Husband seeing another woman

[Lost Girl]

I can't sleep and function for the last 2 weeks. No longer am I enjoying anything in life. Sometimes I cry to myself. I love him and hate him a lot at the same time. I have sacrificed my promising future to be a housewife and a dedicated mother to our only child but he has decided to cheat on me.

I have been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old girl. To cut the story short, I realized my husband is cheating on me with a PRC S pass holder. ( I hired a PI ) He is actually giving the girl 3K a month as living expenses to sponsor her S pass in Singapore. She works in a Hang flower joint in Singapore and I wonder why is she holding an S pass. Why are PRC girls getting S pass to work in Hang Flower joint in Singapore to ruin singapore family. Why are they considered foreign talent?

I do not know what to do now. My girl is only 2 and I have stopped working for 2 years. Without a concrete plan, I do not know how to confront my husband, He is still bringing the money home ( less than the 3 K he is giving the PRC girl ).

Are there anyone out there who has been in the same dilemma as me before? I do not want a divorce etc. My main concern is my daughter. I do want her to grow up as a happy girl with the same opportunity and family as her peers. Should I confront the girl to ask her to leave my Husband? How can I get her to leave my family alone?

 

[tiggerpooh]

Actually, if u dont wanna divorce your hubby, y do u wanna confront d girl?

Shld u not b talking 2 your DH instead? It takes 2 to clap, so u shld talk 2 your DH 2 understand wat has changed.

If he tells u dat his feeling 4 u has changed, u will still wanna b married 2 him? Do remember dat watever action(s) u take, it may backfire on u.

Wif him willing 2 give her $3k per mth, does he give u dat much 4 family expenditures? If he does, is dat gd enough 4 u? Wat do u want fr him?

 

[Lost Girl]

I am only thinking about my daughter. She is only 2 and I will want to strive on to continue. I want the woman to leave my husband. I will not believe my husband will fall in love with some girl from hanging flower joint.

 

[tiggerpooh]

How do u think if your DH is not a willing party, dat he will part $3k of his mthly income 2 d 3rd party?

How do u think if your DH is not a willing party, dat d 3rd party can seduce him successfully?

U r confused now, but u need 2 think wif your head, n not your heart now. Think wat is best 4 u and your gal.

Of cos, we will always want d keep our family intact, but again it requires effort fr both parties. Going 2 d 3rd party n tell her, will not solve d issue.

Also, r u prepared 4 d 3rd party 2 "complain" 2 your DH of your confrontation wif her? R u prepared 4 whatever bad decisions dat come after d confrontation? If u r not prepared, den dont anything dat u will regret.

 

[Lost Girl]

I want to get her deported from Singapore on the charge of breaking up my family while here on S pass. Her S pass is dubious too. How can she be working in a hang flower joint and carry an S pass. I have decided to report her to ICA.

 

[Raspberry38]

Sorry to hear about that. Don't think you should confront that woman. It won't work. It will only backfire and make things worse if you confront her. It should be your husband willingly to give her up and not you to confront her to leave him.

You should communicate with your husband. No cold war, no confrontation, no quarrel. Just a heart to heart talk with him.


Jiayou !

 

[margret]

I want to get her deported from Singapore on the charge of breaking up my family while here on S pass. Her S pass is dubious too. How can she be working in a hang flower joint and carry an S pass. I have decided to report her to ICA.

Did the pi got u any evidence?
Before u go ica, have a talk to her. Tell her to leave your husband if not u blacklist her. She will not wan to ban from coming to Singapore and give up more opportunity to earn more money.
If she doesnt listen then reprt to lca

 

[Lost Girl]

Thanks Margret. I have never been a bad person but I really want her to be banned from Singapore. I may appear to be selfish but I do not want to take any chance. It is hard to go through this without anyone around me knowing what is going on. I got tormented daily about this uncertainty and the fact that I have sacrificed so much for this family made it worse.

 

[sharon_ang]

Ica dont deport her. She still can be here. Only if she re appply her pass then it would not approve.
She can still be here, n by then the damage is done. No turning back.
Wat margret say is right, talk to her, tell her consequences. She will listen

 

[Raspberry38]

Why you girls don't encourage TS to talk to her husband instead ? You all think the prc girl will listen ? What makes you think so ? Even if the prc was banned from entering Singapore (which I don't think so), TS's husband won't go to China to look for her ? The root cause of TS's unhappiness and uneasiness is her husband.

