| Author |
Message |
    
WonderMum (pp1)
New member
Username: pp1
Post Number: 4
Registered: 5-2009
| | Posted on Friday, May 22, 2009 - 2:49 pm: | 
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Hi, presently Im a working mum and is going to quit my job to look after my 2 children, boy and girl age 2.4 and 4 years old.
The reason is because we have given up on the idea of maid looking after our children. She is totally a disappointment. We have no intention of changing maid as this maid is the 3rd one already. We believed even if we change another new one, the attitude and problem still remain. So my husband requested me to stop work to look after children myself. As such, I will become a wife/mum/teacher/maid with no income.
Although I really wish to look after my children but at the same time I hesitate, wondering can I cope with all these daily house activities eg. send & fetch them from school in the morning, marketing, cooking, washing, cleaning and educate them etc. I have been working all the while, can I adapt to these changes?
Could someone please advise? |
Jane (wsj)
Member
Username: wsj
Post Number: 685
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 22, 2009 - 5:15 pm: |
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hi wondermum
it is definitely not easy to take care of housework and childcare at one go. maybe you can have a maid, but, your maid will be doing the cleaning and washing (and cooking) and you supervise, isn't it better?
I have 3 kids, 0, 3, 4. I sometimes, could not do any housework at all, if my children wakes up earlier than i do, because once they are up, it is endless work already. |
precious_one (precious_one)
Member
Username: precious_one
Post Number: 1564
Registered: 9-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 1:34 pm: |
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Wondermum
It's going to be a BIG sacrifice. Before you rush into it, you have to prepare yourself mentally as it is going to be 24/7 job with no salary, incentive, leave etc.
The consolation is YOU are there for your children and hopefully they turn out to be fine and responsible people...that's your reward at the end of the day.
I was a SAHM for the 1st 3 yrs of my girl's life and I almost lose my sanity as I was not prepared for it. Thinking and doing it is a world of difference.
I managed to return to the workforce last year and it has been one year already. Now, I'm contemplating going back to my SAHM role as I feel that my girl is not receiving much learning opportunities as my MIL who's illiterate cannot educate her and MIL has other grand children under her care.
It's chicken and egg story.....still thinking real hard here. |
michael (mtyh)
Junior Member
Username: mtyh
Post Number: 154
Registered: 4-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 9:58 pm: |
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Hi WonderMum,
Think about this, who are the maids? they are usually the less well educated and probably look upon your kids as the owner. The maid will probably serve them like kings and queens. Is it good for kids to be so well served at their tender age? It may make them used to always having things their way. Also, your kids are not the maid's, how much care and concern will she put in?
No doubt giving up your job would mean a great reduction in family income.
Which would you rather choose?
1. Buying things of a cheaper brand, eating at hawker / food court rather than restaurants but giving your kids the best upbringing. The kids will be filial to you and always have you in their heart.
2. Better off, eat at restaurants and buying branded goods but always having to worry about the kids, and they don't seemed to be bothering much about you.
There are things that money can't buy.
If you do decide to quit your job and take care of them, focus on cultivate moral values, rather than ability in your kids. It will go a long way in helping them live a fulfilling life.
there are some very good materials at http://www.dfg.cn
All the best. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 16746
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 29, 2009 - 10:57 am: |
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Hi WonderMum,
I stopped working to look after our #3 too,
but I'll be returning to work once he hit 18mths to go child care center. 
Every thought of putting them into 7am-7pm center,
so that you can carryon to work? |
Athena (athenang)
New member
Username: athenang
Post Number: 16
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Saturday, June 06, 2009 - 6:43 pm: |
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Actually I think only you yourself will know the answer. One cannot assume that just because the mother cared for the child personally means that the child will be filial. There are plenty of cases where that is not the case. Also, compared to our parents' generations, our grandparents' generations are mostly stay at home mothers, and you can't say that our parents' generation all turned out filial. Same for our parents compared to us. In the end, its your own unique situation so do what you think is best. I was a SAHM, I don't think my kid turned out any better than other kids her age whose mothers went back to work after 3 months (old maternity leave system) |
EASY (easy)
New member
Username: easy
Post Number: 53
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Friday, June 19, 2009 - 1:17 pm: |
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There are many children I see whose parents work full time and they still have a good relationship with their parents. I think what's important is that you try to connect with them after work and on weekends instead of just ferrying them from one enrichment to another. Of course, as a SAHM, the opportunities come by easily as time is less of a factor. |
Lush Velvet (lushvelvet)
New member
Username: lushvelvet
Post Number: 72
Registered: 1-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 23, 2009 - 1:05 am: |
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I'm new SAHM too. It isn't easy especially if you'd been holding on to a steadily climbing career with good prospects. The pressure from peers, sometimes subconscientious mockery from friends, all makes your daily chores take a further grind. But, ultimately, it's your own values and what you hold most dear to you; is it the sense of fulfilment at assisting and witnessing your child reaching every milestone, or is it good enough to know that your child is cared for by a good caregiver at the same time being at peace with yourself as you're satisfied that you can go ahead with realising your ambition. There's no right and wrong choices, but only the one choice that gives you family harmony. If you are ill at ease with either of the decision, ultimately your family suffers. Since we were once children ourselves, honestly, I do not think that any of us remembered how and who held our hands to guide our first steps. Hence eventually, all the sacrifice that one made in the name of for the goodness of the child, really, it may not be that significant afterall. Children do learn to adapt. Babies, even better. Make good decision for the benefit of your family, not just the child, that you will not regret. |
petrina (ryan_mummy)
Member
Username: ryan_mummy
Post Number: 854
Registered: 9-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 23, 2009 - 11:30 pm: |
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i also gave up my career for my boy. many said i am plain lazy. but i noe, deep down that i am insisting on breastfeeding, insisting on attachment parenting.
it's all for the sake of my son. irregardless of what ppl say, i dun care. cause i noe, my son is happy. i get to see every single growth & development of his.
his first steps, first words, first foods... first everything.
i do not want to be a mom who never see what happens to my kid. and in a twinkle of an eye, they are all grown up with their own circle of friends.
i have friends or colly who complain their kid wants everything. hp/mp3/psp. they give in to all their whims cause they feel guilty for not being there for them when they were younger. so they think $ can compensate everything.
in the end, what type of kids do they raise? kids who ask for $$ everyday? kids who go out with their friends during wkdays/wkends. and not bother abt their own parents?
a real life senario - my MIL & BIL. she regretted working so hard that she nv cared abt his feelings all those yrs. only know how to leave $ on his study table for school.
whatever he wants, she give. now?
my BIL - school dropout. 23yrs working in a coffeehouse. earning $1k per mth. no certs. smoker.. |
Ally (getrichislife)
New member
Username: getrichislife
Post Number: 21
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 - 3:39 pm: |
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Sharing my experience with you. Being a retrenched single mum, I have to quickly find a new job. With my education level and work experience, it is hard for me to find a new job.
