| Author |
Message |
    
shinthea (shinthea)
New member
Username: shinthea
Post Number: 48
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, August 29, 2009 - 12:56 pm: | 
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please...leave such selfish husband....stop to suffer yourself |
shinthea (shinthea)
New member
Username: shinthea
Post Number: 49
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, August 29, 2009 - 1:24 pm: |
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After read all the stories, i am so sad,just want to encourage all of you again,2moro will still beautiful,may all the wives be stronger and happier...God blessd.. |
sadwife2009 (sadwife2009)
New member
Username: sadwife2009
Post Number: 1
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, September 05, 2009 - 2:30 am: |
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The TV is on, my son is sleeping, my husband is sleepling.... but i am drowning myself with alcohol.
my marriage, as it turned out, was about the biggest mistake of my life
I have married him, knowing that i do not love him. I have thought to myself that since he loves me so much, i will grow to love him too.
I have had so many suitors, so many envious girlfriends. But i have chosen this guy to marry. I thought he would love me always and will always protect and keep me well. perhaps i was too wishful.
after marriage, things took a terrible turn
it seems he did not really love me that much after all... after the courtship is over, guess all things were different
initially he still try to show his concerns, but as days and years go by, things just got worse
i thought having a baby will make things better
I thought
now, my son is close to 2years old
but my husband is nothing more than a house mate
we share the same house, not the same room
we tell each other stuff only coordination purposes... nothing more
we hardly exchange more than a few sentences each day. i try to console myself and kept telling myself that there are more terrible marriages around. that i should be thankful for all the things i have now
but deep inside me, i am sad, lonely and hope he could pay more attention to me. but each time, i will tell myself that i should not expect, because the more i expect, the worse i will feel. i should be independent. i can live with this, for the sake of my son. i must continue to put up with this meaningless marriage.
well, to be fair. he loves his son. he helps to cook his meals and takes him to walks on weekends.
but to me, he is no longer a husband. he is nothging more than a housemate
when he is back, he will be with his computer. he spends so much time with his notebook, i wonder why i married him in the first place. when i have many stuff to carry, he will not volunteer to help carry. when i try to ask him to help, he will just angrily and loudly say i should ask him nicely to help. perhaps i was a bit agitated that he did not offer at all, hence the not so nice tone when i ask eventually.
small matters become big matters. small matters become triggers to big quarrels. i stop quarrelling with him. because of my son. i just kept quiet. i just kept quiet all the time. bearing with it all.
and then recently, i realised, i can in fact be happy after all. there is someone in the office that is attracted to me. i felt happy because i realised that actually i am attractive still. My husband no longer loves me, i thought it was because i am no longer lovely, no longer attractive.
now, i am contemplating whether to cut loss. we had contemplated divorce, but we had not really made the move.
obviously, the current motivation to divorce him is so that i could start a new life and be able to find happiness again. but i fear that my son will be affected. he is still so young.
what will become of him if i really file for divorce. will he hate me? will he become juvenile deliquent in future? will he be good if he grew in a single parent family? will he be able to understand me, the one who made the move to divorce?
am i too selfish to pursue my happiness? should i just put up with the current state and just keep telling myself that i am indeed very lucky already for all things that i have? |
Merz (merz)
Junior Member
Username: merz
Post Number: 101
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, September 06, 2009 - 8:30 pm: |
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sadwife2009,
A divorce will have great impact on the child, even he is small, but he will eventually grow up and realised that he is different. Especially when he see other children with their parent around, he will feel indifferent and may feel inferior and also feel like an object toss around. I know it, because I'm from such family. Weekday with mum, weekend with dad....So think twice of the consequences before any decision.
And btw, why drink so much alcohol in the middle of night? What you try to do? Later wait up late in the morning and have a headache, what for? You can't take proper care on the son and you also smell liquor, your hubby and son dun like it lah.
From your post, you are very concerned on your son. For the sake of him, ignore the new temptation in the office. Focus your marriage and try to work it out with your hubby, i think something can be work between you and hubby, because both love son a lot.
Be happy that your hubby chose to stay home with your son and maybe have to "endured" our "irritated" face sometimes and not spend time elsewhere someone house.
Take care and think over it. |
sadwife2009 (sadwife2009)
New member
Username: sadwife2009
Post Number: 3
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 08, 2009 - 12:34 am: |
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Merz
Thanks for the advice and the sharing of the your own experience. I will try to work it out with my hubby. Even though i know it is really tough.but for the sake of my son, think it should be worth it. |
Grace Ische (gische86)
New member
Username: gische86
Post Number: 28
Registered: 9-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 15, 2009 - 12:23 pm: |
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You need to ask your husband why he married you in the first place.& ask him can he capable of doing anything or he just ***. |
Kate Xie (kxie1985)
New member
Username: kxie1985
Post Number: 23
Registered: 9-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 15, 2009 - 1:44 pm: |
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it crossed it limit....u must take immediate action... |
yoplait17 (yoplait17)
New member
Username: yoplait17
Post Number: 1
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 10, 2009 - 9:11 pm: |
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how will you girls react if your own hubby keeps u out of his hp by putting up a password?? |
yoplait17 (yoplait17)
New member
Username: yoplait17
Post Number: 2
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 10, 2009 - 9:21 pm: |
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sadwife2009
I am almost in the same predicament as you. I love my husband and 2 children dearly. He also loves our children, but maybe does not love me as much. We hardly quarrel, but cold wars are common. But cold wars are so much destructive than quarrels. He clams up, sometimes for no reason, and gives me the cold shoulder, when I've got no clue what's happening. Just feel that I am unfairly treated in this marriage. We share the same bed, but I feel far apart from him. He is not sensitive to me, when I am feeling sad, he doesn't even attempt to ask me what happened or console me. I feel lonely and helpless.
