision ;) and like you, also in a big dilemma. ;P
 
hi karen
yep , me SAHM for 3 yrs. easy decision, hate my work, no one to look after my kid, and love her too too much haha. Hey it gets better when they grow up, especially when u get to do fun stuff like art n craft with them.
 
Hi karen,

Me agree with lena...for me, very clear cut..I love my kid too much to let someone else take care of her..wait she closer to them how? hehe

also, i hate to have to wake up early every morning to go to work..and i hate the work stress :eek:)
 
Hi Karen,

Personally, I think money is the main thing that hold mummies back. If you have some savings, it may help in your decision making. If not, try ways to supplement your household income like giving tuition in the evening when you hubby is back or babysit a toddler during the day.

In this way, you can earn extra cash while caring for your baby.

Another suggestion is to make sound investment. If you are risk averse, try blue chips that yield good dividends(6-8%). This is much better than having your money in the banks(1-2%).Of course, it would be good that you do some homework before picking up any counters.

Mine is relatively easy as I work from home before we plan to have a baby. I like this arrangement as it strengthen the family bonds and best of all, I can prepare healthy home cook food for my hubby which I think is important to one's health. My hubby is actually more relaxed ever since cos I take care of most of the stuff at home while he concentrates to work. When he is back, he enjoys his dinner and got time to play with baby.

Unlike before, we will have to spilt our chores and errands when both of us were working. Ended up tired and stressed.
 
Hi Mommies
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Thank you all so much for sharing your perspectives.

Lena/I'm A Mummy:
I'm with you, in that I an't stand the idea of waking up early, coming home late and facing work stress. It was ok before kiddo came along, but now that he's in my life, NO THANKS ;)

Cutie:
What excellent advice. I wish I was as financially savvy as you
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You sound really experienced.

Furryfurry:
Let's keep our fingers crossed. Hopefully, one day (soon), we can join this SAHM club ;)

In my mind, I think I'm ready to be a SAHM. I think I'm also mentally prepared. Now, I just need to convince hubby - that's the hard part, cos he's SUPER concerned about finances. In my view, we can manage. But he's not convinced hahaa Any tips on convincing hubbies? ;)
 
Hi Karen,

Another idea just struck me. Maybe you can rent out a room to students to supplement your household expenses.
 
Hi everyone..

I'm a FTWM and not a day passes without me fantasizing to be a SAHM. My bb turned 10m 2 weeks ago and I've been working since my 3 month maternity leave ended. I've even travelled on biz and at every available opportunity, I turn down more biz trips as I cannot bear to leave her. My 1st trip was when she was 7m old and when I returned, I had no more milk for her as it was near impossible to sustain my milk supply when I was travelling.

I enjoy my time with my baby so everyday I dread leaving the house and get most excited when it's nearing 530pm.

I wish there is a group of mothers out there like me - we need alot of support!!
 
Hi Pammie,

It is never easy to be a FTWM....the dilemma one faces each day to leave her baby for work. I guess you have your reason to continue working. It is quite an achievement to bf till 7months.

I always believe in coping with the situation in the best way we can.

Enjoy your motherhood....
 
hi,
I'm workin, planing to be SAHM. hopefully no snags though there are obtacles in the way which is scary..

karen, had a tough and long time convincin hubby.
hmmm I gave reasons like how he could benefit
as well as how kids would benefit.and how unhappy I am at work.

His benefits - like I would be less stressed means he's less stressed
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more time to kids in morn so more time just for him at nite.Else both bid for my attn at same time.Then take care of him more - eg iron his clothes,cook,massage.

say a lot abt how I feel this our responsibility take care of our kids, so much better for us to do it ourself and build the family bond.

finances wise - me thinks both single or double income have diff set of issues.So we kinda talk it out and thk abt our priorities and kinda of life we wanna live.

In the end,he's ok with SAHM as long as I do some part time work, which I am ok with.

hope it helps
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Hi Karen

I have been a SAHM since July 2006. Also became one after i couldn't bear to leave my son in alternative care.

