| Author |
Message |
    
Jen (jkam)
New member
Username: jkam
Post Number: 57
Registered: 7-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 05, 2006 - 12:53 pm: | 
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my boy just turned 13 mths few days ago. Am wondering should we consider having another baby? |
Zin (zin)
Junior Member
Username: zin
Post Number: 402
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 05, 2006 - 3:02 pm: |
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Why not? |
Jen (jkam)
New member
Username: jkam
Post Number: 61
Registered: 7-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 05, 2006 - 3:28 pm: |
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i'm a weekend mummy, bring back my boy on fri and send him back to my mil on sun. Will drop by every wed evening to see him. I feel that i doesnt have enough time for him, let alone have another kid.
I loved him very much and he's very attached to me even though my mil take care of him. I'm afraid that i cant handle another kid. |
eliza_hairi (eliza_hairi)
New member
Username: eliza_hairi
Post Number: 55
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 05, 2006 - 6:55 pm: |
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hi Jen
i m a weekend mummy to a 5 mth old baby. like u, i bring back my girl on fri and send her back to my mum plc on sun. dis arrangement is making me depress n stress coz of d constant travelling n being away from my baby. contemplating of working part time instead of full time so dat can spend more time on caring of my baby properly n planing for second one. |
Wander_Mum (wander_mum)
New member
Username: wander_mum
Post Number: 11
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 08, 2006 - 12:33 pm: |
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I m also a weekend mummy to a 8mth old bb. U r lucky to bring bb back on fri. for me, i only get to bring back on sat as i got to work (5.5days work wk). Can't bear not to c bb, so every day aft work, will go n visit n hug her. Lucky is my sis who is taking care of her. Also, every sun, got to bring her to inlaw place. so mummies imagine, i got so little time wi my bb. Contemplating of working part time also. |
eliza_hairi (eliza_hairi)
New member
Username: eliza_hairi
Post Number: 76
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 08, 2006 - 2:17 pm: |
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hi
hmmm... like dat how to have 2nd baby... i m not getting younger...  |
Beth (beth)
Member
Username: beth
Post Number: 529
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 11:23 am: |
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Hey, i'm a weekend mom with a 5.5mth baby girl. HB & I still hesitating whether to plan for a 2nd one. Coz already a problem wif the 1st, lots of argument with HB involves baby, but had always wanted my girl to hv a younger bro or sis so got companion. Now in a dilemma. How? I'm also not getting any younger..now 35. |
missmoon (missmoon)
Member
Username: missmoon
Post Number: 1227
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 3:27 pm: |
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hi all
me too, a weekend mum to a 2+ month old bb boy, bring him hm on fri and send back on monday. miss him a lot now that i m back at work. and i feel like i'm losing out, missing out on his development even though i make it a point to see him every morning and night.
beth, me too, 35 liao, and i also in a dilemma. it will be nice to have a sibling but these days, other than time commitment, it's also a question of financial stability. |
rms (cysts)
New member
Username: cysts
Post Number: 71
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 3:49 pm: |
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hi everyone,
happen to stumble upon this thread...
me already considering for 2nd baby(i know its too early!)...just gave birth in June this yr after 5 yrs of long wait..ppl say now is the fertile period, i dono how true is that...so i'm trying my luck
its very tough actually coz i work very long hrs..and i'm not a weekend mum..i send my gal to my mum's place which is 3 bustops away and fetch her after work...very tiring..sometimes i have 2nd tots of having 2nd child...but i'm afraid that if i wait to have 2nd child then the waiting gets longer... |
eliza_hairi (eliza_hairi)
Junior Member
Username: eliza_hairi
Post Number: 119
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 1:48 pm: |
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hi mummies,
lets support each other ya!
missmoon,
u r rite abt financial stability. with 2nd baby mean double of every baby needs. my tots on having 2nd baby is not only becoz of having siblings for my 1st one. but i have seen d problems dat d only child face.
my mum n my HB are d only child in d family. n both of them have d same set of problems. their family burden or problems are entirely on their shoulders. n they are always in dilemmas when it comes to making decision over their parents or wife/husband or children. its very burdensome. i told my HB if ever my baby is d only child, i have to work doubly hard now so dat can be independent wen grow old. |
ezann (ezann)
New member
Username: ezann
Post Number: 5
Registered: 9-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 4:20 pm: |
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hey, i'm a weekend mummy too. i bring my baby to my mother's home on sun night and bring her back on fri night. i visit her every night. |
oreo (iloveoreo)
Member
Username: iloveoreo
Post Number: 1453
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 11:43 pm: |
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hi,
wow.. never knew there were so many weekend mummies around.
My boy is coming to 17 mths already... and like most of you, i bring my boy back home on fri nites and back to my mom's place on sun.
I've been doing that for the past 1 year plus.
As much as i hate it, i don't really have a choice.
I stay and work in the East but my mom stays in the west side.
Almost everyday after work, i will go down to my mum's place and visit my boy.
And i'm thinking of having a 2nd baby too.
Let's support each other, yah! |
missmoon (missmoon)
Member
Username: missmoon
Post Number: 1237
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 10:28 am: |
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hi mummies
eliza, wif so many other positive signs, there shouldn't be any doubt that having a second baby is the right move but there are so many other considerations, huh? apart from the long term, there's still the immediate issues. even then, the retirement age will have to be extended, just so we can provide better for our kids!
oreo
same here. the journey everyday is worth it but sooo tiring! things should improve when they're much older, or when they start attending school 
ezann
ya, me too, every day have to see bb otherwise miss him like crazy |
ezann (ezann)
New member
Username: ezann
Post Number: 21
Registered: 9-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 11:12 am: |
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hi mummies,
i am trying to think of a better arrangement but i stay rather far from my mother's home and i don't have a car so it is very hard to bring my kid there in the morning.
with a second baby, there will be more problems. i thought of putting the older one at childcare and the baby at mother's home but that means they will be separated during the day. also, the older one may fall sick easily due to exposure to more germs at childcare and the younger one may fall sick too.
i don't know there are so many weekend mummies around. i don't have any weekend mummies among my friends and they don't seem to approve of such arrangement. |
Jen (jkam)
Junior Member
Username: jkam
Post Number: 129
Registered: 7-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 11:26 am: |
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the first time i brought my boy to my mil's place, i cried. Couldnt bear to leave him there...
i only visit him on every wed evening, the rest of the time i need to do housework, ot etc.
now he's getting older, will cry when he see us leaving. He just wants to go home with us! Heart ache when i see that... |
missmoon (missmoon)
Member
Username: missmoon
Post Number: 1240
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 11:39 am: |
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jen
when u intend to bring him home every night? my sister brought my nephew home every night when he turned 2 yrs old. for me, i intend to bring home every night after he turns 3 months. |
Jen (jkam)
Junior Member
Username: jkam
Post Number: 130
Registered: 7-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 12:04 pm: |
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actually i wanted to bring him back everyday. But my hubby feel that it will be very tiring. My boy still wake up for milk twice middle of the night (as daytime, he dont drink that much).