He keeps things from me. He locks his insurance plans in drawers, he keeps a safe, and now, he has locked his handphone with a password. Tell me, what am I to him?
He treats everything and everyone else better. Maybe I shouldn't have been his wife. If not for my 2 children, I am sure we are divorced already. |
yoplait17 (yoplait17)
New member
Username: yoplait17
Post Number: 3
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 10, 2009 - 9:24 pm: |
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sadwife2009
I am almost in the same predicament as you. I love my husband and 2 children dearly. He also loves our children, but maybe does not love me as much. We hardly quarrel, but cold wars are common. But cold wars are so much destructive than quarrels. He clams up, sometimes for no reason, and gives me the cold shoulder, when I've got no clue what's happening. Just feel that I am unfairly treated in this marriage. We share the same bed, but I feel far apart from him. He is not sensitive to me, when I am feeling sad, he doesn't even attempt to ask me what happened or console me. I feel lonely and helpless.
He keeps things from me. He locks his insurance plans in drawers, he keeps a safe, and now, he has locked his handphone with a password. Tell me, what am I to him?
He treats everything and everyone else better. Maybe I shouldn't have been his wife. If not for my 2 children, I am sure we are divorced already. |
janey (janey09)
New member
Username: janey09
Post Number: 63
Registered: 3-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 10, 2009 - 9:26 pm: |
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he sure have a lot of things to hide from u. |
张弟的娘啊... ) (angelneo)
Intermediate Member
Username: angelneo
Post Number: 4766
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 - 9:44 am: |
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Yoplait,
What you are going through, is what I'm going through right now. Though mine started only recently. Last Friday, he will still call me and ask me in a voice like a little puppy, 'Why didn't you call me today?'..... after that, at night, he simply called me and said he wishes to go out. And hang the phone.
Saturday night, he never came back. Telling me that he had some beer and he can't drive. So, he'll drive somewhere and sleep out his alcohol. Came back only 7am in the morning.
Sunday night, after sending us home from a family outing, he went out for coffee with his friend again. Came back only at 1am.
Monday night, went out again, then smsed me telling me he's going to Bangkok. Without me. But going with his friend. Came back 1.30am.
Yesterday night, came back after work. Showered and changed. Then, took his car key and went out. Told me he's going for dinner.
I don't know what is going on. I'm lost. |
wendy tan (wendy_reborn)
New member
Username: wendy_reborn
Post Number: 32
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 - 10:53 pm: |
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i think there is something wrong. He might be having a 3rd party |
janey (janey09)
New member
Username: janey09
Post Number: 66
Registered: 3-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, October 15, 2009 - 7:15 am: |
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if he just started, then should find out the truth fast without alerting him. If u can stop it fast, u can salvage the relationship.
All the excuses given by him are silly. |
sharon ang (sharon_ang)
New member
Username: sharon_ang
Post Number: 49
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, October 15, 2009 - 7:22 am: |
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if a marriage is meaningless, why keep it? plan for your future and move on. |
yoplait17 (yoplait17)
New member
Username: yoplait17
Post Number: 4
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, October 15, 2009 - 11:53 am: |
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angelneo
My hubby n i have reconciled already. We had to exchange emails to trash out cos we were not on talking terms. But i dunno when his volcano will erupt again. It has erupted so many times in our 4 years of marriage. Sometimes i just feel so tired.
I know what u mean by feeling lost....it's like u dun even know when or how u stepped on his toes right? but, spending the nite out is definitely fishy and unhealthy. Do u have children? If u do, get yr children to ask him where he went to to make him feel the guilt. |
wendy tan (wendy_reborn)
New member
Username: wendy_reborn
Post Number: 35
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Sunday, October 18, 2009 - 10:38 am: |
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yes, it very tiring to keep on suspecting |
Mummy Jyoyi (dailyfarm77)
New member
Username: dailyfarm77
Post Number: 16
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Friday, October 23, 2009 - 3:22 am: |
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Hi all mummies...all I want to say is, Live for Yourself!
If he loves you, dotes on you, yes, by all means love him wholeheartly. But should he turn his back on you already...this IS the time when you should really be strong and ask yourself what you really want in your life.
Start living for yourself! Get your own life.
It won't be easy BUT if u never try walking out of your shadow...you will never see the rainbow.
Woman are simple...all we want is happiness. But happiness comes in many forms, & it might not neccessary comes from men you know. A chat like this online with 'stranger' mummies like us can be happy & comforting too. Engage yourself in activities from clubs or CC. Earn your own penny, buy nice clothes & treat yourself to a good meal can be simple happiness. It really need not come from men.