I would say i don't regret being a SAHM, every moment spent with my darling is so well worth it and though his crankiness make me bonkers sometimes but its a joyful thing being a SAHM. I am sure you have no regrets being one.

Financially i would say if yor are okie with a normal lifestyle and not splurge EVEYDAY should be able to cope with one income. Its how we spend money at the end of the day. And believe me there is no amount u can earn or save that you feel is ENOUGH to make you be a SAHM
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Money is never enough. As long as you know that taking care of ur child urself is more impt than anything else then all else can wait
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I have been thinking of becoming a SAHM for the past few days. This kind of feeling start creeping in as my maternity leave is going to end soon. Have grown so attached to my baby that going back to work seem so dreadful.

Been thinking abt how lifestlye will change when switch from double to single income. Hubby is supportive of the idea but reminded me that i must be ready to change my current spending pattern (i'm quite a spendthrift), ie, cut back on shopping spree, holidays, etc...

Agree with etelle that money is never enough. I'm currently still contemplating on when I shld start being a SAHM. It's very unlikely my boss will grant me no pay leave next year (2008 onwards shld be ok) and i like my job now. It's really a dilemma.

Pammie, we are in the same boat. Torn between the idea of FTWM and SAHM.
 
So happy to find this thread. I hve been thinking of quiting my job after i get the bonus and be a sahm for at least 2 yrs, when dan bb starts his cc. Hb has been telling me to stay home for the bb and my elder son. But our financial are really tight, if i dun work, for this 2 yrs i have to relied on my savings as hb is starting his new business and may not be able support me financially. My savings maybe enuf for 2 yrs if I sheng sheng yong. But still feel insecure. What if after 2 yrs i cant find a job? Everyday i goes to work but keep thinking of baby. Plus now, working is so stress. Really feel like quiting. Anyone have any advise??
 
May
finding a job should be no problem if we are not too picky lor.....i have an auntie who was a sahm for 10 years and when she came back to work she was readily employed ....she has no degree or diploma..her salary about 2.2k...so alright lor...i feel dun too worry about the future...go with ur gut feeling
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pink_grapefruit
i think if you like your job then maybe can work part time?? hee :p if cannot then u have to see whetehr spending all the time with ur baby u like more or your job hee :p
 
Etelle, thks for your adv.! I am afraid that if I continue working, one day I might look back and regret not spending enuf time with my baby.
 
Hi,

For those SAHMs, may I ask if your last drawn salary is 3 times higher than that u had, will u still quit your job and be a SAHM?
 
I hold a Masters degree, so you can imagine my 'pain' when I quit my job!

I'm SAHM for almost 4 years already (time flies!)

don't have to worry about others. you are nuturing your kids. In US, or other developed countries, 1 parent will stay at home with their kids, some even home school them. No maids allowed. sometimes, I think that arrangement is better for the kids, compared to the easier way out of sending kids to childcare or having maids as caregiver

As a SAHM, we are making huge sacrifices in term of our career & financial independence. If we can't have best of both worlds, weigh what is important to you

The MIL as caregiver arrangement was not working too well and my hubby & I made a joint decision for me to quit my job when my girl was 14 months old.

I conceived my 2nd child after leaving the job. Friends said I wasted the paid maternity, should have stayed till delivery than quit.

No end to all these calculations, isn't it? In that case, might as well work till retirement. Anyway, raising children is a money losing business, haha!

Now I have the freedom to do things my way, and nuture my 2 kids. My elder girl is doing primary 1 equivalent English & Maths at 5 years old.