 

[Lost Girl]

I did think about every single scenario for the last 2 weeks after my PI gave me the full report.
If I talk to my husband and the woman is still around, she will definitely stick to him. He is giving her 3K a month. Why will she give up on him so easily? My child will be affected if such drama plays out in my house.
If I talk to the woman, she probably will ignore me.
I will report her for been an undesirable S pass foreigner in Singapore breaking up family and a likely S pass abuser ( She cant be holding an S pass and working in Hang Flower Joint in Singapore. ).
If my husband follows her to China, then I am left with no choice. What is the point of staying on if he can leave the entire family to travel to China to look for her.

I am thinking more as a mother than a wife. I believe most mother will think like me.

 

[sharon_ang]

What make u think her husband will listen.
What the prc wan is money, do u think she wil give up other n stick to her husband.

 

[sharon_ang]

Lost girl, 3k to them is small money. I saw those singer able to earn tat in a night. They have many boyfriend n i saw someone hanging 50k aa night

 

[Lost Girl]

Thanks Sharon. I trust that ICA and MOM are turning a blind eyes to all these. However I believe my suspicion and my PI suspicion are right. She is not fit to be a S pass holder. Must have fake documents or collaborated with employment agency. It will be better if she can earn that a night. I will make sure she pays for my suffering. Once everything is over, I will get a job and return to the workplace to make sure I can stand on my own.

 

[sharon_ang]

From my knowledge, they can be a s pass holder either she have the educational qualification or she have the experience. There are many s pass holder singer here
S passs mean she can be here 2 years, do u think u can wait so long.

 

[sharon_ang]

So sad, don't worry, give more love to your hubby he definitely comes back...

If he dont appreciate it, no matter how much love u give also no use

 

[Freedom-123]

What make u think her husband will listen.
What the prc wan is money, do u think she wil give up other n stick to her husband.

She won’t

 

[janey09]

How u know it work?? The kind of love he wan is what the prc can give. When he is having fun still give him a lot of love n he think he's right and continue with it.

 

[Mongkok]

Thanks Sharon. I trust that ICA and MOM are turning a blind eyes to all these. However I believe my suspicion and my PI suspicion are right. She is not fit to be a S pass holder. Must have fake documents or collaborated with employment agency. It will be better if she can earn that a night. I will make sure she pays for my suffering. Once everything is over, I will get a job and return to the workplace to make sure I can stand on my own.

The ICE and MOM aren't turning a blind eye. There's around 180k+ of them in our country. They would appreciate whistle blower. If she did flout the law, then she will have to be reported. If you report her based on personal issue, you will have to check w ICA and present your case if allowed. However there's no guaranteed that she will get deported. ICA wil have the final decision.

I would suggest you get concrete evidence and report her to ICA. However confirm w ICA that you will b kept anonymous as a whistle blower before you proceed. Your husband don't need to be informed. You can then plan your nex move thereafter.

Your kid is still young, hence you can stil afford the drama. Try to settle this before she 'grows up '.

 

[Lost Girl]

Thanks Mongkok. I am glad that you do see my point. Thanks Sharon for the encouragement.
Currently we are gathering evidence on her not appearing for work at her workplace despite having an S pass. We are also gathering evidence of her and other married men together.
My PI advised me that he will stop gathering evidence once it is sufficient to get her into legal trouble.
If I am successful, I hope all woman who suffered like me will have a precedent to follow.

 

[Clueless Dad]

Your problem is too common. They will normally get into a relationship with a rich singapore man. The singapore man will pay the Hang flower joint a sum of money which will be passed on to the girl as salary. In this way, the girl will get S pass status due to the high pay. At the same time, the girl can stay in Singapore to be the mistress of the guy. The guy will get her body. She will hunt for more local married man and destroy more singapore families. Once they have enough money, they will get a young and handsome man to marry for real. Google PRC woman + husband, you will find so many cases of Singer destroying local families. Same story over and over again. I do wonder how are they "technician" that Singapore needs. Why do they deserve S pass. LOL

 

[siman]

Hi lost girl
I have same encounter.

The hang flower girl called me to tell me they are together and that's how i get to know.

From my experience, talk to your husband. If he willing to leave then there is chance for both of you. If he doesn't and even this PRC leaves, there are many more woman in the hang flower joint. Many.

 

[shoppixe]

Keep real quiet, ask for more money, make him buy life endownment in ur name, treat it as savings for ur child’s future education. Milk him dry, build a comfortable $$$ nest. Work out a plan to go back to work. Keep the evidence don’t let him know. Whether ur husband stray it’s up to ur husband, it has nothing to do with the other women. There are tonnes of women ard...
Whether he still loves u is immaterial. Stay objective. Without money can u support ur child? Love aside, seriously no $ no talk.
Regardless what happens, women without no financial means are always on the losing end. Fact of the matter is u cannot fight all the 18 year olds out there. The older the men are, the uglier, the more desireable the $$$ they have is more.
Believe in $$$ first. Safeguard you and your child’s future. If you husband Loves the family so so so much, wld he do such a thing? Give 3k some more... how come he has so much excess cash? Cos u all not enough liabilities. Find means for him to enter forced savings. Once ur hubby no $$$ no prc will want him. Simple.