Think about it...it's your life ;D |
张弟的娘啊... ) (angelneo)
Intermediate Member
Username: angelneo
Post Number: 4767
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Friday, October 23, 2009 - 8:23 pm: |
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Yoplait,
Things are brighter between me and my husband already. Things changed for the better on the night my MIL came back from her holiday in China. I still remember on that day is 16/10/09. My MIL's flight back from Macau reaches Singapore only at 1.55am. I had expected him to call me from work and tell me that he'll work till very late, then he'll go for coffee with his friend then will meet me at the airport.
(At that moment, we are driving 2 vehicles. 1 belong to my BIL whom had gone for the holiday with my MIL.)
But, he surprised me by coming home early at 8pm. Had dinner at home. But again, he went out at 11pm. Told me that we'll meet at Airport again.
However, right after my MIL is home, his late nights seemed to have stopped immediately. One thing I know is, he is afraid of his mother. My MIL got to know about my hubby's misbehavior through my FIL and I know she had a long talk with him when I was asleep in the room.
However, after that episode, I don't dare to hold further expectation between the both of us. Other than continuing to perform wife duty responsibily.... I don't wanna hold high hopes and expectations anymore. I know, I am feeling happier, and lesser load on myself. By not emotionally depending on him anymore. I'd learnt to doll up myself. I'd learnt to spend more on myself....... Like you, I am so tired.... cos this episode repeats itself once every 2 yrs.  |
sadwife2009 (sadwife2009)
New member
Username: sadwife2009
Post Number: 7
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:59 am: |
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its true, happiness should not come from your husband.
guess sometimes we just want to be supported emotionally. when we are emotionally down especially, we want to know that someone cares of us deeply in this world.
guess, in my current state, i will try to live my life without this emotional support from husband. my friends are excellent support to me. they are around when i m down. they listen to my sorrows and my heartaches.
there is no doubt who im closer with right now, friends or husband. i have wonderful colleagues and friends around me. |
Rainnie (rail)
New member
Username: rail
Post Number: 55
Registered: 5-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 12:19 pm: |
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seems like most of the man are like that, they always put themselves first, followed by children, wives will be last.
my hubby is like king of the house, i always talk to him in a submissive tone, but he would like voiced out his likes and dislikes on my face without even knowing that it's hurting. i've married him for almost ten yrs already but only attended my mom's side reunion dinner last yr, after my FIL had passed away (my MIL passed away 3 yrs back) Since i married him, he already made it very clear that i'm not suppose to go back to my mom's place for reunion dinner cos the mother said so. Every yr, my mom and brother would still invite us and i would turned them down, feeling very bad that i couldn't had reunion dinner with my own mother. Last yr, my FIL is no longer around, i insisted that we go to my mom's place for the dinner, he was quite unwilling at first cos he still have a unmarried sis, no end right? first parents, then sis, how many yrs do i have to wait? by the time, the sis gone leow, i don't think my mom is around anymore !!! I was very persistent and told him that if he is not interested, then i'll go with my elder son. finally he gave in. recently, i mentioned abt the coming reunion dinner, and he acted blur again, sigh........... he seems don't like my family members, everything, it's his family 1st, i'm like nothing, can't even compared to his precious sis.
he don't touch, hug or cuddled me at all, we're just like 2 strangers sleeping on the same bed. when i was pregnant with no.2, he only touched my tummy and talked to my bb, but still no hugs and cuddles fr him. initial few yrs of marriage, i've tried telling him that i need more attention, but he always gave excuses, i gave up now, no longer talk abt it anymore. I'm feeling very sad and disheartened in my marriage, feel like walking out the family but can't bear to part with my children, and have no where to go. i really like a nobody with no self-worth in the family, i'm just a maid to look after the kids, cook and clean the house. |
Eric (eric_80)
New member
Username: eric_80
Post Number: 1
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 4:49 pm: |
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Hi all,
I'm a newbie here this my first post here. get to know this forum by sis. I know most of them here have problem with their hubby. But do you know that guy also face problem with the
their wife? I dunno why I'm here to say all this. I dunno why she keep asking me to divorce with her. really dun stand. keep saying i'm wasteher time being with her. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19631
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 5:03 pm: |
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Dear Eric,
are you & your wife really young?
Why did you get married in the first place?
Love, shot-gun, HDB flat, peer pressure? |
Eric (eric_80)
New member
Username: eric_80
Post Number: 3
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 7:12 pm: |
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hi leng leng
I got married cos of shot gun. but right now I totally lost. dunno wat to do. should I leave or go. is jus like no sex life. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19633
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 7:18 pm: |
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Dear Eric,
1. You can just walk out of it
2. You can work on it
3. Both of you can work on it, find a counseller
If you leave, what about the child?
Is she pregnant now, or how old is your child? |
Eric (eric_80)
New member
Username: eric_80
Post Number: 4
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 7:27 pm: |
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my kid 2 year old liao. i'm jus 29. maybe i'm jus a poor man tat y she wan to leave me. i'm not sure how other man think, but wat I can c tat sex life is important. wat do u all think |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19635
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 8:20 pm: |
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Hi Eric,
is she working?