I felt so relieved I have not let her down. Imagine my MIL taking care of her? she will not be at this level, no way

you lose some ($$$), you gain some (intangible)

just my 2 cents worth of sharing my experience as a SAHM
 
May
Dun think u will regret being a SAHM if ur priority is yuor children....nothing beats watching them grow....

hippo2002
how well said le...hee but i dun know if i can educate my son until so li hai or not....how u educate ur children to make them so advanced ah?
 
because I believe every child is gifted (in different ways)
so I do not limit them to 'age appropriate' activities

For example, I introduce my elder girl puzzles at 15 months old. By 18 months old, she can piece 6 pieces independently. By 2 years old, she can do 24 pieces independently. That trains her concentration and logical thinking. So even now, she can complete her kumon worksheets independently.

my younger girl at 3 years old can hardly piece 6 pieces puzzles together. But she is exceptional in her language abilities, can read simple short sentences.

my BIL left his child with my MIL. Sometimes I saw the young girl wasting her day walking around the house or watching TV, doing nothing constructive. I felt so sorry for the child. She can achieve much more, if there were more attenion given to her. Every child is gifted and they have just wasted hers

Pardon me for my long winded passage :eek:)
 
my husband once "threw" $500 to me to "shut me up" wen i asked him for mthly allowance. Tat was during my 7th mth pregnancy. I had resigned wen i discovered i was preg as my job dun allow me to get preg.

During my pregnancy i juz "REN" cos i wan eat well for sake of bb. Ev nite will worry abt bb's future if my hb so "kiam".. sigh..hw not to go out to work??
 
sungrapes

oh my gosh! your hubby should be grateful you are bearing him a child!

feel so sorry for you...what is he thinking?
 
Sigh..ev1 will have their own sob story. Tatz y i din enjoy my pregnancy at all which was a pity cos i tot tatz the most wonderful moment in a womans' life.

my pregnancy was planned..after 8 yrs of marriage. No prize for guessing y i waited so long. Now i juz wan2 bring my son up, gv him LOTS n LOTS of TLC.
 
hi, hippo2002, I'm very touched after reading your msg, I am thinking of quiting job to look after my son who is now 7 mths old. I also have master degree and holding a decent job...it will be very painful to quit, esp. financially. The first 6 months, my mum was taking care of baby and being a retired doctor, she's very good in taking care of baby by stimulating him, talking to him, playing with him...now due to some reason, she's not able to do it, and now my MIL takes over. my MIL is not very mobile and being housewife for many years, she's only interested doing her hoursework instead of concentrating on the baby. most of the time, she just let baby lying there, as long as he's not crying. so heartpain seeing baby becomes very quiet now, he used to be very playful-- laughing loudly, smiling to everyone....i also believe the first 3 years are very important for his brain development, and all the baby are gifted. i'm very stressed and my hubby just can't understand me, he keep assured me it's ok to leave bb with his mum and take things easy. Am i really too fussy or should I quit my job to look after the baby?
 
margaret

a child only has his first 3 years once

I was 30 years old when I left the workforce. I was thinking at that time, if I'm retiring at age 55, I will have another 25 years of working life, taking a few years off doesn't hurt

now I felt I may really be home for good. Sigh...it's not only the first 3 years. my elder girl is now 5 years old and I think she is even more reliant on me

discuss with your hubby. he has to be very supportive. SAHM is a difficult path unless you have 200% support from him, both financially and emotionally

I do encounter difficulties in handling my headstrong girl & lost confidence at times. emotional support from spouse is very important.

my hubby & I attended a 'fei yue' parenting talk together when my elder girl was around 1 year old. my hubby was so convinced by the speaker that he actually asked me to consider staying at home
 
Hi,

I'm working part time and taking care of my 6 mth old boy on my days off. (I work 2x a week and half a day from home). I have very understanding colleagues and boss and a great working environment.

During my maternity leave, I was thinking whether to do part time or stay at home full time. My hubby is also very supportive and he felt I should work as he thinks I may go crazy staying home all day and taking care of a baby myself. And he's right.

I think PT is the best option. Cos as much as I love my son, I think its tiring and overwhelming sometimes taking care of him full day 24 x 7. So I really salute you SAHMs. But if I am not able to get a PT job, I would choose to stay home, cos nothing beats the bond between us. Right now he's very close to me, and I would prefer that rather than him being close to my MIL.
 