 

[Dr. Tooth]

The hang flower girl called me to tell me they are together and that's how i get to know.

How I wish I am superb rich! I will drive my car (with a price tag of a 5room hdb flat) and park outside all these joints every night. http://www.sgcarmart.com/new_cars/newcars_overview.php?CarCode=12097 Take a seat, have a couple of drinks and that's about it. Soon, the flower girls will be calling each other and swearing that this idiot is mute and crazy! "He shouldn't be here in the first place." And by the way, what she had done to you is too much!

In my entire life, I have visited different hang flower joints not crossing 10. Throughout all those visits I have spent a total of $5 on flower. Why $5? Because one of my friend knew the girl and said we should support her. We scanned the joint for the lowest priced flower which was $10. We then divided between us.

 

[janey09]

How I wish I am superb rich! I will drive my car (with a price tag of a 5room hdb flat) and park outside all these joints every night. http://www.sgcarmart.com/new_cars/newcars_overview.php?CarCode=12097 Take a seat, have a couple of drinks and that's about it. Soon, the flower girls will be calling each other and swearing that this idiot is mute and crazy! "He shouldn't be here in the first place." And by the way, what she had done to you is too much!

In my entire life, I have visited different hang flower joints not crossing 10. Throughout all those visits I have spent a total of $5 on flower. Why $5? Because one of my friend knew the girl and said we should support her. We scanned the joint for the lowest priced flower which was $10. We then divided between us.

I being to these joint, there is no $5 or $10. Minimum is $100.
I personally witness it myself, a man hanging $100000, per night

 

[janey09]

Thanks Mongkok. I am glad that you do see my point. Thanks Sharon for the encouragement.
Currently we are gathering evidence on her not appearing for work at her workplace despite having an S pass. We are also gathering evidence of her and other married men together.
My PI advised me that he will stop gathering evidence once it is sufficient to get her into legal trouble.
If I am successful, I hope all woman who suffered like me will have a precedent to follow.

Yours in not precedent, there are many who hv done it.
Wat the PI need to do is to get adultery evidence n u can write to mom. To get this type of evidence is easy but to make mom take action takes time

 

[insecure_me]

Hi

I can't sleep and function for the last 2 weeks. No longer am I enjoying anything in life. Sometimes I cry to myself. I love him and hate him a lot at the same time. I have sacrificed my promising future to be a housewife and a dedicated mother to our only child but he has decided to cheat on me.

I have been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old girl. To cut the story short, I realized my husband is cheating on me with a PRC S pass holder. ( I hired a PI ) He is actually giving the girl 3K a month as living expenses to sponsor her S pass in Singapore. She works in a Hang flower joint in Singapore and I wonder why is she holding an S pass. Why are PRC girls getting S pass to work in Hang Flower joint in Singapore to ruin singapore family. Why are they considered foreign talent?

I do not know what to do now. My girl is only 2 and I have stopped working for 2 years. Without a concrete plan, I do not know how to confront my husband, He is still bringing the money home ( less than the 3 K he is giving the PRC girl ).

Are there anyone out there who has been in the same dilemma as me before? I do not want a divorce etc. My main concern is my daughter. I do want her to grow up as a happy girl with the same opportunity and family as her peers. Should I confront the girl to ask her to leave my Husband? How can I get her to leave my family alone?

Hi Lost Girl

Sorry to hear about your plight. I’m in similar situation but mine involves a married woman.

I can understand how the emotional roller coaster feels as I went thru it myself, having to hide my emotions while the PI gather evidence. My heart sinks, everytime the PI tells me his whereabouts or what he is doing. Sometimes I wished I never hired PI because the truth and photos really hurts.

I was like you hoping that my hub will feel remorseful even after confrontation. But he wasn’t. Use the PI evidence wisely. Do not show him your trump card yet.

I have just served my soon to be ex hub the papers. It is not a pleasant journey and my children are already 8 and 10. My ILs are fighting with me to see their grandchildren but no one has ever come forward to apologize for their son’s mistakes.

My advise to you is: Think really carefully. If he is remorseful and show effort to make amends, give your marriage a second chance. But if he doesn’t, then stay strong and protect yourself and your child.

Hugs.