Poor? Then WORK ON IT!!! Find a better job!
Sex is important, love is important too,
NO BREAD can die one leh... |
Eric (eric_80)
New member
Username: eric_80
Post Number: 5
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 11:47 pm: |
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she not working at the moment. keep blaming her I bring her to the stage. i'm now finding pt job. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19636
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 12:03 am: |
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Dear Eric,
you are a daddy now,
it's not just sex, sleep & more sex anymore,
then what ask your parents for allowance? NO!
If you are going to be a responsible husband & father...
Get a sheet of paper, a pen & sit down,
write down all your fix liablity/expenditures per month;
1. Food
2. Marketing
3. Insurance
4. Transport
5. Utility bills
6. Allowance for your parents/wife
7. etc etc etc...
Coming up may be child care school fees,
then your dear wife can go to work.
If there's extra, then think of romantic dinner, flowers, presents, ...
THAT IS THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU NEED TO EARN A MONTH!
I'm sorry, this is a pratical world,
if you can't give her any assurance or sence of security,
I'm sure she's afraid of getting pregnant again. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19637
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 12:04 am: |
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Why are you finding a PT job?
What about full time job? |
Eric (eric_80)
New member
Username: eric_80
Post Number: 6
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 11:43 am: |
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I understand wat you mean. wat I can't take it is that every day she will find thing to say abt me. and talk at divorce. have a full time job. i'm looking for part time. which I can work at nite |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19657
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 12:13 pm: |
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Hi Eric,
the little problem here now may be communication,
getting a PT job to work at night...
To avoid her or to bring back more money?
If the reason is to bring back more money,
then it's positive, you should discuss with her.
If to avoid her, it's not encourage.
She may be real bored at home,
facing the little one, can't go out.
Rem the time during courtship, she has all the freedom?
Your pretty girlfriend without flabby tummy?
Talk to her, get someone to help look after the little one,
bring her out, movie, dinner, shopping...
Last but not least, ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTS! What she want to do, work or be a stay-at-home-mum like now...
Pamper her once a while, you should get what you need.  |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 19658
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 12:17 pm: |
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keep blaming her I bring her to the stage
In a way... she's not totally wrong, but it needs 2 hands to clap.
Pre-marital sex, leads to unplanned pregnancy,
forced to marry you, now stay at home to look after the little one...
There are still other solutions;
does she want to go out to work,
does she want to stay at home without the kid,
does she want to go for further studies?
You don't know? Not Sure? Then ask her.
The little one is old enough to go childcare already,
alternatively, can one of your parents look after,
or get a nanny, or a maid?
Jia You,
giving up is easy, it's the going-on that's tough & challenging,
are you tough & responsible enough to take it up? |
mummyfel (mummyfel)
Member
Username: mummyfel
Post Number: 1090
Registered: 4-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 3:05 pm: |
|
Well said Leng Leng!
Communication is most important.
Eric, do sit down and talk to your wife. Listen and understand what and how she feels. |
bee (wasabee)
New member
Username: wasabee
Post Number: 24
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 17, 2009 - 11:50 pm: |
|
eric,
i think you signing up and posting on this forum is a postive sign that you are trying very hard to look for solutions! second leng leng's advise |
JulieWin (julie07)
New member
Username: julie07
Post Number: 1
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 02, 2009 - 7:32 pm: |
|
Hi!
I heard and found many marriages ended like Sadwife2009 and Eric's. I learn that having a marriage life is like tighting one of your leg and one of your spouse's together with a rope. Need to speed up, speed down or stop to balance your steps to walk properly to your goal to succeed your marriage life. Otherwise, you both will fall down. From the first time I told my hubby that he's not only my husband but my lifetime partner. I will cooperate and need him to cooperate to succeed our marriage. Agree with Tan Leng Leng that COMMUNICATION is important and many times I found it is the MOST DIFFICULT things to do. Once I read "MEN FROM MARS, WOMEN FROM VENUS" It's a good good book that might help..try to read one..^.^ |
Dong (nibudong)
New member
Username: nibudong
Post Number: 1
Registered: 12-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 11:52 am: |
|
Leng Leng,
"Jia You,
giving up is easy, it's the going-on that's tough & challenging,
are you tough & responsible enough to take it up? "
You are my idol!!
You are very experience in handle problems between Husband and wife, MIL and DIL.
Btw, are you a counsellor?
Eric,
Dun give up! Solve the problems and you will see the rainbow just in front of you!
Gampateh!! |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 20834
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 12:07 pm: |
|
Hi Dong,
unfortunately I'm not a counsellor,
I learn from my elders & friends,
there's a saying
learn from others experience, cause we'll never live that long to experience everything
I have fractions at home too,
no home is perfect without a little argurments once a while,
without argurment, it may mean, no one cares.
Have to praise my hubby for what I am today. |
qi7 (zpqi7)
Intermediate Member
Username: zpqi7
Post Number: 3792
Registered: 6-2006
| | Posted on Monday, December 21, 2009 - 4:42 pm: |
|
what about this?
hubby lives apart from you, give you $100 per month for allowence, weekends came at 6pm leave at 10:30pm, have 2 kids, one taking care of each kid. baby does not recognise him, MIL dont even bother to visit you during delivery/ confinement? When you discharge to go home, your hubby and your MIL went JB for relative wedding dinner?