I need double attention on my boy when he's back home as i have doggy at home. But he just love the doggy even he got bitten once!
I intend to enrol him to a childcare centre after he turn 18 mths old so that i can see him daily. |
Mrs Chew (mrs_chew)
New member
Username: mrs_chew
Post Number: 6
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, September 16, 2006 - 1:06 am: |
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Hi Jen
Ready or not really depend on you and your husband very much.
We were ready for a 2nd one when my eldest was 5 years old. It really took us so long to plan my 2nd child cos my eldest was too handful to handle. The funniest part was, all people whom we met thought my 2nd one was an "accident".
As such, this question ' should you consider having a 2nd one" really depends on you both.
Good luck! |
naughty (naughty)
Junior Member
Username: naughty
Post Number: 192
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 10:25 am: |
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hi jen,
i'm also a weekend mummy. my baby girl only 2.5 mths. i didn't cry. i just thot that the babysitter would be more skillful and have more experience than me to take gd care of my baby. I'm also looking forward to have the 2nd baby though my hubby is scare. He thinks we cannot handle one oredi. I've had a c-section so my doc say must wait til the cut heals completely. |
naughty (naughty)
Junior Member
Username: naughty
Post Number: 193
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 10:27 am: |
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hi jen,
be prepared to face with more problems with you send yr boy to childcare. he will get sick more easily, gets more cranky etc.so i think now is the best time to plan for the 2nd one.... |
rms (cysts)
New member
Username: cysts
Post Number: 81
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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hi naughty,
does your gynae tell you when you can have a 2nd one? My gyane told me to wait for 6mths for the wound to heal before trying for another one...my frens told me 3 mths after birth can try already... |
hong (hong)
Advanced Member
Username: hong
Post Number: 6521
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 11:13 am: |
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Jen, I am a weekend mother when i have my daughter. She is with my MIL during the weekday and we only bring her back at nite. My hubby is just like urs, he wanted a gd nite sleep and I find him very selfish last time. As i cant handle my girl alone last time especially the bringing and fetching cos we dun own a car 2 yr ago.
Like ur son, my girl is very attached to us althot she is with PIL most of the time.
But the pro of not having kid with us during the weekday is that we have more time for each other. Other than work, we still can spend time with each other.
Now my 2nd kid (son) is already 2.5 month old, and he will be taken care by my MIL as well. So from then onward, one of the kids will have to come back everynite. My daughter will be attending nursery next yr. We are not putting her in cc cos she got very bad experience and i think nursery is gd enough for her. |
Jen (jkam)
Junior Member
Username: jkam
Post Number: 156
Registered: 7-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 11:54 am: |
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Hong, i supposed hubby is not selfish but it's just that they want to have time alone just both of you. Things changes when having baby. Unlike dating time! |
JasTan (jastan)
Intermediate Member
Username: jastan
Post Number: 2801
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 5:48 pm: |
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hi all,
I am also a weekend mummy but no sure whether am I into this classification. Actually I stay with ILs, my mum is taking care of my boy, so on weekdays I stay over at my mum's place so as to be with my boy. Hubby will only come visiting every Wed evening. On Fridays, will bring my boy back to hubby/ILs place and will go back to my mum's place on Sunday. Now considering whether to have no. 2, hubby is more than willing to have one but it is me who is more reluctant. I am not sure who is going to look after my boy and no. 2, I tried to place my boy in CC few months ago but he reacted violently and had to withdraw him after 4 days. My mum already told me she can't handle day and night for no. 2 and I also don't want to overtire her as well. I am in a dilemma too coz hubby and me not getting younger and I also don't want the age gap for my boy and no. 2 to be too wide but now seems like not much choice as my boy is already 32mths. |
eliza_hairi (eliza_hairi)
Junior Member
Username: eliza_hairi
Post Number: 163
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 1:21 pm: |
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hi JasTan,
i also have a dilemma like u. if have no.2 who will help my mum take care both children wen i m working? sigh.... |
JasTan (jastan)
Intermediate Member
Username: jastan
Post Number: 2805
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 4:05 pm: |
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Hi eliza,
If you are staying on your own, I believe things should be much easier to solve on caregiving. You can get a maid to assist your mum in taking care of the two. This is what my sis had done previously. My mum will go over to her place every morning and comes back every evening when my sis is back from work. For me is quite difficult coz I stay with ILs. I can of course employ a maid and bring her and the two children to my mum's place everyday but this will means I need to get a car. But there is also space issue at ILs place coz there are no extra space for the maid to sleep and to store her barang. |
eliza_hairi (eliza_hairi)
Junior Member
Username: eliza_hairi
Post Number: 171
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 8:19 pm: |
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JasTan,
i have tot of dat but there's space issue. i live wif my mum in a 3 rm flat. |
naughty (naughty)
Junior Member
Username: naughty
Post Number: 217
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 1:58 pm: |
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hi rms,
my gynae told me 6 months b4 trying for 2nd one. 3 months is for the wound to heal completely and 3 months buffer for precautionary purpose. |
JasTan (jastan)
Intermediate Member
Username: jastan
Post Number: 2813
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 3:26 pm: |
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eliza
Ever thought of selling the existing one and moving to a bigger flat like 4-room? Alternatively, place #1 in a CC. |
avocado (avocado)
Junior Member
Username: avocado
Post Number: 491
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 4:47 pm: |
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hi,
My boy is 2yrs old this yr. My MIL is taking care of my boy & we bring him bk everyday(PIL & us just stay a street away).
I oso wanna to hv 2nd child but in a dilemmas.
1) My hb is not supportive type
We quarreled a lot when my son is borned. As we do not hv a maid or inlaws to help out, we've to depend a lot by ourselves.
2) High expenses
The expense of getting a confinement lady & maintaining the maid.
3) Don't know when to put the maid
My MIL is staying wf my hb's bro & his SIL. They oredi hv a helper there. Even hv a maid,don't know where to put her.
It'll be tough for MIL to cope wf her helper,SIL & our maid("political" issue)
4) Loss of privacy
Having a maid at hme is a loss of privacy
But I really feel that i shld give my son a bro/sis. I don't know if i would be regret later. I am currently in my early 30s.Don't hv much time to consider oso bcoz the good age gap is 3 to 4yrs.So they can grow up to be closer(i think)
I wonder if I shld wait till my boy turns 4yrs b4 i plan for 2nd one? At least,he is more independent. |
Larkspur (larkspur)
Junior Member
Username: larkspur
Post Number: 391
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 - 1:05 pm: |
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HI,
I am expecting my second baby and currently my girl is taken care of by my mother in law.Now having headache cos my girl is 22 months and when the second baby is born, my girl will turn 2 and my mother in law has said that she cannot take care of 2 at the same time.
Options we have:
1) Childcare. Have been quarrelling with my hubby over childcare near home or near work. Cos if put my girl in CC near home, have to reach home before 7pm and our office hours at 6pm. Quite rush. Near work place leh, very difficult to bring my girl along during rush hours. Nearly get into depression over this until decided near home. Worst come to worst be a SAHM.