Recently, I received a mail stating “FREE Report Revealing The Secrets Of A Self-Made Millionaire!” I decided to give it a try. This is not a rich scheme or MLM scheme or high yield investment. This is also not a get rich overnight system. This requires a lot of hard work. And finally my efforts pay off.
Thanks to this system, I am now able to generate income at home while giving full time to my daughter.
See the link that will reveal the secrets on how to earn income online at your free time.
http://smilesun82.secretsbk.hop.clickbank.net or http://www.simplyrichsg.com/tin
If you do have doubts or questions about this, do drop me an email and I will be glad to answer them. (Please note that I am not the distributor and I am just sharing the joy with you).
Hope you are able to enjoy this to earn extra income for yourself or to help your husband to relieve the household burden.
Best Regards
Ally |
Mumusings (mumusings)
New member
Username: mumusings
Post Number: 19
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Monday, October 19, 2009 - 9:19 pm: |
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I fully support what EASY said. Whether you are a full-time or working mom, spend every minute with your family in a meaningful manner.
It puzzles me that so many parents spend on strollers, baby items when kids are bb and then when they can most enjoy playtime with parents, these toddlers are sent for enrichment classes.
It's not how much $$ you earn or have given up earning. The focus should be on the quality of time spent with the child. Everyone only goes through childhood once. For me (full-time mom), it's worth sacrificing the 'loss' of pay and putting up with sneers because what matters is that my kid is happy and growing well.
Personally I don't regret the career-miss at the moment. It's a privilege to be able to be there for the child 24 hours. I take it as a break rather than opportunities-lost.
Keep up the great work, ladies |
HellOrJoy (lifeis)
New member
Username: lifeis
Post Number: 1
Registered: 12-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - 1:46 pm: |
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Hi Mommies, check with ya...if after maternity leaves (4 mths over), go back to work on first day, can one tender immediately? Any consequences to face? |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 21188
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - 10:04 pm: |
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lifeis,
you still have to complete your notice-in-lieu period after you tender.
After this, no one will dare to employ woman of child bearing age already... :P |
nayli hozzaidi (nayli03)
Junior Member
Username: nayli03
Post Number: 217
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 30, 2009 - 9:29 am: |
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hi
lifeis
i did tender my resignation on the first day icame back from work after my maternity leave at that tym 3 years agao it was only 3 months for maternity leave.
there wasnt any consequences that i had to face.
i had called up HR department to enquire during my maternity leave.
maybe u should check out with ur HR deparment.
thnks
have a great day |
nayli hozzaidi (nayli03)
Junior Member
Username: nayli03
Post Number: 218
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 30, 2009 - 9:41 am: |
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Hi mummies glad to know a thread like this.
Me 2 had quitted my job after no. 3. I had to much problems with all the domestic helpers that i had. 6 helpers in 8 years. Only 1 the best the rest had affairs with bangladeshi workers.
The recent helper actualy had a tryst in my house while i was out working when my 2 younger kids were asleep.
God is great hence my hubby and me caught her red handed.
I am now a sahm. eventhough now everything has to do on my own and even cooking seperate meals for kids and hubby.
i now enjoy it as i do not have to think abt work.
Financialy it has been o.k. Whatever hubby gives me is ennuff for the househod and kids.
Now we only take hoidays to batam and malaysia.
2 boys are still having their religious classes.
No matter what , god has given me these angels and with deep and greatest strength i will care and nourish them. |
Lush Velvet (lushvelvet)
Junior Member
Username: lushvelvet
Post Number: 117
Registered: 1-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 30, 2009 - 10:32 pm: |
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I think there should be no problem with quitting after the maternity leave. Just have to face the consequence that there WILL be peers blabbering behind your back on how you take advantage of the maternity leave. Whatever it is, just let the company know of your final decision early enough. At least do not burn the bridge. |
Melody (melody7355)
Junior Member
Username: melody7355
Post Number: 121
Registered: 3-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, January 09, 2010 - 8:21 am: |
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Lifeis,
Quitting after mat leave should have no prob, and you might not even have to serve notice if you have enough leave to offset. Have a col who did that. Work wise should be min disruption cos someone had been in charge of your work for the past 3-4 months. I agreed with what others have said, let your bosses and peers know of your decision earlier so that they can be prepared. Or you can neg for long unpaid leave of absence until you are ready to work.
You have your reason to quit after the mat leave - maybe there's no one taking care of the baby, maybe you are just not feeling good enough to return back to work...nobody has the right to judge you, so you do what you need to do.
SAHM is the least appreciated and respected role, at least I feel so in singapore. But no caregiver will give as much love as a mother, right? Lucky - you find a good caregiver, and your kid will grow up per normal as others. Unlucky - like those in the news - baby shaken until head injury/ or half blind, toddler being verbally abused by maid.
Focus on getting well first and looking after your newborn, while you sort out the work issue. All the best. |
koko7 (koko7)
New member
Username: koko7
Post Number: 1
Registered: 1-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, January 14, 2010 - 1:28 am: |
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Hi, was looking for a thread like this...
I'm currently pregnant and was doing contract work previously but now staying at home waiting for my baby's birth since no one will hire pregnant lady.
Am thinking of being a SAHM after having my baby as financially my hubby can support me and baby. Of course, will have to be more prudent in spending. Plus, hubby is supportive of me being a SAHM. Also, I don't have many choices as my MIL is not suitable to take care of baby and my own parents have passed away
However, I do feel peer pressure and from relatives who think there is really no need to give up career to take care of baby since there is infant care etc. Somehow, society views SAHM as low value and think it's lazy and unproductive to be a SAHM. Moreover, I have a degree and had a very good pay with good prospects (but I don't love my job). People always give you the shocked look and say 'aiyoh so wasted' or tell you to look for nanny when you suggest to be a SAHM.
Plus I do feel my esteem being affected when I go out with my lawyer, doctor, professional friends and they discuss about their career and I have none.
Will I regret being a SAHM?? |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 21575
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, January 14, 2010 - 7:10 am: |
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koko7,
since you do not love your job in the first place,
why not treat it as a break?
When your hubby is most supportive, there's no need to care for other's comments.
It's always fine to return to workforce when your child is older.
WE HAVE A CHOICE. |
anmaria (anmaria)
Junior Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 263
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - 11:20 am: |
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koko7, my situation is exactly like yours.
currently pregnant and not working now. Considering to be SAHM after baby is born. But everyone who knows it always say so wasted. I used to earn twice more than my hb, had very good degree too and extremely good career prospect. I also feel my esteem being affected when i met my ex college or friends sometime.
But I decided to look after my baby for sometime before i decide to do 1-2 days work later after she is a bit older. I think noone can take care our child better than the mother.