Son at their place, never teach him anything at all, let him run about everyday, brother in law walk around the house never wear any shirt.
Hubby does not call/talk to you except till weekends, and weekends he stay few hours then gonez. |
Eve & Adam Family (sea_kite)
New member
Username: sea_kite
Post Number: 6
Registered: 1-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 1:16 pm: |
|
Hi Eric,
had you try to seek professional help to ease yr financial burden, for example PAP, MCYS, etc..etc.. |
ttt (titateo)
New member
Username: titateo
Post Number: 55
Registered: 3-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - 5:18 pm: |
|
i thought i'm alone living with infidelity because of kid ....
really,,,,giving up is easy,,,going on is tough, challenging & TIRING ! |
new begining (bretrayed)
New member
Username: bretrayed
Post Number: 68
Registered: 5-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - 6:18 pm: |
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qi7, if your hubby have the money, go to the maintainence court to get more money for the kids.
are u legally married to your husband? he is treat worse then a outsider. |
clear path (margret)
New member
Username: margret
Post Number: 86
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Sunday, February 14, 2010 - 9:28 am: |
|
hope everything is ok with everyone here. Happy Chinese New Year |
jack prolinear (jackprolinear)
New member
Username: jackprolinear
Post Number: 14
Registered: 2-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 19, 2010 - 4:24 pm: |
|
Wow....Ok I better go and hug and kiss my wife 
From a guy's side...you need to tell your husbands directly what you want or what is missing. And 1 time is not enough...you should try to tell him as many times as possible and then it would sink in...hopefully. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 22299
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, February 19, 2010 - 4:37 pm: |
|
jackprolinear,
in men's point of view,
won't telling many times becomes naggy? |
jack prolinear (jackprolinear)
New member
Username: jackprolinear
Post Number: 16
Registered: 2-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 19, 2010 - 4:45 pm: |
|
Of course you do not tell him everyday or whenever he sits down, etc....then it becomes naggy.
You can tell him when you are out holding his hand or when you have some quite time or maybe when there is something romantic on TV, etc. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 22303
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, February 20, 2010 - 10:34 am: |
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haha...
do you do what you say? |
jack prolinear (jackprolinear)
New member
Username: jackprolinear
Post Number: 17
Registered: 2-2009
| | Posted on Monday, February 22, 2010 - 10:32 am: |
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Hmmmm....sometimes....as I make sure my DW knows if something is bothering me in our relationship. But end of the day I probably know the answer...and it is due to my son that sleeps with us on the same bed. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 22331
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Monday, February 22, 2010 - 10:37 am: |
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Get him out,
else there's won't be #2. |
jack prolinear (jackprolinear)
New member
Username: jackprolinear
Post Number: 18
Registered: 2-2009
| | Posted on Monday, February 22, 2010 - 11:20 am: |
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Actually he is No 2 
No.1 is sleeping in her own room. |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 22332
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Monday, February 22, 2010 - 11:23 am: |
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I see.
We sleep in the same room as our 3 kids too. |
Ganga (shma)
New member
Username: shma
Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, March 04, 2010 - 6:29 pm: |
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I can share the sentiments of those in this post.
I am trapped in a meaningless marriage as well. The only difference is my 'better half' ran away form Singapore after he learnt I was expecting. I have to deal with EVERYTHING on my own now.
To make matters worst, my dad is going senile and acting like my IL's best friends. I just cant stand my situation now.. |
bee (wasabee)
Junior Member
Username: wasabee
Post Number: 473
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 04, 2010 - 10:26 pm: |
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I am sure alot of moms and dads stay in marriages because of our children.
it sure is alot to deal with the "now" but its also important that we teach our children the right way to treat their partners so that they don't repeat the mistakes we have to deal with currently like irresponsible other half running away, treating your other half without respect, cheating, lying, being self centered, to do the right thing even if it is harder. |
sweetpooh (sweet_pooh_28)
Junior Member
Username: sweet_pooh_28
Post Number: 198
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Friday, March 05, 2010 - 11:29 am: |
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If any of you thinks that you still wanna safe your marraige for whatever reason, i suggest you grab yourself a copy of Fireproof DVD and a Love Dare Book. But beware.. it really takes a very humble heart to even do the challenge! Even those whose marraige are not on the rock feels so. But if you did and complete it, your marriage may be one of the most blissful one.... The aim is not your pride, its to safe yr marriage. oh yes, try to watch it wif you other hlaf. If not, u can always that the leap to do the love dare challenge secerately. The 1st few days is very easy, beyond that is though but that is also the best if the book. |
sharon ang (sharon_ang)
New member
Username: sharon_ang
Post Number: 73
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Friday, March 05, 2010 - 1:43 pm: |
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sweetpooh, the book is good but it does not help in all instances and moreover our culture are different from them |
hael (hael)
Junior Member
Username: hael
Post Number: 289
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, March 06, 2010 - 5:29 pm: |
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maybe try a marriage counsellor, it mite help? |
Karen (desparate_wife)
New member
Username: desparate_wife
Post Number: 53
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, March 06, 2010 - 5:40 pm: |
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sorry to say this, some counsellor mess up the matter even worse. I tried before, instead of solving the problem they create more problems.