2) have a maid at my mother in law place and put my girl at half day CC? To me extra cost and even though my mother in law supervise, still dun trust the maid. If my mother in law cannot get along with the maid due to different habits, going to have headache
3) Maid at my place will mean loss of privacy. so out
So have to try out the childcare arrangement and see how. At least i will know just 2 is enough, 3 will be a big big problem with no one to take care of. Because i am in my early 30s, thought better to have 2nd one earlier. Hopefully everything will go on smoothly |
avocado (avocado)
Junior Member
Username: avocado
Post Number: 494
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 - 1:29 pm: |
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hi larkpur,
what abt getting a nanny for ur second bb?
ur age gap btw ur children is pretty close.I'll suggest u hire a maid bcoz u basically hv no time for hsework.
is ur MIL a difficult person?Getting a maid is a gamble...but it is a risk we hv to tak. Look at the mummies here,majority of them hv probs wf maids,changed & changed again.Think now it becomes a norm. |
JasTan (jastan)
Intermediate Member
Username: jastan
Post Number: 2826
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 - 2:46 pm: |
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avocado
If you start planning when your boy turns 4 then it will means the age gap will be 4 to 5 yrs? I am facing same problem as you and I stay quite a distance from my mum's place (20 - 30 mins) by taxi. If you want to have a gap of 3 to 4, maybe you can start planning when your boy is nearing 3yrs. |
Yingzi (yingzi)
Member
Username: yingzi
Post Number: 526
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 - 4:03 pm: |
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Hi mummies,
I'm expecting my 2nd one currently too. Recently sent my 2 year old gal to half day CC, wanna her get accustomed to CC till 2nd bb is out in Jan07. Thus far quite ok, she is pretty adaptable.
My mum is helping to look after presently, with bb 2 will oso be leaving it to her. Dunno whether she can handle, but at least free her morn time to look after newborn, afternoon my gal back from school, drink milk and sleep till 5pm..by then my father is back and can help out here and there. We will bring them back everyday.
If my mum really cannot handle, I might turn to PT job or look after myself altogether. My prob is only when hubby travels, no helper at all. Maid is definitely out for us cos we dun trust them at all and yes it's a great invasion to our privacy.
Really 2 is enough...not easy looking after children. |
Larkspur (larkspur)
Junior Member
Username: larkspur
Post Number: 404
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, September 28, 2006 - 3:53 pm: |
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Hi avocado,
My hubby prefers my mother in law to look after the 2nd baby cos at least my mother in law will put all heart to take really good care of the baby like how she takes really good care of my girl. For nanny, have to interview and make sure they are good but no matter how good they are, it is still not the same as in mother-in -law taking care of her own grandchildren. Somemore recently on newspaper, so many cases of nanny's family members(husband especially) molesting the children , still not safe( though my second one is a boy, i din put my girl under nanny).
Actually i plan for 2 years gap cos too far apart, dun think will have the courage to go through everything from night feeding to changing diapers and stuff like that. Also too far apart, the first one will get terribly jealous of the second one as more attention.
My mother in law ok and not difficult to live with but she can be very particular about her kitchen.She don't like to fry fish cos whole house smoky and oil, vegetable must wash and soak and wash and wash then cook. Somemore cannot have too much oil and stuff cos her lifestyle is very healthy with almost no oil in her cooking. Can't imagine if there is a maid who did all these, think my mother in law will not be very pleased. Somemore see my colleague changes her maid every now and then due to problems can be quite scary. she has been changing and changing until have to take half day leave for almost a month for replacement to come in after the new one she just got cannot do anything at all. |
Larkspur (larkspur)
Junior Member
Username: larkspur
Post Number: 405
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, September 28, 2006 - 3:57 pm: |
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Hi mummies,
Yah i have hope to have 3 children but after encountering so much problems now, 2 is definitely enough. My mother in law is the only one taking care of my girl now as my father in law has passed away many many years ago so can be quite hard for my mother in law. though we live 15 minues (by taxis) away from my mother in law, still can be quite ex to take taxis everyday. |
MommyUnited (mommyunited)
Junior Member
Username: mommyunited
Post Number: 252
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 1:56 am: |
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Hi mummies, I chanced upon yr thread. I don't exactly fall under your thread heading... but would like to give some insights into life as SAHM and mother of two.
My 2 kids's age are 3 yrs apart. I was happy with just one child, but hubby wanted more for same reasons (e.g. lonely being only child, spoilt child, emotional and heavy responsibilities for being only child). So I gave in and had my 2nd one. When I was 10-11 wks into pregnancy, we learnt that hubby had cancer! I contemplated abortion (after all, I was a reluctant baby factory!). Lots of praying and hubby's begging made me decide not to abort.
My beautiful daughter was born in 2005. Hubby also recovered from his illness. I AM SOOOO THANKFUL that things changed for the better in God's hand. I was never a believer in faith, and was always planning for future and getting things done through my own rational. However, an illness brought my family closer and allowed me to "go with the flow" and now I have 2 kids. My son has a companion now and he is happier. I am happier. My husband is happier.
As for financial stability, remember this. When the time comes, we humans adjust. We women, especially, are the more durable ones. Two kids (or more) doesn't mean double the expenses and energy. It's only a little more. I don't buy anything for my daughter except diapers and milk powder. She wears and uses all her brother's things. Think of it this way... you buy so many things and they get used ONLY ONCE! How wasteful that is! Think about economy of scale for the baby products... and with each child, your happiness only doubles and triples. When you finish work, you have not one but 2-3 kids greeting you! Don't live and regret that you should have had another child (we have our biological clock). I believe that we have 2 arms and each is meant for a child (at the very least). Men may not feel this, but I think women will. In order to be fair to the men too, I have had several men in their 40s who said that they regretted not having a 3rd child when younger because they thought raising 2 was already hard. Hmmm... now, should I go onto 3rd? :-) |
Courage (courage)
New member
Username: courage
Post Number: 13
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 5:31 pm: |
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Dear Mommy United,
Thanks for the inspiring piece. I have a demanding career that requires traveling. I would like to have a 2nd one but had reservations...detraction from career, added expenses, logistics etc. My son has given me much joy money cannot buy. After reading your piece I am ready to cast my doubts and leave things to God. I believe having no 2 is a personal fulfilment as a woman. Whatever outcome on my career will just have to go with the flow. |
Larkspur (larkspur)
Member
Username: larkspur
Post Number: 601
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 01, 2006 - 10:09 am: |
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Mommy United,
You are definitely a very brave wife and mother! It is not easy for anyone to go through what you have went through.