I met one mummy who also spent most of her time working and now the children is already teenager, and had no respect for her at all. She is very sad, and now her relationship with her husband also goes sour..and her children also never support her cos they think she didn't love her. It's very sad for her..cos she think she had done her best to love her children. Even after tiring work every day..she is still cooking dinner for them. She told me I can always earn money when my children is older, at least when they goes to school.
It's true we have a CHOICE.. |
JustMe (highvolt)
Intermediate Member
Username: highvolt
Post Number: 2076
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 29, 2010 - 12:52 am: |
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Mummies
if you have problems socialising with your uppity friends or simply have no common interest/grounds, maybe its time to find a new circle of friends. It's useless trying to keep up to their career-shop talk and feel down.
For those who gave up their career regardless of their high qualification for their kids - KUDOS to you. And to be a full-time mum without help - you ladies are super mummies. |
twinklestarsjta (twinklestarsjta)
New member
Username: twinklestarsjta
Post Number: 38
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, April 29, 2010 - 11:21 am: |
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It is not easy to be a mum. To be a mum need to sacrifice. Alot of time for children, household, running errands, marketing....all the no ending chores. Even giving up time to go shopping or going out with friends. But at the end of the time you will find fullfillment. When you look at your children you will be smiling becos they are happy and eating healthy. Mother's Day is coming, you will know that WE as MOTHER will be appreciate. |
JL (peapods)
New member
Username: peapods
Post Number: 46
Registered: 10-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 02, 2010 - 5:00 pm: |
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Hi dear mummy
About 3 years ago after I had my first child, I decided to take a year break from the workforce to spend time with my child. It was not an easy decision to make then, but it was not with regrets since I wanted to spend my time with her after such a difficult pregnancy.
During the time, I considered many different job opportunities that will give me flexibility & of course $. Now I have found a good business in being a real estate agent.
I did not have any experience to start off with. My previous roles only involved interacting through a computer. But my only thought then was I had nothing to lose. If I don't try, how would I know this wasn't for me?
I searched around the industry speaking to different agencies and people who've been in the line. Some had a better system than others, some offered better incentives. I finally settled on a big local firm and have been with them since then.
Now I'm very happy in this line and would like to welcome you to be part of my team. One of the most important considerations is the team/mentor that u join that will lead u to succeed in this industry. We have more than 500 agents within my team, a platform to provide u effective networking. In our team, u will never work alone. We also hv our own Realtime web system with more than 5000 free listings, in detail (full address with unit no) and all of us in the team have access into the system. Once u are part of our Team, you can use all the listings in the systems to kick-start immediately and to work towards your first closing.
Most importantly in our team, you will never work alone.
I'm now a mother of 2 wonderful young children. I have more time and money than before. If you have been looking for around for job opportunities or wish to know more, do give me a call at 8188-0230 or PM me. I'll be glad to help you out.
Many thanks for taking time to read this. Hope to hear from you soon! |
jkids (jkids)
Junior Member
Username: jkids
Post Number: 466
Registered: 2-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, August 12, 2010 - 4:25 pm: |
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being a sahm is the last resort for me coz i really hope to have a balance between work and family, but looks like i may have to take this path as well.
i rather look after them myself if no other family members can help me. |
XianXin (myprincesses)
Member
Username: myprincesses
Post Number: 893
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2010 - 10:09 am: |
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Hi! I have just quit my job to take care of my girls 4 years old. We used to have a maid for 3 years but she suddenly decided want to go back. I have no time to train a new & reliable one. so I have to take a break. I have a degree holder. Also face comments from relatives & friends that it is a pity to be housewife...in a dilemma. |
Stella (lbk)
New member
Username: lbk
Post Number: 6
Registered: 8-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 12, 2010 - 5:41 pm: |
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Hi,
Are you still looking for job? I have vacancy – Customer Service Office & Admin Staff. My office is in Chinatown, easily accessible by MRT. Please email me your resume + expected salary if you are interested. My email is blackvelvel@hotmail.com Thank you. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 1
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, October 14, 2010 - 9:26 pm: |
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Hi I'm new to this forum and wanted to share my views. XianXin I know how you feel. I quit my job after my first child. But after 8 months, I felt frustrated as I missed corporate life and my parents in law and some friends also felt it was not a good idea. I struggled with it for some time, before deciding to return to work.
Now I am still working full time and have 2 kids. We have a maid to help and the older one is in childcare. Younger one not yet as we still feel he's too young, so my parents help to take care of him. Sometimes I wish I didnt go back to work. But it's a struggle. With two incomes, things are much easier. I still think about this and considering if I should find part time work. Dilemma too! |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 550
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 - 9:02 am: |
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I join this thread since i was pregnant. And now my baby is already 7 month old and I am happy SAHM now. For the first few months, I keep thinking of going back to work. But now..i really enjoy my baby and my life at home. True there are times I feel really lonely, but seeing her growing healthy and happy is enough for me.
Financially is very tough with one income, but we manage to pull through by saving here and there. I will feel very sad to miss my baby's moment right now and let the maid to look after her. At least for some of you there is still parent or parent in law to help. For me, there is NO ONE help except my husband when he come home. No break, but enjoying every moment. I think it's important to understand why we make this decision. There are much more value than just financial reason. I am MBA graduated from overseas. Earning twice than my husband. But i have no regret at all with my decision now. This moment will be something that i look back fondly someday.
I read one book "How Smart is Your Baby", from Glenn Doman. Pls read this book from the library, then you will understand why its so important for our baby to be with their mother for the first 6 years of life. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 2
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 - 9:46 am: |
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Thanks anmaria. I am quite inspired by what you and other SAHMs have shared. Both hubby and I earning decent income and we don't spend alot. No lavish lifestyle. So if I were to quit full time work, we can still manage. I've discussed with hubby and he's quite supportive but also apprehensive.
I guess I'm afraid of losing my financial independence and also losing touch with the 'real world'. But at the same time, I really want to spend more time with the kids. But I know that I need to be very sure before I make the decision. I don't want to end up feeling resentful. Sometimes I feel like such a bad mum... |
XianXin (myprincesses)
Member
Username: myprincesses
Post Number: 895
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 - 3:48 pm: |
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Hi! Bananarama, I have gone through my first week of housewife life. Kind of struggling in housework coz already good life for 3 years with maid. Meeting few mummies in my girls' kindergathen, they are mostly aunties with less education. I am still thinking whether I have made the correct decision coz my girls were also happy when they were with maid last time. Think, I need more time to switch my mind set.