I feel if our own problem we can't solve wat can the counsellor do. Some of them are even younger then us. They don't have the life experience |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 528
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Monday, March 08, 2010 - 10:24 am: |
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My heart goes out to all the hurt women here.. I've endured a painful past as well (not on marriage, but with men)..
Marriage or not, any good relationship will need commitment to everything.. If u feel that your partner is not willing to commit 100% to the marriage, it's better to give up la.. No point using 1 hand to try to clap.. Commit means making the effort to improve, be it on communication, finance, sex, kids, violence, gambling etc.. IF your hubby doesn't want to, don't keep wishing for it.. It will not happen.. Decide if u want to remain like this for the rest of your life.. I've had my fair share of rotten men to know..
I married my hubby cos he was just an average nice guy I met during my lowest point in life but after going through that and many more tough experiences, I realized he's a great guy in spite of our very different "everything" (character - I'm the dominating one.. finance - his family is poor while mine is quite well to do.. upbringing - his is traditional, mine is not.. freedom - he's the private one who likes his "space" while I'm the clingy one.. etc) Basically, we are extreme opposites.. Everyone who knew us expected us not to last..
Naturally there were many areas to compromise on and we had our woes as well.. It really took a lot of effort, heartaches (sometimes we use hurtful words when we get emo), coldwars, threats, yelling, going crazy & even a slap for me (it was a wake-up slap for me cos I was getting over emotional at that point of time)..
After 6yrs, we're STILL compromising.. haha.. It's not easy but I'm glad my marriage is going strong atm.. And no, we're definitely not those mushy kind of couples.. I guess we're more like best friends, gossiping couples.. Trusting and loving..
I told him "Relationship is like an empty box.. When u put in, I will put in.. When u take out, I will withdraw also.. Be careful of what u put in or take out.. The more good stuff u input, the richer our lives will be, then it'll be easier living together.." haha..
Just my 2cents worth.. Sorry if I offended anyone here.. Anyway, I salute the women here who can endure for so long! I'm not a very patient person so I wouldn't have endured these nonsense as long as any of u.. I would have kicked the man out already! |
madeline (sillywife)
New member
Username: sillywife
Post Number: 49
Registered: 9-2009
| | Posted on Monday, March 15, 2010 - 9:12 am: |
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when a marriage became meaningless, it's will hurt more if continue holding on. Sometimes, it's better to let go and all party will be happy |
ziyrlvliina.love4eva (ziyrlvliinalove4eva)
New member
Username: ziyrlvliinalove4eva
Post Number: 27
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 16, 2010 - 11:34 pm: |
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It takes 2 hands to clap. And i am very sick and tired of trying already. Would like to go through a divorce. Can somebody please help? I am stucked.
I am married for going-to-be-4yrs this May.
I have 2 children, a 3+yo boy & an 8mths old girl.
I am currently staying with my in-laws with no support from my own family.
I am earning a pathetic gross salary of $1500/mth.
My MIL is the one taking care of my kids.
i need advise on the following :
1) How do i start on a divorce procedure? I've ever read that if u are married for more than 3 yrs, a separation deed is not needed. is that true?
3) Housing. Can i rent a flat or buy a flat from HDB? i am looking for rental but my gross is $1.5k. Will my application get rejected?
I cant wait to end all these and carry on with my life. We've been dragging for a very long time and i am sure that hubby will nv change. I've given him many many chances but he disappoints me with the similar issues again and again. i've had enough..
HELP!!! |
miracle (marjassg)
Junior Member
Username: marjassg
Post Number: 292
Registered: 3-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, March 18, 2010 - 12:15 am: |
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hi ziyrl, to start divorce, u must Firstly, the jurisdiction issue- whether the applicants are Singapore citizen or resident in Singapore (for more than 3 years). A foreigner married in a foreign country may also file for divorce in Singapore if either party qualify under the domicile or habitual resident clause, assuming that the ground for irretrievable breakdown has also been satisfied.
Secondly, the parties must have been married for more than 3 years. For parties who are married for at least less than 3 years, leave will only be granted under certain circumstances.
Thirdly, whether one of the five reasons which have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage stated in section 95(3) (a ) to (e) of the Woman's Charter has been satisfied. The most commonly used reason is unreasonable behaviour, which encompass behaviour such as violence, gambling, intimate association with third parties, insufficient payment of maintenance, the use of vulgarities or abusive language, or even reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse without valid reason. For adultery, the burden of proof appears to be higher, and invariably requires a private investigator's report, even if the hearing is uncontested. The other reasons are desertion and separation. The Court does not order costs to be paid by the Defendant in the case of a Divorce Writ filed on the basis of separation |
ziyrlvliina.love4eva (ziyrlvliinalove4eva)
New member
Username: ziyrlvliinalove4eva
Post Number: 28
Registered: 4-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 23, 2010 - 11:34 pm: |
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thanks miracle... |
Tan Leng Leng (tanlengleng)
Senior Member
Username: tanlengleng
Post Number: 22892
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 - 11:09 am: |
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Hi ziyrlvliina.love4eva,
I hope my post don't come too late...