For me, everyone including my parents, relatives and mother-in-law keep saying must have the 3rd child. Much as I wish to, i really find it so taxing. Financial wise i gues would be for the childcare centre unless i become a SAHM, then there would be no need of childcare services. For clothes wise, normally i would buy bigger size for my girl and the same clothing would last her until she is nearly 2 years old except for those dresses. Therefore for my second baby, i have to buy totally new sets cos all the former clothing worn by my girl are either all spoilt, stain or starting to wear and tear already. If i go for short holiday or business trip to Thailand, i would buy all baby clothing and my girl's clothing and pyjamas in bulk at wholesales centre which will cost about $2 per set of baby clothes. So in term of baby products other than clothing all can be recycled except for some brand new stuffs which i bought extra (due to excitement and wanting the best for the first baby), i would normally sell it off. Frankly speaking, financial would not be a problem as it depends on how you see and spend. It is the time and effort on the child cos in a blink, you will suddenly find your baby has already grown up from baby to toddler. To have a 2nd child means that my girl will know what it is like to have a sibling and understand what is sibling fight. I can sense my girl longing to have someone to play with and when i bring her to playground, i will see her chasing after bigger kids wanting to play with them but they usually ignore her cos to them, she is too young. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 3:57 pm: |
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Hi mummies,happen to read tis thread and know that so many mummies would like to consider 2nd bb.
For me, my son is now 2yrs old. Before birth, i thought of 'stop at 2'. But now, we thinking 'stop at 1' due to the following reason.
1. No family support. Nobody wants to help taking care except my fil who is 75yrs old. Everything depends on both my hubby and myself.
2. Loss of freedom - we can't even manage to watch a show together.
3. Expenses - if one of us loss job or can't find any, it will be though and more rat race.
4. Much of his time, he's with babysitter. We only have time for him during wkend. |
Gisele (gisele)
Junior Member
Username: gisele
Post Number: 264
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 11:58 pm: |
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Hi Barney2006
I've the same thinking and situation as you. But now when my son is 3yo, I can feel his loneliness. He's always looking forward to weekend to play with his cousins. It makes me feel so sad and lousy. So after discussion with hubby, for my elder son's sake, we will bite the bullet and will try to give him a sibling. Well I've not thought of the logistic yet...will pray for miracle that I could find someone trustworthy to babysit. |
hoshi5 (hoshi5)
Member
Username: hoshi5
Post Number: 1401
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 10:07 am: |
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Short term, it's finding people to look after your child...
Long term, it's the education costs that gives the most headache!.. Just read a newspaper that a child's education fee costs $60K for a 3 yr degree course. Just imagine the education inflation in 15-20 yrs when our child will step into university. The fees might hit ard $100K!!.. and if two children, the fees might jolly well be over $200K!!...
It's not just the basic needs of clothings and food. There's still the education costs that will deplete most of our savings....
Sigh... when I think of the education costs, I'm afraid of having 2 kids!!... even though my gal is only 16 months now... |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 3
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 10:38 am: |
|
Hi Gisele,
I also feel my son is quite lonely now, keep talking to himself and wants to play with us. But we encourage him to play himself at home...sometime there's no choice in life. My hubby will say 'NO NO' to second one. May i know who's looking after your son?
Hi Hoshi5,
I have same thinking as yours. Imagine how can we retire early if the cost is $200K or more...we got to work until 70yrs old or more.... |
hoshi5 (hoshi5)
Member
Username: hoshi5
Post Number: 1402
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 11:36 am: |
|
Ya lor...
Some things can be shared, but some things are simply indispensible that totally cannot be shared.
These include things like EDUCATION, TIME, MONEY, EFFORT......
Whenever I think of the education costs, I will get headache... and hey, every parent will hope that their child can get into university right?.. and not to mention, along the way, they will be influenced by peer pressure to have things like mp3, HP, laptops, and watever 3Gs, 4Gs that keep evolving... These cost lots and lots of $$, which cannot be 'predicted' at one glance...
Of course, the downside of having one child is that they can be very lonely.. so really in a dilemma...
Me myself come from a 4-kid family... no lack of siblings rivary, quarrels, and the huge burden of taking care of my 2 younger siblings... But luckily my parents worked really really very hard and save up a lot in order to send his kids to university... Along the way, we had to give up lots of things such as toys... and everything is a share-share thing... |
Linda (linda_thea)
Intermediate Member
Username: linda_thea
Post Number: 2459
Registered: 8-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 12:38 pm: |
|
hi... I think we sometimes think too much and end up missing the boat. Education wise - which parent doesn't want to give the child the best? But hey! We didn't have that 'advantage' too and worked our way for our own education too. Part time or work first then study. It is a matter of what we ultimately want in life... As long as educate them morally, I think a uni education can come later.
For me, the prob is care-giving. No one trust worthy to care for my girl now already not to mention a 2nd one. And she is 34 mths liao. By the time I "can have" my second one, she will be 5 years old lor... Really too spaced out. So in the end also dunno whether can have 2nd one anot.
She is lonely... like many of your kids alone at home. Playing imaginery games, always wanting to have company to play silly children games with them.. sometimes I get very uptight when I reach home after a tired day at work and couldn't find energy to play with her. I feel bad, she feels bad. Then i feel so lousy. weekends got to do all the housework = no time for her also. In all, hubby ask "still want another one?? One also buay tahan already" But to me, one is really so little.
I feel that should have a sibling cos when we parents not around, they have siblings to look out for each other. someone in the family to offer help or assistance and comfort when needed. If alone, what will be of them?
Let's all take a step at one time... hopefully a miracle will really happen. |
mini (mini)
Member
Username: mini
Post Number: 647
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 3:16 pm: |
|
linda,
i face the same problem as u.. care-giving. having 2nd kid is some how good for them esp when they are slightly older since they have a sibling to play and talk to. we cant be with them all the time n we have our other duties to do. when there is anr sibling they can learn to share and play together and we dun have to headache about our kids have no one to play with. no matter what their best playmates should be children close to their age and not us. |
Sally Chin (sccy2)
New member
Username: sccy2
Post Number: 3
Registered: 9-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 3:38 pm: |
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hi mummies,
I'm a weekend mummy too. I only bring my kids back on fri nite & back to my mum on sun and will visit them on every wed nite after work. I have 2 boys (26mths+ & 6mths+) 1 yr+ age gap. For me, I don't agree with juz 1 kid, find that he/she will be lonely. I do agree wif Linda tat when we parents are not around, @ least got 2 kids they can look out for each other especially for parents tat r not young. I'm 36 yrs old n my hubby 38 yrs old, we always thinkg whether can we live till the time our sons get married n hv kids or not. I do know it is not easy to bring up a child, all $$$!! Both my hubby & myself love kids, last time i hope to hv more than 3 kids but due to financial situation, can't lor. Luckily for me, my mum help me to take care of my 2 kids, I really thankful to my parents. Most of my friends & relatives said tat I'm so lucky & 'salulate' to my mum tat she can handle 2. Although my mum complain tat not easy but she is quite helpful & understand my situation. I do really hope tat by next yr, my financial will get better & will put my elder san @ CC so tat my mum can rest & only take care of my no. 2. For my experience, I can tell u all tat it is not easy to take care 2 kids, very tiring especially working during wkdays & take care of them & do hsework during wkends. But the kind of joys they bring to us is wat money can't buy!