I was trying to trace back this thread after posting my msg, but searched few times couldn't get it till now...I fully agree...there's only once in his life having mummy's full attention for the first 3 years. I don't realy worry about his physical needs, which I'm sure my MIL can satisfy him over the time. but beyond this...probably I should sign my husband for some talks, I always scold him never do any reading about parenting but he's just such a easy person and happy go luckly, as long as bb's healthy good enough. having a baby life is totaly different, we have to adjust to the new life. I think I will quit to look after the baby
 
I am a SAHM, i quit my job when my girl was 3 years old. Before that she was being taken care by my mother. Now she's 5 years old. I just had my second baby who is 2 mths old.

To me, it is very tiring to look after 2 children 24/7. If you really want to become a SAHM, you must be as hardworking as the other SAHM as above. Your child will benefit.

Unfortuantely, I am a lazy sahm, i am not so active in nuturing my child. Most of the time, i spent is watching tv beside cooking and taking care of the child. I dun even do housework, let my hubby do.

MY daughter benefit alot when she was taken care by my parents. They have the patient to teach her ABC, numbers and etc when she was a baby. While i have no patient in teaching my son leh.

Sometimes, i will think how nice for me to go and work, at least i have some income. Now the job market is good. However, on the other side, the thought of everyday waking up early, polities in office make me sick. Well, we can't have both worlds.

Think carefully what you want before you decide. Try not to be out of the job market for too long or else your market value will drop.

I used to be a Sales Manager and think i could only be an executive when i rejoin the job force in a few years time. I will have to start all over again.
 
Hi Hippo,

I shared the same views as you, that's why I quit my job since the day my son was born and this is my 4th year of sahm....
For me, decision made to stay home cos can't trust anyone to look after my baby and both my mom and in laws can't help me at all. So with zero help, my boy is stuck with me, I can't leave home without him! hahaha...
Totally agreed that each child is different and has different interest. I too do lots of activities with him since young, he started talking at 13 mths old, speaking in sentences at age 2, can write his own name at 2.5yrs old and now teaching him on reading and spelling. He can only spelled 3 letters words.
However, since the birth of my 2nd baby, I've stopped teaching him for 2 mths. When my baby was 3mths old, wanted to start spelling with him again, but now he will become restless very quickly...now having headache on how to interest him again....any advice?
You mentioned about your girl doing kumon independently, is she having class at kumon? Is it really good? How about shichida?
 
i think if finance is not a prob, like can afford home, car, pay loans on hubby's account. then stay home lor.
 
clainegoh

just saw your posting. I was also worried about neglecting my elder girl's academic development with another baby dividing my attention. In order not to hold back her development, I sent her to a montessori childcare for almost 2 years when she was 2 years old

My elder girl has been with Kumon since she was 2 years 11 months old. I find it suitable for her but less so for my younger girl. There is a thread on kumon

As for Shichida, I feel that it is more suitable for younger kids. I sent both my kids to Shichida when they were 17 months and 21 months old respectively. Withdrawn them at around 3 years old when they are old enough to attend other enrichment classes
 
Hi clarinegoh!!
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Hi all mommies here, I have stay home for 5 yrs already..

I am a diploma holder who used to work as Asst Engineer/Engineering Asst/Sales Manager.. What trigger me to quit and stay home is of my paraniod character then.. I called the care giver many times a day to check on my son.. And finally decided to stay home to take care of him personally.. Having one and stay home is totally different from having 2, I personally feel..

I went through depression as tight finance yet not worth work and putting my 2 in childcare.. Felt very stuck and helpless then..

Praise GOD, this forum somehow help me out by making friends and meeting up..
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Now just started a home-based Personal Assistant job thus I felt very joyful and thankful as the income really can supplement and will never feel useless and bored anymore..

When my hb and I looked back, we really have very little memories of our 2nd girl being baby.. She grew up fast and as I was under depression since she was 15mo, thus the ard 1 1/2 years since then, we were "down"..
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Very thankful, we are "üp" again.. Now tresuring every moments, making up the lost moments..
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Indeed, it's really tiring and boring at times watching them 24/7.. Frustrating now as both of them (3yo dd and 5yo ds) fight and quarrel and talk back at us.. Haiz..
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And both our parents can't really support in terms of child care..