Do take sometime & ponder for a while.
1. How did you end up marrying him?
2. What happened now? Did he change, or did you change?
3. Who's going to look after your kids after the divorce?
4. How are you going to jarggle work, kids, home, kids' schoolwork, baby's night feed?
5. Is your hubby earning enough to pay for maintenance for your kids' schoolfees,
infant care/nanny care, living expenses?
If there's no support from your own family,
at least your MIL is giving some help now.
Take care. |
WhiteClover (whiteclover)
Junior Member
Username: whiteclover
Post Number: 108
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 30, 2010 - 8:16 pm: |
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anyone can advise me how much did you spend on the legal fees for custody care and control ONLY?
my lawyer is billing me over $3K for the initial stage(answering queries, application, etc.. photocopy, general svcs).
Sometimes i wonder if our legal bills should be paid by those men who created problems to the marriage.
haiz.. how much more do i have to pay to settle the legal case?what if he contested.. and adding more to the bills? what shld i do?
btw, i failed the legal aid bureau's mean test...
but i paid the most bills... |
wendy tan (wendy_reborn)
Junior Member
Username: wendy_reborn
Post Number: 108
Registered: 8-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, April 17, 2010 - 10:26 pm: |
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whitclover, think your legal fees is on the high side |
Dong (nibudong)
New member
Username: nibudong
Post Number: 22
Registered: 12-2009
| | Posted on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 1:35 pm: |
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Miracle,
I'm a Singapore PR and my husband is a citizen. We married for about 2 years with a baby. If we divorse (because of PIL issue), what should we do? Can I get the baby custody? Currently I'm working and the baby take care by MIL day time. |
WhiteClover (whiteclover)
Junior Member
Username: whiteclover
Post Number: 134
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Monday, June 21, 2010 - 1:12 am: |
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1) custody - usually joint custody, unless your man has criminal records/ violence act against your child..
2) if you dont want MIL to continue to look after bb, then you better plan something soon.
3) judge will think that MIL to look after ur bb is the best option. Putting your bb to infant care centre is definitely not favourable to you if you fight for care and control since you have lesser time with your bb.However, at infant stage the bb will be granted to natural mother. But you must hv someone such as extended family member/s to take care your bb. Infant care ctr is not the best option as compare to your MIL.. that is what my lawyer told me.
Seek for legal advice then they wil tell you more.
"Surrogate mother can never replaced the natural mother" |
Dong (nibudong)
New member
Username: nibudong
Post Number: 49
Registered: 12-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 27, 2010 - 12:07 pm: |
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Whiteclover,
But the problem is I am a Malaysian. All my family members at malaysia. Can I bring my baby back to Malaysia? or rent a room for both of us and ask my mum come to singapore and take care of him?
I am very worry everytimes think of this issue. Regret not to give birth at Malaysia.
Anyway, recently, hb and mine r/s seen like going back to previous. No more quarrel.. As long as we did not talk about his parents.. |
WhiteClover (whiteclover)
Junior Member
Username: whiteclover
Post Number: 200
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 30, 2010 - 5:42 pm: |
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Hi Dong, sorry for the very late reply here.
hw are you now? i hope everything is well.
Okay, the other day when i went for mediation session. I saw one Angmoh woman and hubby fighting over custody care and control. I even heard fm lawyers that singapore hubby divorced japanese wife in sg..etc
So if u are legally married in sg, then it shouldnt be any problem. (i think so). i do not know if you can take your child out of sg, i mean so long your hubby wont chase after you using legal action...
I personally think that.. before anything happened, plan well first. Like what you said.. your bb taken care by your own family members.. i personally think it is a gd idea. if you leave the child to his parents then i would say when if you fighting custody care and control... then likelihood the child will remain at your in law place. Judge doesnt wish to remove the child from his/her familiar environment & caregiver.
All in all, i hope you are okay with your hubby now. dont be implusive. Think of the child but never quarrel infront of your child.
Wish you luck! |
fashiongaga (fashiongaga)
Member
Username: fashiongaga
Post Number: 625
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 11, 2011 - 5:54 pm: |
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I realize why so many divorce cases now cause everyone only think about themselves and children but neglect relationship with husband. Ask whether u have also been different after marriage. Read that to reconnect with hubby need to find that spark that make u two fall in love again. Men
Are like kids need to be pampered too. So stop complaining no one likes a complainer but do something to make things work. Do not dwell in unhappiness , create your happiness. |
Ping2 (pingping)
Intermediate Member
Username: pingping
Post Number: 3890
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Monday, February 21, 2011 - 2:19 am: |
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It takes a lot of courage to initiate a divorce esp for a woman with kids. Most women are more tolerant in a marriage cos of love for the husband and kids. However, mostly it's the husband who takes the wife for granted and feel they are trapped in a marriage with abundant responsibilities. Read the forum, and you will observe how selfish men are in general. No one wants to end up in a divorce, I believe most women hv given their husbands many chances before considering for a divorce, esp for the sake of their kids. However, there are a few good men who spends lots of time with the family but end up being betrayed by the wife, as what I hv read in the forum.