Actually after having my 1st kid, my hubby don't want to hv 2nd 1 due to finanical issues. But I insisted to hv no. 2 when my 1st son 1 year old. Becos i find tat my elder son is lonely & he tends to play to himself most of them even when i bring him out, he will prefer to play by himself instead of joining the other kids. Since after i hv no. 2, I find tat he will play wif his brother & sayang him & very protective to his brother..haha!!
I shld consider myself lucky tat I don't spend much money on clothings & toys for my 2 kids becos my 2 sisters & my mum buy alot of clothings/toys for them since they are the only nephews/grandchildren. And my kids' cousins also passed down alot of toys for them. |
Bluesea (bluesea2)
Member
Username: bluesea2
Post Number: 702
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 6:09 pm: |
|
I believe we women can do it when the situation comes. When I hv 1 kid, my husband and I will bring our child home every day from my inlaws' place. So daily, we will do this "send and fetch" daily. Tired? Yes of course but with one kid, it's not difficult as we drive.
Then 2 yrs later, our #2 came along. Financially, it's not a problem, We are financially stable. But with 2 kids, I dont know if I can cope physically but we did. We are sending and fetching our 2 kids daily and they grew close together. We believe in allowing our inlaws who are getting on in age to at least hv some good night rest on wkdays and they can enjoy their whole wkends. They are already doing us a big favour by taking care of our kids in the day. I dont want us to rely too much on them.
It's nice to see the kids share toys, call for each other to play or watch VCD together etc. I also hv to juggle the housework besides my full-time job. It's really not easy, I must say. But I'm happy and believed I did my best for my kids. |
Gisele (gisele)
Junior Member
Username: gisele
Post Number: 266
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 11:44 pm: |
|
Hi Barney
My aunty is taking care of my boy now. But she has already emphasis that she will not take care of another kid due to her arthritis prob. Every now and then, she will tell me to send my kid to cc as she wish to join the workforce. So I cant rely on her to take care of my 2nd kids anymore. I don't mind private CC like Pats as I see that they gave 1:1 attention to baby. Their monthly fees is steep tho S$1,800 and does not inc dinner. Their pick-up hour at 7pm is impossible for me also. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 4
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, December 07, 2006 - 9:28 am: |
|
Hi Gisele,
Think it's better for relative to take care of the kid as you will communicate more with your aunty. For me, my babysitter will not tell me what's he doing the whole day if I didn't ask.
I feel like most children are taking care by parent-in-law or relative who are closer to them. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 6
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Friday, December 08, 2006 - 10:52 am: |
|
so there are many concerns for mummies to have second or more children...maybe this is part of reason why the birth rate is low.
feel that its a long term plan to have children. |
Linda (linda_thea)
Intermediate Member
Username: linda_thea
Post Number: 2462
Registered: 8-2002
| | Posted on Friday, December 08, 2006 - 12:11 pm: |
|
Hi mini
yeah, I also find myself being impatient with tory and scolding her when all she wants is for me to play with her... but at times I find myself tied up with work, errands, housework... And after she goes into her "sad" mode, I regret lor.. They really need a playmate their age to share all those 'silly' games with.
Hi bluesea,
Yeah, women are strong creatures...but hor, at least you have someone trustworthy to care for. Most of us are willing to ferry if we have someone good to care for our children. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 11
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 2:49 pm: |
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Hi Gisele,
the infant care so ex. Is there any gov subsidy?
u can consider employ a maid if u going for 2nd one.
Hi hoshi5,
Think we can't be so negative abt 2nd one. If there's somebody trusted to take care of the children..why not have one sibling for yr gal? |
Gisele (gisele)
Junior Member
Username: gisele
Post Number: 268
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Friday, December 15, 2006 - 12:36 am: |
|
hi barney
the rate is after subsidy. i dun trust maid so will never leave my kids with maid at home alone. i might quit my job if i'm lucky to have a second one though i'm making more money than my hubby now. i'm not sure really...just pray for a miracle.
hi linda
u need not worry about age gap. i've 4 sisters and i'm closest to me elder sis who is 8 years older than me. i always look up to her for advice. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 12
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Friday, December 15, 2006 - 11:45 am: |
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Hi Gisele,
hope yr second one coming soon. U can also consider babysitter instead of infant care. Some babysitter have yrs of experience..can even take care of yr elder one. The cost is cheaper. |
loveumummy (loveumummy)
New member
Username: loveumummy
Post Number: 33
Registered: 6-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 03, 2007 - 11:19 pm: |
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having 1 kid to me in not enough. I believe should at least have 2 cos in case they need each other for support in the future |
focusBP (focusbp)
New member
Username: focusbp
Post Number: 1
Registered: 7-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 10, 2007 - 12:21 am: |
|
I agree with (loveumummy), though it's not uncommon for couple to have just 1 kid, i don't think it's ideal for the children.
Of course, more kids mean more burden & responsibilities for the parents. But, it's thru' siblings (be it rivalry or positive companionship) that many valuable lessons and values can be imparted.
Just my 2 cents thought. |
The High Flyer (the_high_flyer)
New member
Username: the_high_flyer
Post Number: 3
Registered: 7-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 - 12:43 pm: |
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Good that lovemummy has resurrected this thread. And like many of the posters here, I'm amazed there're so many weekend mummies here! None of my wife's and my circle of relatives and friends is a weekend parent. I do know of a vendor who puts her kid at her mum's place, but that's about it.
My wife and I believe in staying close to our kid, who is 7 months old. Both mums are still working, and there's a nice daycare centre where I work, so we have been using the centre's services for the past 3-4 months. It's a fetch-and-send routine for us daily. He sleeps in the same room as us at night. Of course, our parents do get to see their grandson on weekday nights and weekends.
Our kid isn't one who's easy to take care of -- in fact, my colleague called him a high-need baby. Indeed, my wife and I have had to withstand his tantrums and all. Still, it's extremely rewarding to see him grow. Just the other day, it suddenly dawned on me that he could almost sit upright on my arms and has started to move his head, observing things around him. At that time, it felt just like the day before when he had a fragile neck and we had to support it with great care! Life is tough for us, but we're taking it in our stride. Even as I type, I'm down with tonsilitis and flu. However, seeing that cute kid smiling at me just blows any unhappiness away!