My hb does all the laudry since the "down" season.. I'm very appreciative of that.. And he allows me taking time off when he's home.. He works 3 rotating shifts thus the timing of me meeting up with friends are rather flexible.. And I have a very very good friend whom always meet up at each other's home to let the children play and we can chat and have a cup of coffee..
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Seeing them reaching every milestones, esp my dd, toilet trained, wean off pacifier and talking and walking at a young age are some of the joy of staying home.. Witness my hb rising up as the Head of the family, making decision decisively etc as he used to be rather timid and I was always the decision maker, was also the plus point of staying home..

Being the sole bread winner, he matured and felt the satisfaction that he can provide.. This is something he cannot imagine before marriage.. I've learnt to be submissive too.. A really tough process for both of us! Praise GOD for the good changes..
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Sum all up.. Worth staying home!
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Cheers!
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Sometimes the world seems to see us as ALIENS for being SAHM. Especially there is a growing trend in hiring maids and childcare centres.
Personally I feel most important the child and myself get to enjoy each single day, and I call this priceless!

After getting a PT maid, it does help me.
Especially cleaning such areas: furnitures, toilets, windows, ironing and etc.
 
I'm really happy to find this thread!

I'm a FTWM with a 20mth old little girl. She's now being cared for by nanny in the day time. Being a SAHM has been my fantasy since the birth of my girl. My hubby & I both earn a decent salary & if i quit my job, i think...think lah, that we can still make do. But my hubby is really concerned with our finances. I feel bad & guilty if we have to rely on him alone. I wouldn't say i hate my job but the stress does get to me. And i dun intend to have another child. So I keep thinking of all the times i'm missing with my girl. I'm sooooo torn. I tot of PT job, but coz i'm in finance, the "part time pay but full time work" is highly possible. Sigh...
 
hi i had been a SAHM for coming 16 months.. returning bck to work on 1st jul.. the thought of it really dreads me but then i cant turn down the offer twice it came knocking my door.. haha

when i first quit my job was because of my girl who have accidents during her care by an infant ctr.. vry irresponsible of the ctr and tat time no one can help to care for her so my hb and i both decided that its in the best of her interest. he feels tat nowadays parents are working more than spending the time watching the kids grow.. society stress and financially for better living std.. luckily we dont have financial debt and we have savings.. and my hb was vry supportive and tat's y i took the courage of resigning..

looking back, i din regret though there are times of frustrations... sometimes being a SAHM can be quite lonely and depressing.. but when u c ur little girl/boy reaching their milestones. engaging u in their conversations.. it really warms u..

i believe nothing is impossible if everything is work out esp finances in this money world..
 
I am going to be a SAHM soon in coming Jul.
Not sure if I have made the right choice because I am working in a company with lot of good colleague and pay well (what support me to quit is the job load and boss). I can't believe what can happen to me if I am not going to work and stay at home the whole day, I afriad I may get crazy...
But, on the other hand, looking at how the nanny taking care of my gal really frustrate me. She didn't toilet train her (she is 1 yr old now), she seldom let her eat solid food, no teaching what so ever...

I am giving myself an excuss to quit my job, and hope that I can find a part time job but the fact is, this society doesn't support this idea.. thus, I do not expect high on a PT job..

Probably after 1 or 2 months I can't bare and find job again... who know.. ??
 
Hi Mrs Yap, I applaud you courage to leave your present job. I'm still trying to find the courage to leave my present job. How many children do you have? Do share your home experience with us. How does your hubby feel about you staying home?
 


Boos, my hubby actually is the one who encourage me to quit (maybe he can't take everyday listening to my complain.. hehe), he support me to find for a job that can knock off on time. else i will really need to take care of my 1 yr old bb gal and sack my nanny.. haha
 
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