Anmaria, I must salute to you. Think I have not gone through my 'struggling' period yet. Hope I will appreciate more in future. |
nayli hozzaidi (nayli03)
Member
Username: nayli03
Post Number: 1028
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 - 4:45 pm: |
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Hi mummies ..
life is never easy as a sahm. juggling with kids, housechores..
if i can elaborate..
sigh..
with not even my husband's help.. worse..
looking at my 3 kids 8, 4 and 2 i have never regretted looking back..
its been a year plus dat i gave up my fulfilling job as a staff nurse..
i take one step at a time..n pray to god to give me the strength, patience and tolerance in going thru this..
with the all mighty help i believe my kids wil all go the right path.
all the way stay at home mummies..
i believe in u.. |
zestyzan (zestyzan)
New member
Username: zestyzan
Post Number: 98
Registered: 2-2008
| | Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 - 5:32 pm: |
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I also salute us mums who made a wise decision to be with our kids. Its better for their development later in life. I've always appreciated my mum for her sacrifice as well. But her advise is still for us ladies to be independent financially. So, I've started my own weight management consultancy business with a team of medical professionals and also other mums..and I really hope to be able to have more stay at home moms to team up and have a great home based business that you can build for your children. You can take your own time to build this, I usually spent like 2-4hrs daily to meet clients, some come over to my house for their consultation. I'm expanding and really looking for highly capable and qualified mums with big DREAMS to join me. I'd love to give this gift to all of you, if you are keen, do join me, otherwise, its ok, you can carry on with your own plans...there's really nothing to lose. PM me! |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 551
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 16, 2010 - 1:21 pm: |
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hi zestyzan, you don't accept PM.
can you PM me the detail? |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 552
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 16, 2010 - 2:01 pm: |
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let me share with you some writing from Glenn Doman (writer and creator of 'baby can read')for all mothers who have decided to be SAHM..it might give you some strength to go through this period.
"There are 2 main underlying assumptions. The first is that baby's needs are primarily physiological and emotional. The second is that baby's development is triggered by the ringing of a series of genetically preset alarm clocks that go off on schedule regardless of what does or does not happen to him. THESE ASSUMPTION ARE FALSE.
It is also because of these false assumptions that modern babies are being raised by accident instead of on purpose. That is a great shame because the growth and development of the human child is much too important to be left to chance.
It is also because of these false assumptions that mothers have increasingly been persuaded, against their better judgment, to let their babies be cared for by others.
A baby's natural, inborn human potential is enormous.
If it were true that babies simply need to be fed and changed and cuddled a bit, and nothing more, then society could safely put babies together like so many little sheep with one caretaker for many babies. This model was in fact established and used by the Soviets.
But babies are not little sheep. It is true that they have physiological and emotional needs, but beyond these they have enormous neurological needs as well. This neurological needs is the need of the brain for stimulation and opportunity.
When this neurological needs are fully met, the child's physical and intellectual abilities are enhanced. If on the other hand, the baby's neurological needs are not met, and if barriers that may stop or slow brain growth and development are not noticed and eliminated, the child will not achieve that enormous natural human potential.
Every baby arrives equipped with a mother - there is good reason for that. Every mother, whether she is new to the job or highly experienced, has a marvelous ability and opportunity to observe her baby, and then to act intuitively based on her observations.
ON HER WORST DAY SHE WILL DO THIS BETTER WITH HER OWN BABY THAN MOST OTHERS WOULD DO ON THEIR BEST DAYS.
However, the modern mother faces a very large problem: her own possible extinction.In this world she is often told that her baby is better off in a nursery than in her arms. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 3
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Monday, October 18, 2010 - 3:53 pm: |
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Thanks for the encouraging words. I also believe that children who are look after by their mothers (or fathers) are most blessed.
I know being a SAHM is all worth it, even if there are some days that you feel it is such a struggle. I have friends who are SAHM, some who are working full time, and some working part time. So I hear all the different sides. And I myself also was SAHM for 8 months.
But I think the problem was I wasn't ready. I still felt I was young, wanted to achieve more in my career. So I got frustrated. I believe I made the right decision at that time. I went back to work, felt happier with myself, and also tried to spend as much time as I can with my boys. I'm lucky I have an understanding boss who agree to cut down my overseas trips.
Now I think I feel more prepared. My older boy is 4 and the younger is 2. I want to spend more time with them before they start primary school, and also so I can help them with school work.
I have decided to talk with my boss next month about working 3 days a week starting from next year. If she's not agreeable, then I will have to consider what to do. I'm not yet mentally prepared to quit totally. So if the 3 day week cannot happen, then I will quit this job and do part time work. I feel quite happy with this decision and I'm excited to spend more time with my boys! |
zestyzan (zestyzan)
New member
Username: zestyzan
Post Number: 100
Registered: 2-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - 9:27 am: |
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Hi anmaria, sorry for that. I've changed my profile setting. Anyways, I've PM you as well.
Thanks for that sharing, I agree with the article that you shared. I believe we can make a better impact on our kids with our presence. I also believe tht we can encourage our children to do well in life by being a good example to them. I'm really keen to converse with mothers here with the same mindset. |
Kiko (closetdoor)
Member
Username: closetdoor
Post Number: 1723
Registered: 10-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - 2:52 pm: |
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Given a choice, I will be a SAHM. But in actual fact, its very hard to survive on a single income, thus I am still working and trying to save up to be a SAHM. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 4
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - 6:20 pm: |
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Also very true Kiko! That was one of the reasons why I was hesitant. It means cutting back on certain expenses. And that's also why I can't quit work totally. Living in Singapore is getting expensive! |
Tam (ram)
New member
Username: ram
Post Number: 54
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 - 1:39 pm: |
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Hi anmaria, that seem very true.. i seem to totally understand my boy after i quit job to look after him. my mother, then caregiver, used to comment that how come i don't know what he want.. when i thought i did cos i really spend every minute of my time after work with him.. our bonding was very close cos i also breastfeed him till one year old, even during full time job. i did not have time for any TV, or newspapers.. or enough sleep.. but somehow only after being sahm, and from day to day and daily activites allow me to truely understand his most behaviours and hence will have the '6th' sense to know what he 'really' want and able to discipline him without using cane... |
sngiam73 (snhn)
Member
Username: snhn
Post Number: 934
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, October 28, 2010 - 2:18 pm: |
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Hi all
Finally found this site on this topic.
I am also currently FTWM but recently both me & my husband hv decided that it's time for me to be a homemaker to two of our kids (8 & 4)
However, it is also an adjustment for me, so I am giving myself 1 to 2 years time to be mentally prepared to quit my coming 11 years in this current company and be a full time SAHM.
Ever since we have made the decision, I have been trying to adjust eg. less online shopping , less credit card expenses etc...
After reading all your comments, I think every one is different. Whether you want to be FTWM or SAHM. Kudos to every mummies...
I think I feel better after reading all your comments. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 7
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Friday, October 29, 2010 - 10:15 am: |
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Hi snhn, I agree. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. And if you don't think it's suitable for you, then it's fine and you shouldn't feel guilty. It doesn't mean you're a bad mum.
I know many FTWM who are great mums, very hands on and committed. Of course it means you have less time with your kids, but sometimes not everyone can afford to live with 1 income. And sometimes not everyone can stay home full time with their kids.