 

[Dr. Tooth]

I being to these joint, there is no $5 or $10. Minimum is $100.
I personally witness it myself, a man hanging $100000, per night

What is the minimum nowadays I have no idea. I have not step into one for the past 3 years. I remember very clearly passing my friend a $5 because I was sort of unwilling to do so. It was a low-end joint and I think is somewhere along serangoon or balestier road. And yes, I think I saw there were $50000 flower or more in higher-end joint. Don't ask me for their names especially those with Chinese wordings. 我读不懂。By the way, one can easily google search how our executives hang 6 figures in a joint in one night.

The fun part was what's happening around me. For example, how the patrons tried to tackle the girls, how the patrons bought LDs not by cups but by trays and I guess I will never able to understand why will people want to hang so high an amount. Why not just issue a $100000 cheque to the girl he likes?

My last adventure was in golden mile and I did not end it memorably. Everyone was so well dressed even with executives in suit (I was in a T, a pair of short and an exclusive and comfortable pair of slippers), everyone's table was filled with towers of beer and hard liquors (my table rested with a luxury and glimmering looking jug of beer), flowers by hundred of dollars were upping onto the stage and needless to say girls were flocking all over the tables after their performances while mine... hmm...

 

[Single father]

Keep real quiet, ask for more money, make him buy life endownment in ur name, treat it as savings for ur child’s future education. Milk him dry, build a comfortable $$$ nest. Work out a plan to go back to work. Keep the evidence don’t let him know. Whether ur husband stray it’s up to ur husband, it has nothing to do with the other women. There are tonnes of women ard...
Whether he still loves u is immaterial. Stay objective. Without money can u support ur child? Love aside, seriously no $ no talk.
Regardless what happens, women without no financial means are always on the losing end. Fact of the matter is u cannot fight all the 18 year olds out there. The older the men are, the uglier, the more desireable the $$$ they have is more.
Believe in $$$ first. Safeguard you and your child’s future. If you husband Loves the family so so so much, wld he do such a thing? Give 3k some more... how come he has so much excess cash? Cos u all not enough liabilities. Find means for him to enter forced savings. Once ur hubby no $$$ no prc will want him. Simple.

Fully agree. As adults, we ought to know right from wrong (though certainly not in black and white shades) and the consequences of our actions. People are who they are - their core do not change. Learn from your experience and move on. Hard to forgive but make sure your bitterness does not harm you.

 

[Stansy]

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Hello!’n it’s illegal!

 

[MYYAHOOACC-67]

I feel that, don't remove the 3rd party straightaway as your husband may turn for the worst, resentful.
You should solve the problem together.
There was something that went wrong or missing in his life that got him going that way. It is that "missing thing" that the other girl is filling him with.
As a wife, you should give what your man wants, if he's longing to be intimate or being cared for.
As a husband, he also should give what the woman wants, if she prefers him to hug her always.
It is not a selfish affair or a false humility type where one would say or think, "where he/she can't change?"
TBH, 3k a month is damn a lot. Could he be scammed by that girl?
Anyway, solve the marriage/relationship.

 

[margret]

I feel that, don't remove the 3rd party straightaway as your husband may turn for the worst, resentful.
You should solve the problem together.
There was something that went wrong or missing in his life that got him going that way. It is that "missing thing" that the other girl is filling him with.
As a wife, you should give what your man wants, if he's longing to be intimate or being cared for.
As a husband, he also should give what the woman wants, if she prefers him to hug her always.
It is not a selfish affair or a false humility type where one would say or think, "where he/she can't change?"
TBH, 3k a month is damn a lot. Could he be scammed by that girl?
Anyway, solve the marriage/relationship.

U understand men?
A man will always used his lower half to think.
Do u think a man who had committed adultery once can be forgiven? Wait long long.
A leopard will not change its spot. When this one is gone another one will take over


Sent from my iPhone using Forum

 

[Mikiyoki]

I feel that, don't remove the 3rd party straightaway as your husband may turn for the worst, resentful.
You should solve the problem together.
There was something that went wrong or missing in his life that got him going that way. It is that "missing thing" that the other girl is filling him with.
As a wife, you should give what your man wants, if he's longing to be intimate or being cared for.
As a husband, he also should give what the woman wants, if she prefers him to hug her always.
It is not a selfish affair or a false humility type where one would say or think, "where he/she can't change?"
TBH, 3k a month is damn a lot. Could he be scammed by that girl?
Anyway, solve the marriage/relationship.

Ok although i noticed the post was created since 2018, but just want to clarify that since you mention to fix things in the marriage, the husband could easily ask the wife to be more intimate as well, but he decided to look out instead of in, so do consider all these factors before saying the wife please thank u.