So it's really hard to say who is in the wrong, sometimes the marriage was just not meant to be. If a divorce can create happiness for a person, it is not a bad thing. Divorce doesn't mean a person will be unhappy.
Women nowadays are not like our mothers or grandmothers, who will stay in an unhappy marriage to save face. Furthermore, they are financially independent esp for working mothers. As I hv observed, whether FTWM or SAHM, women still get betrayed. High divorce cases does not mean a person is selfish, but it's giving oneself happiness. Most importantly, a person must be happy and not regret the choice he/she has made,irregardless whether he/she is divorced or not.
For me, I chose to stay in the marriage as I am financially dependent on my husband but there is no more love in the marriage. We are merely parents for the kids, it take 2 hands to clap and to make a marriage work. Why shld one party be working hard to maintain a marriage when the other can't be bothered? If I was working, I would not choose to stay in a meaningless marriage. It is my kids who gives me the strength, and I'll let them know that their dad betrayed me when I was depressed and needed emotional support. I'll not choose to hide the truth from my kids when they are older. |
Yang Corpuz (day_dreamer_me)
New member
Username: day_dreamer_me
Post Number: 8
Registered: 9-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 12, 2011 - 2:36 pm: |
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a sincere talk should be done here.
ask what is happening between you and him
so that everything will be clear and making decisions is easy. |
beatrice chue (beatrice_chua)
New member
Username: beatrice_chua
Post Number: 74
Registered: 8-2011
| | Posted on Sunday, October 16, 2011 - 10:22 pm: |
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I believe that the first best move is to settle things with your hubby. Find time to talk, share your feelings, cook meal and everything. You know maybe you are thinking your husband no longer loves you, but do you love him? Why not try to be sweet and beautiful for your husband? Strive to make your relationship work not only for your child bt also for yourself You can try these 4 Beauty Book Recommendations to Make You More Beautiful |
avocado (avocado)
Member
Username: avocado
Post Number: 1346
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Monday, October 17, 2011 - 9:43 am: |
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hi Pingping,
After reading all the posts,I feel my situation is same as yours.
I hv a young son n had hv 4 miscarriages.My hb failed to give me emotional support.Despite we've talked a few times,we couldn't work things out.Now,we've had ZERO communication,coz whenever we talk,we end up quarreling.
No doubt i love my son very much n hope to hv 2nd kid,but after reading all the posts in this forum,i feel i shouldn't hv anymore kid wf someone who is selfish n unappreciative.
I've asked to stay separately knowing that he won't wanna a divorce.Now,my FULL focus is my son.He is everything to me.He gives me strength to move on.If not,there'll be another news of suicide at reservior.
My hb is oso very stick to his PC,he is quiet n we've extremely little sex,probably max 4 times per year.
Ever since my 1st miscarriage,i quit my job n be SAHM.He does not respect me,he is oso a individualistics.When i demand i wanna more communication,he said he doesn't hv time for himself.So I try to make myself self-sufficient.
I've came to the point tat i don't feel happy seeing him.We've not talked for weeks.
Divorce had been come into my mind on n off.Same thing,i'm tolerating bcoz of my son.
Though everyone asks me to hv a talk to him,yet, we've had different perspective,every discussion,ended up argument.I am tired.I choose to withdraw myself.I don't know how long i can stay on. |
Am A Guy (soap79)
New member
Username: soap79
Post Number: 4
Registered: 11-2011
| | Posted on Friday, November 04, 2011 - 2:17 am: |
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avocado, u're strong. I know u can pull thru this |
yoplait17 (yoplait17)
New member
Username: yoplait17
Post Number: 5
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Monday, December 05, 2011 - 7:41 pm: |
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Communication is indeed very important. But when hubby refuses to talk, there's no way I can find out what he is unhappy about, or what he is thinking. Men are worse than women sometimes. Dunno what they are thinking.
It has been seven years. The best thing that happened in this marriage is having my two lovely children. How he treats me depends on his mood. Sometimes warm, sometimes cold, sometimes lukewarm. To others, he is Mr Nice guy, who always puts on a smiling face, ever obliging. He treats everyone better, I even joked once to him that he treats the security guard better than he treats me, at least he smiles and waves at them.
We have had cold wars countless times these seven years. He is completely different before marriage. I never knew he liked betting on 4D, toto and soccer. He can spend near to $400 in one single betting. When I tried to tell him that money is hard earned, he gave me a cold shoulder for a week. Old habits die hard. What can I do?
His mum is a very insecure person. Everything must lock properly. So that is his upbringing. He locks everything up, our joint account statement, insurance, my two children's savings passbooks, and himself. I thought we should keep all these in a shared drawer, he just kept quiet. Is he afraid of me running away with the money? That shows how much trust he has in me. For goodness sake, I am not a gambler like him and I dun have any debts.
I think I am merely someone who gave birth to his children, that's all. Not a gesture of concern, no "I love you"s, no care, no communication at all, we are really not speaking with each other. I dun even feel like talking to him, so we just both keep mum. I think God must have sent my two lovely children to save my marriage. During the early years of marriage, i still could feel sad, helpless. Now, i no longer feel anything. Im numb already. Just let him continue with his mood and insanity. Very tired.... |
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