Most important is for us to understand ourselves and think about what is best for our kids and also ourselves.
This is what I've learnt after lots of self reflection and thinking. It took quite a long time! |
sngiam73 (snhn)
Member
Username: snhn
Post Number: 935
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Friday, October 29, 2010 - 10:56 am: |
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Thanks Bananarama
Yes, agreed.
I look forward to being SAHM cos I think being at home, I can teach them the values of family and being a good person next time.
Currently, we have problem with my girl (8) as she tends to sometimes lost or misplace her things or tell white lies. But recently, I have tone down my screaming or shouting at her and being with her in the morning for 3 days during her exam period. She seems to open up more.
Hai... I just realise it is not easy being a parent. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 8
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, November 04, 2010 - 6:21 pm: |
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Yes not easy at all!
Like my hubby says, our lives are not our own anymore and we will continue to worry about our kids until they're working and settled down. Probably even after that! Worry about their kids, etc... Phew, never ending!
There are days when I really miss being 'free', before the kids came along! |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 566
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2010 - 12:43 am: |
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Tam, it's very true. I know my gal much more than anyone else. She is only 8 months old now, but only me know when she cry, what kind of cry she is asking..hungry, sleepy, bored, scared, etc and what makes her happy, excited, etc. My husband has no idea at all that she is crying because of hungry or tired.
I honestly miss corporate life. I have jobs that i really love before. I do wanted to go back to work after she is older and go to school. But definitely will choose work that can allow me to be home earlier so that she can always see me when she come home.
I do admire working mum though, i think it must be really not easy. There are times i miss to have ME time, miss to have some break..but i really don't know how to leave my baby to work now (I know it must be hard for all mummies to do that). My husband quit his job and we don't have income at all..yet, we still think it's worth it for me to be sahm. Hopefully he can find new job soon.
bananarama, you are right. It's really not easy to be parent yah. But our love for them sometime can be so overwhelming that we can sacrifice everything for them. My gal now is so so adorable at 8 months. I am physically super tired actually, but yet always feel recharge whenever i see her adorable face that smile to me.
I also insist on fully breastfeeding, baby carrying all the time and attachment parenting. I know it's not easy, but I know she is contented baby. Everyone who meet her make the same comment, she has super smart eyes..haha
very observant on anything for 8 months old baby. |
bananarama (bananarama)
New member
Username: bananarama
Post Number: 10
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, November 11, 2010 - 9:02 am: |
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Hi Anmaria it's true! I find that the more time you spend with your kids, the more you'll be able to see the effects and rewards. So it may mean more sacrifice, but it's always worth it. I also breastfed fully for as long as possible and felt the bonding really helped.
Hope your hubby finds new job soon. If not, may be quite stressful.
It's so strange how parenthood changes us! I have a gd friend who never wanted kids. She and hubby recently had 'accident' and now expecting first one. She was never maternal type, likes to go out for drinks and party, quite career minded etc. But now she's even considering quitting work to spend more time with her baby - and she hasn't even delivered yet! Quite amazing right?
She was telling me she feels different, and she's worried she can't recognise herself anymore. But I told her just go with the flow and if she's changing, just accept it and enjoy her new self.
Sometimes it's scary as you also don't want to lose yourself. But it's a balance! |
PLL (pll)
New member
Username: pll
Post Number: 7
Registered: 4-2011
| | Posted on Thursday, April 07, 2011 - 3:08 pm: |
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Hi, I am a mummy of 2 also and work on my own time on consulting, accounting and hr jobs as well.
My company actually paying commission to person who introduce new clients to us on Recruitment matters. I think this is suitable for mummies who really like to earn some extra money and no commitment of time and work required.
Very easy, just introduce us the HR in charge for the companies and engage us as their recruitment consultant. No cost for the engagement to the client. So long the company hire someone through our company within these 2 year time and the introducer will get the commission of certain % on the fee.
If you are interested, do pm me for detail. |
DaBee (dabee)
Intermediate Member
Username: dabee
Post Number: 2588
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, April 07, 2011 - 5:59 pm: |
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hi all
just chanced upon this thread....everyone every household every family is different. only u n u spouse will know n plan what is best for u n your kids.
yes i totally agree to all of u on what mentioned above, mother's love is the greatest love of all. even in this modern world.
for those whom are considering to stay home. can give it a try esp now if u hv very young children. early days bonding is very impt.
one market aunty told me, dun regret or hv second tots tt i can be w my 2 boys 24/7. nowadays kids are very different from their generation. if i wan more $$ now, cant bond w them at young age, then i hv to be prepared to save up n use my $$ for their teenage life to go for professional conuselling. cos by then no longer can communicte w them n they wun listen n cant lock them up at home. some of these teenage kids just simply dun even go home. i m very surprised by her comments.
parents bonding w their own kids is very impt. esp a mother, i think mother can easily better understand n correct ur own child behaviour.
i kept reminding myself God has given me two beautiful boys, is my responsiblilities to be responsible for their behaviour n upbring.
i too hv a good honours degree fr UK n a not too bad income (~S$4.5k per mth) n worked 10 years this my previous co before i quited to stay home last year. i actually dun really care about what others say abt what a pity to stay home to look after kids, what a waste etc. cos they are my kids, what do they know, pls shut up, your comments are not appreicate by me. my only worry is what wld my parents think? cos they hv brought me up n given me an expensive education. i m very lucky that both my parents are supportive of my decision. my dad is stil working, my mom is working part time. my mom told me she wld rather me not giving her any allowance than needing her to look after my kids. she told me is my own kids i shd look after them myself then i will know what she has been thru. she is grandmother to my kids, not mother.
all these years i used to hv indo maid to help in my household (one 70s+ MIL, two old dogs, two boys 2 and 5yo) of cos my hb n my big sil family coming over to hv diner every night. all these while i insisted to hv maid , cos i dun hv confidence tt i can cope w/o any help. just only this jan, i confirmed my maid has a bf hence sent her back. no maid anymore. i scare liao. even when i m at home after i quit she still can lie n do all these funny things behind my back, i dun hv the energy to follow behind her back. i gave up on maids.
now i m taking care of my 2 boys, 2 dogs, n cleaning up the house all by myself. i m also very surprised i still can manage. of cos i m tired cos i m not used to all these labour hard chores. haha. but ok. i m happier, everyone at home is happier w/o maid. my maid also teaches lot of bad things to my 2 yo boy like dun wan mommy, when mommy ask to kiss slap me pull my hair pinch me etc. endless terrible things. i used to trust my maid too much, untill i found out all these bad things she has done, my hb n me felt so betrayed. we are so nice to her give her so much space n trust, yet she abuse it.
too bad. afterall she is a MAID. |
Kiko (closetdoor)
Member
Username: closetdoor
Post Number: 1829
Registered: 10-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 - 2:51 pm: |
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Dabee: agree with you. i really dun noe what is wrong with the maids nowadays. they like siao siao one. and horrors, she can tell ur boys such things!
money can't buy time. i am lucky my mum is helping me. but i intend to stop working when kids start pri 1. its v true nowadays kids get into bad co easily and better to have mommy ard at home. or daddy. |
Rosnita Bte Abdul Aziz (nitaspec3)
New member
Username: nitaspec3
Post Number: 8
Registered: 5-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 - 11:57 am: |
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Yes it is true, i am thinking of that..but it is not ezy..if like that i've to sell my car and bike...and try to find ptime job...my maid is going back this nov ..and she will continue with us..but c how...she taking care of my 3 kids of the age 8,7 and 5. |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 736
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 - 2:57 pm: |
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I read "Raising babies" from STeve Biddulp, and I am so glad now that i made this decision to stay at home. Dabee, same like you..I was on top of my career too when i quit to look after my gal. Ppl keep saying i wasted my MBA from Oz and all my consultant experience..but I think this is the greatest decision i have made in my life so far. No maid..just me taking care baby and housework..