Despite the difficulties in raising this kid, we plan to have a second one. Perhaps not now, but say, 1-2 years later. We're not high-income earners, but we'll get by. As for the third one, well, we'll see how things go! |
shazzie (shazzie)
New member
Username: shazzie
Post Number: 1
Registered: 12-2007
| | Posted on Friday, December 28, 2007 - 1:14 pm: |
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I am a new mum to an almost 3 month old baby. I am going to be a SAHM. My HB and I made plans for this when we got married. We bought a smaller flat, decided not to get a car, etc. Of course, financially its tough, but we are already planning our 2nd one! I hope I'll never have to be a weekend mummy. I'm sure its really tough for you mummies out there who have to be. |
barney2006 (barney2006)
New member
Username: barney2006
Post Number: 14
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2008 - 4:38 pm: |
|
Hi,
Is it common case that mummies want to have 2nd child but HB think otherwise? |
taSha (tashas_elmo)
New member
Username: tashas_elmo
Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2008 - 5:19 pm: |
|
hi barney2006..
maybe it's common as my hubby is not looking forward for a 2nd second...simply said that he has enuf stress with 1 baby hw to have 2...dono where he got the stress frm as most of the time i m the one looking aft our baby...he doesnt tink of the future at all...man...alway tink short term..for long term plan..they are useless...may not imply to all man but my man is like tat.. |
Zoki Zenie (zoki)
New member
Username: zoki
Post Number: 40
Registered: 1-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 09, 2008 - 3:33 pm: |
|
hmmn maybe i side track abit... my son is already coming to 1 yr old and I just started my new job 3 mths ago.. My personal thinking is now is like not a good time to plan for a 2nd baby as its "doesnt look good" if i preggy after few mths in the job then go on maternity leave a yr later...
What u gals think? Tho I dun mind having 2nd baby soon |
Wan (wan)
Junior Member
Username: wan
Post Number: 174
Registered: 11-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 09, 2008 - 4:32 pm: |
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zoki,
alot of other factors to consider beside job. personally, my main concern is age...
it's a good idea to start planning to have 2nd baby once u r settled down on your job. also depends on your job scope. if it is not physically demanding, being pregnant will not affect ur job performance. just have to plan to handover ur job during ur 3 mth absence. I actually got a promotion after I came back after maternity leave.
go go gal! |
charismama (cherishbebe)
Member
Username: cherishbebe
Post Number: 790
Registered: 8-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 10, 2009 - 1:01 pm: |
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me too want be 2nd baby, but dh want to wait till dd is older.. plus money is a concern
on the other hand, i feel like study a degree first.. |
peace(II) (peaceii)
Junior Member
Username: peaceii
Post Number: 326
Registered: 9-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 24, 2009 - 11:41 pm: |
|
Hi ladies,
My #1 is 9.5 months, and due to age, we should start production right away, however, I am now in between job, so am in the dilemma when I should start TTC.
Do you know what happen if I get preg the minute I join the co? Will I still be entitled to maternity leaves? My probation period is 6 months. |
EASY (easy)
New member
Username: easy
Post Number: 91
Registered: 6-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - 3:59 am: |
|
Hi all
When I was young, my mum was a weekend mum. I was second child and she was working, so no time till weekend. That stopped when I was in P1 when my mum stopped work to take care of our studies. My brother and I did very well in school and always topped the class, thanks to my mum. However, I have never felt emotionally close to my mum. I always feel that it's somehow the first six years that was missing link. To all mothers, please try to treasure this time that cannot be lost and reconnected again when the child is grown. I feel that if you have a child but fail to show them what is unconditional love at that age, they will not connect with you later, even more so when they are teens. |
Gold..Piggy! (goldenpiggy_mummy)
Intermediate Member
Username: goldenpiggy_mummy
Post Number: 3017
Registered: 1-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 07, 2009 - 7:17 am: |
|
What would be the best gap to have a 2nd child? When your firstborn is 4 years old? |
sghlynn (sghlynn)
Member
Username: sghlynn
Post Number: 1760
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Friday, July 31, 2009 - 10:22 am: |
|
i think it is easier to manage when ur 1st is 2-3 yrs old or self indept... if u have to cope with 2 babies i think it will be very tough without extra help
btw i dont know how many of u are working mums but i dont think it will be very nice to take 2 maternity leave within 1 yr period right? |
Grace Ische (gische86)
New member
Username: gische86
Post Number: 12
Registered: 9-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, September 12, 2009 - 7:03 pm: |
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i think u must wait 4 few time.. because u can face difficulty to Tc of 2 child...and 1st one is just 18mths ... |
Jolene Lim (tag_tag)
Junior Member
Username: tag_tag
Post Number: 134
Registered: 11-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 07, 2009 - 4:18 pm: |
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Hi All,
I happen to chance this thread and thought of sharing my thoughts and pain on this issue as well.
I am a weekend mummy as well with a son coming to 2 years old. I'll bring him home on every friday nights and send him back to my mil's place on monday morning. Same here, I have ever thought of fetching him home everyday but gave up finally. My husband is a quick and bad tempered person, whenever my son wakes up for milk at night and scream his lungs out, my husband will start scolding him in the middle of the night.
As much as I would loved to bring him home every night to spend time with him but at the same time I was also concerned about his lack of sleep in the morning. Since we have to bring him back to my mil's place every morning, means that he will have to wake up much earlier. Not sure if this will affects and caused him to be more cranky? |
Doobie Doo (doobie)
New member
Username: doobie
Post Number: 57
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Friday, October 16, 2009 - 6:01 pm: |
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hi mummies...
there are so many weekend mummies out here and i'm one of them since my son is 3 mths old.. also contemplating to have a 2nd child cos my son wasn't an easy baby.
jolene, i think you situation is a bit like mine. my hubby is also a quick tempered person and very impatient with kids.. he gets frustrated when my son refuse to sleep or throw tantrums and he wants his sleep during the weekdays. sometimes i also find that he is very selfish. but when he plays with my son, i can also see the love he has for the boy.
i feel that the very critical factor (apart from financial abilities and the phobia of having another difficult baby) in deciding whether to have a second child is that the decision must be mutual between you and hubby. if there is no mutual agreement and something goes wrong or when you argue about the baby, the unwilling party will be the one blaming the other - "see, i told you not to have a 2nd one". so for me, i'm stopping at one kid unless my hubby can change his mind and be patient with kids. |
Sharon Tan (samsonyun)
New member
Username: samsonyun
Post Number: 27
Registered: 10-2009
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 12:26 pm: |
|
Hi....I feel sad for weekends mummies...
I am working mummy also. My son is placed with CC since two months plus. Though its tough but i enjoy spending time with him everyday.... and see his first moments of learning....
Now he is 20 months old, and planning for another one next yr. Nevertheless, i will place the 2nd in CC and no maid...
Weekends mummies, I really thought you can do something on the arrangement so that you can enjoy the treasures moments with them everyday. It will be gone once they are teens. |
mschan (mschan)
New member
Username: mschan
Post Number: 38
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Sunday, November 29, 2009 - 10:42 pm: |
|
Hi mummies.
I'm a working mummy but I go home to be with my children every night. My children are also taken cared of by mother while me and HB are at work. But I'm thinking of quitting job next year so I can take care of my children. But before I quit job, I will find work I can do at home so I can still have income.
Have you ever tried to look for work which will not be far from your child? Or have you considered quitting work and find a job where you can do at home?
I suggest that if you are physically, emotionally and financially ready to have another child, then go ahead. But if you're not yet ready, then put if off for some time. |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Junior Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 484
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - 8:03 pm: |
|
Is having a second baby a harder experience than the first?