I know someday I will remember these times fondly... I don't believe that we can have it all..it's either LOVE OR MONEY... |
skinneybeenie (skinneybeenie)
Member
Username: skinneybeenie
Post Number: 674
Registered: 3-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2011 - 4:50 pm: |
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Glad I found this thread. I have been a SAHM since my boy was born (save for the 2 mths of notice period served to company).
I agree it is not easy, and many times my self esteem really suffered and it's worst when u have to put up with people's comments esp only mum!!! until now i dun tell my mum that I am a SAHM because she is sure to say it's a waste of my NUS education.
I appreciate how I feel like I have all the time in the world for my son and i bring him to different places sometimes, mostly for him to experience the great outdoors. I believe too many sg kids are too sheltered and deprived of outdoors time!!!
Every now n then i really wish I can have part time job but I know my son at home with him is the best for him - best physical nutrition: food breastmilk, best emotional nutrition: mama has time for him (except when cooking n cleaning... when i would shout out to him and he would come show me his trucks)... i dunno if it is the right choice for my so called career, but i know it is the best choice for my son's well being. |
skinneybeenie (skinneybeenie)
Member
Username: skinneybeenie
Post Number: 675
Registered: 3-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2011 - 4:52 pm: |
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hi anmaria, i have read a book from steve biddulp about raising boys n how a childcare setting is really the worst for boy.. i guess this colored my lenses when i sent my 4 mth old for IFC last apr.. and i basically gave up on the IFC after 2 days and became a SAHM! |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 737
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2011 - 11:00 pm: |
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I start to read and wrote on this thread since i was pregnant. And my gal now is 16 mth old. I went through the struggle all SAHM had. on wanting to get back our freedom (be it time or financially) and wanted to take care my own baby. Now I really thank God that I have made the right decision. My good friend who is a psychologist told me she regret for not taking care her own son last time. If only she knew what she know now..
Yeah..skinney, Steve talked abt how the baby brain develop during the first 3 years and to tell you the truth, it was quite shocking to me.
my gal now is only 16 months old..but she can talk with simple conversation now..quite amazing, even sing many songs by filling the blank. I am amazed how much ability they can absorb to learn things now (intellectually and emotionally).
To me..this sacrifice is only a very short period of time..but the reward is a lifetime. |
beatrice chue (beatrice_chua)
New member
Username: beatrice_chua
Post Number: 8
Registered: 8-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 24, 2011 - 2:43 am: |
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its better to stay at home so that you can guide your child..teaching them a good manners and conduct must came from a mother...try to have an online job..visit Odesk.com.. |
mumusings (mumusings)
Member
Username: mumusings
Post Number: 1160
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Friday, November 04, 2011 - 12:55 pm: |
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The sacrifice as a stayhome is well worth it as a stayhome. (1) We get to personally imbue values and teach our children right up till they start schooling (2) Closeness of relationship and building mutual trust (3) We get full grasp of his abilities and character (4) Children should have a fun childhood, not one tied to academia and excessive enrichment when they should be still playing! (5) Enjoy home-cooked meals
Definitely missing out on lost income but again, not workng = greatly reducing spending on cosmetics/fashion/dining-out. To me, it's also a chance to work out needs from wants, plus my own priorities in life. I am enjoying the freedom of not needing to wake up and dash for work AND coming home as a zombie. Also no income = greater self-discipline when it comes to spending $.
Some people have pushed for answers when they see my son playing all day and night:
(1) Isn't it a waste for degree holder not to work?
(2) Aren't you scared your boy can't keep up when he goes to kindergarten?
(3) Shouldn't you start making him read/write/sing/play music?
No, no, no and no thanks. My kid's three and figured out A to Z (without flash cards or fancy techniques) and read numbers and chant out the corresponding Thomas and Friends engine. Not interested in writing/colouring but able to volunteer to do imaginary painting of my nails using colours of his vehicles. He can also arrange things in order, at equal spacing, make exact-sized blobs of blu-tak to glue the underside of tracks. Also able to translate English words into Chinese these days and speak short sentences. These are immeasurable and gratifying enough. Just need to continue working on his manners and values. |
Ai Sakura (ai_sakura)
New member
Username: ai_sakura
Post Number: 97
Registered: 8-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 - 5:40 pm: |
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think it's really up to your priorities and personality too. I see a lot of mums are so happy & successful at being SAHMs, while others may feel that they are better at work and leave educating their child to somebody who has more experience. But that should be a balance too and can't be a workaholic w/o caring for the kid.
I don't think being a FTWM is worst than a SAHM.. or vice versa. Really depends on what you think is best for you, and for your family
Ai @ http://www.sakuraharuka.com |
gingerbelle (gingerbelle)
Junior Member
Username: gingerbelle
Post Number: 408
Registered: 5-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2012 - 3:50 pm: |
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An old thread but all things discussed here are still so relevant. I too am considering to be a SAHM again because my son is feeling lonely at home after school. I am sad and guilty to know that he is feeling that way. My worry is limited social interaction with adults as compared to being at the workplace. I wonder if the SAHMs here are still SAHMs... |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 788
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2012 - 4:15 pm: |
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I am still SAHM till now and I have never regret this decision. Yes, it could be quite lonely sometime, but its a very rewarding journey. |
flyaway21 (flyaway21)
Junior Member
Username: flyaway21
Post Number: 168
Registered: 12-2010
| | Posted on Friday, September 28, 2012 - 2:13 pm: |
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I have been a SAHM for 18months to my gal & my #2 is coming in end Oct.
Really enjoyed being a SAHM and recently as my tummy is getting bigger & bigger, we got a helper to help out with the housework.
Like what anmaria said, no one knows my gal better than me (though my in laws always try to disclaim that by saying I don't know what my gal wants).
My gal can understand more words than she can say, and she listens very well to instructions. She is very disciplined for her age, and now that she starts talking, she can say a lot of words for her age.