I'm a SAHM to a 3month old baby girl now and it's very overwhelming already cos I'm alone at home with her when my hubby's at work.. My mom and mil can't help due to personal reasons.. I had a terrible confinement with a CL from 10am to 4pm only (it wasn't the CL, it was the sleep deprivation).. I almost went into depression.. But I'm still surviving.. But then again, I think about giving her a sibling so she won't be lonely and that they will grow up together and have support from each other..
Does the first baby give u more strength to handle both newborn and toddler the second time round? Especially with absolutely no help from others at all.. Except for the alternate saturdays when my mom helps babysit..
I know it's very early now but I hope to get some insights before we make any moves.. And that I'm closing my factory for TTC when I hit 30.. hehe.. That's only 2yrs away.. >.< |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 932
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - 8:25 pm: |
|
Pearly,
u won't want to hear my response. ;p |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Junior Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 487
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 - 12:38 pm: |
|
jiayi.. LOL.. u got plan for second one or got phobia like me? but there's always this thought of giving her a companion so she won't feel lonely leh.. |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 933
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 - 1:34 pm: |
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Pearly: I won't be having a second one already though it's fun and joyful to have my girl around. I don't think I have the energy to divide my attention on two, prefer to focus on one. Frankly, I am also not particularly enjoying my current lifestyle, so hope this phase will be over soon... |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Junior Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 490
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, February 11, 2010 - 5:58 pm: |
|
Jiayi,
i feel the same also but then again, it's been only 3 months+.. People keep telling me this phrase will pass.. I duno when and I'll gladly answer "no" to a no. 2 now but I imagine her as a toddler having just me as a playmate at home.. Quite lonely leh.. That's y I hope to get some insights.. |
Doobie Doo (doobie)
New member
Username: doobie
Post Number: 86
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 9:47 am: |
|
Hi Pearly and Jiayi,
I think can understand both your feelings.
My son wasn't easy when he was young. He doesn't like to drink milk and didn't really sleep very well until about 8mths old. During the 3 mths of maternity leave, i feel quite depressed at times and also cried. Of cos I've passed that phase and my son is now 22mths, lively and fun to play with. Also I have gotten a maid so i've regained some sanity in life. However, the lifestyle is never the same as before.
Though the situation is now a lot better, I still have phobia and I think I won't be having a 2nd one given the tiredness and sleep derprivation i've experienced.
I fully agree with Jiayi that with just one kid, i can focus on him 100% and give him the best in life.
On a less selfish note, I also dun wan my son to grow up feeling lonely and self-centred. But I will see how after 2 to 3 years ba. |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 938
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 12:44 pm: |
|
Hi Doobie,
I am an only child myself. My personal take is that be it only child or a child w siblings, how the child behaves is dependent on his/her upbringing. It has nothing to do with whether the child has a sibling or not. Many of my friends were 'surprised' when they found out that I am an only child, and had since not sterotyped only child. Not saying that I a v good person, but I am definitely not spoilt, self-centered etc like what ppl generally perceived of an only child. I know of ppl with siblings who are like self-centered instead. |
Doobie Doo (doobie)
New member
Username: doobie
Post Number: 87
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 2:25 pm: |
|
Hi jiayi
thanks for sharing your own experience. i do agree to you to a certain extent. your child is what you are... how u behave, is what your child would behave in future.
but as an only child, do you sometimes feel or yearn for another sibling when you were growing up? |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 939
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 3:03 pm: |
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Doobie: My answer to your question is 'no'. |
Katie's mom (maesiew)
Junior Member
Username: maesiew
Post Number: 406
Registered: 2-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 3:10 pm: |
|
Hello Jiayi!! (Me from Yishun Mummies =p)
Same here leh, I also don't want another bb... that is why I told my hubby I wanna 3 room flat. haha! So no more room for 2nd one!!!!!
N he is also being worn out by our toddler too and he say having her is enough of 'fun' already =p
Surprisingly my mom also supports having one is enough. Cuz she says don't know what the world is becmoing into, don't let our kids suffer -_-"
Having one is good. We can live more comfy. Can go yearly holidays, suka suka can go resturant eat, buy nonsense things for our child.
With two, when go schooling can cry already!! Imagaine if one child needs to spend $300 in tuition, then 2 means $600!!!!!!! Like this where got money for old age? Then gotta depend on them to give allowances which is so stressful and I do not hope them to be stressful!
But then, always be well protected! Because for what I know, the more u don't want the more the baby comes... =p |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 940
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 - 4:05 pm: |
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Harlo Katie's mom,
Yar lor, I also hv the same concern as u in terms of $. With no. 2, the expenses will sort of double, but our salary never double leh! Now I don't have to keep track of my expenses like a hawk, but if I hv no. 2, then sure have to plan my financial n tighten my spendings.
Unlike some parents who chose to save on no. 2 spending, eg no. 1 bank cordblood, no. 2 don't bank, cos prob can rely on no. 1, I will sure try to meet the same standards for my no. 2, so as to be fair. So I count n count think I better don't hv no. 2 lar, no. 1 insurance, lessons etc already eat into bulk of my salary.
Also, nowadays the kids are not easily lonely as they have lots more things to do as compared to our time. Many of my friends' child explicitly told thierry parents they do not need a sibling. Then those who have siblings told their parents they would prefer not to have. Strange right?
Anyway, there are pros n cons. If the siblings are close n care for each other, then pros. If the siblings ended up fighting etc, then con lor. I hv friends w v close siblings, but some friends' whose sibling really made my friends' life miserable. |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Junior Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 491
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Monday, February 15, 2010 - 5:42 pm: |
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Hmm.. Seems like having a No.2 is not popular at all.. ^.^ Finance isn't the biggest concern for us (unless we have to hire a maid cause I won't go to work and leave my kids alone with a maid at home) but I've asked for some advice from 3 of my aunties.. All of them said better not to have second if I'll be getting no help.. =X Most agree that 1 pair of hands will not be enough for 1 child now, much less for 2.. *sweats* However did the women in our older generation managed so many kids single-handedly?
Jiayi,
I agree with the siblings might not have good relationship part.. I'm not close with my elder bro also.. haha.. But the strain of having to take care of both of my folks when they're much much older will at least be shared with my bro, regardless of whether we're close onot mah.. That's actually what I'm thinking about.. If I'm alone, it would be quite tough.. Btw, you stay with your mil or mom? Pai seh, I forgot.. hehe..
Also, Happy Lunar New Year and V'day everyone! xD |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 944
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Monday, February 15, 2010 - 7:51 pm: |
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Hi Pearly,
aiya I am staying w my mil n fil.