Of course, there are times when I worry about $$, but I know everyone will feel $$ is not enough, no matter how much you earn.
Anyway glad that I have known a group of SAHMs around my area. It feels good to have a support group & we chat very often. ;) So if u plan to be a SAHM, post on the forums to find SAHMs around your area. |
gingerbelle (gingerbelle)
Junior Member
Username: gingerbelle
Post Number: 409
Registered: 5-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, October 04, 2012 - 5:29 pm: |
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Thanks for responding Anmaria and Flyaway. I was trying to figure a way out. Have rearranged my working hours so that I can spend an extra hour with him every day to alleviate his loneliness. See if it works out. |
Cindy Chong (babyk2003)
New member
Username: babyk2003
Post Number: 10
Registered: 9-2010
| | Posted on Friday, October 05, 2012 - 3:06 pm: |
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I have been a SAHM for a very long time too. But sometimes still get very upset at how ppl would say about my 2.5 yr old son not able to talk properly at his age.
My neighbor once comment that her grandson only 5months older than my son already learnt so much in full day cc. N suggests that I should put my son in cc full day too. But I told her no need full day n was thinking of half day. She told me my son wouldnt be able to catch up to his peers if he spend more time at hm.
Very upset to hear that, it felt as though my decision to stay at hm wif my children is wrong. N they r better off in cc full day. |
XianXin (myprincesses)
Advanced Member
Username: myprincesses
Post Number: 5502
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Friday, October 05, 2012 - 3:26 pm: |
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Cindy, what I have observed, kids in childcare are more independent & discipline as they have been trained in that way. However, in terms of development, I have found out that those stay at home with mum are actually developed faster. Do not compare actually, read more to your kid & he should be able to pick up languages better. |
anmaria (anmaria)
Member
Username: anmaria
Post Number: 789
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Friday, October 05, 2012 - 3:49 pm: |
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Cindy, I can totally understand your feeling. I live in UK right now. My 2.5 yr old also don't speak much as we don't have many friends and relative here. Luckily in UK there are many playgroup organised by children centre, and its free. So I bring her quite often to the different playgroup. But still everyone development is different, be it their mother stay at home or not. Yes its true kids who grew up in CC more discipline. Whether it is out of love or fear that they don't do something, this is something I always question about. Yes, half day CC after 3 yrs is good for him, cos developmentally they are ready to socialised. You provide security for him. Being stay at home mom in Singapore is really difficult...you don't have much support and information unlike here in UK. |
Cindy Chong (babyk2003)
New member
Username: babyk2003
Post Number: 12
Registered: 9-2010
| | Posted on Friday, October 05, 2012 - 5:04 pm: |
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Hi xianxin and anmaria, thanks for the advice.
Anmaria, I agree that there is not much support in terms of SAHM In Singapore. Most ppl here have the wrong perception of SAHM. Even my mom who was a SAHM too strongly disapprove of me being a SAHM n felt that I have totally disconnected from the 'real world'! |
flyaway21 (flyaway21)
Junior Member
Username: flyaway21
Post Number: 177
Registered: 12-2010
| | Posted on Friday, October 12, 2012 - 5:24 pm: |
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Yes, Cindy. People here in SG always have the wrong perception of SAHM when I told them I am one.
But I don't think kids in childcare are more disciplined. Most that I saw are either bad-tempered (throw tantrums) or demanding. Whereas the group of our kids whose mums are all SAHMs, they are mostly well-behaved and disciplined.
It's important to note that being a SAHM means not just looking after the kid but also teaching him the right values and at the same time, giving lots of love to him. That way the kid will grow up well.
Some mothers who choose not to send their kids to childcare & instead to be looked after by their gandparents may have a different effect from one who is looked after by their own parents. Cuz grandparents tend to just take care of the kids, and being grandparents, are unlikely to discipline them. They will just give whatever their grandchildren want. |
Cindy Chong (babyk2003)
New member
Username: babyk2003
Post Number: 15
Registered: 9-2010
| | Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 - 4:35 pm: |
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Ya flyaway21, I always have mixed reaction from different ppl when I told them I'm a SAHM. Some would envy, some would insult. Often had debate wif my friends whether to be a SAHM or FTWM would be more beneficial for both mummy n children whenever we meet up. But I guess there's no real ans. All depends on individual. But I still get very upset by those who strongly supports FTWM n advise me on how I should do this n that! N how their kids benefit more from cc than spending time at hm. It really puts me down n make me doubt about my decision |
Stefan Lee (stefan)
New member
Username: stefan
Post Number: 7
Registered: 10-2012
| | Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 - 6:17 pm: |
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Well, I'm a SAHD if you would consider that haha. I'm a self employed and mainly works in the evening so day time I would spend with my little girl while the night would be taken over by mummy.
She wanted a nanny initially but I insisted against it since I'm free in most part of the day, now both of us are spending quality times watching her grow. If I was still in my previous employment in IT distribution, I wouldn't even dare to imagine about having quality time with my girl for I'll always be working from morning till night and continue my work well past midnight at home.
Back in the days of my employment, my senior once told me that I shouldn't depend solely on my CPF for retirement and medical needs because its rules and withdrawal criteria are ever-changing, didn't really cared initially until I decided to start my own venture. 1 problem I faced is the financial stability, having only 1 set of stable income from mummy and the rollercoaster type of income I'm having means we need to plan alot of stuff way ahead. Limit our monthly spendings to what's only necessary and leaves close to nothing for the luxuries, because having all the flashy brands really means nothing when we can't even be sure that we can be free of financial woes 30 yrs later.
We've spent a good amount on insurances for ourselves and our girl in effort to provide surplus income in our later stages of lives and assurance of our lives so that we won't burden her in future plus her future study fundings.
Next, we make it a habit to set aside a decent amount of liquid funds just in case she goes out of job.
Lastly, we adjusted our usual lifestyle to a really frugal one to make sure we don't spend out of proportion. We used to eat at places like Sushi Tei, Tonkichi, Daikouya, Din Tai Fung etc every dinner we had outside, averaging 5 meals per week, plus all other entertainment and self pampering expenses per person would spend abt 2K every month, that's beside our other commitments such like parents allowance, car loans and maintenance etc.
Back then we're wondering where had our money went, after we sat down and rework our sums during her pregnancy period then realised that we're quite careless with money, spending them mostly on material stuff.
Now with different priorities in mind, we've totally revamped our lifestyle to a much simpler one, every month we would only go pamper ourselves twice. Baby stuff we would mostly go for free stuff haha, like daily clothings. Do very detailed calculations in supermarkets when determining which diaper brand to go for and scout around for the best milk powder bargains (A provision shop in Bedok Reservoir area hehe), something that I didn't like previously, I've surprised myself that I actually enjoyed the bargain hunting moments.
Promised them that once my business has past the infantile stage, I would bring them on a short trip, but that doesn't mean we could revert back to our previous ways of spending money for we won't know what the future holds.