Yar lar, only child hv to take care of the parents alone. Anyway given the high standard of living n aging population in s'pore, our kids may be earning just enough for themselves. Hence, I am going to ensure I hv enough retirement $ so that my dd will not have to sponsor my old age, which ironically can only be done if u hv only one child. At the end of the day, regardless of one or many children, if the children r not fillial, many also no use. |
sghlynn (sghlynn)
Member
Username: sghlynn
Post Number: 1935
Registered: 8-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 17, 2010 - 10:45 am: |
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i think it boils down to expectations... come to think of it in the old days having 8 kids still can survive and nowadays if 1 kids expect to have 1 room, how can we ever find sufficient rooms?
also if everything have to be brand new for the 2nd kid, then of cos no $$ left.
i think there's some economies of scale on having the 2nd or 3rd kid... just have to manage one's expectations.....
Even though its really tough and it meant alot of sacrifices on your time, energy and $$ but i think it boils down to personal needs.
Whether or not you can make that sacrifice or whether or not you see the value in it.
ultimately there must be more to life than just making sure you got lots of $$?
anyway my 3 cents worth |
maybemummy (maybemummy)
Junior Member
Username: maybemummy
Post Number: 462
Registered: 9-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 17, 2010 - 12:54 pm: |
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I conceive right after getting married and my girl is now 4 already. So me and hubby lost on couple time in the first year of marriage as I was preggy and constantly sick. I'm ready to have a 2nd one but my hubby not prepared to go thru that process all over again cos we now can have time to ourselves by having a nanny watch her at night while we go out. And also do other things like travel, a social life, etc. But I feel sorry for my girl as she longs for a sibling and keep asking me if she can have a sis/bro? If only it is as easy as getting her a pet. |
Doobie Doo (doobie)
New member
Username: doobie
Post Number: 89
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 18, 2010 - 6:10 pm: |
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I also agree totallyt that having siblings may not necessarily mean that they will all get along very well.
sghlynn, it's true that whether or not you want to make some sacrifices to have a 2nd child, depends on one's expectations greatly.
to each its own... everyone has different priorities in life ba...
happy lunar new year everyone! |
Jiayi (jiayi)
Member
Username: jiayi
Post Number: 956
Registered: 1-2009
| | Posted on Thursday, February 18, 2010 - 8:26 pm: |
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agree w doobie. Most importantly is that the whole family is happy with whatever decision is made on having one or more kids!
Have a great tiger year! |
Kkapamax (kkapamax)
New member
Username: kkapamax
Post Number: 3
Registered: 9-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 21, 2010 - 6:03 am: |
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Hope this thread can go live again...
HB and I decided on 1 before marriage.
am above 35 now and son is 4yo, we been in discussion early this year for a 2nd, 80% towards sticking to only 1 but I still reserve 20% wanting a 2nd for the common reason for my boy to have sibling. HB busy with work, hardly have time for our boy, sometimes i blame him but what to do cos he needs to work? Everyday after working, I feel so tired but will still spend evening time with my boy till he zzz. On weekends, bring him for enrichment class and visit grandmum. I started working in my early years, dad was ill and I didn't continue my studies. I worked for some years, earn $$ to support family financial and after my dad passed away, I started to do my part time studies. Then met my hb, busy with house reno, wedding follow with my son and continue with my studies and work. It seems like my whole life is so busy, never have a good rest. I have completed my studies few mths ago, finally things are more settled, more time with my son, more time to myself, stable finance, loan free and have a maid. HB said better stay this way, why want a 2nd to start all over again....but I am in dilemmas, don't want to have any regrets in life when I get older..Especially with the comments from all frens and relatives that we should go for a 2nd. |
Kkapamax (kkapamax)
New member
Username: kkapamax
Post Number: 4
Registered: 9-2007
| | Posted on Friday, September 24, 2010 - 10:25 pm: |
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Hope this thread can go live again...been so frustrated lately... |
kelly (lukel)
New member
Username: lukel
Post Number: 26
Registered: 1-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 28, 2010 - 1:46 pm: |
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Hi mummies,
i need some advise.
As current i'm expecting 2nd (unplanned baby) as my gal is only 17 mths old now. i took some times to accept it...inital i want to give up but my hubby rejected and is our child we should not do that. & current my gal is taken care by my mum.
My mum gave up her job to take care my gal and am i giving my mum enough $? now with 2nd, i duno how much i shld give my mum...double?
my worries are financial, times and am i able to cope with my 2nd...cos my gal is still young.
i also worry that i might expecting 2nd gal...wch my hubby come from traditional family and most of his cousin hv a son. cos of this i was very stressful and sometime my tears will start ...am i stupid to think this way?
Am i giving myself too much stress?? & current Doc suspect i might suffer mild depession...
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Pearly (rykgirl)
Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 1099
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Saturday, October 02, 2010 - 1:42 am: |
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Kkapamax,
I was also in a dilemma before.. Reluctant to go through the same thing twice.. Hubby was especially scared.. But, in my opinion, I think having #2 is better ba.. It'll be very tough but ultimately #1 really will have a shoulder (can't expect everyone to find their life partners) to lean on in future, especially when it comes to our family matters..
*Touch wood* la.. But when old age comes for us, at least got sibling to "rotate" shift, to take care of each other.. 2 of us take care of one baby very tough liao, can't imagine 1 child taking care of both parents (not that I expect la but govt expect one, not much of a choice there).. So we decided to go for #2 loh..
kelly,
I think u should discuss with your hubby on the finance ba? 17mos is ok already.. At least can opt to go childcare once hit 18mos.. hehe..
I'm preggy with #2 (almost week 12) and my #1 is only 11mos.. haha.. No mom/mil to help out.. I'm taking care of her myself..
Don't stress so much over the gender.. Both got pros and cons.. Nowadays, some grandparents prefer girl leh.. Both my parents and in-laws prefer girls.. hehe.. Since u and hubby decide to keep this child, stay positive! |
kerene (kerene)
Member
Username: kerene
Post Number: 1184
Registered: 4-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2010 - 3:40 pm: |
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Hi kelly,
just want to share with you my story.
My #2 is born when my #1 is just 25mths (2yo).
She is now almost 18mths and both of them play together and (of cos) fight together. Home is never quiet and I'm always screaming at them. But when I separate them (1 with mom, 1 with me), it is so quiet and it feels so strange. Hee!
Well, the initial stage of my 2nd pregnancy is dilemma because it is a big change - uncertainty on how to plan for caregiving for the 2 kids when my mom can only take care of 1.
Things turn out well eventually cos there are alot of 'trial & error' plus adaption.
Don't worry and enjoy your pregnancy! |
chy (double_ens)
New member
Username: double_ens
Post Number: 17
Registered: 7-2010
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 - 12:29 pm: |
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Hi, hi, mine are only 20 months apart, very tired, but all worth it cos they can play with each others and keep our home alive. |
Pearly (rykgirl)
Intermediate Member
Username: rykgirl
Post Number: 2070
Registered: 11-2009
| | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2011 - 1:56 am: |
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All these close-age-gap talk gives me strength! My kids are 18mos apart.. Currently my son is coming 4mos and my daughter is not yet 2yrs old.. xD Stressed!
So tough to take care of TWO babies alone with no help! But I'm waiting for the day where both of them will chit chat and play and scream and run around with each other.. xD |
Motherhood, Pregnancies And Babies