I would suggest all SAHM/D to work out the sums really well so as to ensure that you don't get stuck in the later part of your lives where you find yourself short of fundings and unable to get a decent pay job because you're out of the scene for far too long.
Now apart from working hard for my business, I'm appreciating my little girl's growing up moments and waiting for her to grow to the stage when I can start to introduce my favourite hobby which is cycling to her |
flyaway21 (flyaway21)
Junior Member
Username: flyaway21
Post Number: 182
Registered: 12-2010
| | Posted on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 3:57 pm: |
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Cindy, I do at times get put down by my decision to be a SAHM too, by mostly, mummies who are FTWM.
However, if you think about it in another way, I think they are only trying to convince themselves that it's right for them to be FTWM. It's like eating sour grapes.
Sometimes my in laws will also question why I am not working, as if to suggest that I'm an handicapped living off my hubby. That's when I doubt my decision too. But think about the benefits that your child is getting & this is something other people do not know. So it doesn't matter what others say, cuz only our children will know when they grow up.
Like what Stefan Lee said too, it's important to work out the sums of having only one breadwinner in the family. If financial is not a prob, then what people say is their business. We can't change what they want to say, but we can change how we think about their words. ;) |
Jasmine (jasminesmt)
New member
Username: jasminesmt
Post Number: 43
Registered: 1-2011
| | Posted on Thursday, December 20, 2012 - 12:59 pm: |
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I wish to be a SAHM but it is financially not viable now as our flat is going to be ready soon and hubby's income alone is not enough. It kills me that my mil is watching my daughter grow everyday while I get only about 1-2 hours left with her after I finish work and before she sleeps. I am trying to save up now and hope I can be a SAHM or work part-time when I have my second child. I am really envious of moms who are able to stay at home with their kids, it's not easy but I know it is definitely rewarding. |
Chiam A (joy_ful)
Junior Member
Username: joy_ful
Post Number: 294
Registered: 3-2009
| | Posted on Friday, December 21, 2012 - 9:32 am: |
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Hi Jasmine,
I used to be like you, wishing to be a SAHM. I quit my full time job 4 years ago and went into flexible hour job instead. Initially, I wanted to just spend all my time with my boy coz he's so young and adorable. But when he started attending playgroup, I was relieved coz I finally got more free time to do my housechores, prepare lunch etc. My in laws wanted me to work full time so as to supplement family income and not make my hubby work so hard. I am happy juggling my flexible hour work and family.
But I kinda get bored with just looking after my boy coz his grandparents want to look after him after his school hours and even weekends. That leaves me time to be more involved in my work and I am even doing my own business now other than embarking on part time work. I believe in diversing the eggs in my basket.  I find it really enriching and rewarding to be a PTWM coz I get to enjoy my boy's development and pursue my dreams (a very slow process). Most importantly, getting family support is the upmost priority to ensure the working mum can work in peace, be rest assured when her child is well looked after when he/she is ill.
In order not to lose track of my son's milestone, I even started a blog on his development while sharing parenting and teaching tips.
http://keepyourchildinterested.blogspot.sg/ |
Carlyn Lu (hung)
Member
Username: hung
Post Number: 824
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, February 03, 2013 - 3:18 pm: |
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Hi ladies, I am a SAHM with 2 young children, I stay home because I want to be there for them while growing up at the meantime I also running a biz online. email me carlynlu@gmail.com. |
Anna Ang (annaang)
Junior Member
Username: annaang
Post Number: 110
Registered: 6-2012
| | Posted on Sunday, February 03, 2013 - 7:31 pm: |
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What if you can stay at home and spent quality time with your kids and family, and also be your own boss?
What if you can have your own online business and earn good passive residual income?
If there is a way for you to achieve all of the above, would you be interested? |
Jane (wsj)
Member
Username: wsj
Post Number: 801
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Monday, February 04, 2013 - 10:17 am: |
|
Heard of this on the news. You may want to take a look. |
emily wi (em83)
New member
Username: em83
Post Number: 1
Registered: 1-2013
| | Posted on Thursday, February 07, 2013 - 2:22 pm: |
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I have been thinking of doing the same, to be a SAHM for my two yong boys, but financially, it just worries me. It is still a consideration but for now, at the moment, I'm sticking to the job just cause to ease up on the financial matters. |
Carlyn Lu (hung)
Member
Username: hung
Post Number: 834
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 07, 2013 - 6:27 pm: |
|
With lost cost no risks, equipped with free training online and allows you to expand your biz globally at the comfort of your home? email me : carlynlu@gmail.com |
Anna Ang (annaang)
Junior Member
Username: annaang
Post Number: 116
Registered: 6-2012
| | Posted on Friday, February 08, 2013 - 12:49 am: |
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em83,
you can continue in your work, while building another income stream. When that income stream is giving you sufficient or more than the current work, you can decide to quit.
If you can take care of the 2 boys and have an income as well, would you be interested to pursue? |
Carlyn Lu (hung)
Member
Username: hung
Post Number: 858
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, February 17, 2013 - 3:38 pm: |
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Hi Ladies,
I like to share the Free info on how to earn $$ from home as SAHM like me. Please email me to know more.. carlynlu@gmail.com
No scams, no pyramid scams. Free info to share! |
Anna Ang (annaang)
Junior Member
Username: annaang
Post Number: 129
Registered: 6-2012
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2013 - 12:57 am: |
|
there are many work from home opportunities, but few has the right plans and give the right opportunities.
If you can see a way to achieve what you are looking for, would you be interested?
 |
Joanne (mummy_darling)
New member
Username: mummy_darling
Post Number: 19
Registered: 2-2013
| | Posted on Friday, March 08, 2013 - 10:57 am: |
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hi,
can pm me for more details pls?
thanks. |
GRACE LEE MEI KUAN (gleemk)
New member
Username: gleemk
Post Number: 7
Registered: 12-2012
| | Posted on Friday, March 08, 2013 - 6:23 pm: |
|
Hi All Wonders Mum
I know how u all feel as I am a mother of my cutie pie too.
I hope can help any of you financially by sharing with you a real , solid way to enhance your income.
It's not how hard you work but be in the right industry does matter.
email me : glee823@yahoo.com.sg |
Joanne (mummy_darling)
New member
Username: mummy_darling
Post Number: 25
Registered: 2-2013
| | Posted on Monday, March 11, 2013 - 1:36 pm: |
|
Hi all,
Feel free to check this out. Only serious people who are interested. Work from Home. Earn $2000/month. No Investment. Part Time, 1-2h/day.
Wanted Online Internet job workers. Job is only through Internet. Work from home part time jobs. You can earn $1500-2500/month working 1-2 hours/day, no matter where you live. These are genuine Data entry jobs & Internet jobs. No Investment required. Only serious enquires please. For more details visit http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=4519949 |
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